Archive for November 2013

11-29-2013 A Look Back!   1 comment

According to Socrates “an unexamined life is not worth living”.  I agree with that to a point because there are times when looking back has truly restorative value.  It clears the mind by allowing us to revisit simpler and sometimes happier times.   The post that follows is me looking back and remembering how different things were not so long ago.  I’m not saying they were always better but in some cases they definitely were.  Read on and enjoy a short but detailed visit to my early childhood.

Way back…

I’m talking about hide and seek at dusk, sitting on the porch. Hot bread and butter, eating’ a super-dooper sandwich (Dagwood), Red light, Green light, 1 2 3.

Chocolate milk, lunch tickets, penny candy in a brown paper bag. Hopscotch, butterscotch, Double-Dutch, jacks, kickball, and dodge ball. Mother, May I? Hula Hoops, Sunflower Seeds, jawbreakers, blow pops, Mary Janes, and running through the sprinklers. The smell of the sun and licking salty lips.

Wait……

Watching lightening bugs in a jar, playing slingshot and Red Rover. When around the corner seemed far away, and going downtown seemed like going somewhere.

Bedtime, Climbing trees. A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers. Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, sitting on the curb, jumping down the steps, jumping on the bed, and pillow fights.

Being tickled to death, running till you were out of breath. Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt. Being tired from playing …. Remember that?

I’m not finished just yet…

What about the girl that had the big bubbly hand writing? Licking the beaters when your mother made a cake. When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for “gym.”

When nobody owned a purebred dog. When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter a huge bonus. When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny. When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then. When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free. And you didn’t pay for air, and, you got trading stamps to boot! When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it. When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.

Not done yet . . .

When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done, everyday. When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed…and did! When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home. Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot. When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn’t because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.  Disapproval of our parents and grandparents was a much bigger threat!

Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.” Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, “do over!” “Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in “Monopoly.”

Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening. It wasn’t odd to have two or three “best” friends. Being old, referred to anyone over 20. The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn’t matter. It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn’t an Olympic event.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties. It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb. Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.

Nobody was prettier than Mom.

IT’S NICE TO OCCASIONALLY LOOK BACK

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11-28-2013 How’s Your Brain Today?   1 comment

Trying to understand the workings of the human brain is almost impossible.  I do know that the brain has the ability to make us see things in a different way when it becomes confused.  That’s one of the reasons that identifications at a crime scene by six people can be totally different from each other.  One person sees a white Buick and another sees a blue Ford.  It also explains why police don’t consider information obtained from eye witness testimony as entirely credible.  I have no idea why the brain works the way it does and for the most part I don’t care, just as long as it keeps operating.

The following information was sent to me by a friend and I thought it might be of some interest to some of you.  It’s a short test for your brain and your eyes.  Give it a go and see how you fare.

Can you read this? It’s a little weird but interesting!

7H15  M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG  7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD  BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17 
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3  PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD  1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.

If  you can read this, you have a strange mind because I’m told only 55  people out of 100 can.

I  cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.  The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at  Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in  a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last  ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a  taotl mses and you  can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid  deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe.  Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If  you can raed this forwrad it.

The  Eye Test
Can  you find the  B’s
(there  are 2 B’s) DON’T skip, or your wish won’t come  True…

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Once  you’ve found the B’s now find  the 1.

               
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1III
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Once  you found the 1…………….
Find  the 6

9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999699999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999 
9999999999999999999999999999999999

 

Once  you’ve found the 6…
Find  the N (it’s hard!!)

MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMNMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM 
MMMMMMMMMMMMM

Once  you’ve found the N…
Find  the Q..

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

How did you make out?  Did you have any difficulties?  There are no right or wrong answers to these silly little tests.  Just something to give your brain some exercise.  There’s nothing worse than having a fat and lazy brain.

11-27-2013. Thanksgiving   2 comments

It’s just turning 6 am on Thanksgiving morning.  It’s a windy and chilly day as it seems to be every year on Thanksgiving and I love it.  This just happens to be the one holiday that means more to me than any of the others.  Many holidays are religious and since I’m not a religious person they mean very little to me.  My best memories of my family are those from the many Thanksgivings we spent together.  There is no anticipation of gifts and the many negatives associated with that mind set.  It’s just a peaceful family gathering to share a meal and to be thankful for the good things in our lives.

I’m lying in bed with my better-half who’s sawing some serious logs next to me.  My cat just jumped up on the bed to demand his Thanksgiving breakfast, and the coffee pot just came alive and is beeping to let me know it’s time to get up.  This morning is  going to be just about me and that big, fat, twenty pound bird awaiting me in the kitchen.  I began thawing  him out two days ago and yesterday I began some of the prep work for his debut today.  Tradition means so much to me and I love preparing the bird.

As a youngster I spent all of my Thanksgivings with my immediate family at my grandmother’s home. She was an old school cook whose Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners were the things of legend, just incredible.  She was responsible for my undying love of cranberry sauce (the jelly kind) and the stuffing and gravy she was famous for.  I begged her for years for her gravy recipe but she’d just smile and say “maybe when your a little older”.  She went to her grave with the secret and I’ve spent years still trying to get it  just right.  Man do I miss her at this time of the year.

As a young man I married and moved away from my home area in Pittsburgh to Massachusetts and lived twenty minutes from Plymouth Plantation.  I visited Plymouth every year and attended as many of the local celebrations as possible.  I ate Thanksgiving dinner at the Plantation, was on and off the Mayflower many times, and really developed a love for the area.  We even visited many of the Wampanoag  Indian ceremonies that we were introduced to us by a friend who was a member of the tribe.  It was a terrific tradition we’d developed but as in all things change was inevitable.

Divorce required me to find a new residence.  I bought a small cottage near the ocean in Kingston, Massachusetts only 5 minutes from downtown Plymouth.  I lived there for three years and submerged myself in the history of the Pilgrims, the Indians, and everything Thanksgiving.  Again changes had to be made when my company bankrupted and I moved to Maine.  For the next seven years I celebrated a rather lonely Thanksgiving tradition.  I returned home to Pittsburgh once or twice during that time but for the most part it was just me, my cat and two ferrets. I maintained my own tradition with a large turkey breast, stuffing and all the trimmings and made the most of my crappy situation. The memories of all my past Thanksgiving’s helped tremendously but once again change was in the air. It arrived unexpectedly in the person of my better-half.

After a few years of adjusting to one another we’ve finally settled into a rather happy life and the holiday traditions had to change once more. We both maintain certain of our own family Thanksgiving traditions and are now creating a few of our own.  This year we’re welcoming our new grandson to the table for the very first time.  He was just a pooping and crying ball of flesh last Thanksgiving but now he’s grown into a walking and almost talking little person about to be officially seated at the holiday table.  I hope in the years to come the memories of his grandmother will mean as much to him as mine do to me.

I also hope that your Thanksgiving will be even better than what you expected.  The best thing about traditions is their flexibility.  No matter how much change we’re forced to deal with, both good and bad, the traditions carry on regardless.  The thoughts of years past and loved ones who are no longer with us  are the real traditions and they can never be taken away.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

11-26-2013 More Useless Information   2 comments

I think you all need another dose of this blogs specialty, Useless Information. After working all day at the office or as a homemaker your head is filled with numbers, To-Do lists, and nasty thoughts about your boss or other co-workers.  Even though your mind is racing with all this stuff it’s now my job to slow things down, make you smile, and begin the relaxation process that’s so badly needed by us all.

These facts are sometimes funny but always interesting and I forward them along to you because I feel your mental well being is now my responsibility. Pour yourself a beer or glass of wine, put your feet up, turn on some mellow music and just relax.  Unwind totally, pet the dog or cat, kiss the kids, and a big wet one for your spouse.  Here they are:

  • Elvis Presley’s favorite amusement park ride was the bumper cars.
  • Albert Einstein slept 10 hours a night.
  • The game of badminton was once called “poona”.
  • Some obsessed fan paid $14,000.00 for the bra worn by Marilyn Monroe in the move Some Like It Hot.
  • Sammy Davis Jr. was originally known professionally as “Silent Sam, the Dancing Midget.”
  • About a quarter of the oxygen in your blood is used by the brain.
  • Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
  • According to mathematicians, the billionth digit of pi is 9.
  • Millie the White House pet dog earned more than four times as much as her owner, President Bush, in 1991.
  • Astronaut Buzz Aldrin claims to have been the first man to “piss in his pants on the moon.”
  • There are more plastic flamingos in the United States than real ones.
  • Alexander the Great was buried in a vat of honey.
  • The Hundred Years War lasted 116 years.
  • In 1992 Lee Harvey Oswald’s cadaver tag was sold at auction for $6,600.
  • The average U.S. student attends school 180 days; in China, it’s 251 days.
  • 40% of people killed from falling off a horse are drunk.
  • Most of the villains in the Bible have red hair.
  • You can make 11 1/2 omelets with one ostrich egg.
  • Captain Kangaroo won five Emmy awards.
  • Sherlock Holmes kept his tobacco in the toe of a Persian slipper.

There, do you feel more relaxed now.  I certainly hope so.  There’ll be more of this useless information coming your way very soon.

11-25-2013 Are You an AAADD Sufferer?   4 comments

* * * *

This disclaimer is for those of you who are militant believers in all of these syndromes.  This posting is being written as humor with just a hint of the truth.  If you have no sense of humor then stop reading now because this will almost certainly anger you.  If you chose to continue please keep your caustic comments to yourself, they won’t be posted.

* * * *

These days it seems like everyone regardless of age or gender is suffering a syndrome of one kind or another.  This permits them to be stupid, annoying, and in general a huge pain in the ass without consequences.  If your child is undisciplined  and does pretty much what they please without any obvious parental control, they suffer from ADS.  Load them with a few drugs to maintain control in the classrooms and everything will be just fine.

Then they can grow into an annoying and undisciplined adult and be diagnosed with AADS.  More drugs and again less responsibility for bad behavior.

We have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and if that’s not good enough we also have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).  Both children and adults can now claim any of these disorders hoping for more drugs and less responsibility for their questionable rude behavior.

Were you also aware of the cottage industry that has blossomed for those poor and suffering souls afflicted with one or many of these disorders.  The first thing you should do is become an official member of CHADD.  This description was taken directly from their web-site.

Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), is a national non-profit, tax-exempt (Section 501(c)(3)) organization providing education, advocacy and support for individuals with ADHD. In addition to our informative website, CHADD also publishes a variety of printed materials to keep members and professionals current on research advances, medications, and treatments affecting individuals with ADHD. These materials include Attention magazine and a free electronically mailed informational newsletter, as well as other publications of specific interest to educators, professionals, adults with ADHD, and parents.

As you can see it’s becoming an official part of our laundry list of disorders.  Pick the one that fits best, talk with a friendly doctor and make the diagnosis official.  Then present it to the school or your employer and expect special treatment from the entire world for the rest of your life. 

Why should I be left out?  Here’s a new disorder that I recently discovered quite by accident and I suspect there are millions of other sufferers nationwide that need to be told what’s wrong with them.  My new disorder is called AAADD or Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it works…

I decide to do my laundry. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I’m going to do the laundry…

BUT FIRST I’m going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I’ll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack….

BUT FIRST I’ll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook?

Oops.. there’s the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I’m going to look for that checkbook…

BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.

I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there’s the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What’s it doing here? I’ll just put it away…

BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and…Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants…

BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.

END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control… And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because…I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious…I’d get help… BUT FIRST…I think I’ll check my e-mail.

I need to quickly recruit a few hundred individuals interested in forming a non-profit organization to help spread the word to the world about this terrible albeit understandable age related problem.  How about we start the ASS-ASS organization, American Society of Silly -  Aged Seniors Sufferers

Join up with ASS–ASS immediately all of you poor suffering and aging old bastards.

REPRESENT ! ! !

11-24—2013 Our Judicial System at Work   Leave a comment

Having worked in and out of this country’s judicial system (I use the term loosely) for decades I feel I’ve earned the right to be as critical of the players in that systems as I care to be.  For me it’s a given that most defendants are borderline idiots or they wouldn’t be doing the sort of things requiring arrest. The attorneys are almost as bad and deserve whatever criticism they get as well.  The judges and the remainder of the system are flawed as well but as it’s always said, “our system may a mess but it’s better than all of the others.” That’s a paraphrased quote that I didn’t intentionally butcher, it just kind of happened.

Todays posting includes a few on the record questions and answers from a combination of stupid, inept, and well educated individuals.  They’re questions and answers are pitiful if they weren’t so ridiculous and at times funny.  That these were taken from actual court transcripts is really the scariest part.

  • Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at the time?

  • Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    Q: None.
    A: Were there any girls?

  • Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

  • Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male or a female?

  • Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

  • Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

  • Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

  • Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

  • Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

  • Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

My only advice is to avoid the judicial system at all costs.  It’s flawed just enough to make it possible for totally innocent people to be convicted and confined.  It’ doesn’t happen all that often but it does occasionally occur. Clean living and avoiding criminal elements is my best advice, it just isn’t worth the risk.  You’ve been warned.

11-23-2013 Odd Celebrity Facts   Leave a comment

If you’ve read this blog regularly you know I never miss an opportunity to ridicule and tweak the noses of celebrities and the people who worship the ground they walk on. In my travels on the Internet and while perusing through my collection of books I’ve compiled a few tidbits of information on some of our more famous celebrities to help expel some of the mysteries they spend years wrapping themselves in. They’re just folks like everyone else no matter how hard they try not to be.

  • Actor James Earl Jones, the  voice of Darth Vader in Star Wars, stuttered so badly as a child and he had to communicate by writing notes.
  • Japanese American actor Pat Morita, star of the Karate Kid and Happy Days, suffered from spinal tuberculosis as a child and spent nine years confined to bed.
  • Actor Walter Brennan (1894 – 1974) started his career in Hollywood by doing a voiceover for a donkey.
  • Television star Vanna White of the show Wheel of Fortune claps an average of 720 times per show. And she has walked more than 443 miles on the show since 1982.
  • During most of the time that actor Raymond Burr played Perry Mason, he never owned a television set.
  • Spencer Tracy’s 1937 Oscar for Best Actor was mistakenly engraved with the name “Dick Tracy”.
  • Hollywood actress Ava Gardner left a trust fund of several million dollars, her mansion, and a personal maid to her dog, Morgan.
  • Tarzan star Johnny Weissmuller had a contract that stipulated he had to weigh 190 pounds or less, and for every pound over 190 he was docked $5000 – up to $50,000 a day.
  • At the age of 82, actor Kirk Douglas made his 82nd film.
  • Horror film star Bela Lugosi was buried in his favorite Dracula cape.
  • American actress Joan Crawford had a contract with MGM Studios that stipulated the time she had to be in bed each night.
  • Actor James Dean was still receiving fan mail two years after his death.

I could list another hundred snippets on more recent celebrities with even weirder things but with the social networks these days you already know most of that gossip.  I’ll save a few of those for another day.   I can only hope that all of you celebrity worshipers out there are able to maintain some sort of normal perspective when dealing with them.  I’m just kidding myself but I  can still hope.

I’m adding this photo for my own sake.  While I’m not a celebrity chaser I might be convinced to chase this one.

OMG!!!

11-22-2013 Journal Entry   2 comments

I found out the hard way that having a broken leg as we come into the holiday season is a mixed blessing.  I’m three and a half weeks into this injury with at least three more weeks before I can start walking on it again on a limited basis. I’m quickly finding out that the boredom and being housebound is worse than the actual injury itself.

I found myself becoming a little hard to live with since I’ve apparently developed a rather bad temper.  I just can’t seem to adjust to this slower lifestyle and my better-half is paying the price for it.  With lots of Christmas season activities on the horizon she’ll be overloaded with decorating, baking, and house cleaning.  I plan on helping where I can but truthfully I won’t be much help.

I put myself on her sh** list a few days ago.  She knew how much I was itching to get out of the house so she took my car keys to work with her to keep me from doing something crazy.  Being the persistent pain-in-the-ass that I am I found my extra set of keys hidden in a secret location.  I hobbled to the garage, jumped in the car and drove a few miles to get a fresh cup of coffee and a sandwich.  It wasn’t easy fitting my big ass, crutches, and the huge air cast into the front seat but I did it anyway.  I made the trip without incident and returned home feeling pretty proud of myself.  That lasted until my better-half got home from work then the you-know-what hit the fan.  I’m now officially grounded.  That hasn’t happened to me for a very long time and I don’t like it any better now than I did then.  I pushed my luck with my little trip but now I’m paying the price for my stupidity.

I returned to the orthopedist for my three week exam and received nothing but good news.  The bone is knitting itself nicely and no surgery will be required.  I’m now permitted to slowly increase the amount of weight on it over the next three weeks.  At that point I’ll be scheduled for some limited physical therapy and hopefully I’ll be back on my feet and ready to party by New Years.

I wouldn’t wish this kind of injury on my worst enemy.  It’s frustrating and humbling to find yourself helpless.  Last night as I was watching TV I heard my better-half upstairs doing something.  A few minutes later she started down the steps when I heard a loud crash.  She screamed my name and I hopped my way over to the stairs.  She had fallen much like I had and fortunately only bruised her thigh, leg, and hand.  She broke no bones but she’ll be sore as hell for a few days.  We should be made the official poster children for CLUMSY.  I may be forced to install a damn elevator so the two of us don’t cripple ourselves permanently.

Happy Effing Holidays!  2013, a year to remember and then immediately forget.

11-21-2013 Miscellaneous Stupid Crap   Leave a comment

Today is “Stupid” day here at Every Useless Thing.  I thought I’d start your short trip through my neighborhood with this photo that is worth much more than a thousand words. It perfectly explains for me our government’s innate ability to handle those complex jobs they keep asking us to finance.

rpossum

Let’s move on to our next subject which has always been a source of mirth and giggling for me.  I love anything fart related thanks to my late father.  He had a strange sense of humor that as a child I learned to appreciate and be wary of.  I learned at a very early age when he stuck out his hand and requested “smell my fingers” that I should run not walk away as quickly as possible.  He nailed me with that prank just once but kept trying for the next thirty years to get me a second time.  Here are a few fart facts you probably don’t know.

  • Termites are the largest producers of farts.

  • Farts are created mostly by E. coli.

  • On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen. Less than 1% is what makes them stink.

  • The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.

  • Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second. (Where’s the record on hang-time?)

  • A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.

  • Although they won’t admit it, women fart as much as men. (And they really reek – just a personal observation.)

  • The word "fart" comes from the Old English "feortan" (meaning "to break wind").

  • Excess gas in the intestinal is medically termed "flatulence."

So much for your continuing fart education.  Next is a photograph for all of those American commuters who daily ride the rails to and from work in most of our major cities.  Stop your bitching and complaining about the crowds and the terrible conditions.  As you can see by this photo it can get worse.

traincommute

I’ll just bet that riding on that train gives a whole new meaning to the term B.O.  God bless America!  Now in keeping with this blogs name, here are a few totally useless facts which are stupid and interesting all at the same time.

  • A bag of 1,000 quarters weighs 13.42 lbs.

  • You can’t sneeze in your sleep.

  • Siphonapterology is the study of fleas.

  • The albatross can fly while sleeping.

  • Morphine is named after the Greek god of sleep.

  • Pigs can get a suntan.

  • Alfred Hitchcock had no bellybutton.

  • Ostriches don’t bury their heads in the sand.

  • There are 31,557,600 seconds in a year.

  • Hitler’s favorite movie was King Kong.

Finally I thought you should be made to appreciate the efforts I make in getting this blog posted every day.  This is the telephone pole just outside my home where I’m forced to rewire my Internet connection on a daily basis because of my neighbors. They keep trying to illegally hook up to my feed and it’s a real battle at times. What’s life without a struggle or two?

indianelectical

Have a Wonderful Day!

11-20-2013 Learning From the Past   5 comments

As a young man I was known for never listening to figures of authority up to and including my parents.  Now that I’m older and somewhat wiser I realize that was a mistake.  I guess hind sight is always 20/20 as they say.  In my younger days I ignored everyone’s advice and paid a heavy price for my youthful arrogance. The adage  “Live and learn” is no joke.

It’s still our responsibility as reasonable adults and voting citizens to pass what we know along to our kids and even our politicians.  At some point the young people will become older and wiser and may have an interest in the things we say if we’ve been previously proven correct.  Most of the politicians these days show their arrogance by failing to  listen to their constituency and will pay the price for that arrogance by being voted out of office. We can’t make anyone listen but we do have the responsibility as voters to make the information available to them regardless. So peruse these quotations and glean whatever information you can from them.  I only wish our representatives could put their ego’s on the back-burner for a change and admit that they could learn a little something from their predecessors.

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“We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.”  Abraham Lincoln

“A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.”  Martin Luther King Jr.

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”   Albert Einstein

“Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.”   Plato

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”   Albert Einstein

“Those who say religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion is.”    Mahatma Gandhi

“Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.”  Albert Einstein

LIVE AND LEARN