Archive for January 2022

🚓Stupid Headline🚓   Leave a comment

Police Find Crack in Man’s Buttocks

Interrogation-Old School   Leave a comment

Today’s the day for another somewhat gross and disgusting posting in line with my Crime and Punishment post from a few days ago. I’m not trying to be morbid, but exploring the human condition is interesting. In these days of Islamic terrorism where 10% of Muslims (rough estimate) want to kill us, I thought a historical review of torture techniques might be in order.

There was such an uproar made about the United States allowing waterboarding a few years back that the following list of torture techniques might have some of those terrorists praying for waterboarding. I’m a firm believer if somebody’s out kill you it is within your rights to do anything (and I mean anything) to protect yourself and an absolute requirement that you kill them back. If waterboarding helps keep me and mine safe, so be it. This list should let everyone know that things could be a helluva lot worse.

  • Foot Roasting – Victim immobilized on a frame and his bare soles coated with lard or oil and roasted over an open fire.
  • Pitch Capping – Boiling hot tar is poured into a bowl, which is then poured onto the bound victim. This boils the scalp. Then when the cap is ripped off it brings the scalp with it.
  • Denailing – Finger and toenails are ripped off by forcing flaming skewers tipped with sulphur under them.
  • The Rack – The victim is stretched over a rack with ropes ties to the hands and feet. The body is slowly stretched until the cords cut through the flesh of the arms.
  • Water Cure – Using a funnel the victim is forced to drink large quantities of water or nastier liquids. This causes great pain and vomiting when the stomach is distended. It is repeated as often as necessary.
  • Foot Beating – Beating the soles of the feet with a metal bar or stick.

And last but not least for the more liberal of our citizens and preapproved by the Democratic Party, intense tickling till they scream and a serious threat of calling their mother, should keep those terrorists awake nights. Brutal but necessary.

I ALWAYS LIKED THAT INTENSE TICKLING

⚡Limerick Alert⚡   Leave a comment

1941

There’s an oversexed lady named Whyte

Who insists on a dozen a night?

A fellow named Cheddar

Had the brashness to wed her,

His chance of survival is slight.

1946

It’s only human nature after all

If a fellow puts a girl against the wall

And his inclination

Into her accommodation

To increase the population

Of the rising generation –

Why, it’s only human nature after all.

Posted January 26, 2022 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

Tagged with , , ,

🙂Daily Quote🙂   Leave a comment

 “If you cannot do great things,

do small things in a great way.”

Oliver Napoleon Hill (October 26, 1883 – November 8, 1970)

was an American self-help author. He is best known for his

book Think and Grow Rich (1937), which is among the 10

best-selling self-help books of all time.

01/25/2022 Crime and Punishment   3 comments

Being a former police officer, I still maintain interest in all things criminal, crime related, and punishment. I’m also a big fan of almost any book, fiction or nonfiction, about investigations concerning any crime you can think of. That makes today Crime and Punishment Trivia Day and I’ll pass along a few tidbits you may find interesting.

Let’s go back in history a few hundred years to examine methods of punishment for murderers, rapists, and traitors. From what I can see they were a little harsher with punishment than we seem to be these days.

  • First on the list is the wheel. Criminals were lashed to a wagon wheel and their limbs bludgeoned or broken by brute force. Ugly but effective.
  • Next, we have boiling. The criminals were immersed in boiling water, oil, or hot tar and fried to death. Yuck! Soups on.
  • Another favorite was flaying. That involves the removal of a person’s skin which could keep the criminal alive for a day or two until he died from shock. I’d say this is really cruel and really unusual punishment.
  • This is a Chinese favorite called “The Death of a Thousand Cuts”. It is where the criminal was lashed to a frame and over a period of days pieces of their body were severed and removed with a knife. Had to be the Mongolians who started this trend.
  • This crowd-pleaser is called disembowelment. The criminal’s abdomen was opened while alive with a knife, and his organs were individually removed, particularly the bowels. No comment on this disgusting method since I had it done to me but with an anesthesia.
  • Impalement involves driving a pointed stake through the victim’s body from the rectum up through the breast and shoulder. Ouch!!!!!
  • Stoning is when a large group of people were gathered together to throw stones at the criminal. The point here is that no single person is responsible for the death, it’s a group act. What a Sharia loving group.
  • Decapitation is the removal of the victims’ head by knife, sword, ax, or guillotine. One way to keep ahead of the criminals.
  • Burning at the stake involves exposing the criminal to direct flames or heat until death occurs. Barbecues had to start somewhere.
  • Hanging, drawn, and quartering requires criminals to be dragged behind a horse to a platform where they were then hanged, removed just before the moment of death, and then castrated, disemboweled, beheaded, and quartered. That’s like killing the criminal three times over.
  • And last but not least an unusual punishment popular in Southeast Asia from the 11th – 18th centuries. The criminal is tied up, placed under the foot of an elephant, and then crushed. No more circus visits for me, I’ll have nightmares.

I think all of the criminals living in this country should count their blessings and except Life Imprisonment Without Chance of Parole as being mighty generous and merciful. It’s hard to imagine how many of these methods were used often and without hesitation. It’s also hard to imagine how they had any crime rate whatsoever when the criminals knew these kinds of punishments were being handed out. But to quote an expert, “Stupid is as Stupid Does”.

THANKS GO OUT TO FORREST GUMP FOR THE QUOTE

😱Stupid Headline😱   Leave a comment

Dog Saves Owner’s Life After Cat Starts Fire

🔥Daily Quote🔥   1 comment

Oscar Wilde

“Young men want to be faithful and are not.

old men want to be faithless and cannot.” 

Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (16 October 1854 – 30 November 1900) was an Irish poet and playwright. After writing in different forms throughout the 1880s, he became one of the most popular playwrights in London in the early 1890s. 

01/23/2022 🍺Beer🍺   Leave a comment

Let me start off by saying that I’m not a beer drinker. I haven’t had much use for drinking beer since my early years of college and even then, I mixed it with Seven-Up because I couldn’t stand the taste. Also, most of the girls wanted it sweetened and who was I to argue? And now I’m living with one of the greatest beer drinkers I’ve ever seen, my better-half. I would easily consider her a professional beer drinker. She knows all the brands, flavors, the history of the breweries, and that makes her an expert in my eyes.

Many years ago, I worked with a man who made her look like an amateur. This guy could sit and drink a half a case of beer, leave the bar, and drive home. I never saw him intoxicated regardless of how many beers he slugged down in the course of the evening. I consistently ragged on him about drinking too much beer because even then I didn’t have much use for it. Finally, he decided to respond to my constant badgering and gave me the list you’re about to read. He felt that I spent most of my time chasing women and that in his opinion beer was way better than women. Here we go, his list of reasons that beer is better than women.

  • You can enjoy beer all month long.
  • You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.
  • A beer will wait patiently for you in the car when you play sports.
  • Beer is never late.
  • Hangovers go away, beer never does.
  • When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
  • Beer never has a headache.
  • A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
  • If you pour a beer just right, you’ll always get good head.
  • A beer always goes down easy.
  • You always know if you’re the first one to pop a beer.
  • Beer is always wet.
  • Beer doesn’t demand equality.
  • The beer doesn’t care when you come.
  • You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

As I was typing this list, I had a small but equally important epiphany. While I dislike beer immensely, I absolutely love bourbon. If I replace the word beer in this list with the word bourbon, it still makes perfectly good sense. I guess it’s true what they say.

LOVE IS BLIND

01/22/2022 The Seven Wonders X 4   Leave a comment

The first mention of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World was in the 5th century BCE. They were some of the greatest human achievements at that time. The list was used over the centuries by many medieval writers but was mainly concerned with the accomplishments of the Greek or Roman empires. At that time very little was known of faraway cultures and their creations. Here is the traditional list of seven:

Giza Pyramids (Egypt), The Hanging Gardens of Babylon (Iraq), Temple of Artemis (Turkey), Statue of Zeus (Greece), the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus (Turkey), the Colossus of Rhodes (Greece), and the Pharos of Alexandria (Egypt).

While these seven were indeed a wonder, there were many other places elsewhere on the globe with achievements worthy of mention. Here are just a few to make my point:

The Great Wall (China), Angkor Wat (Cambodia), Machu Picchu (Peru), the Taj Mahal (India), the Moai Statues (Easter Island), the Aztec Temple of Tenochtitlan (Mexico), the Shwedagon Pagoda (Myanmar), and the Coliseum (Italy).

These were just a few. I could easily have named at least two dozen more. Let’s change categories now to name the Seven Wonders of the Industrial Age.

The Transcontinental Railroad (USA), the London Sewer System England), the Panama Canal (Panama), Hoover Dam (USA), the Three Gorges Dam (China), the Banaue Rice Terraces (Philippines), and the Bell Rock Lighthouse (Scotland).

What about the modern world and it’s wonders? Here are seven more to consider:

Itaipu Dam (Brazil), the Channel Tunnel (England/France), the Twin Towers (USA), the Zuider Zee Dam (Netherlands), the Petronas Towers (Indonesia), the CN Tower (Canada), and the Burj Khalifa (UAE).

I’ve offered up a lot of information here and many will likely disagree with some of my choices. The point of this historical rampage was to show that creativity and wonder aren’t limited to one country or one continent. The wonders of the world are too numerous to list, and every country has their own favorites. I find it amazing that as a species we have so many similarities and so little understanding of each other. Maybe someday it will improve.

WE CAN ONLY HOPE

🤔Stupid Headline🤔   Leave a comment

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

%d bloggers like this: