It’s that time again for a New Years Resolution update. With June approaching soon, let’s call this my mid-year review. In past years I’ve stumbled repeatedly with only moderate successes. I hope 2023 has better results but let’s just see.

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Read 8.33 books a month (That’s 100 books for all of you math majors out there). Kindle has advised me that I’ve finished 48 books so far this year. I’m on track to make this a really successful reading year.

Keep the number of F-Bombs to less than a hundred a week. (I’m dreaming on this one.) I’ve done better with this resolution than expected. I’ve been confined to my home for the last three months with minimal contact with friends and family. We all know and understand that it’s the other people in our lives that helps to create F-Bombs, so I’m looking good for 2023 (so far).

Spend less than $50.00 a week on Dunkin. (That’s mostly for my better-half. They’re too expensive for me.) Again, my three-month confinement is saving me a boat load of Dunkin expenditures. The only person suffering is my better-half.

Drink less alcohol than last year but more than next year. (I’m dreaming!) What was I thinking? This one never had a chance.

Visit only the classiest porn sites. (No more than 10 per week unless provoked) This is another failure. Everyone knows that ten porn sites can easily be perused in under ten minutes. I truly set myself up to fail and trust me, I’ve failed miserably (you can’t see this huge smile on my face). It’s the smile of a happy and excited loser.

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No naked dancing near the picture window in the living room. (We have nervous neighbors!) I’m sure my neighbors are missing my fantastic dance routines and to them I apologize. It’s tough for me to “kick up my heels” while using a wheelchair, a walker, or a cane. Never fear, I should be healed by Labor Day and the show must go on.

Try not to argue with my better-half too much. (The operative word here is to try) This was doomed to immediate failure.

Teach the grandsons no more than five new swear words. (Or maybe learn one or two new ones from them.) I received a real surprise on this one. It seems that both of them have been picking up the lingo from other sources (internet, school, and friends). The ten-year-old actually asked me if I knew what the “F” word was. I immediately denied any knowledge of that bad word because I knew if I admitted anything, he’d rush home and rat me out to his mother. I still have a chance to have some success here. Five swear words in 6 months . . . easy-peasy.

Try to be more polite to all of the doctors that have been manhandling me for years. This one is difficult. Telling doctors anything is like “pissing into the wind” and that tends to make me really impolite at times.

Stay vertical. So far so good.

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ENJOY YOUR SUMMER

Score for 2023 (so far) – 6 Maybe’s, 4-No’s