Archive for the ‘Looking Back’ Category

06/29/2022 💥💥Limerick Alert💥💥   Leave a comment

I’m still contemplating whether to post those extremely lewd limericks I’ve been talking about for weeks. At some point I’ll be forced into a decision but not just yet. How about a few that aren’t quite as disturbing. Here are a few prizewinners about virgins.

There was a young virgin named Alice

Who thought of her puss as a chalice.

One night, sleeping nude,

She awoke feeling lewd,

And found in her chalice a phallus.

😏😏😏

A lisping young lady named Beth

Was saved from a fate worse than death.

Seven times in a row,

Which unsettled her so

That she quit saying “No” and said “Yeth”.

😜😜😜

There was a young fellow named Biddle

Whose girl had to teach him to fiddle.

She grabbed hold of his bow

And said, “If you want to know,

You can try parting my hair in the middle.”

🤣🤣🤣

A girl named Alice, in Dallas,

Had never felt of the phallus.

She remained virgo intacto,

Because, ipso facto,

No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.

😘😘😘

That should keep you limerick lovers calm for a while until I make my final decision. I’ll probably have to come up with some kind of a warning paragraph with flashing lights to ensure no children read the wrong limericks. I’m still working on that and trying to keep my better-half from kicking my ass. She’s a bit of a prude.

THIS IS A GOOD WAY TO START YOUR DAY

06/26/2022 🙉More Malaprops🙉   1 comment

A few weeks ago, I posted about some language oddities called malaprops. To quote a reader who responded to that post, “Those things are like fingernails on a blackboard to me.” So, I thought today would be a good day to run some fingernails over that same blackboard, just for the fun of it. This time I’ll give you a list of malaprops written by grade schoolers, high schoolers, and a few college geniuses. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

  • Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
  • The walls of Notre Dame Cathedral are supported by flying buttocks.
  • Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
  • Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
  • People have sex, while nouns have genders.

  • Christmas is a time for happiness for every child, adult, and adulteress.
  • Most words are easy to spell once you get the letters write.
  • The bowels are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y.
  • The climate of the Sahara Desert is so hot that certain areas are cultivated by irritation.
  • The United States Constitution was adopted to secure domestic hostility.

YOU GOTTA LUV OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM

06/24/2022 “Look Back to 1940”   Leave a comment

I always enjoy looking back at my life and learning things I either never knew or have forgotten. Recently I obtained some literature from the year 1940. That’s a long time ago and I can appreciate that since I was born only six years later. Let’s see what 1940 had to offer its citizens.

  • Local dime stores were the place to be as a child. Candy and soda pop were the favorites.
  • Newspaper headline from January: OSKAR SHINDLER BEGINS PROVIDING REFUGE FOR KRAKOW JEWS
  • Jack Nicklaus was born on January 21st.
  • Formal dancing, accompanied by the sounds of the big bands of the day, was a great way to conclude a celebrative event.
  • The Philadelphia Story and Fantasia were the top box office hits. One of Disney’s first animated hits, Pinocchio, was released as a feature-length film.
  • Tom Brokaw, Ted Koppel, and Fran Tarkington were all born in February.
  • The use of telephones was in its infancy. Party lines were shared lines and kept everyone in the loop, as those online could quietly listen to any conversations at hand.
  • Winston Churchill became the Prime Minister of Great Britain.
  • On May 15, 1940, the first nylon stockings went on sale.
  • The state of New York hosted the World’s Fair at Flushing Meadows.
  • On November 7, 1940, the Tacoma Narrows bridge collapsed into the water. The only casualty was a dog sadly left in the car as its owner fled.
  • FDR was president, the population of the United States was at 132 million, and the average salary for a full-time employee was $1200 a year. The minimum wage was $.30 an hour.
  • The first McDonald’s restaurant opened on May 15, 1940, in San Bernardino California.
  • On January 31, 1940, Ida M. Fuller became the first American citizen to receive a Social Security check.
  • Bread was $.08 a loaf, bacon $.27 a pound, eggs $.33 a dozen, milk $.26 a gallon, coffee $.21 a pound, gasoline $.11 a gallon, a movie ticket was $.24, postage stamps were $ $.03’s, average cars costs $990, and the cost for a single-family home on average was $2938.

AND WORLD WAR II WAS ON THE HORIZON

06/23/2022 🤖The Final Frontier🤖   Leave a comment

HOME SWEET HOME

With space travel once again becoming fashionable, we can thank the SpaceX corporation. Not only have they been innovative, but they’ve also become a thorn in the side for NASA. It’s good for the country to finally have a competitor for NASA that is quite simply “kicking their butt” and giving the big finger to the Russians as well. I foresee China as eventually becoming the leader in all things space-related unless some catastrophe slows them down a little. Unfortunately, I don’t see them reacting to disasters as we do. They would likely close ranks and keep right on going until their goals are met. Elon Musk will become their only real competitor for a time. With all of that in mind let’s check out a little “Out of This World” trivia.

  • A 150-pound earthling weighs in at 4200 pounds on the sun’s surface.
  • A lightning bolt on earth is hotter than the surface of the sun.
  • On Venus, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.
  • Also, on Venus their day is longer than their year. It takes longer for Venus to rotate on its own axis than it does to complete one orbit around the sun.
  • NASA uses the same rocket technology used by TIE fighters in the Star Wars saga. TIE stands for “Twin Ion Engine” which propelled a deep space probe launched by NASA in 1999.
THE SUN
  • More than 1000 earths would fit inside Jupiter.
  • All the other planets in the solar system would also fit inside Jupiter twice.
  • Gravity is caused by a warping of space and time.
  • Time has not always existed. According to Einstein’s general theory of relativity, before the Big Bang, everything, including time, was packed together into an extremely tiny dot.
  • “Ten elite brains” is an anagram of Albert Einstein.
VENUS

BANG, ZOOM, TO THE MOON ALICE

06/22/2022 😵Not Living😵   2 comments

“Death is the wish of some, the relief of many, and the end of all”

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I’ve come to the conclusion over the last few years after talking to a lot of my former and late friends, that after you’re labelled a Senior Citizen at age 50, you begin to think more about death than before. That’s a pretty depressing thought but in most cases I think it’s true. Today’s posting concerns death from a number of different angles and in my opinion, it makes for an interesting and depressing read.

  • You are 14% more likely to die on your birthday, compared to any other day of the year.
  • On average, more than 135,000 people will die on your next birthday and 360,000 will be born.
  • Wednesday by far is the most popular day to commit suicide.
  • More people die in New York City from suicide each year than from murder.
  • San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge is the most popular “suicide bridge” in the United States.
  • There are approximately 150 people killed each year from being struck on the head by a coconut.
  • Mosquitoes, human beings, and snakes are the three most deadly animals in the world in that order.
  • Each year more people are killed by hippopotamuses than by lions, sharks, and elephants combined.
THE BLACK DEATH
  • The Black Death is history’s most deadly verifiable plague. It swept through Europe and Asia Minor in the 1340’s and 50’s, killing an estimated 25 to 60 percent of Europe’s population.
THE SPANISH FLU
  • The Spanish Flu was a very virulent strain of influenza that spread through Asia, Europe, and North America in the spring of 1918. Healthy adults were especially hard hit. The global death toll is estimated between 25-100 million.

That should be enough depression for today. The Covid-19 pandemic is frightening but the numbers from the Black Death and Spanish Flu are even scarier. Glad I wasn’t around for either of them.

“No one here gets out alive”

Jim Morrison

06/17/2022 “Forgettable Quotations”   Leave a comment

If you’ve read this blog at all your well aware that I love citing quotations. I’m a firm believer that quotes that are remembered and repeated often have some sort of meaning that touches people. Unfortunately, some quotable people offer up quotes that are remembered for their stupidity and ignorance. Today I will cite a few that I’d prefer to forget, and I hope you will as well.

  • “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean, I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” Mariah Carey
  • “We went to Atari and said, “Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us?” They said, “No.” So, then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, “We don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.” Steve Jobs looking for financial backers for the Mac.
  • “Atomic energy might be as good as our present-day explosives, but it is unlikely to produce anything very much more dangerous.” Sir Winston Churchill
  • “The Edison Company offered me the general superintendency of the company but only on condition that I would give up my gas engine and devote myself to something really useful.” Henry Ford
  • “True, I’ve been a long time making up my mind, but now I’m giving you a definite answer. I won’t say yes, and I won’t say no, but I’m giving you a definite maybe.” Samuel Goldwyn
  • “Rock ‘n Roll is phony and false, and some, written, and played for the most part by cretinous goons.” Frank Sinatra 1957
  • “I believe that Mink are raised for being turned into fur coats and if we didn’t wear fur coats, those little animals would never have been born. So, is it better not to have been born, or to have lived for one or two years to have been turned into a fur coat? I don’t know.” Playmate Barbie Benton

I think that’s about enough of these stupid quotes but unfortunately during my research I discovered there’s probably many more of these than the one’s worth remembering.

HAVE A PLEASANT UNQUOTABLE WEEKEND

06/16/2022 🥸Retro Trivia🥸   Leave a comment

Everyone seems to love old TV shows, old movies, and any and all celebrities. Here’s a collection of film and TV trivia items from the past. Enjoy them if you can. Call an older family member or friend for help if necessary.

  • The waist size of bus driver Ralph Kramden’s uniform on the hit show, The Honeymooners, was 49 1/4 inches.
  • Do you remember that the TV characters, Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball, were married on the show at the Byram River Beagle Club in Greenwich, Connecticut?
  • During his 30-year run as the host of the Tonight Show, Johnny Carson delivered 4531 monologues.
  • The Clampett family from the Beverly Hillbillies TV show originated from a home in the Ozarks called Hooterville. It also served as the setting for two spinoff series, Petticoat Junction and Green Acres.
  • Bob Clampett who created the Bugs Bunny cartoon character was inspired when he saw an actor munching a carrot in a movie. That actor was Clark Gable.
  • Groucho Marx’s real first name was Julius.
  • The 14th screen Tarzan, former LA Rams linebacker Mike Henry, sued for physical and mental injury following his third and final film when he was bitten by Dinky the Chimp.
  • Lucille Ball became an official redhead at age 30, after 12 years as a platinum blonde and 18 as a natural brunette.
  • The 1955 movie, King Kong with Fay Wray, was the first Hollywood film shown on television after the US movie industry ended its ban.
  • One of our favorite actresses, Farrah Fawcett, had a plumbing fixture named after her. It was a gold plated “Farrah Faucet”.

HOWDY FOLKS

06/13/2022 “Cats”   Leave a comment

Since I had a lot to say about dogs yesterday, it seems only right that I report a few things, both good and bad about cats. Here are a few . . .

  • 7000 years ago, some of the first settlers in ancient Egypt were farmers, growing grain along the banks of the Nile. Their fields were overrun with about a zillion mice and ravenous rats. The farmers helped the cats develop a taste for those little rodents and one good cat could clear a field of vermin in an evening. They became such a part of the Egyptian lifestyle that in later years they were actually worshiped.
  • Bastet was an Egyptian goddess with the body of a woman and the head of a cat. She became one of the most revered of the Egyptian gods, in charge of fertility, beauty, and motherhood.
  • Julius Caesar, King Henry II, King Charles XI, and Napoleon all had terrible aelurophobia, a fear of cats.
  • The prophet Mohammed was a big cat lover. His favorite cat, Muezza, once saved his life by warning him about a dangerous snake.
  • Florence Nightingale, the world’s most famous nurse, was cat crazy. She owned more than 60 cats over the course of her lifetime.
  • One more Egyptian note. In the 1800’s archaeologists digging in the shadows of the Egyptian pyramids unearthed a huge cemetery filled with more than 300,000 cat mummies.

I hope all of you rabid dog fans out there can now relax a little. We cat persons understand, appreciate, and sympathize about your passion for dogs. Some of your emails were a little disturbing but I really do understand your pain. LOL

CATS STILL RULE!

06/12/2022 “Dogs”   Leave a comment

My father was a dog lover. My mother was a dog lover. I am not. My father trained hunting dogs and in his kennel were normally 15-20 adult dogs and upwards of 10-20 puppies. One of my chores and punishments was the shoveling and removal of their droppings on a daily basis. Many wheelbarrow loads later I decided dogs would never be my favorite pet. This may upset some of you “dog” people out there but so be it. I tried having dogs as pets in my twenties but I was a dismal failure. I eventually switched over to cats and became an official “cat” person. Here are a few facts from the history of dogs.

  • In the 11th century the king of Norway, upset with his subjects, named his dog Saur to the throne. He reigned for three years as king. Note: “Dog Days” came to mean something totally different than it does today.
  • In the 1600’s in Japan the shogun, Tokugawa Tsunayoshi, passed laws to protect dogs. Anyone who injured, harmed, killed, or annoyed a dog could be exiled, jailed, or executed. In one month alone in 1687 300 people were executed for being unkind to dogs. In his 30-year reign more than 60,000 people were put to death because of dogs. Note: Give me a cat anytime.
  • In China dogs lived a double life. Some were treated as royalty by the elite of the county and were a preferred gift for the emperor and his minions. The other side of the Chinese coin was that the common folk more often than not ate dogs as a main course for their evening meal. Note: I know that eating dog is disgusting but unfortunately it still goes on to this day. Once I mistakenly ate a bowl of dog soup in Korea in 1968. I don’t recommend it.)
  • Laika, the first dog to fly into outer space aboard Sputnick II, became one of the most famous dogs in the world. Unfortunately, the pooch passed away a few hours into the flight from overheating. Both a cosmonaut and a hotdog. Note: That was a joke, so don’t send any nasty comments.

CATS RULE!

06/11/2022 “Artists?”   2 comments

I’ve always considered myself something of an artist. Most artists lack a certain amount of self-confidence about their works and don’t even understand why. I know I do. Other people view artists entirely different than the artists themselves. It’s something I’ve been trying to figure out for most of my life and no matter how much I create I always have doubts about my abilities. Even the people close to me don’t get it at all. It’s frustrating to say the least and I’ll probably never figure it out. Every artist I’ve ever known suffers through the same nonsense in one way or another. Here are a few quotes about art and artists from some of the greats of history.

  • “All art is subversive.” Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
  • “An artist must have his measuring tools not in the hand, but in the eye.” Michaelangelo (1475-1564)
  • “The more I become decomposed, the more sick and fragile I am, the more I become an artist.” Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890)”
  • “Today, as you know, I am famous and very rich. But when I’m alone with myself, I haven’t the courage to consider myself an artist, in the great and ancient sense of the word . . . I’m only a public entertainer, who understands his age.” Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)

It makes me feel better about myself when I hear doubts voiced by great artist like Picasso. I can put my doubts to rest for now but without question they’ll return as soon as my next project begins.

“IT IS ART, AND ART ALONE, THAT REVEALS US TO OURSELVES”

(Oscar Wilde 1854-1900)

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