In my humble opinion the most important thing a person can have is a healthy sense of humor. Without that a person loses most of their true personality and likeability. In the worst of times being able to “crack wise” and smile a little goes a long way to calm any situation. I constantly post quotations because they tell me more about a person than meeting them in person and having a casual conversation. Even people who I really don’t care for occasionally surprise me with their quotes and a few times I actually forgave them their stupidity and changed my opinion of them. That sounds a little harsh but all of us have the capability of being harsh, crass, and opinionated and still have thoughts worth sharing. Todays post contains quotations from some of my favorite people: comedians.
“Always look out for Number One and be careful not to step in Number Two.” Rodney Dangerfield
“It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from it’s mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.” Jay Leno
“I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin
“My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.” Steven Wright
“I am at two with nature.” Woody Allen
“Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.” Rosanne Barr
You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again”. Joan Rivers
“My plastic surgeon told me my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.” Phyllis Diller
“When I meet a man I ask myself, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” Rita Rudner
“In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.” Johnny Carson
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BONUS FOR RETIREES
“Sex after ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in it’s holder is a thrill.”
It appears today will be a slow day. Gray skies, rainy, and just chilly enough to let us know that snow is on the way soon. With that depressing thought in mind I’ll be lazy and post some little known facts you may not have heard before.
The first soda can was developed in 1938 by the Continental Can Company for the ginger ale drink Clicquot in Massachusetts. RC Cola was the first soft drink company to nationally distribute soda in cans in 1954.
In 1968, the Navy spent $400,00.00 in a study of Frisbees in wind tunnels, using cameras and computers. The results were never published.
Dr. Joseph Bell inspired the character of Sherlock Holmes. In 1877 when Arthur Conan Doyle was studying to be a doctor, Bell was one of his professors. Dr. Bell had excellent deductive abilities when observing people.
The state of Oklahoma comes from the Choctaw Indians words: “okla” meaning people and “humma” meaning red, so the state’s name literally means “red people”.
To satisfy President Ronald Reagan more than 24 thousand pounds of jelly beans were ordered by the White House during his two terms in office.
On July 11, 1804, Vice President Aaron Burr shot and killed the Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton in a duel in Weehawken, New Jersey.
James Madison stood only 5’4′. He was also the lightest president weighing in at just a 100 pounds.
On April 11,1912, pinstripes appeared on the uniforms of the Highlanders, who were the forerunners of the New York Yankees.
In 1872 the Equal Rights Party nominated Victoria Claflin Woodhall for the Presidency. This was at a time when, nationwide, women were not allowed to vote.
Aldous Huxley published his novel Brave New World in 1933. George Orwell followed in 1949 with “1984”of a society run by the Thought Police and Big Brother.
I have to admit that most of my readers are rather particular about the limericks I post. Of all of my posts, the dirtiest limericks seem to get the most views while the readership lessens considerably the cleaner the limericks become. That should tell me something about my readers but I’m not actually sure what that is. Todays offerings contain some really old limericks that concern sexual DISEASES. That’s all I’m saying, see what you think.
I am what could be considered a member of the first “TV Generation”. I saw my first B&W television in the early 1950’s and I’ve been hooked ever since. During the years 1967-1970 I was in the Army in an area that offered just radio but no television at all and I suffered. Once I returned home after my service I became truly obsessed and addicted once again. There are millions just like me from at least three generations and that’s who this quiz is targeting. Here are the “dirty dozen + one” trivia questions from the early years of TV . . . lets see how you do. As always the answers will be listed below.
What soap star played the voice of Charlie on “Charlies Angels“?
Which two “Different Strokes” stars were sent to prison for criminal felonies?
Which actors demands for higher pay caused the demise of the “Mork & Mindy” show?
What dancing movie star played Bandit, the leader of a law-enforcement gang, in the short-lived show “The Renegades”?
Which of the stars from “Barney Miller” died during the shows run?
Which star of “Welcome Back, Kotter” became one of the biggest movie stars of the 1970’s and beyond?
Which star of “One Day at a Time” once shared cocaine with her father.
What famous actor/comedian played Jodie. the homosexual on “Soap”
Who was the last member of the original cast of “Saturday Night Live” to be hired?
What movie star-turned-director got his big break as Rowdy Yates on “Rawhide”?
What “Star Trek” actor played Robin on “Mission: Impossible”?
What two actors on “Taxi” also appeared in the film “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”?
Here is one of My Favorite actors who deserves a BONUS mention:
Which actor from “WKRP in Cincinnati” went on to star as a teacher on “The Head of the Class”?
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HOW MANY DID YOU KNOW?
Answers
John Forsythe, Dana Plato (armed robbery) and Todd Bridges (attempted murder), Pam Dauber, Patrick Swayze, Jack Soo (Nick Yemana), John Travolta (Vinnie Barbarino), Mackenzie Phillips (Julie), Billie Crystal, John Belushi, Clint Eastwood, Leonard Nimoy, Danny DeVito & Christopher Lloyd, BONUS: Howard Hesseman (Doctor Johnny Fever)
With the NFL preparing to dazzle us with another season of football, I feel the need to give baseball a little extra boost because it’s my all-time favorite sport. It will always be Americas Favorite Pastime for me as shown by the continuing outstanding teams and players this season. Todays post consists of a short but extremely difficult trivia quiz (10 questions) that was initially prepared and published in 1975. It was created to challenge only the true fans of the game. As always, the answers will be listed below.
In 1926, who was the Brooklyn Dodger who “tripled” into a double play by being caught on third base with two other runners?
What Milwaukee pitcher committed two errors while covering first base, enabling the Yankees to win the 1958 World Series?
Who was the Cincinnati catcher who blocked an errant pitch with his body and then couldn’t find the ball – only three feet away – while two Yankees scored in the tenth inning of a 1939 World Series game?
Who was the New York first baseman who committed a three-base error in the 1939 World Series to set up a Dodger run which helped Los Angeles sweep the four game series?
Who made the boner – failing to touch second base on a teammate’s single – that cost the Giants a late-season victory and the 1908 pennant?
THE BAMBINO
What Dodger catcher missed holding on to a third strike which allowed Tommy Hendrich to reach first base safely and opened the way for a Yankee World Series victory in 1941?
Who was the Chicago Cub pitcher who threw Babe Ruth a homerun ball after the Bambino had taken two strikes and pointed to the spot over the Wrigley Field fence where he would hit the ball in the 1932 World Series?
Only one pitcher has retired more than twenty-seven batters in a single game. Name him.
Who was the only man to complete an unassisted triple-play in the World Series?
The Yankee had two second base men who hit .500 in World Series play. One did it in 1941 and the second in 1953. Name them.
PLAY BALL!!!
Answers
Babe Herman, Lew Burdette, Ernie Lombardi, Joe Pepitone, Fred Merkle, , Mickey Owens, Charlie Root, Harvey Haddix (Pittsburgh vs Milwaukee 1959) 35 batters, Bill Wambsganss (Cleveland) 1920, Elston Howard and Gene Tenace
Human beings are strange animals. We all seem to think that everything we think and speak is something new and original and profound. It’s not until we mature into thinking adults (most of us) that we realize just how repetitive and cyclical almost everything is. Todays post will concern a few classic nursery rhymes we’ve all heard or used and the approximate date of their origins. Have fun.
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“Hush-a-Bye Baby” – 1765, New England
Hush-a-bye baby, on the tree top,
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock;
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
Down will come baby, cradle, and all.
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“Baa, Baa, Black Sheep” – Pre-1760, England
Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes, sir, yes, sir,
Three bags full . . .
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“Hey Diddle Diddle” – Post-1569, Europe
Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon . . .
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“Sing a Song of Sixpence” – Pre-1744 – England
Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye;
Four and twenty blackbirds,
Baked in a pie.
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Here’s a special ditty just for Mary (my better-half).
“Mary, Mary” – 18th Century – England
Mary, Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
and pretty maids all in a row.
Secular tradition claims the original ” Mary” was actually Mary, Queen of Scots
I’m a consistent user of quotations. Sometimes they’re funny and other times they only assist my poor writings to make them seem more pertinent. Todays post contains a variety of quotes from a host of known and unknown writers. Some are funny and some not so funny. You may recognize the names of the authors and maybe you won’t. It’s not really about the authors but what they’ve written. Even people who are not well known actually have the ability to say some truly profound things.
“The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born.” Elaine Boosler
“It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m wearing Milk Bone shorts.” Kelly Allen
“Human kind cannot bear very much reality.” T.S. Eliot
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason – there’s a reason.” Molly McGee
“The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.” Rebecca West
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“The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married and the married wish to be dead.” Ann Landers
“Canadians should come down to California and take the jobs away from our Mexicans.” Stanley Ralph Ross
“Politics is a means of preventing people from taking part in what properly concerns them.” Paul Valery
Wise men talk because they have somethin to say; fools talk because they have to say something. Plato
“A good husband is healthy and absent.” Japanese Proverb
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“My cat shit on my last painting. Should I take it personally?”
Are you ready for a new batch of disturbing, disgusting, and naughty limericks? One of my biggest problems in posting limericks is that I have thousands of them available but in most cases they are extremely difficult to categorize. I made the ultimate sacrifice recently and forced myself to read hundreds of limericks and to try and establish some sort of categories. Todays post will include limericks concerning Sex Substitutes. These will be copied directly from my collections with rather blunt, off-color, and the occasional appropriate profanity. These will be rated “R”, so keep the youngsters away. Lets get rolling . . .
As I spend a great deal of my day sitting at this computer, it gives me time to think and possibly overthink everything. I feel like I have a comprehensive view of the world and all of it’s effed up citizens and countries. The more you discover about the human race the worse it seems to get. If the World Cup didn’t tell all of us Americans just how lucky we are in comparison to every other country on earth, just listen to their citizens as they post about us. Americans do more pissing and moaning about their circumstances and never fail to trash American at every turn. These visiting Europeans are setting a fine example for all of our disgruntled Americans. They’ve been lied to for decades about this country and realized it almost immediately upon their arrival. The “bitchers and moaners” in this country should be required to spend a couple of weeks anywhere else and maybe just maybe they’ll gain a better perspective about their home. Take thousands of dollars of your hard earned money and attend the next World Cup. Pay for travel, food, lodging, and entry fees and then get back to me. Just be careful and don’t drink the water. LOL
“Good leaders make for good countries.” ME!
“High sentiments always win in the end. The leaders who offer blood, toil, tears and sweat always get more out their followers than those who offer safety and a good time. When it comes to the pinch, human beings are heroic.” George Orwell
“Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.” Gen. George S. Patton Jr.
“I am more afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion than an army of lions led by a sheep.” Talleyrand
“My view is that to sit back and let fate play it’s hand and never influence it is not the way man was meant to operate.” John Glenn
“Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way.” Abraham Lincoln
This post is about one thing. In times of war our citizens, regardless of station, respond to the call to arms for their country. Here are a few facts about some of our better-known citizens from the WW II era. These are only a small sampling of those who served at that time but there are many hundreds currently serving “in harms way”. Pray for all of them.
LEE MARVIN
Lee Marvin served with the 1st Marine Division and participated in several campaigns throughout the Pacific and was seriously wounded at the Battle of Saipan where he sustained severe wounds to his left arm and chest. This resulted in his discharge from active duty. The injuries caused him to have only limited use of the arm for the rest of his life. He was laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery.
Rosanno Brazzi joined the Italian resistance after his parents were murdered by the Fascists.
AUDREY HEPBURN
Audrey Hepburnbefore becoming a Hollywood icon, teenager Audrey Hepburn secretly aided the Dutch Resistance during World War II. Living in the Nazi-occupied Netherlands, she used her innocent appearance to carry underground messages, help downed Allied pilots, and raise money for people in hiding. She nearly starved in occupied Holland, living on two loaves of bread for one month.
MEL BROOKS
Mel Brooks was drafted at age 18 in 1944 and served in the United States Army during World War II. He was drafted in 1944 at age 18 and served as a combat engineer in Europe defusing landmines to clear supply routes while under fire. He also in the Battle of the Bulge.
Aaron Spelling served in the U.S. Army Air Force and was awarded the Bronze Star and Purple Heart with Oak Leaf Cluster.
“SCOTTY” DOOHAN
James Doohan(Star Trek’s Scotty) enlisted in the Royal Canadian Artillery and fought during the D-Day invasion at Juno Beach, where he was wounded seriously in action.
GEORGE BUSH SR.
President George Bush Sr. was the US Navy’s youngest-ever fighter pilot. He flew 58 missions and was once shot down (and rescued) from the Pacific ocean. He was awarded five medals.
