Archive for the ‘Sarcasm’ Category

03-26-2018 My New 21st Century Addiction   2 comments

I haven’ t posted anything since the start of the year and I’m feeling a little guilty.  Having a blog is like having an ungratful child.  It’s a lot of work for which I receive virtually no gratitude.  I especially miss the less than friendly emails received from my more liberal readers.  My life has been empty without their caustic comments and endless political preaching.  I’ve relegated them to a dustly shelf in my mancave where everything that bores me is stored.

Enough of that . . .  On to other matters concerning my newest and least satisfying addiction.  I’ve known for sometime that I have an addictive personality.  As a very young man I had a tremendous taste for beer.  It got me into some trouble in my teens and I had to finally let it go. No more of that nasty brew.  Then in my twenties I turned my attention to cigarettes and the occasion toke of giggle weed.  Both of which hung on until my thirites when I saw the light and quit smoking everything.  No more happiness weed and no more cigarettes.  I got healthy, hit the gym, and finally (according to my mother) turned myself into a beautiful and productive person.

As the years rolled along I ended my addiction to marriage and lived a rather raucous and crazy few years filled with wine women and song.  Yes I’d finally discovered a taste for wine and women but no matter what I did I couldn’t carry a tune. As is usual the combination of wine and women got me into considerable trouble as well. I finally met, fell in love, and settled down with the love-of-my-life, stopped drinking wine and turned instead to brandy.

The next to go was the damn brandy. While I enjoyed the brandy drinking experience it was rather boring and I had to stop. I hate spending that kind of money on alcohol that tastes great but I get no glow.  No glow means you got to go and it did.  So currently I’ve reduced my addictions to just three.  My woman is here to stay, thats #1, and thank god for a continuous supply of Jack Daniels (thats #2).  I’ve limited myself to just two or three Jack & Pepsi’s a week (and maybe a few more if we have visitors). Things seem to be working out perfectly almost . . .

My last remaining addiction is without a doubt the worst.  I’ve rid myself of a major television addiction 2 years ago when I could no longer stand watching 10 minutes of commercials every half hour. I told Dish Network to cancel my account and signed up immediately with Netflix and Amazon for streaming service.  Unfortuneately streaming is a double-edged sword.  Being generous I estimate that both streaming services are 80% crap and only 20% of their movies are worth watching unless you want to pay a fee.  My newest and worst addiction is to this endless supply of  terrible, crappy, and ridiculous movies.

                                             SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

I’m in dire need of some sort of 12 step program to get me away from this TV.  My greatest fear these days is that my better-half will find me alone in the dark, slumped over in my favorite chair, clutching the remote.  Dead from dehydration, boredom, and felony eye-slaughter.

 

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12-14-2017 Pre-Christmas OMG’s   1 comment

It’s been a number of months since I last visited my blog and I’m not entirely sure why.  I suppose it’a mixture of laziness, apathy, and the holiday season that’s approaching.  I’ve been wanting to write but I don’t want it to be more of the same crap you’re hearing and seeing in other media. The “Trump is the devil.” nonsense is wearing really thin except for a few braindead liberals and diehard Democrats.

There’s a time and place for everything but the last thing we need is the steady media drumbeat of negativety during the holidays.  I’d much rather enjoy the season with my family than listening to an incredibly biased media laying hours and hours of propaganda and fake news on me.  Life is just too goddamn short.

We’ve had out first two snow falls for 2017 and the snowblower came through as expected. I’m going to try very hard not to do the normal fall-on-my-ass routine that seems to occur every year.  I’ll be staying in the house as much as possible, I’ll keep nice and warm, and have a drink or two to calm my nerves.  Before I know it Spring will be here once again.

So Merry Christmas to family and friends and anyone bored enough to read this blog.

I’ve also been giving some serious thought to my New Year’s resolutions for 2018.  I’ll do a quick review of 2017 just after Christmas and then post 2018’s early in January.

Stay healthy . . . Stay warm . . . Kiss the kids and grandkids . . . Hug your pets.

 

 

 

 

 

08-28-2017 The New Left !   2 comments

As the Fall of the year approaches the extreme left continues it belly-aching and whining toward the new administration.  Honestly I never thought they’d stop anyway. They’re  much like a small child throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of a mall.  They’ll keep at it until they turn blue and collapse or until someone gives them a whack on the ass and tells them to shut the hell up.  It could be a very long wait for that to happen.

As of late it’s become obvious to anyone who cares to pay attention that the Republicans have been infected by the Leftist Flu.  They are currently classified in my mind as Dems-Lite.  Finally the party has the upper hand in this government and they are pissing it away like they always do.  They seem to enjoy being the weaker party so they can just sit back and spend all of their time  sniping  at every little thing the liberals do. That doesn’t require any hard work or dedication.  It’s also obvious that the caliber  of Republican members and leadership  isn’t what it once was.  That capable well led party no longer exists and we may never see it again.

Poor Donald Trump.  No one seems to like him anymore. He really doesn’t look all that upset about it either.  No one likes him except for the millions of voters who elected him.  He has become something that even that lunatic Ross Perot couldn’t become, a one man third party. Maybe it’s time for a viable third party to make an appearance.  Not some Tea Party organization that growled and barked for a couple of years and then disappeared.  Those Tea Party folks who used the conservative message to get elected have now become part of the system we all despise.

I would love to see Donald Trump run for reelection with the backing of an real organization of real people who actually believe in the things they promise the electorate.  Not individuals who will say anything to get elected and then walk away smiling to themselves.  People who are actually concerned about this country being turned into another Europe. Just read the daily news.  Europe is falling apart due mostly to their liberal outlook on damn near everything.  In ten more years the Islamists will own Europe and the fun will really start. We’ll see how much the European populations like Sharia laws and  all of the rules and restrictions that apply to women.  I can’t wait to see Angela Merkel in a burka.

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This pair should keep you up nights.

BERNIE

I can only hope for a Democratic ticket that is so ridiculous that he’ll win in a landslide.  How about a ticket of Maxine Waters and Bernie Sanders.  Who wouldn’t vote for a lunatic and a socialist?  They seem to be the new Democratic brain trust that’s on the rise.  I was never a big believer in prayer but for that ticket I might start.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK MR. PRESIDENT

08-06-2017 Syndromes!   Leave a comment

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I think I’ve become a victim of RAS Syndrome. As you well know there seem to be hundreds of magical syndromes that are announced on a regular basis to help excuse what some might call “shitty behavior”. While there are many real syndromes out there some alleged experts create as many questionable or fictitious  syndromes as the imagination will allow. It’s those acronyms and syndromes  that are driving me mad. Searching the Net I’ve found hundreds and hundreds of these acronyms for just about anything you can think of.  Here’s one of mine:

RAS Syndrome (short for “redundant acronym syndrome syndrome”) refers to the use of one or more of the words that make up an acronym in conjunction with the abbreviated form, thus in effect repeating one or more words.

How about a few examples?

If you fart in church then you must be suffering from the infamous NFIPP Syndrome. That’s “Nasty Farts In Public Places”. It’s really not your fault that you farted, it’s the fault of the Church for pressuring you into attending services after one of their famous bean dinners.

Another of my favorites is the BBABO. That’s the “Bad Breath And Body Odor Syndrome”.  No matter where I go or where I sit a person suffering with this disorder manages to be right next to me.  That in turn gives me a case of VIMT. That’s “Vomit In My Throat Syndrome”‘, for those of you who are unaware that you may suffer from that same disorder.

I’ve also  noticed another major syndrome as I walked through our local Wal-Mart recently. It’s one of the most common ones I see these days. It’s confusing, disgusting, and at times revolting and it’s called the YODOAFM Syndrome. “You Obviously Don’t Own A F–King Mirror Syndrome”.  Many Wal-Mart customers have been infected over the years and now it’s threatening to become a pandemic.

I’ve suffered from a another syndrome since early childhood.  At times it’s been a good thing but occasionally it’s anything but. It’s the IDGASWYT Syndrome. That’s the “I Don’t Give A Shit What You Think Syndrome”. It’s something genetic I inherited from my father, his father, and his father.

The one that has shown up recently to cause all of us problems is the IHTBIAWC Syndrome. That’s “I Hate Trump Because I’m A Whinny Crybaby Syndrome” It’s been running rampant through the country since Election Day but only seems to be infecting Liberals, Democrats, and a few million illegal aliens.

I have another one for all of  them.  It’s the KMIA Syndrome (Kiss My Independent Ass).

 

 

 

 

 

07-19-2017 Presidential Thoughts and Other C.R.A.P   2 comments

Now that Mr. Trump has been elected it’s been a real treat watching the Liberals and Mainstream Media losing their minds.  The truth about media bias is no longer the big secret it once was except for those of us who have been paying attention for years. I thought after a few months of this nonsense it would gradually ease up but it hasn’t. They continue to chew on that dried up old bone until their brains explode. I’m a patient guy who will gladly wait around to watch their continuous escapades to strike out at Mr. Trump with little or no success.

This next item was sent to me by a friend. The first line is a the Medias lame attempt to belittle the President as being nothing more than a former reality television star.  The fact that he is also a billionaire real estate developer is never mentioned.

Senator (To Be) Caitlyn Jenner

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Caitlyn Jenner has joined the list of celebrities who are considering running for political office in the United States following the election of former reality television star Donald Trump as president. 

The remainder of the article concerned a short list of celebrities just dying to enter the political arena to teach the rest of us mouth-breathers just how things are supposed to be done.  I say let them try.  If we can have Obama for eight years and survive, we can live with Senator Caitlyn Bruce Jenner,  Senator Kid Rock, or God forbid, President Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.  Just more humorous shit to enjoy as the country slowly slides towards some sort of Third-World status. Maybe we could start a new type of NATO organization to help keep us safe from our enemies. It could be called CRAP, the Cluster of Real Arab Pals.  We could take a firm stand against Europe, China, and Russia with our new allies  Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iraq, Syria, and Saudi Arabia. We could sit around the meeting table and try desperately to convince each other what a bunch of bad asses we once were and how we will eventually rule the world.  It’s much too depressing to contemplate.

I’m trying my hardest to not get into a rant about all of this but it isn’t easy. Let me calm down some and pass along a humorous joke sent my way recently from a friend in Kansas City.  Here it is:

I was walking in the mall and I saw that there was a Muslim bookstore. The sign outside led me to wonder just what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore, so I went in.

As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk gave me the stink eye, but asked if he could help me. I know I didn’t look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?” The clerk said, “Kiss my ass, Get out, and Stay out!”

I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

“THIS POSTING HAS BEEN APPROVED BY C.R.A.P.

 

09-18-2016 Journal – Nature Trivia!   Leave a comment

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I’ve always been a lover of Nature and almost anything related to it.  As a photographer I spend as much time as I can out-and-about communing with Mother Nature.  I come by it honestly because as a kid growing up I spent more than half of my time in the woods with my friends. We lived on the edge of huge state park directly adjacent to the Allegheny River and knew every inch of the place.  My father, a hunter, spent a lot of time explaining about local wildlife and how they lived and traveled in the wild. It was just a very cool place to grow up.

So I thought I’d share a few interesting factoids about Nature with you. Here they are.

  • Every year the world’s deserts produce 1.7 billion tons of dust.
  • Nature reserves and national park cover 3% of the worlds surface.
  • Over 99.9% of the land on earth is not occupied by a person at a given time.
  • A tenth of the world’s population relies on the Ganges for water.
  • It takes one hundred years for the deep-sea clam to grow to the length of a third of an inch.

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  • Nearly half of the carbon dioxide emitted by humans since the beginning of the nineteenth century has been absorbed by the oceans.
  • An estimated 30% of Earth’s ice-free land is directly or indirectly involved in livestock production.
  • Since the formation of the solar system 4.6 billion years ago, the sun has become 25-30% hotter.
  • More than 90% of the world’s rubies come from Burma (or whatever they’re calling it these days).
  • Lake Baikal in Russia contains about 20% of the world’s fresh water.

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That’s it for today. It’s time to turn off this computer and get to work in the yard. Winter’s coming and the garden has to be deconstructed.

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ENJOY YOUR DAY OF REST

 

09-16-2016 Journal – Look Out! X-mas is Coming.   Leave a comment

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Another week coming to an end and we’re already halfway through the month of September. The summer of 2016 went by in the wink of an eye and the holidays are again rushing towards us. I wonder to myself which retailer will strike the Christmas colors first. I suspect that as in years past Walmart will be the one to get things rolling 15 minutes after the Halloween holiday is over. That in itself is supremely depressing but it seems to get earlier and earlier every year regardless of how much we complain.

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Yesterday I received this list of companies that have already made it known that Black Friday will begin for them by being open for business on Thanksgiving Day. I guess that’s the new approach to companies who put their employees families second on their list of priorities. That seems to be the ongoing retail way of thinking these days and unfortunately I can bitch about it all I want but no one in the retail establishment gives a damn what I think or what you think. Look at the upside . . . you’ll have a great place to spend your holiday if you get sick of eating Thanksgiving dinner, spending time with your family, or God forbid actually relaxing and enjoying the day. The almighty buck rules all. Make sure to thank these folks:

J.C. Penny

Kohl’s

Toy’s r Us

Target

Walmart

Sears

Macy’s

Belk

Sports Authority

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Dollar General

Best Buy

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While I write this posting I have a Christmas wish that will never be fulfilled. I wish that the population of the millions of so-called consumers in this country would pull their collective heads out of the sand and stop allowing retailers to continue to think that the “great unwashed” are that easily controlled. It’s a lazy population that lets celebrities, the media, politicians, and big business tell them how to think, act, what to buy, and how to be politically correct at all times.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO US ALL

You usually get what you deserve.

09-02-2016 Journal – Big Easy-2!   Leave a comment

The first day in NO was coming to an end and we decided to just hit the streets and roam around to get a better feel for things.  It was just getting dark and we were both starving. That airline food really is a joke.  We stumbled on a place on the north end of the French Quarter called Coops.  It’s one of those places with a questionable first impression and it was filled with mostly local residents some of which were way out there.  Of course we immediately went in to sample some good old Cajun food and we weren’t sorry.

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My rule #1 for eating in NO. Go local!

I ordered my usual ice cold Chardonnay while my better-half discovered a new love. She ordered a Big Easy IPA that’s brewed locally.  She fell in love with the brew which meant I would have a few more of them on my credit card in the coming days. . . AND I DID!  She ordered some sort of shrimp dish while I stepped outside the box once again. I dined on rabbit and alligator sausage jambalaya.  I hate to say this about the rabbit but if cooked properly it tastes just like chicken. No eye rolling please. We were finally cooled down by the air conditioning and decided to continue our walking tour.  Temps were still in the low nineties at dusk.

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We stopped at a number of small shops when we saw something interesting and to use their air conditioning. I’d already sweat through my clothes and would do so many more times during our stay.

NO is known as an artist colony and one of the reasons I love this place so much. We saw murals and sculptures just about everywhere we went. Here are two samples from our first night.

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We spent a lot of time looking at art work displayed in galleries and also on the street in Jackson Square.  Some of it was really good, some just OK, and others that were unbelievably bad.  To each their own I guess.  We continued our walk into Jackson Square where the line of horse drawn carriages were waiting for customers.

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We were at the end of a very long day and headed back to our hotel for the night.  That little pool in the courtyard I posted about earlier was the best thing that happened to us the entire day. Off with the clothes, into the swim suits, and into all of that lovely cool water.  We chatted with some new friends from Germany at the pool, finished our drinks and went off to bed. Our room felt like a refrigerator and thank god for that.

MORE TO COME

08-22-2016 Journal – Herbs!   Leave a comment

With the Summer more than half over our garden time is more about canning, drying, and storing the results of our efforts than anything else.  I’ve been asked in the past how I can get so much production from such a small garden. There’s really no simple answer. An old adage immediately comes to mind: “Plan the work, then work the plan.”  Test your soil and keep it fresh, season to season, with compost. Plant your plants near compatible plants.  Pull the weeds and kill the bugs. Easy peasy!

The following picture was taken this morning of my small herb garden. The total square footage is 60 ft. which isn’t all that much.  I’ve noted the herbs planted there and while they are jammed tightly into the small space they are flourishing.

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This small patch has been supplying us with fresh and dried herbs for more than seven years and will hopefully continue to do so.  We’ve had so much luck with our herbs growing that next year we’re converting another 100 square feet of garden space for a much larger herb selection. This little patch will continue as is but the new area will be loaded with every herb I can find that we can dry and store. With a larger and more diverse collection I can begin harvesting herbs to create my own mixes for picking, canning, home brewing, and cooking.

Growing more herbs has a number of advantages over vegetables because none of Mother Nature’s little critters seem to like the herbs. That doesn’t include neighborhood felines who find fresh catnip rather interesting. That will allow me to remove some of the fencing I have in place and eliminate my current problems of ripping my clothing on the fence  or constantly falling on my butt trying to climb over it.  My better-half claims that I’m the clumsiest person on the planet but I dispute that.  I’m just unlucky is all.

I will try to post as usual but our upcoming vacation may make it difficult. I’ll attempt to post from New Orleans if I can but after all it is a vacation. I’ll have plenty to post about upon our return.

ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR SUMMER

08-18-2016 Journal – Summer Cooking!   Leave a comment

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Fresh and delicious shrimp.

Do these shrimp look good to you?  They were just as delicious as you might think or so says my better-half.  She’s a shrimp junkie going back many years and considers herself an expert.  I tried just one and really couldn’t disagree.

Summer time meals are something special around here and are to be enjoyed and relished whenever possible.  While I’m not a big fan of shrimp or lobster I do love just about everything else that the ocean has too offer.  I experiment when possible to come up with new flavors and textures with my seafood.  This week we picked up those shrimp and a large haddock fillet just for me.

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To make things a little more interesting I poached the fillet in habanero wine.  I made this wine a few years back and it carries with it a delicious flavor and heat. Once the poaching was completed the fillets were dropped onto the grill to give them a little crispiness.

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Just sooooo good.

Then it’s off to the table with a side of fresh corn-on-the-cob and a glass of Chardonnay.  Cherry tomatoes picked just before the meal and chilled are a perfect addition.  That beer in the picture belongs to my better-half.  She considers any beer she drinks as her Chardonnay.

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The garden continues to flourish now that we’ve had a few days of rain to help perk things up.  I picked this collection of hot peppers (Serrano, Fresno, jalapeno, and Anaheim’s) today because tomorrow is salsa day and I want them as fresh and hot as I can get.

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I’ll be slicing and dicing all of the other salsa ingredients this evening in preparation for tomorrow.  This is the best part of Summer for me without a doubt.

OLE!