Archive for the ‘Art’ Category

001/14/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅMusic Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

I realize that many of you out there are avid music fans. I’m addicted to oldies from 1958 through 1974 and have thousands of songs from that era. I like a lot of the new stuff too but I’m able to pick and choose the ones that really get me going. While we are all music lovers, my second passion is limericks and interesting poetry. So, with that in mind I decided that today my limerick selections would be G rated and concern music and musicians. I hope you enjoy them as much as you enjoy your music.

๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽต

By Anonymous

There was a composer named Liszt

Who from writing could seldom desiszt.

He made Polonaise.

Quite worthy of praise,

And now that he’s gone, he is miszt.

๐ŸŽน๐ŸŽน๐ŸŽน

By Ogden Nash

A bugler named Dougal MacDougal

Found ingenious ways to be frugal.

He learned how to sneeze

In various keys,

Thus, saving the price of a bugle.

๐ŸŽธ๐ŸŽธ๐ŸŽธ

By Paul West

All of a sudden, the great prima-donna

Cried, “Heavens! My voice is a goner!”

But a cat in the wings

Cried, “I know how she sings,”

And finished the solo with honor.

๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ

By Anonymous

There was a composer named Bong

Who composed a new popular song.

It was simply the croon

Of a lovesick baboon,

With occasional thumps on the gong.

๐ŸŽท๐ŸŽท๐ŸŽท

YOUR TURN TO HUM A FEW BARS

01/12/2023 “Art History”   Leave a comment

I’ve considered myself an artist beginning at age five or six. I love creating art but I’m also a student of art history and read any and all information I can find. Here are a few samples of art history covering many decades and artists.

  • The world’s largest art gallery is the Winter Palace and the neighboring Hermitage in Leningrad, Russia. One has to walk 15 miles to visit each of the 322 galleries, which house nearly 3,000,000 works of art and archaeological remains.
  • The largest painting in the world is The Battle of Gettysburg, painted in 1883 by Paul Philippoteaux and 16 assistants, who worked for 2 1/2 years. It is 410 feet long, 70 feet high, and weighs 11,792 pounds. In 1964, the painting was bought by Joe King of Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
  • Henri Matisse’s La Bateau, hung in New York’s Museum of modern Art for 47 days in 1961 before someone noticed it was upside down. About 116,000 people had passed in front of the painting before the error was noted.
  • Vincent Van Gogh is known to have sold only one painting.
  • In 1930, during the depths of the depression, Andrew Mellon, the American financier, bought 21 paintings from Russia’s Hermitage Museum for $7 million. The Russians needed the cash, and this American millionaire has lots of it, even during the depression.

  • As penance for a quarrel with Pope Julius II, Michelangelo, in 1505, began a more than year-long project creating a gigantic bronze portrait of His Holiness. Later, the portrait was melted down for cannon.
  • “I am so rich that I just wiped out 100,000 francs,” said Picasso, after making a new picture he didn’t like disappear from his canvas.
  • The genre of art known as Cubism derived its name from a belittling remark made by Henri Matisse in reference to a Braque painting. Matisse said that the landscape looked as though it were wholly made up of little cubes.
  • In his earliest and poverty-stricken days, Pablo Picasso kept warm by burning his drawings.
  • Pablo Picasso, when he died in 1973, left in for repositories in the South of France the following: 1876 paintings, 1355 sculptures, 2,880 ceramic pieces, more than 11,000 drawings and sketches, and some 27,000 etchings, engravings, and lithographs in various stages of completion.

YOU JUST NEED TO BE DEAD TO BE FAMOUS

01/03/2023 “Happy Birthday J.R.R.”   Leave a comment

John Ronald Reuel Tolkien (1892โ€“1973)

I’m not one to celebrate birthdays on this blog but as with everything there are exceptions. Today is the birthday of my favorite writer whose works have captivated me for more than fifty years. It all started in 1968 while I was serving in the Republic of South Korea. I discovered a copy of the Hobbit in the hooch of a young lady I was seeing. She couldn’t read English and I had no reading material worth reading at the time. She made it a gift to me, and I began reading it immediately.

I became lost in his world of the Shire, the hobbits, the dwarves, the elves, and the wizards. I read a portion of that book by the light of a flashlight as I sat in a foxhole. I had no access to the trilogy at that time and was forced to take a short leave, a quick hop on an Air Force plane to the Tokyo PX, where I purchased my first copies.

Over the years I’ve read those books at least a dozen times. Along the way I read everything I could find about J.R.R. including a number of books later published by his son. I still have some beautiful calendars from the 1970’s and 1980’s painted by a number of well-known artist of scenes from his stories. I also found out that alcohol and tattooing mix rather well together since I have the door symbol from the door of Moria on my upper arm. Right next to that I have a beautiful tattoo of Smaug.

I almost lost my mind when someone who was real fan of the books made the movies. I never thought it would happen. I was again truly excited when Amazon and Jeff Bezos released the latest prequel, The Rings of Power. I was happy to see they did a great job in tying it into the original story line. I became so interested I went back and began reading the Silmarillion for the fifth time. I look forward to the new season as any good fan would.

The man was amazing, and his works will be read and loved by millions more in the coming years.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN

11/28/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅ”Virginity Limerick Alert”๐Ÿ’ฅ   2 comments

I thought today I would revisit a subject most of you vaguely remember and that is virginity. Some of you will barely remember being a virgin and others of you have yet to lose yours. My virginity has been gone so long I almost don’t remember losing it. These little poems will take us all back to that special day and allow us to reminisce a little. Kindly step into the limerick time machine and remember.

A lisping young lady named Beth

Was saved from a fate worse than death.

Seven times in a row,

Which unsettled her so

That she quit saying “No” and said “Yeth.”

๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ

There was a young fellow named Biddle

Whose girl had to teach him to fiddle.

She grabbed hold of his bow

And said “If you must know,

You can try parting my hair in the middle.

๐Ÿซค๐Ÿซค๐Ÿซค

A religious young lassie named Claire

Was having her first love affair.

As she climbed into bed

She reverently said,

“I wish to be opened with a prayer.”

๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž

There was a young girl from Hoboken

Who claimed that her hymen was broken

From riding a bike

On a cobblestone pike,

But it really was broken from pokin’.

๐Ÿ†๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿ†

NUFF SAID

11/20/2022 “Sarcasm”   1 comment

I absolutely love sarcasm and sarcastic people. I’ve been one most of my life even before I knew what sarcasm actually meant. I’m a natural. I’ve honed my skills for decades with virtually everyone I’ve ever met and had a conversation with. Amazingly about half of those people never realized just how sarcastic I was being. Too bad, it’s their loss. Recently I happened upon the holy bible of sarcasm. It’s The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm published by Mr. James Napoli, Vice President of The National Sarcasm Society. I was thrilled to find someone sympathetic to the plight of sarcastic people. I thought I’d share a few of Mr. Napoli’s sarcastic meanderings and possibly get some of you uneducated to real sarcasm a thrill. Let’s start with just the “A’s”.

Woody Allen – He’s some elderly creep who married his barely college-aged, adopted stepdaughter. Also apparently made films or something, although any such accomplishments are often usurped by the act of marrying his barely college-aged stepdaughter.

The Amish – A sect of self-sustaining people whose way of life is so different from the current ideological mainstream that it’s a wonder nobody’s bombed them yet.

Animals – Creatures that leave us very few options besides hunting them, eating them, keeping them as pets, or locking them in a cage. That’s just how it is when you hold dominion over all of nature.

Antsy – What irritating, twitchy people were before they have the luxury of saying they had something called restless leg syndrome.

Apartment – This is a place to throw your money away on rent before you throw your money away on a mortgage.

Appliance – Something a man gives his wife for her birthday to subtly indicate that the sexual spark between them is horribly, irretrievably gone.

Appreciate -A word commonly used by superiors to indicate that they want you to do a task patently outside of your job description and that doing it will result in their undying gratitude and heartfelt admiration but absolutely no pay.

Artistic – Having skills or ability in a creative field. It is surprisingly easy to identify artistic talent during youth, as the budding artists are usually the ones getting the crap kicked out of them at recess.

Atheist – A person who privately prays that they don’t turn out to be wrong.

Awesome – A word most properly used to denote something truly breathtaking, unbelievably magnificent, or strikingly wonderful. It is now used to describe everything from a half decent meal to a show of support for someone who just landed an entry-level job at Staples.

That’s just a sample from the first letter of the alphabet. I have twenty-five more letters to go and will be sharing them with you occasionally in the next few months. I’m sure you will all enjoy them as much as I do. (Sarcasm Off)

SARCASM RULES

14/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   2 comments

I haven’t posted too many limericks of late and I’m going to correct that immediately. After having two young grandsons visiting, I was once again made aware just how funny fart humor is. I’m not sure why but the young lads love talking about farts and farting. It started when they were around two years old, and it continues apace. With that in mind here are a few fart related limericks to make us all smile a little.

๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

There was an amazing old wizard

Who got a fierce pain in his gizzard.

So, he drank wind and snow

At some fifty-below,

And farted a forty-day blizzard.

๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ

Said a printer, pretending to wit:

“There are certain rude words we omit.

It would sully our art

To include the word fart,

And we seldom, if ever say shit.”

๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†

There was a young man named McBride,

Who could fart any time that he tried.

In a contest he blew

Seven thousand and two,

But then shit and was disqualified.

๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

There was a young woman of Dexter,

Whose husband invariably vexed her,

For, whenever they’d start,

He’d persistently fart

With a blast that damn nearly de-sexed her!

A PERFECTLY SMELLY START TO YOUR WEEK

11/10/2022 “History of Kissing”   Leave a comment

Since yesterday’s posting was all about people and how and when they lost their virginities, I thought today I would do a short but interesting look at the history of “kissing”. It was always among my favorite things and the older I got the higher up my list of favorite things it went.

  • I guess we should start with the Garden of Eden and Adam. Scripture says that God breathed the “spirit of life” into him and it might explain why many religious ceremonies include kissing.
  • A Canadian anthropologist demonstrated that 97% of women shut their eyes during a kiss but only 37% of men did.
  • As with many things it seems the Romans got involved with kissing early on. A husband returning from work would kiss his wife on the lips to see if she’d been drinking during the day. The Romans had three different types of kisses: abasium, the kiss on the lips; osculum, a friendly kiss on the cheek, anduavium, the full mouth and tongue. Emperor Tiberius once banned the practice of kissing after an epidemic of lip sores.
  • Kissing at one point was frowned upon because it had been used as a sign of betrayal by Judas Iscariot. He identified Jesus to his enemies in the garden of Gethsemane by kissing him.
  • Kissing under the mistletoe is an English tradition and started with the kissing bough, which had mistletoe at its center. When the Christmas tree replaced the kissing bough, the mistletoe was salvaged.
  • How and where you kiss used to be a sign of where you stood in the social pecking order. Equals kissed each other on the cheek. The lower you ranked to another person, the lower you had to kiss him. Thus, a slave would kiss his masters’ feet, and a prisoner not even allowed to do that. They were forced to kiss the ground near the foot.

  • Alice Johnson, a 23-year-old American waitress, won a car in Santa Fe, New Mexico, after kissing it for 32 hours and 20 minutes in a 1994 competition. She loosened four teeth in the process.
  • An American insurance company discovered that men were less likely to have a car accident on their way to work if they were kissed before they set off.
  • In Sicily, members of the Mafia have stopped kissing each other because the way they kiss was a dead giveaway to the police, and mobsters were getting arrested.
  • The first film kiss was in, appropriately enough, the 1896 movie The Kiss. The participants were John C. Rice and Mae Erwin.
  • My last entry will give all of you a reason to kiss a little more often. Kissing can prevent illnesses. When you absorb other people’s saliva, you also receive their enzymes, which gives you their immunities like a kind of antibiotic. Unfortunately kissing can also pass on diseases too.

“YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS; A KISS IS JUST A KISS.”

Dooley Wilson in Casablanca

09/26/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅSilly Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

Once again, it’s time for a few lighthearted limericks rather than the bawdier ones we’re used to. I’ll reference the author when possible.

By Frank Jacobs

A lion whose manners weren’t nice

Played Monopoly with two white mice.

After losing, he roared,

Then devoured the board,

Marvin Gardens, both mice and the dice.

๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹

By Oliver Herford

Once a grasshopper (food being scant)

Begged an ant some assistance to grant.

But the ant shook his head

“I can’t help you,” he said,

“It’s an uncle you need, not an ant.

๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž

By Anon

A barber who lived in Batavia

Was known for his fearless behavia.

When a giant brown bear

Took a seat in his chair,

Said the barber, “No way will I shavia.”

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

By Gelett Burgess

I’d rather have fingers than toes.

I’d rather have ears than a nose.

And as for my hair,

I’m glad it’s still there,

I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.

๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฉ

HAPPY MONDAY

09/21/2022 “Music Trivia”   2 comments

  • None of the Beatles could read music.
  • Paul McCarney’s real first name is James.
  • The real name of pop star Lorde is Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O’Connor.
  • Elvis Presley never wrote a song. He was just a performer.
  • Guitar manufacturer Gibson listed Jimi Hendrix as the number one guitar player of all time.

  • Sonny and Cher were originally known as Caesar and Cleo.
  • Prince played twenty-seven different instruments on his debut album, For You.
  • Iggy Pop once appeared in an episode of Star Trek – Deep Space Nine.
  • Andy Warhol was a frequent babysitter for Mick Jagger’s daughter Jade.
  • Karaoke machines were first built in Japan in 1971. The word “karaoke” means “empty orchestra” in Japanese.

TRY SINGING ALONG

09/01/2022 ๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽต Music Lovers ๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽต   Leave a comment

It amazes me just how fast this year has flown by. It won’t be long here in Maine until I’m whining and complaining about the snow. Thinking about snow and ice is depressing most of the time but I’ll deal with it by writing about things that make me less depressed and bored. Being a formal high school and college graduate, I found the following statements to be funny and sad. Funny because some are ridiculous and sad because they’re all taken from actual high school and college exams. This collection mostly concerns Music Appreciation ad Music History.

  • A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
  • A harp is a nude piano.
  • The principal singer of 19th-century opera was called the pre-Madonna.
  • An interval in music is the distance between one piano to the next.
  • Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.

  • A tuba is much larger than its name.
  • When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.
  • I can’t reach the brakes on this piano.
  • The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
  • The correct way to find a key to a piece of music is to use a pitchfork.

HIGHER EDUCATION IS THE ULTIMATE OXYMORON

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