Archive for August 2022

08/31/2022 πŸ’₯Limericks by KidsπŸ’₯   Leave a comment

As much as I love bawdy limericks, I also love those written by the kids for other kids. And it’s also nice to know that another generation of limerick lovers and writers are waiting in the wings.

Amanda Chew – Age 13

There is a math teacher called Rundle

Who ties up his books in a bundle.

It’s too heavy he feels,

So, he puts it on wheels.

Now Rundle can trundle his bundle!

😊😊😊

Raymond Coleman – Age 11

There was a young lad called Davy

Who hated the food in the Navy.

He couldn’t have beef

In case his false teeth

Would drop out and fall in the gravy.

😜😜😜

Mark Rothery – Age 8

A certain young goalie named Finn

Lost count of the goals he let in.

When his coach bawled “Eight!”

He replied, quite sedate:

“Then we only need nine goals to win!”

πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

Rebecca Telford – Age 7

There was a brown dog named Spot

Who tied up his tail with a knot,

To remember his bone

Which he left back at home

When he sometimes went out for a trot.

😏😏😏

GIVE A HAND TO THESE FUTURE POETS

08/30/2022 Salt & War   Leave a comment

Yesterday as I was creating my lunch, I threw in a healthy dash of soy sauce. It’s my only way of eating salt without totally violating my doctors’ orders. In my humble opinion food has very little taste without it. Try eating popcorn or corn on the cob without salt. Ridiculous!!!! Since it sends my blood pressure through the roof, I’m forced to obey but not entirely. Rather than continuing to drone on about my salt issues here are a few facts about salt (trivia wise).

  • Each year, 9,000,000 tons of salt, more than 10% of all the salt produced in the world, is applied to American highways for road deicing. The cost of buying and applying the salt adds up to $200 million dollars.
  • Salt helped build the Erie Canal. A tax of 12 1/2% on New York State salt, plus tolls charged for salt shipments, paid for nearly half of the $7 million dollar construction costs.
  • There is a salt mine in the Polish town of Wieliczka, near KrakΓ³w, that has been in operation for nearly 1000 years.

Enough about salt, I just threw in a few tidbits for the fun of it. Let’s try something else like military history. It was in the Army that I was first forced to eat salt tablets. Talk about mixed messages. Good for me then, not so much now.

  • The British and French armies in World War I did not advance more than 3 miles at any point on the western front in the whole year of 1915. Those three miles costed the French army alone nearly 1.5 million men.
  • The Japanese kamikaze pilots of World War II were given privileged treatment and considered to be heroes. All volunteers, they underwent rigorous training that prepared them for their suicide missions. If they refused to stay in the corps, they were shot as traitors.
  • The Crusaders were able to conquer Acre, a coastal city 80 miles north of Jerusalem, in July 1191, only after 100,000 men on both sides had been killed.
  • Through the six-year war of independence ranged enraged over most of the 13 colonies, George Washington’s Continental Army never consisted of more than 22,000 troops at any one time.
  • On the eve of World War II, the US Army ranked, with reserves counted, 19th among the world’s armed forces. This placed the United States after Portugal but ahead of Bulgaria.

Let’s enjoy our last few weeks of summer. Things here in Maine can finally return to normal after the tourists begin leaving after Labor Day. People have been telling me that we’re in for a difficult winter. I really don’t mind all that much because I hate hot weather. I’ve made the statement many times that if “climate change” continues to make things warmer in Maine, I’ll be moving to northern Canada to live in an igloo. LOL

CHASTITY IS CURABLE IF DETECTED EARLY

08/29/2022 SILLINESS   Leave a comment

I’m feeling a little silly today and I’m not entirely sure why. A good night’s sleep, some weird dreams, and a great cup of coffee. and “Ta Da”, here I am! I’ll start today with some true silliness. As I was surfing around yesterday, I stumbled upon a website called unijoke.com and it had a collection of jokes about “Little Johnny”. I’ve loved those jokes for many years, and I found one on that site that made me laugh out loud. That’s my criteria for determining funny. Here it is . . .

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch I can find with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie? ” The teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.”

Almost everyone loves Rock-and-Roll music except maybe for those Country & Western folks and the Hip-Hop idiots. I was thinking about all of the silly names’ musicians create for their bands to help them standout in the crowd. I’ll list a few oldies but goodies and I’m sure you can think of many more.

STOP CALLING ME FRANK

AFGHANISTAN BANANA STAND

BUDDY WHATSHISNAME AND THE OTHER FELLAS

THE COLOR FRED

THE NAUGAHYDE CHIHUAHUAS

QUESTION MARK AND THE MYSTERIANS

THE WELL I’M SURE I LEFT IT THERE YESTERDAY BAND

ME FIRST AND THE GIMMEE GIMEES

THE DISAPPOINTED PARENTS

SHE STOLE MY BEER

You have to admit those rockers had quite the imagination and used the hell out of it. The list of silly band names is never-ending but still fun. Here’s my final thought for today:

Why is a virginity like a balloon?

One prick and its gone!

AND SO, AM I!

08/28/2002 “Bad Poetry Alert”   Leave a comment

I’m warm and cozy…

I hear distant sounds . . .

I feel and hear a rhythmic pumping . . .

A spasm, a sharp tug, another spasm, and then light.

I AM

❀️

08/27/2022 Oldies but Goodies   2 comments

I finally rolled out of bed today and headed directly for the coffee maker. I found the badly needed coffee and also a small surprise. My better-half left me a very old kid’s book filled with fun questions and answers circa 1957. Let’s start your weekend with a laugh or two.

  • What dog cannot bark? Answer: The basenji. It makes sharp little cries that sound like yodeling.
  • What bird can whistle with its wings? Answer: The hornbill. Its wings make a sharp whistling sound when it flies.
  • What bird has no wings or tail? Answer: The Kiwi.
  • How much would a 150-pound man weigh on the moon? Answer: Approximately 25 pounds.
  • Where are the largest coins in the world used? Answer: On the Pacific Island of Yap. They are made of stone and measure from 2-12 feet across.

  • Is it possible to step across the Mississippi River? Answer: Yes, near Lake Itasca, Minnesota.
  • Is all asparagus edible? Answer: No, only the common garden variety.
  • What animal picks fruit from trees with its tail? Answer: The kinkajou.
  • What is a guanaco? Answer: It is a wild llama from South America.
  • How much raw material would be needed to obtain one pound of radium? Answer: No less than 2,680 tons.

Thanks to my better-half and the Giant Little Golden Book – QUIZ FUN. I’m fairly certain that the kid books these days aren’t quite as informative.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND

08/26/2002 ☠️☠️Morbid Humor☠️☠️   Leave a comment

Over the years I spent a great deal of time roaming through graveyards in New England and elsewhere. I’ve always found them to be very quiet and calming. I also discovered that the older the tombstones the more interesting are the epithets. Here are a few you might get a kick out of.

Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,

Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,

Who too early in the month of May

Took off his winter flannels.

😡😡😡

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent to them manna.

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

😡😡😡

Here lies my husbands, One, Two, Three,

Dumb as men could ever be.

As for my fourth, well, praise be God,

He bides for a little longer above the sod.

Alex, Ben, and Sandy were the first three names,

And to make things tidy I’ll add his – James.

😡😡😡

Here lies the body of fat May Preston

Who’s now moved to heaven

To relieve the congestion.

T.G.I.F.F.

08/25/2022 πŸ’₯Limerick AlertπŸ’₯   2 comments

Let’s put an end to this week with a few cute and clean limericks. While most of us really enjoy the racier limericks there are many readers out there who enjoy a tamer version. Here we go . . .

There was an old man of Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket.

But his daughter named Nan,

Ran away with a man,

and as for the bucket, Nantucket.

😜😜😜

The bottle of perfume that Willie sent

Was highly displeasing to Millicent.

Her thanks were so cold

They quarreled I’m told,

Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.

πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

A flea and a fly in a flue

Were caught, so what could they do?

Said the fly, “Let us flee.”

“Let us fly,” said the flea.

So, they flew through a flaw in the flue.

πŸ˜—πŸ˜—πŸ˜—

There once were two cats of Kilkenny,

Each thought there was one cat too many.

So, they fought, and they fit,

And they scratched and they bit,

Till instead of two cats there weren’t any.

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

TGIF

8/24/2022 Celebrity Factoids   Leave a comment

I know how addicted our society is to celebrities and all of their odd comings and goings and I have yet to truly understand it. So, in the spirit of “giving the people what they want”, here are a few celebrity tidbits of information you may not have heard.

  • Uma Thurman’s father was the first American to be ordained a Buddhist monk.
  • Ben Affleck’s reformed alcoholic father, Tim, became Robert Downey Junior’s drug counselor.
  • The fathers of Robert Duvall and Jim Morrison were admirals in the U.S. Navy, while Kris Kristofferson’s father was a US Air Force general.
  • When Michael Caine was a child, his mother pasted his ears to his head to stop them from sticking out.
  • David Schwimmer’s mother is the attorney who handled Roseann Barr’s first divorce.

  • The mothers of Oscar Wilde, Peter O’Toole, Ernest Hemingway, General Douglas MacArthur, Bill Tilden and Franklin D Roosevelt dressed their sons as girls for the first few years of their lives.
  • Uma Thurman’s mother had been married to Timothy Leary of LSD fame before marrying Uma’s father.
  • The fathers of Judy Garland, Jacqueline Onassis, Liza Minnelli, and Anne Heche were all gay.
  • Rachel Weisz’s father invented the artificial respirator.
  • Julianna Margulies’s father wrote the “Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz” jingle for Alka-Seltzer.

I hope all you celebrity lovers out there enjoying these little factoids. There’s many more that I’ll share with you over the coming weeks and months.

HAPPY HUMP DAY

08/23/2022 “GREED”   Leave a comment

Unfortunately, the word “Greed” is used to describe our country by many foreigners and also from many of our own citizens. I can’t say that I disagree because in too many cases it’s absolutely true. “Money is the root of all evil” immediately comes to mind when I hear that word. It’s not something we should be proud of but “It is what it is.” I thought today I would examine the statements made by an assortment of well-off persons who are well enough known to be quoted in publications. For those of you out there who are not rich let me inform you.

  • “People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it.” Peter Sellers
  • “Time is money.” Ben Franklin
  • “Money isn’t everything as long as you have enough.” Malcolm Forbes
  • “It isn’t enough for you to love money – it’s also necessary that money should love you”. Baron James D Rothschild
  • “If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a $30 a week librarian.” Andrew Carnegie

πŸ€‘πŸ€‘πŸ€‘

  • “In some ways, a millionaire just can’t win. If he spends too freely, he is criticized for being extravagant and ostentatious. If, on the other hand, he lives quietly and thriftily, the same people who would have criticized him for being profligate will call him a miser.” J. Paul Getty
  • “There is always the question. You wonder if people like you for you or the inevitable disturbing question: Are they after something?” Mary Leah Johnson (heir to the Johnson & Johnson fortune)
  • “The best reason to read about the very rich, of course, is to be reassured that money cannot buy happiness and indeed, often seems to buy trouble.” Maureen Dowd
  • “As a cousin of mine once said about money, money is always there but the pockets change; it is not in the same pockets after a change, and that is all there is to say about money.” Gertrude Stein
  • “Money talks. The more money, the louder it talks.” Arnold Rothstein

One final thought, a quote from my late down-to-earth father concerning money. It’s as true today as it was fifty years ago when I first heard him say it:

“MONEY TALKS AND BULLSHIT WALKS!”

08/22/2022 Religion???   2 comments

As I’ve stated many times before I’m not a fan of any organized religion. I’ve given my reasons for feeling that way many times and won’t bore you with the details again. It seems that I’m not totally alone in those feelings as reflected by the following statements made by people of note. Read on!

  • “A Christian is one who follows the teaching of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.” Ambrose Bierce
  • “I don’t believe in God because I don’t believe in Mother Goose.” Clarence Darrow
  • “Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.” Lenny Bruce
  • “So far as religion of the day is concerned, it is a damned fake – Religion is bunk.” Thomas Edison
  • “When a man is free of religion, has a better chance to live a normal and wholesome life.” Sigmund Freud

  • “The Bible is nothing, but a succession of civil rights struggles by the Jewish people against their oppressors.” Jesse Jackson
  • “I do believe our Army chaplains, taken as a class, are the worst men we have in our service.” Abraham Lincoln
  • “The Creator is a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.” H. L. Mencken
  • “I think there is an immense shortage of Christian charity among so-called Christians.” Harry S Truman
  • “The Catholic faith is confession on Saturday. Absolution on Sunday. At it again on Monday.” H.G. Wells

I’m not preaching with this post because that would be somewhat hypocritical. It’s just nice to hear from others who agree with my beliefs. Too many Christians have been less than kind in their criticisms of my opinions on religion. Here’s my quote for today.

“Have a great week and best wishes from a “Recovering Catholic”.

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