Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category

01/31/2023 💥💥Silly Limerick Alert💥💥   2 comments

This morning has started off strangely. Fifteen seconds after I sat down at the computer the power went out. I’ve lost all power in the house except for a few limited outlets hooked into the generator. It maintains all of the most important functions of the house like heat and water and thankfully this computer. I’ll be writing this in the dark with no way to upload the content until sometime later today (I hope). Maine has been having a rash of storms in recent weeks and the power grid has been damaged in many areas. I have to admit, this shit is getting really old and all of my bitching and complaining won’t help. Let’s move on to something a little more interesting.

I post a lot of limericks of all types. Some of you like them cute and funny, some like the children’s limericks and some others prefer the more bawdy and suggestive ones. Truthfully, I enjoy them all when the circumstances permit. Today I’ll pass along a few of the milder and sillier ones that won’t scare the children or any adults with delicate sensibilities.

😛😛😛

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.

She was frightened and screamed very loud.

Then a happy thought hit her

To scare off the critter,

She sat up in bed and meowed.

😏😏😏

A young man dining out in Peru

Found a rather large mouse in his stew.

Said the waiter, “Don’t shout

And wave it about

Or the rest will be wanting one too!”

😊😊😊

There were three little birds in the wood

Who sang hymns anytime that they could.

What the words were about

They could never make out,

But they felt it was doing them good.

🙃🙃🙃

A glutton who lived on the Rhine

When asked at what time he would dine,

He replied, “At eleven,

Four, six, three and seven,

And eight and a quarter to nine.”

😎😎😎

Well finally some good news. The power has been turned on (for how long I couldn’t guess) and I’ll get this posted as quickly as possible.

BROWNCOATS RULE!!

01/23/2023 🌨️Winter Is Finally Here🌨️   3 comments

Living in northern New England requires a certain amount of love for snow. Skiers, skaters, snow boarders, and sledders love it here. Unfortunately, I’m none of those. I’m too clumsy for any winter sports. My favorite winter sport consists of a comfortable stool in a comfortable bar with a huge picture window looking out at the bottom of the ski run. The only way I could be injured under those circumstances is if some amateur skier loses control, crashes through the window, and knocks me off my stool. I can’t be too careful around here with all these snow bunnies and snow freaks running loose among us. I was up this morning a 4:30 am snow blowing my driveway. I just came in from the second trip because this damn snow just keeps falling. I thought I’d pass along some weather-related trivia to save me from losing my mind.

  • New Hampshire’s Mount Washington, located just a stone’s throw from this house is only 6288 feet in altitude, is often considered to have the worst weather in the world. The highest wind velocity ever recorded on Earth, 231 mi./h, swept across the summit of Mount Washington in April of 1934. More than 30 people have died there as a result of sudden changes in the weather.
  • Continental snow cover would advance to the equator, and the oceans would eventually freeze, if there were a permanent drop of just 1.6% to 2% in energy reaching the earth.
  • Because air is denser in cold weather, a wind of the same speed exerts 25% more force during the winter than it does during the summer.
  • Gigantic snowfalls may be crippling to big cities, but at least in New York City they have a tendency to fall mainly on the day’s most convenient for the urban population. A study of the biggest snows in the last 68 years shows that 54% of them fall on a Friday or Sunday when the cleanup can be accomplished with minimal inconvenience to those millions who must go to work and school.
  • In 1816, there was no summer in many areas of the world. In parts of New England, snow stayed on the ground all year. Crops there and in Europe were ruined. Volcanic dust from the eruption of Tomboro in Indonesia blocked the rays of the sun and was blamed for the unusual weather as well as for the red and brown snow that fell in the United States, Hungary, and Italy.

I’d love to chat A little more, but Mother Nature insists on filling my driveway with more snow. I’ll be snow blowing a few more times before this day is over.

MOTHER NATURE SUCKS!

01/09/2023 “War of the Sexes”   Leave a comment

I’m a bit of a fanatic using quotes on many of my posts since I normally use them to further verify a point or opinion I’m trying to make. I’m a believer than even though many of the persons I quote are long dead, their opinions and thoughts are still valid. Human nature unfortunately doesn’t change all that much from one generation to another. Back in the day there were just as many annoying a-holes as there are today. The funny thing is they express their a-holeness in exactly the same way. This just further supports my use of them whenever I deem it necessary. Not all quotes are friendly and nice and there are just as many derogatory things said about damn near everyone as not. Let’s take a look at a few not so flattering quotes concerning men by a group of less than happy women.

  • “A man is a creature with two legs and eight arms.” Jayne Mansfield
  • “God created Adam. Then corrected her mistake.” Brooklyn Woman’s Bar Association
  • “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” Charlotte Whitton
  • “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” Gloria Steinem
  • “I married beneath me. All women do.” Nancy Astor

  • “A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.” Anonymous
  • “The man is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.” Jilly Cooper, Cosmopolitan Magazine
  • “I require three things on the man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.” Dorothy Parker
  • “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • “Adam came first, but men always do.” Anonymous

THE WAR OF THE SEXES CONTINUES

01/07/2023 “Optimist v. Pessimist”   Leave a comment

For most of my life I’ve been called a pessimist, a cynic, and an all-around “downer”. I’m not too crazy about the term cynic and the term pessimist is primarily used only by those folks that consider themselves optimists. First of all, the term cynic doesn’t apply, I am a pragmatist. Cynic is a derogatory term used primarily by optimists to denigrate those of us who prefer a stark truth to a flowery disappointment. As far as being a “downer”, that’s a term that makes no sense whatsoever. Speaking the truth is never a “downer”, it’s just that simple. Here is the posted definition of an optimist directly from Wikipedia and we all know they never make mistakes.

optimist (ˈäp-tə-mist), noun

A person who is inclined to be hopeful and to expect good outcomes.

I know many, many, optimists and had many discussions and arguments about the advantages of being pragmatic and not having good thoughts about every damn thing you can think of. With that thought in mind I decided to do a little research to get some thoughts on optimism from a few so-called experts. Let’s see what you think about this.

  • Optimism: A cheerful frame of mind that enables a teakettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose.
  • An optimist is a man who, instead of feeling sorry he cannot pay his bills, is glad he is not one of his creditors.
  • Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. Italian saying
  • If you count the sunny and cloudy days of the whole year, you will find that the sunshine predominates.
  • A cheerful resignation is always heroic, but no phase of life is so pathetic as a forced optimism. Elbert Hubbard
  • An optimist is one who believes that a fly is looking for a way to get out.
  • If it weren’t for the optimist, the pessimist wouldn’t know how happy he isn’t.

After reading the above, what kind of person are you? Are you a glass half-full person or a glass half empty person? I stand proudly as a pragmatist against any and all optimists. It’s just that I prefer reality rather than a continuing hopefulness that everything will be just fine, and everyone will own their own unicorn. Here’s a quote from one of my favorite writers and his definition of pessimism, I hope all of you optimists out there enjoy it.

Pessimist – One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.

Oscar Wilde

01/01/2023 “Malaprops”   Leave a comment

I love sticking my finger in the eye of the American education system. It seems to me to be little more than a means to raise revenues more than educating our children. As in all things the term, “Follow the Money”, remains consistently true. In my early years a number of former teachers of mine did everything in their power to convince me to become an educator. Thankfully they were unsuccessful. I know now that only certain types of people can enjoy a successful career as a teacher and I’m not one of them. I’d love to teach young children but would probably be fired for my continuing conflicts with a multi-layered and liberally biased administration. It’s when I read things like I’m going to list, I’d lose my ever-loving mind. These “malaprops” were collected from test papers from grade school, high school, and college student’s papers. OMG

  • Samuel Morris invented a code for telepathy.
  • Gutenberg invented the Bible.
  • Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.
  • Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
  • There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t climb over to see what their neighbors were doing.
  • Afterwords, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
  • Good punctuation means not to be late.
  • Adam and Eve wore nothing but figments.
  • When a baby is born, the doctor cuts its biblical chord.
  • If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, a proverb is a pronoun used in place of a verb.

I have one more I’d like to add which will be the cherry on top of this educational sundae.

“Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.”

YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK

12/27/2022 %*@#+!& Christmas   Leave a comment

I’m in dire need of anything that will help me forget this Christmas season. First, we had windstorms, then rainstorms, then 4 feet of water in the backyard, then a loss of power, loss of internet, no telephone service, and finally cooking what was to have been a great dinner on the gas grill on the deck. Scallops, mussels and clams just aren’t the same after trying to cook them properly when its 15 effing degrees. Am I whining too much? I sure am. I have to be man enough to put all this crap behind me and start fresh, but I just can’t do it. I’d like to string both Mother Nature and Santa Clause from the nearest tree by various body parts that I won’t mention. I can assure you they would be painful.

Maybe my attitude will improve once I can shower and shave with hot water. The electric just turned back on at 10am today. Scrub-a-dub-dub.

BRING ON FREAKING NEW YEARS

12/26/2022 “Good News Finally”   Leave a comment

Late last night we were able to have an emergency run of propane to the house which heled warm everyone a little. The temperature was hovering around 45 in the house at the time. Twenty minutes later after three and a half days our power was restored. I need to spend the rest of today trying to return things to normal. The blog will return tomorrow, and we can try to put this wonderful nightmare of a holiday behind us.

ONWARD TO NEW YEARS

02/25/2022 Christmas is Still Sucking   Leave a comment

Another quick note. It’s our third day without power, heat, internet or patience. Our generator just ran out of propane so now we can sit around and freeze our collective asses off. Ho! Ho! Ho! Deck the effing halls. Hopefully we’ll get some good news tomorrow.

12/24/2022 Mother Nature’s X-mas Gift   Leave a comment

This entry will be different than some of my others. Since this massive wind and rainstorm hit, I can’t access WordPress since we’ve been without power since 12/23/2022 at 1130 am. I’m typing this on an old school word processor and will post it if and when the internet comes back up. My computer is operating with the help of a generator that’s still working but quickly running out of propane. We currently have no idea when the power or the internet is going to be returning but like the saying goes, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” This post is being written on Christmas eve and will be posted under that date as soon as possible.

Regardless of Mother Nature’s interruption I still would like to wish all of you a very merry and safe Christmas. I’ve got to go now because I have another batch of “lemonade” to make. The grand kids will be here soon, and they don’t care at all about the lack of electric power or no internet. Their first question will be “Which of these gifts are mine.” You gotta love them.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

12/18/2022 😵Mortality😵   Leave a comment

What better things are there to do on these snowy, wet, cold, slushy, and otherwise crappy days? My favorite thing is to just go to my bookshelf and randomly pick a book to read and to look for interesting information. Since it is the holiday season I thought why not talk about death. Unfortunately, or fortunately the book that I picked at random this morning contains quite of lot of information on death and dying. So, in the spirit of the season I’m going to supply you with a list of actual ways people on this planet decide to be buried. Some of these ways are a little strange but who am I to judge.

  • Create a certified, high-quality diamond from the cremated ashes of your loved one.
  • Send a symbolic portion of your loved ones cremated remains into Earth orbit, onto the lunar surface, or into deep space.
  • Have your cremated remains placed in a “reef ball” to help seed this planet’s coral reefs.
  • Have your remains frozen in liquid nitrogen, with the intent of restoring your body (in good health, of course) when technology becomes available to do so.
  • Have your remains frozen and transformed into organic compost and buried with in a potato-starch coffin that promotes plant and tree growth.

  • Have your remains incorporated into fireworks, so you can have a custom fireworks display for your friends and loved ones.
  • Create a custom portrait of your loved one incorporating their cremation ashes.
  • Have your body mummified the old-school Egyptian way.
  • Donate your body to be “plastinated” or embalmed for public display for educational and instructional purposes.

Now that I’ve succeeded in depressing you let me take it one step further.

  • It has been estimated by scientists that since human beings became a distinct species, more than 100 billion, give or take a few million, have died.
  • It is estimated that more than 135,000 people will die on your next birthday. Just give a kind thought to the 135,000 people who are estimated to pass away on the same day.
  • You have a higher chance of being killed by a donkey than of dying in a plane crash.
  • You’re slightly more likely to die from a cave-in than from contact with hot tap water.
  • Death from being struck on the head by a coconut occurs for about 150 people each year worldwide.
  • Mike Edwards, cellist for the 1970’s band, The Electric Light Orchestra (ELO), was killed by hay bale that rolled down a hill and smashed into his moving van.

😵😵😵

6 MORE SHOPPING DAYS

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