Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Category

10/01/2022 Do You Want to be a Celebrity?   1 comment

I’m not much of a follower of all things Hollywood but like it or not some information makes its way to me regardless. Only a few days ago I made the mistake of roaming around on Facebook. To my surprise there was a lengthy posting about female celebrities without makeup. If you think horror flicks are the scariest thing ever, you’d be wrong. There were more than a few rather famous female stars that I’ve lusted over in the past, but Facebook has ruined that forever. It still gives me cold chills if I think about it for too long. I’m not an innocent and naive blushing bride by any means. I realize that Hollywood takes its job seriously when recreating a regular human being into a “STAR”. That process requires many stars to change their names. Here are a few interesting samples which are self-explanatory.

Elton John -Reginald Dwight

Joan Rivers – Joan Molinsky

James Garner – James Baumgarner

Barry Manilow – Barry Pincus

Spike Lee – Shelton Lee

Snoop Dogg – Cordozar Broadus

Tina Turner -Annie Mae Bullock

Winona Ryder – Winona Horowitz

Sting – Gordon Summer

Stevie Wonder – Steveland Judkins

I’m now seriously thinking about changing my name. I’ve always felt that my name was as boring as it gets but picking a new one is really difficult. If I were to be a porn-star I’d probably go for I.M Lancelot, but since I’m just a normal boring person I would need something spectacular to catch everyone’s attention.

I’M CONSIDERING “ELVIS MONROE”

09/23/2022 “The Media”   Leave a comment

Over the years and after many mergers the Mainstream Media has become an arm of the corporations that seem to have their fingers into everything. It’s become painfully clear that many media types have become TV stars in their own right. You would think that those under public scrutiny would be more careful than most about the articles and headlines they post or print. I guess that folks who control what we see and read could at times be less than careful. To prove my point read these wonderfully lame and stupid headlines that made their way through writers and editors to amuse and annoy the rest of us.

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency

Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us

Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty

This kind of carelessness is unbelievable. Lots of people are being paid lots of money to create these ridiculous headlines. Hopefully going forward the newspapers and websites will at least make some effort to stop the madness.

DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH

09/18/2022 “FOOD”   Leave a comment

Today is my favorite kind of day. I spent yesterday shopping for ingredients and today making thirteen quarts of super-hot chunky black bean and roasted corn salsa. It’s a lot of work but worth every minute of labor. My better-half was born and raised in south Texas and insists salsa should be nice and smooth and hot. I prefer my salsa to be chunky and OMG hot so I jacked up the heat a little because good salsa should always make your head sweat. Enough about my salsa. Let’s talk about some scary food facts since I’m in the mood.

  • While the results of water contamination tests are made public, manufacturers of bottled water do not divulge their test results.
  • Almost 99% of imported food is never inspected by the FDA or the USDA, the two agencies responsible for protecting Americans from tainted products.
  • One in five office coffee mugs contains fecal bacteria and E. coli, which can cause diarrhea, food poisoning, and infections.
  • Vegetarians beware: many low-fat and nonfat yogurts and sweets contain gelatin, which is made from animal tendons, ligaments, and bones.
  • Even when grapes are harvested by hand, some insects wind up in the picker’s baskets. Workers simply don’t have time to inspect every grape individually as they work.

  • Long a staple of the American diet and US economy, corn is a high-carbohydrate, high-glycemic food that fattens up cattle and does the same to humans who consume it in excess.
  • Beef cattle evolved to survive on grass but are regularly fed corn, which has disastrous effects on their digestive systems, requiring a constant regimen of antibiotics to keep them healthy.
  • Peanut allergies afflict an estimated 4 million Americans and can be life-threatening. Almost half of annual emergency room visits and two thirds of deaths due to anaphylaxis are the result of peanut allergies.
  • Independent studies show that bell peppers, celery, kale, carrots, lettuce, and potatoes are the vegetables most likely to expose consumers to pesticides, despite being rinsed and peeled.
  • A diet high in processed meats like sausage, hot dogs, and luncheon meats increase the risk of pancreatic cancer. Chemical reactions that occur during the preparation of these meets yields carcinogens.

ENJOY YOUR LUNCH

09/13/2022 🚋The Good Old Days🚂   Leave a comment

Trivia . . . more trivia . . . Here’s some interesting retro trivia from those good old days that we’ve always heard so much about. You can decide if they were as good as we’ve always been told.

  • Two hundred years ago: For kissing his wife in public on a Sunday after just returning from a three-year voyage, a Boston ship captain was made to sit two hours in the stocks for “lewd and seemly behavior”.
  • The first Cadillac, which was produced in 1903, cost less than the original model T Ford. Their prices, respectively, were $750 and $875.
  • The bathhouse in the late medieval town became the habitat for loose women and lecherous man as family life deteriorated. The medieval word for bathhouse, “stew,” has come down in English as a synonym for brothel.
  • The average married woman in 17th century America gave birth to 13 children.
  • One-third of all automobiles in New York City, Boston, and Chicago in 1900 were electric cars, with batteries rather than gasoline engines.

  • In 1909, Annette Kellerman, the Australian swimming star, appeared on a Boston beach wearing a figure- fitting jersey bathing suit with sleeves shortened almost to her shoulders and trousers ending 2 inches above her knees. She was arrested for indecent exposure.
  • Life expectancy at birth for Americans was 34.5 years for males and 36.5 years for females when George Washington became president in 1789.
  • As late as 1890, nearly 75% of Americans had to fetch their mail from a post office. A community had to have at least 10,000 people to be eligible for home delivery, and most people then lived in towns or on farms.
  • The Puritans, considering buttons a vanity and used only hooks and eyes.
  • In colonial days it was legal to smoke tobacco in Massachusetts only when the smoker was traveling and had reached a location that was 5 miles away from any town. In 1647 Connecticut passed a law forbidding social smoking and limiting the use of tobacco to once a day, and then only when the smoker was alone in his own house.

DO YOU PREFER “THEN” OR “NOW”?

09/09/2022 “CLASSIFIED ADS”   Leave a comment

I decided to dig into the archives for a few of my favorite classified adds from a number of sources. How many of these would motivate you to call?

  • Free puppies . . . part German Shepherd/part dog.
  • Cows, calves never bred . . . also one gay bull for sale.
  • Full sized mattress: 20 year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
  • Free, one can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 bedroom, 2 bath home.
  • Get a Little John. The Traveling Urinal – holds two and half beers.

  • Free: farm kittens. Ready to eat.
  • American Flag – 60 stars – pole included – $100.00.
  • Our sofa seats the whole mob – and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
  • Open House – Body Shapers Toning Salon – Free Coffee and Donuts.
  • Dinner Special – Turkey $2.35, Chicken or Beef $2.25, Children $2.00.

As I’ve heard it said so many times in the past: “You just can’t make this shit up!” After reading through Craig’s List, it wasn’t much better there. Yikes!

GIANT A-HOLE FOR SALE . . . CALL THE WHITE HOUSE ASAP

09/077/2022 Trivial Trivia   Leave a comment

Today’s a good day for miscellaneous nonsense. A few odd and weird truths that you may not have heard before.

  • An average McDonald’s Big Mac bun has 178 sesame seeds.
  • The “spa” dates back almost 2000 years to when Roman soldiers, marching home from battle, stopped overnight in a Belgian village that had hot mineral springs. The town name “Spa”,became a popular resting spot for Roman soldiers returning from battle.
  • John Lennon was the first person to be featured on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.
  • Manhattan is about half the size of Disney World.
  • A caterpillar has nearly 5 to 6 times as many muscles in his body as a human.
  • Domino’s has marketed a reindeer sausage pizza in Iceland.
  • An average office chair moves a total of roughly 8 miles over the course of the year.

  • Princess Diana appeared on the cover of People magazine more than 50 times.
  • The chili and the frijole are the official vegetables of the state of New Mexico.
  • Blondes typically have more individual hairs on their heads than brunettes. Redheads have the fewest of the three.
  • The launch of the shuttle Discovery was once delayed after woodpeckers pecked holes in the spacecraft’s foam insulation. Decoy plastic owls, purchased at Walmart, deterred the woodpeckers and solved the problem.
  • Tickets to the very first Super Bowl sold for $12 – and that was for the most expensive seat.

ENJOY HUMP DAY

09/02/2022 Facts for Foodies   1 comment

I have to admit I’m a bit of a “foodie”. At one time I was confident that the food systems in the United States were closely inspected. That was until I began learning additional facts that left me wondering what I’ve actually been eating. We are a country of laws (too many for sure) but these food facts are disturbing for me.

  • Ground pepper must contain fewer than 475 insect fragments per 50 grams.
  • No more than two rodent hairs, or 29 gnawed kernels, can be shipped in a pound of popcorn.
  • Frozen peaches may contain up to 3% wormy or moldy fruit.
  • Shelled peanuts must have fewer than 20 whole insects in a 100-pound bag.
  • Canned pineapple cannot contain more than 20% moldy fruit pieces.
  • Chocolate must contain fewer than 60 insect fragments per 100 grams, and no more than one rodent hair.

Here are a few additional food trivia facts.

  • In China, the most popular use of Ketchup is as a condiment for fried chicken.
  • The top-selling candy in the United States are M&Ms. Candy was invented in 1941 and named after its two inventors, Forrest E. Mars and R. Bruce Murrie. They debuted in 1954.
  • The Haribo company produces roughly 100,000,000 gummy bears per day. If all of the gummy bears produced in a year were laid head-to-paw they would circle the earth four times.
  • Each year Americans spend $9 billion dollars on candy.
  • Out of each dollar spent at a movie theater’s concession stand, roughly $.85 is pure profit.

EAT UP

ENJOY YOUR BUG PARTS AND RODENT HAIR

09/01/2022 🎵🎵 Music Lovers 🎵🎵   Leave a comment

It amazes me just how fast this year has flown by. It won’t be long here in Maine until I’m whining and complaining about the snow. Thinking about snow and ice is depressing most of the time but I’ll deal with it by writing about things that make me less depressed and bored. Being a formal high school and college graduate, I found the following statements to be funny and sad. Funny because some are ridiculous and sad because they’re all taken from actual high school and college exams. This collection mostly concerns Music Appreciation ad Music History.

  • A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
  • A harp is a nude piano.
  • The principal singer of 19th-century opera was called the pre-Madonna.
  • An interval in music is the distance between one piano to the next.
  • Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.

  • A tuba is much larger than its name.
  • When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.
  • I can’t reach the brakes on this piano.
  • The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
  • The correct way to find a key to a piece of music is to use a pitchfork.

HIGHER EDUCATION IS THE ULTIMATE OXYMORON

08/20/2022 ❤️Bad Poetry Alert❤️   2 comments

After receiving a few interesting emails and poems on my recent “Feet” posting I decided to offer up some of my own Bad Poetry for your entertainment. In my opinion poetry is best when humorous.

I just saw a sexy painted red toe

Peeking at me from a nearby sandal.

It looked soooo damn cute

It was almost more than I could handle.

As it sauntered on by

Four other toes caught my eye.

Oh my! Oh my! I felt such a tingle

And followed along hoping the owner was single.

I raised my head a tiny little bit

To checkout that anonymous owner.

And all of a sudden, I unfortunately discovered

The loss of a perfectly good boner.

😃😂😄

08/18/2022 💥MORE RETRO RIDDLES💥   1 comment

It’s kind of a rainy day here in Maine. It’s gray and miserable which makes me feel even lazier than I normally do. With that thought in mind I thought I’d reach all the way back to the year 1984 for some retro riddles. As you read them keep remembering these were written in the 1980s which might help you put them into their proper context. Here we go . . .

  • What’s the difference between a gigolo, a doctor, a Rabbi, a girlfriend and a Quaalude? A gigolo is a penis vendor, a doctor is a penis mender, a rabbi is a penis ender, a girlfriend is a penis tender, and a Quaalude is a penis bender.
  • When did the madam realize that the guy with no arms and legs on the front porch of the brothel wasn’t fooling around? When she figured out how he rang the doorbell!
  • What did the dentist say to the lady after she told him she’d rather have a baby then have a tooth pulled? “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair!”
  • What did the German general do when he heard that Napoleon wore red into battle so his troops wouldn’t panic in the event he was wounded? He ordered a brown uniform!
  • Why should you think twice before you marry a girl with hair down to her waist and boobs that stick out to here? Because in 10 years her boobs will be down to her waist and her hair will stick out to there!

  • Why can’t a man win with his wife? Because if he comes home early, she accuses him of being horny. If he comes home late, she suspects that he’s been out getting some. And if he comes home on time, she figures he’s got it already!
  • Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning? Because they don’t have testicles!
  • What’s a liberated woman? A woman who has sex before marriage and a job afterwards!
  • What’s the difference between a pig and a musician? A pig won’t stay up all night trying to fuck a musician!
  • What’s a platonic relationship? A relationship between a guy who wants to have sex and a girl who doesn’t!

SMILE, IT’S ALMOST THE WEEKEND

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