Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

10/18/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

An engaging young filly named Sally,

Who enjoys the occasional dally,

Will sit on the lap

Of a well-endowed chap,

And declare: “Ooh, you’re right up my alley!”

10/16/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,

When his prick would not rise for a lay:

“You must seize it, and squeeze it,

And tease it, and please it.”

Adding: ” Rome wasn’t built in a day!”

10/15/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

There was a young stud from Missouri

Who screwed with astonishing fury,

Till taken to court

For his vigorous sport,

And condemned by a poorly hung jury.

10/15/2021 Day Four – Misc. Trivia   Leave a comment

VARIOUS ODD FACTS

  • In 1679, Messrs. Green, Barry and Hill were hanged at Tyburn for a murder they committed at Greenberry Hill.
  • Melanie Griffith has a tattoo of a pear on her butt.
  • And not to be outdone, Anna Kournikova has the tattoo of the sun on her butt.
  • Andrew Jackson (1829-37) once killed a man in a duel because he insulted his wife.
  • John Quincy Adams (1825-29) used to take a swim in the Potomac River every morning naked.
  • Jimi Hendrix lost his virginity at age 12.
  • Mark Twain lost his virginity at age 34.

MARK TWAIN WISDOM

  • “There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.”
  • “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
  • “Education is what you must acquire without any interference from your schooling.”
  • “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.”
  • “Familiarity breeds contempt . . . and children.”

INSURANCE

  • Dolly Parton insured her breasts for $3 million.
  • Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance, insured his legs for $40 million.
  • Tina Turner insured her lips for $1 million and her breasts for $750,000.
  • Bruce Springsteen insured his voice for $5 million.
  • Jennifer Lopez insured her entire body for 1 billion dollars.

FYI: I’M INSURING MY RIGHT HAND FOR $10 BILLION

10/14/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

A pretty young maiden named Flo

Said “I hate to be had in the snow,

While I’m normally hot,

In this spot I’m not –

So, as soon as you come Bert, lets go!”

10/14/2021 Day Three – Misc. Trivia   Leave a comment

I know a lot of you celebrity lovers will be interested in the Oscar section, These trivia facts are laced with the names of so-called celebrities just for your enjoyment. Here we go . . .

FIRST, SOME FIRSTS

  • Harry Houdini was the first man to fly a plane in Australia – in 1918.
  • Barbra Streisand’s first performance was as a chocolate chip cookie.
  • Groucho Marx ate his first bagel at the age of 81.
  • The first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal was Shredded Wheat in 1893.
  • Steven Spielberg directed the very first episode of Columbo.
  • Courtney Cox was the first person on U.S. TV ever to use the word period – in an ad for Tampax.

OSCAR INFO

  • The only actress to win an Oscar for less than 10 min. work: Judi Dench, who was on screen for only 8 min. in Shakespeare in Love (1998)
  • The only actress to win a Best Actress Oscar in a foreign language: Sophia Loren for Two Women (1961)
  • The only posthumous acting Oscar was won by: Peter Finch for Network (1976)
  • The only actors to get seven acting nominations without ever winning a single Oscar: Peter O’Toole and Richard Burton

DEATHS

  • Orson Welles and Yule Brenner both died on 10/10/85.
  • The only mother and daughter to be nominated for Oscars in the same year: Diane Ladd and her daughter, Laura Dern, for Rambling Rose (1991)
  • Sammy Davis Junior and Jim Henson both died on 05/16/90.
  • Freddie Mercury and Klaus Kinski both died on 11/24/91.

SO ENDS DAY THREE

10/13/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

“I cannot be bothered with drawers,”

Insists one of our better-known whores;

“There isn’t much doubt

I do better without

In conducting my everyday chores.”

10/12/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

My dear, you looked simply divine,

And I know that we’ll get along fine;

For making ends meet

Will be such a treat,

When one end is yours and one mine.

Posted October 12, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm

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10/12/2021 Day One – Misc. Trivia   Leave a comment

It’s time for another giant pile of flaming and utterly useless information. As you already know I’ve always been a huge fan of trivia thats unusual, odd, or strange. I’ve collected this information from books, e-mails, notes from friends, and anywhere else I could find it. I hope you enjoy them and find them as interesting and fun as I did.

  • New foreskins discarded after circumcision are sold to biomedical companies for use in artificial skin manufacture. They are also used as the secret ingredient in some popular anti-wrinkle gels.
  • Lettuce contains 2 to 10 parts of morphine per billion.
  • To see a rainbow you must have your back to the sun.
  • You can tell the temperature by listening to the chirp of a cricket. For the temperature in degrees Fahrenheit, count the number of chirps in 15 seconds and then add 37.
  • A calorie is the amount of energy it takes to raise the temperature of 1 g of water by 1°C. A gallon of gasoline contains 31,000 K calories, or the equivalent of 46.3 happy meals.
  • Bubblegum is pink because it’s creator Walter Diemer, a Fleer employee, had only pink coloring left when he mixed up his first successful batch.
  • The fly of your jeans is the flap of cloth over the zipper, not the zipper itself.
  • The term cop most likely derives from the British police acronym for Constable On Patrol.
  • There are more Subway sandwich shops in Manhattan than there are actual subway stations.
  • Henry Ford, Robert Fulton, Eli Whitney, and Paul Revere were all clock makers at one point in their lives.
  • When Thomas Edison died in 1941, Henry Ford captured his last breath in a bottle.
  • The first item sold on eBay (then called the auction web) was a broken laser pointer that sold for $14 at the time, more than the cost of a new one.
  • The term “the whole 9 yards” dates from World War II. When fighter pilots armed airplanes, the 50 caliber machine gun ammunition belts loaded into the fuselage measured exactly 27 feet. If a pilot fired all his ammo at one target, it got “the whole 9 yards”.
  • On average, women utter 7000 words a day; men manage just over 2000.

NOW WASN’T DAY 1 FUN?

10/11/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

There was a young man from Siam,

Who said:” I go in with a wham!

But I soon lose my starch, like the mad month of March,

And the lion comes out like a lamb.”

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