Archive for the ‘Trivia’ Category

10/06/2022 “Sporty Limericks   Leave a comment

I woke up at 4:45 am today and it’s still cold and miserable outside. It’s been raining for a day and a half and I hate it. I made the decision to stay in bed under my warm electric blanket and to watch one of my favorite movies, The Godfather. There’s nothing like an couple hours of senseless violence, mayhem and the occasional murder or two to get your day started. I then caught up on the days sport scores so as not to be totally uninformed. My coffee was hot but unfortunately none of my hometown teams (Pittsburgh) were. I’ve been wanting to post a few limericks this week and I’ve also got sports on my mind. What’s better than a few sporty limericks to kick off this crappy day.

*****

A batter, named Fatty McPhatter,

Had the gift of the gab with his patter.

“Whichever pitch comes,

I hit only home runs,

So the fact that I’m fat doesn’t matter.

*****

I used to shout The Yankees were playing the Mets

On a million home TV sets.

“A team from New York

Will be walking the walk!”

Said an analyst (hedging his bets)

*****

A golfer tries hard to survive,

With grit, dedication and drive.

“Inflation,” he’ll claim

“is affecting my game,

I used to shout ‘fore’, now it’s ‘five’.

*****

I’m giving the next pitch a bunt

Just a couple of inches in front.

So the boy on each base

Will all move round one base,

It’s a very unpopular stunt!

*****

I’VE STRUCK OUT

10/05/2022 Miscellaneous   Leave a comment

๐Ÿคก๐Ÿคก๐Ÿคก๐Ÿคก๐Ÿคก๐Ÿคก

It seems that this cold snap and the end of Summer is having a bad effect on almost everyone. So, for all you grumpy and pissed off people let me amuse you with a few really stupid newspaper headlines. They might just force some of you to smile.

ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACE

CHILD’S STOOL GREAT FOR GARDEN USE

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

BLIND WOMEN GETS NEW KIDNEY FROM DAD SHE HASN’T SEEN IN YEARS

MAN, SHOOTS NEIGHBOR WITH MACHETE

๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

COURT RULES BOXER SHORTS ARE INDEED UNDERWEAR

BITING NALS CAN BE A SIGN OF TENSENESS IN A PERSON

CHILDS DEATH RUINS COUPLE’S HOLIDAY

IF STRIKE ISN’T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST A WHILE

FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE

๐Ÿซค๐Ÿซค๐Ÿซค

Cheer up people. Things could be much worse.

There’s only 81 shopping days left to Christmas.

10/04/2022 “Weather   Leave a comment

Living in Maine has given me a great appreciation for monitoring the weather. Our winter here starts in late October and extends itself to the end of April, a full six months of snow, sleet, and cold. If you’re not a lover of miserable weather, I recommend you never move here. Today’s posting contains random weather tidbits you haven’t likely heard before. Enjoy!

  • Lightning strikes the earth of hundred times every second, from the 1800 thunderstorms in progress at any given moment.
  • Rain contains vitamin B-12.
  • Observations of increased rain after US Civil War battles led to abortive experiments with weather control. Cannon volleys were fired into the clouds in order to induce rain.
  • Nearly 100 pollution-filled, weather-beaten years in New York have done more damage to Cleopatra’s Needle – a granite obelisk covered with hieroglyphics – than did 3500 arid years in Egypt.
  • 17 1/2 inches in circumference and 1.67 pounds in weight: that’s the size of the largest hailstone known to have fallen in the United States. It struck during a severe storm at Coffeyville, Kansas, in September of 1970.

  • In 1816, there was no summer in many areas of the world. In parts of New England, snow stayed on the ground all year. Crops there and in Europe were ruined. Volcanic dust from the corruption of Tomboro in Indonesia that blocked the rays of the sun has been blamed.
  • In living memory, it was not until February 18, 1979, that snow fell on the Sahara Desert. A half-hour storm in southern Algeria stopped traffic but within a few hours all of the snow had melted away.
  • Residents in a small village in Scotland schedule their television viewing according to the tides. At low tide, the nearby mudflats absorbed the broadcast “waves”. Thank God for cable.
  • On June 10, 1958, a tornado was crashing through El Dorado, Kansas. The storm pulled a woman out of her house and carried her 60 feet away. She landed, relatively unharmed, next to a phonograph record titled “Stormy Weather”.
  • Due to friction with the surface of the planet, the wind retards or accelerates the spin of the Earth very slightly. A peak in the seasonal slowing of the planet is most evident during the northern winter.

C’MON WINTER

10/03/2022 Celebrity Sports Lovers   Leave a comment

I’m not a huge sports fan but many people are. I’m strictly a baseball fan and have an interest in only one or two football games a season. Surprisingly many of our most famous celebrities played sports of one kind or another in their younger days. Check these sports fans out.

  • Matthew Perry – Ranked teenage tennis star at age 13 in Ottawa.
  • Kurt Russell – Left acting for Minor League baseball in 1971.
  • Queen Latifah – Power forward on two state championship basketball teams.
  • Richard Gere – Won a gymnastic scholarship to the University of Massachusetts.
  • Tommy Lee Jones – Was a champion polo player.

  • Keanu Reeves – Voted MVP on his high school hockey team.
  • Billy Crystal – Attended college on a baseball scholarship.
  • Jack Palance – Was once a professional boxer.
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar – Was a highly placed competitive figure skater.
  • Chevy Chase – Once worked as a tennis professional.

A guess there were a few surprises on that list but it’s nice to know that under all of that Hollywood nonsense lives a bunch of regular sports loving folks.

FALL SPORTS ARE HERE

10/02/2022 “Toilet History”   Leave a comment

Always wishing to keep this blog interesting I decided that a short review of the “toilet” needs to be told. It’s an important part of our everyday lives but very few people care to hear anything about it. I’ll do the best I can with the information I’ve been able to find.

  • Before the invention of toilet paper, people use shells or stones, bunches of herbs or, at best, a bit of sponge attached to a stick, which they rinsed with cold water.
  • A Victorian plumber, Thomas Crapper, perfected the system we all use today. The siphon flush which by drawing water uphill through a sealed cistern is both effective and hygienic.
  • In Victorian times, toilet seats were always made of wood. The well-to-do set on mahogany or walnut, while the poor put up with untreated white pine.
  • The idea of separate cubicles for toilets is a relatively modern invention. The Romans, for example, sat down together in large groups.
  • The first toilet air freshener was a pomegranate stuffed with cloves.

  • American civil servants’ paychecks are recycled to make toilet rolls.
  • The most impossible item to flush is a ping-pong ball.
  • The movie Psycho was the first Hollywood film that showed a toilet flushing – thereby generating many complaints.
  • Julia Roberts was once asked for an autograph while she was on the john. She said, ” I’m the tiniest bit busy.”
  • Actor Jack Nicholson has a dead rattlesnake embedded in the clear plastic seat of his toilet.

And one last quote from a member of British royalty. “The biggest waste of water in the country by far. You spend half a pint and flush 2 gallons.”(Prince Philip in a 1965 speech)

NEVER FORGET THE COURTESY FLUSH

09/30/2022 “Fall”   1 comment

With September already over and cold temperatures beginning, it’s time to have some fun before the snow starts flying. With the holidays approaching I thought I’d publish a revised version of the Worker’s Prayer. This is posted for all of those people (my better-half included) that are stuck in thankless retail jobs across the country.

The Worker’s Prayer

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off, and also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass I may have to kiss tomorrow.”

And just for the hell of it I decided to author a haiku as requested by a friend. Here it is.

โค๏ธ

The sky is so blue

A dot of sunshine yellow.

Forget me never.

T.G.I.F.

09/29/2022 ๐ŸŽ‡Kid’s Limericks๐ŸŽ‡   Leave a comment

Here are a few cute limericks, some are written by kids and others written for kids. I hope you enjoy them.

By Colin McNaughton

Should a beast ever hunt you and find you,

He’d certainly crush you and grind you.

But here’s nothing to fear,

There are none around here,

GOOD HEAVENS! THERE’S ONE

RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

By Reg Lynes

I’ve eaten as much as I can,

I cannot digest one more gram.

I’m leaving the chips,

And the salady bits,

And the peas, and the eggs, and the ham.

๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ

By Margaret Brace

Archeologists dig at their leisure,

And it gives them a great deal of pleasure,

Not to mention bad backs,

As they fill up their sacks

With all sorts of muddy old treasure.

๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

By Amanda Chew

There was a young cannibal, Ned,

Who used to eat onions in bed.

His mother said “Sonny,

It’s not very funny –

Why don’t you just eat people instead?”

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE

09/28/2022 โšพSports Trivia๐Ÿˆ   Leave a comment

While I’m not much of a sports fan these days, I did play a lot of sports over the years. I loved playing sports but watching them now is as much fun as watching paint dry. I’m still a lover of trivia too so it’s about time I matched them up. Here are a few sports trivia facts you may not have been aware of.

  • Wilt Chamberlain averaged 48.5 minutes per game in 1961โ€“62. That means he played every minute of every game and every minute of every overtime.
  • Pittsburgh is the only city where every one of its professional sports teams wears the same colors.
  • Major league baseball uses approximately 900,000 balls every season.
  • Prior to the 1930s in the NBA a jump ball used to follow every made basket.
  • One of the greatest pitchers in MLB history was known to run off the field during games to chase firetrucks. Rube Waddell was fascinated with firetrucks and managers had a difficult time keeping him on the mound if one drove by. It didn’t stop him from being one of the greatest strikeout pitchers in the history of the game.

  • Wilt Chamberlain once averaged over 50 points per game for an entire season.
  • Before Babe Ruth, MLB’s career home run record was just 138. When the babe retired, the new record was 714.
  • Jackie Mitchell, one of the first (and only) female player in the major league baseball system, once struck out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig in consecutive at-bats. The strikeouts occurred during a minor league exhibition game against the Yankees.
  • For 43 years, the NFL record for the longest made field goal was held by a man (Tom Dempsey) with no toes on his kicking foot.
  • Jackie Robinson was not the first black player in major league baseball. William Edward White, a former slave, served as a one-game replacement player in 1879. Moses Fleetwood Walker lasted slightly longer, playing nearly a full season in 1884, 63 years before Jackie Robinson made his historic debut.

PLAY BALL ! !

09/27/2022 “The Royals”   3 comments

Are you a follower of all things “Royal”? With the passing of Elizabeth, I thought it was only right and respectful to wait a period of time before I decided to jump into the vast emptiness that all of the Brits are probably suffering from. I’ve never understood the need for “Royals” but nevertheless here are a number of items of trivia you might find interesting about them.

  • Elizabeth was born on Wednesday or “hump day” if you prefer.
  • The Queen always wrote with a fountain pen that belonged to her father, King George VI.
  • Her husband Prince Philip once crashed his car within minutes of having delivered a speech on road safety in 1957.
  • Prince Charles first Shetland pony was named Fum.
  • Prince Andrew refused to wear shorts under his kilt as a child to be like Prince Philip. “Papa doesn’t wear anything and neither shall I!” he would cry.

  • Princess Diana was the first royal bride not to use the word obey in her marriage vows.
  • Prince Philip kept a collection of press cartoons of himself on the walls of his lavatory in Sandringham.
  • The Queen was an excellent mimic and sometimes entertained the family by aping the prime ministers she’d known in the last half-century.
  • Princess Margaret was afraid of the dark.
  • All royal babies are baptized with water brought from the river Jordan.

There you have it, some totally useless trivial facts about the royal family. I’ve always wondered if many of their activities were as normal as some of the things that we do. I won’t get into the details of what I sometimes think because it would be a little disrespectful and absolutely hilarious. A friend of mine after a recent discussion about the Royals put some strange thoughts into my head (off-color to be sure) which I won’t get into today. Here’s one last quote to help keep things in their proper “Royal” perspective.

The Queens description of Niagara Falls was “It looks very damp.”

R.I.P. LIZZIE

09/26/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅSilly Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

Once again, it’s time for a few lighthearted limericks rather than the bawdier ones we’re used to. I’ll reference the author when possible.

By Frank Jacobs

A lion whose manners weren’t nice

Played Monopoly with two white mice.

After losing, he roared,

Then devoured the board,

Marvin Gardens, both mice and the dice.

๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹

By Oliver Herford

Once a grasshopper (food being scant)

Begged an ant some assistance to grant.

But the ant shook his head

“I can’t help you,” he said,

“It’s an uncle you need, not an ant.

๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž

By Anon

A barber who lived in Batavia

Was known for his fearless behavia.

When a giant brown bear

Took a seat in his chair,

Said the barber, “No way will I shavia.”

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

By Gelett Burgess

I’d rather have fingers than toes.

I’d rather have ears than a nose.

And as for my hair,

I’m glad it’s still there,

I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.

๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฉ

HAPPY MONDAY

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