Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

05/08/2022 Weird Retail   1 comment

I’ve worked in a retail environment on a number of occasions during my somewhat illustrious career. Here are a few weird facts about retail related businesses and people. I know they may seem hard to believe but trust me when I say these are just the tip of the iceberg for weirdness. Enjoy . . .

Prostitution is legal in Germany; however, income from prostitution is taxed at a slightly higher rate than income from other occupations.

One in 10 Europeans was conceived on an IKEA bed, according to the company.

There are more copies of the IKEA catalog printed each year than the Bible.

The average child recognizes more than 200 company logos by the time they enter elementary school.

One in four homeless people in South Korea has a credit card.

There are approximately 18,000,000 items for sale at any given moment on eBay.

There are approximately $680 worth of eBay transactions every second.

The Malaysian government has banned car commercials featuring Brad Pitt because they are “an insult to Asians.”

First Starbucks opened in Seattle in 1971 at 2000 Western Ave., across.

from the historic Pike Place Market.

A Romanian taxi driver says his business has swelled since he started playing pornographic films in his cab for his customers.

According to market research firm NPD Fashionworld, 50% of all lingerie purchases are returned to the store.

The world’s first bra made completely of chocolate has gone on sale in Austria.

A Serbian tie maker is planning to launch a new range of penis cravats for the man who has everything.

A Colombian airline has promised free flights for life to any baby born on board one of their planes.

The first naked flight was made in 2003 carrying 87 passengers from Miami, Florida, to Cancun, Mexico.

πŸ’ŸπŸ’ŸπŸ’ŸπŸ’ŸπŸ’Ÿ

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL OF YOU MOTHERS OUT THERE

05/02/2022 πŸ’₯Asimov Limerick AlertπŸ’₯   Leave a comment

No matter what day of the week or month of the year, there’s always time for some of Mr. Asimov’s finely crafted limericks. These will tend to be a bit more off-color than the ones I usually post so keep your kids and prudish spouses clear. This is a really good way to kick off your week. Here we go . . .

Breathed a tender young man from Australia,

“My darling, please let me unveilia,

And then, oh, my own,

If you’ll kindly lie prone,

I will endeavor, my sweet, to impalia.”

πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

Said a certain young girl of Madrid

Who kept her vagina well hid,

“For a lousy peseta,

I am no fornicata,

But I’ll spring for an adequate bid.”

😲😲😲

“Adultery,” said Joseph, “is nice”.

If once is all right, better twice.

This doubling of rations

Improves my sensations

For the plural of spouse, friend, is “spice.”

😎😎😎

At a nudist camp, sweet little Lillian

Was slated to lead the cotillion.

This made her so proud

That to shine in the crowd

She painted Her nipples vermilion.

😈😈😈

ENJOY YOUR WEEK

04/30/2022 Bad Poetry Alert   Leave a comment

Today we’ll be introduced to what might be called something less than a romantic love poem. For those of you out there who worship at the steps of classical poetry, I apologize. I like my poetry a little more down to earth and accented with a bit of humor, be it erotic or rude, you decide. This was written some years ago, but it took a long time for me to actually decide to blog it. Anyone who knows me from that time will understand the fun of it, I hope.

❀PUPPY LOVE❀

First love is a thrill you never forget,

It sends a warmth through your heart.

Fifty years later the memory remains,

but the feelings have fallen apart.

How to recall those wonderful days,

when the freshness of things made you wish,

For the love a girl with beautiful hair,

in a field, all alone…

Do you smell fish?

04/21/2022 American Weirdness   Leave a comment

I’ve been associated with Law Enforcement both as a police officer and also as a private citizen. I’ve seen a lot of things that were more than a little strange and some more than a little scary. So, when I stumbled upon this list that I’m about to post I wasn’t all that surprised. In the past I’ve posted about some strange laws still on the books in this country, but this list takes the cake. This is about weird sex laws gathered from a number of states and to say they’re a little bizarre is an understatement. Here we go . . .

  • In Harrisburg, PA, there’s a law against having sex with a truck driver in a toll booth.
  • In Newcastle, WY, there’s a law against having sex in a butcher shop freezer.
  • In Clinton, OK, it’s illegal to masturbate while watching two people having sex in a car.
  • In Tremonton, UT, you aren’t permitted to have sex in an ambulance.
  • In Alexandria, MN, it’s illegal for a man to have sex with his wife if he has the smell of onions, sardines, or garlic on his breath.
  • In Willowdale, OR a husband cannot talk dirty in his wife’s ear during sex.
  • In Ames, IA, there’s a law against a man drinking more than three slugs of beer while lying in bed with a woman.
  • In Ventura, CA, there’s a law against cats and dogs having sex without a permit.
  • In Kingsville, TX there’s a law against two pigs having sex on Kingsville Airport property.

WELCOME TO THE LAND OF THE FREE AND THE HOME OF THE WEIRD

04/19/2022 John Ciardi   Leave a comment

As someone who’s crazy for limericks of all kinds, I thought I’d introduce a new contributor to this blog. The name is John Ciardi, and he was a close friend of Isaac Azimov, my favorite limerick author. They partnered up back in the 70’s and wrote a book of their limericks. It was a limerick war between the two as part of their competitive friendship. I’ve blogged many of Azimov’s limericks and I think it’s only fair to give Mr. Ciardi equal time. Here are a few of his gems.

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

There once was a girl who intended

To keep herself morally splendid

And ascend into Glory,

Which is not a bad story,

Except that that’s not how it ended.

😫😫😫

One semester a young prof named Innis

Taught two hundred coeds’ what sin is.

Not, bad, I acknowledge,

For a small country college,

But not worth recording in Guinness.

πŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺ

A businesslike lady once baited

The door of her flat with X-rated

Interior views,

And, in neon, FREE BOOZE.

Then stretched out on a bearskin and waited.

😎😎😎

A word spout named Howard Cosell

Set his sights on the language Nobel

By over inflating

His confabulating,

But to blow hard is not to blow well.

THANK YOU MR. CIARDI

04/17/2022 Lovin’ the Holiday   3 comments

Over the years I’ve consistently stated that I was not a fan of organized religions. You can disagree or agree, that’s your privilege. I also don’t participate in religious holiday celebrations either. That being said, I know many of you do. Here is my contribution this year to add to your holiday cheer. We always need a little humor thrown into the mix.

Robert just graduated with a degree in Clinical Psychology and opened his first office. After some successful advertising he was astounded to have nearly 200 people wanting to be in group therapy. Robert decided to rent a large hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, he decided to ask for a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asked for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asked, how many had sex once a week. This time a larger number of hands were raised. Robert then asked how many had sex once or twice a month. Again a few hands were raised. After he polled his group several more times, he noticed John sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. He also noticed that John had never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex. John stated proudly, “Once a year!” Robert then responded, “Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year??” John smiling from ear-to-ear responded, “Tonight’s the night!”

HAPPY EASTER!

04/16/2022 😁Alerts😝   2 comments

First, a retro bumper sticker from the 1970’s:

SORRY, I DON’T DATE OUTSIDE MY SPECIES

Secondly, an off-the-wall NY Yankee headline:

A-Rod Goes Deep, Wang Hurt.

Thirdly, a quote all Americans should read and remember:

“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.”

Adlai Stevenson

And last but not least a memorable limerick about limericks:

The limerick’s an art form complex,

Whose contents run chiefly to sex.

It’s famous for virgins

And masculine urgings,

And vulgar, erotic effects.

04/15/2022 Bad Poetry Alert   6 comments

Today is the start of a better day than yesterday. Today I’m assured of at least another year before the cancer might return. A good doctor’s report makes for better days ahead. I can stop obsessing over this whole cancer deal until October when I’m due to be scanned again. So, what better way to pass the time than throwing some bad poetry your way. I wrote this many years ago during what I used to call the I-don’t-give-a-shit days. And believe me, I had plenty of them.

❀❀ It’s near in the mist. ❀❀
It watches and waits,
as its urges flicker to life.
A stroke of the hand,
a kiss in the dark,
and a seed is spilled
near your wife.
Some call it desire,
others haven’t a clue,
I see it near you!

04/13/2022 Penis Euphemisms   2 comments

I have to admit that my choice of reading materials is vast. I’ll read just about anything I can get my hands on at any given moment. With that in mind, I stumbled upon a book recently filled with euphemisms of all kinds. I’m going to start posting some of these euphemism lists over the next few months because they are hysterically funny. That being said, me being a man, I thought the first list would contain 45 nicknames for penises. Don’t worry girls the list for women’s vaginas is five times as long as the one for men and I’ll be posting that list as we go forward. Speaking for myself, I’ve never ever named my penis. It amazes me that so many men do. Let’s get started . . .

The Bazooka, A Bit of Hard, A Bit of Stiff, The Bone, A Boner, Captain Standish, The Cockstand, Coleen Bawn, Crack a Fat, The Cunt Stretcher, Fixed Bayonets, A Full, The Golden River, A Hard-on, The Horn, In Ones Best Clothes, In One’s Sunday Best, An Irish Toothache, Jack, A Lance at Rest, The Marquess of Porn, Morning Pride, Old Hornington, Old Horny, Be on the Stand, Be Piss Proud, Be Proud Below the Navel, The Rail, The Ramrod, The Reamer, The Rose in Ones Levi’s, The Roaring Horn, Roaring Jack, The Rock Python, The Spike, The Stalk, The Standard, The Standing Member, Standingware,, Stiff and Stout, A Stiff One, Stiffy, A Toothache, A Wood, A Woody . . . .

I’m pretty sure if I were making this list, it wouldn’t be as lame as these. It’s obvious to me that the guys who contributed to this list weren’t all that proud of their little (no pun intended) friend. One more fact for you. I will not be naming my penis in this post. He already knows who he is and needs no further introduction. I promise that if the day comes when I think it’s necessary to ID him, I’ll post it immediately.

I’M WORKING ON MY OWN UPDATED LIST FOR PENISES

04/06/2022 Irritation & Aggravation   Leave a comment

Approximately 10 years ago I posted a list of 100 things that I hated. At the time I was criticized for being a little too harsh about certain people and certain things. Now that I look back on it that was probably a valid criticism, but times have certainly changed. I found that original list few days ago stored in a directory on my computer that I’d forgotten all about. After reviewing it again I decided to make some changes because after my last two horrible years my attitude has changed quite a bit, mostly for the better. I can honestly say that all those years ago I shouldn’t have used the word Hate. I’ve rereviewed the list and pared it down to just forty things that really annoy and aggravate me. Here it is . . .

1. Stupid People

2. Rosie O’Donnell

3. Dirty Fingernails

4. Criminals

5. Funerals

6. Backward Baseball Caps

7. Large Groups of People

8. Dumb Cashiers

9. Stinky Feet

10. Night Farts

11. Bugs Crawling on Me

12. Terrorists

13. Know-It-Alls

14. Hospitals

15. Oprah Winfrey

16. Will Ferrell

17. Fake Fingernails

18. Smell of Urine

19. Women Missing Teeth

20. Political Correctness

21. Liberals

22. Drug Users

23. Clowns

24. Organic Food

25. Liars

26. Dirty Toilets

27. Roadside Death Shrines

28. Jehovah Witnesses

29. Fake Boobs

30. Ass Kissers

31. Stinky Breath

32. Wet Farts

33. Ugly Feet

34. Jeans with Holes

35. Arrogant People

36. Noisy Radios

37. Texting While Driving

38. Granny Panties

39. Penis Caught in Zipper

40. Ex-Wives

I will admit one thing after doing all of this editing. There are five things on this list that I really do hate but I’m not going to specify which ones. You be the judge. Make up your own list and then find those few things that really make you crazy. Then match it against my list and you should be able figure out my five.

EVERYONE NEEDS A LIST

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