07-16-2013   Leave a comment

The battle of the sexes has existed for as long as anyone can remember.  If your a Christian it’s taught that women were made from a man’s rib and then couldn’t resist the temptations of the devil.  Eve, the first woman, got the first man, Adam,  thrown out of Paradise because of a lack of self-control.  It’s a sad story but as in all ancient stories there is always a grain of truth.  I’m not a big believer in religion or religious writings from hundreds or thousand years ago and prefer to make my own judgments based on what I know.

Let me qualify myself a little.  My mother was a women.  My sister was a woman. My grandmothers were women and many of my aunts and cousins were female. My many girl friends, lovers, and acquaintances were females. Why I was so enlightened that many of my pets were also female.  I’ve had women work for me, with me, and on occasion I worked for them.  I feel I have the right to voice an opinion or two about the war between the sexes because after being married for nineteen years I consider myself imminently qualified. It wasn’t the marriage that helped qualify me but the divorce.  I learned a lot.

You probably think that I’m now going to rant about all of my bad experiences with the women in my life.  I admit there have been a few but nothing I would care to bore you with.  I’d rather fall back on the words of women and how they perceive themselves.  Here we go.

  • The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.  Helen Hayes (at 73)
  • There is no more creative force in the world than the menopausal woman with zest.   Margaret Mead
  • One is not born a woman, one becomes one.   Simone DeBeauvoir
  • A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.  Carrie Snow
  • I am a marvelous housekeeper.  Every time I leave a man I keep his house.    Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.  A woman must do what he can’t.  Rhonda Hansome
  • Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.  Charlotte Whitton
  • Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I’m supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.  Jan King
  • You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.  Erica Jong
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.  Laurie Kuslansky
  • Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.  Maryon Pearson
  • In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man – if you want anything done, ask a woman. Margaret Thatcher
  • I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.  Marie Corelli
  • Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.  Eleanor Roosevelt
  • I have everything I had twenty years ago, only it’s all a little bit lower. Gypsy Rose Lee
  • The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.  Erma Bombeck
  • A woman’s rule of thumb: if it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.  Unknown

Many of these quotations are from women who are famous and even iconic.  Read them, digest them, and make up your own mind.  Nothing stated here surprised me in the least. Now let’s hear from a few men about themselves.

  • God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.  Robin Williams
  • God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him.  Author Unknown
  • Man is the only animal that blushes – or needs to.  Mark Twain
  • A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.  Chuang Tzu
  • When a young man complains that a young lady has no heart, it’s pretty certain that she has his.  George Dennison
  • How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.  Oscar Wilde
  • When a man is in love he endures more than at other times; he submits to everything.  Friedrich Nietzsche
  • Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.  Mark Twain
  • Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.  Albert Einstein
  • Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.  Billy Crystal
  • Wise men are not always silent, but they know when to be.  Proverb
  • Every woman needs one man in her life who is strong and responsible. Given this security, she can proceed to do what she really wants to do – fall in love with men who are weak and irresponsible.  Richard J. Needham
  • Men play the game; women know the score.  Roger Woddis
  • I like men who have a future and women who have a past.  Oscar Wilde
  • There are two perfectly good men, one dead, and the other unborn.  Chinese Proverb
  • Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on.  Winston Churchill
  • Men forget but never forgive. Women forgive but never forget.  Unknown
  • Men are what their mothers made them.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

This battle continues as it always has and always will with the same old complaints and wise cracks by both sides.  It’s Mother Nature at her very best.  It’s called the “mating ritual” by some experts but it all comes down to one thing.  Yes, that’s right, you know exactly what I’m talking about, S..E..X!  If your surprised by that statement then you must live in an isolated convent or monastery far from the civilized world.  Either that or you’re a total idiot with a lack of common sense and no chance of getting laid. 

The war continues.

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