Archive for March 2016
I’m still in Maine complaining about the weather which has once again trapped me in the house for a good portion of the day. Now I hear there’s a possibility of another snow storm this weekend, hopefully the last one this season. Mother Nature is hanging on for dear life like she always does. I don’t understand why continue to complain. I guess not being able to control everything irritates me a little.
Some of you have asked in your emails about making Sake. It’s a fairly simple recipe that’s available by email for anyone interested. My batch has been moved from the primary fermenter where it’s been for ten days. The yeast has eaten all of the sugar and the Sake should have approximately 15% alcohol content upon completion. As you can see the wine looks like milk. Yes, that’s how it’s supposed to look. As the fermentation stops and the yeast begins to settle the wine will become crystal clear. These jugs should supply me with fifteen 750ml bottles of Sake or 30-375ml half bottles.
I’m been trying to finish up a second design this week which has become my homage to Amy Winehouse. I’ll post a photo when it’s complete but it might be a little difficult to show all of the details due to it’s size. We’ll see.
I’ve been watching more movies of late as I wait for Spring to really arrive. Last night the better-half and I watched what they (Netflix) are calling a dark comedy. The movie was ‘Bad Roomies’ and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The cast members were virtual unknowns which more times than not makes for a decent movie. This movie was funny and sexy with one of the hottest women I’ve seen in a while. The better-half was disappointed because there were no unicorns and rainbows anywhere in the entire film. I felt bad for her but for me it was a fun hour and a half that had me laughing a lot even after offering up a dead body at the end.
Well I’d love to chat a while longer but demands of the better-half come first. We’re having a small get-together tonight and they are chores to be done. Fortunately for me I’ve stocked up on plenty of wine to help sweeten my mingling skills. From what everyone tells me, they need all the help they can get.
C’MON SPRING – WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
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Most people who blog love to write and I guess that’s understandable. What I don’t understand are those people out there who choose not to write or read. I’m not criticizing, just questioning why. It seems that some people are wired differently and just aren’t all that interested. I read almost the entire Lord of the Rings story to my young son and he enjoyed it immensely. I can honestly say that might be the last book he ever had read to him and he hasn’t read one on his own very often if ever. He just isn’t interested in reading.
Is it nature or nurture? I really don’t have a clue. Using my son again as an example, on his twelfth birthday I bought him a book on the history of baseball and statistics on every player of note for the last fifty years. I knew he loved sports and I took a shot. The book was four inches thick and I thought if nothing else he could use it as a door stop. He read the entire book in a few weeks and remembered almost every statistic on every player. After a time he drove me nuts quoting stats every time we talked. Apparently he was over-the-top interested in sports.
You all know how much I love the written word and trivia so I decided to combine them for todays post. Here’s my collection of useless information on the written word.
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The number of children in the United Kingdom appearing in hospital emergency rooms dropped by 50% on weekends when the new Harry Potter books were released.
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The first edition of Freud’s The Interpretation of Dreams (1899) sold only 351 copies in it’s first six years.
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Five years after the 9/11 attacks, 1248 books had been published on the subject.
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More than 150 books have the words “before you die” in their titles.
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Charles Dickens created 989 named characters.
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Only half of American adults have read a book since leaving high school.
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Five of the ten best selling novels in Japan in 2007 were written on mobile phones.
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In 1893, when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle killed off Sherlock Holmes, 20,000 people cancelled their subscriptions to The Strand Magazine, which had published the Holmes stories.
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Around 200,000 academic journals are published in the English language. The average number of readers per article is 5.
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The word “bible” does not appear in the works of Shakespeare.
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Thirty percent of hardcover books go directly from the printer to the warehouse.
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The Da Vinci Code is the bestselling book in French history. A quarter of the population is estimated to have read it.
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Mein Kampf was second bestselling book in Turkey in March of 2005.
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The eighteenth-century scholar Edmond Malone calculated that 4,144 of the 6,033 lines in parts I, II, and II of Henry VI were plagiarized by William Shakespeare.
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The record for the highest number of short stories published in The New Yorker by an author in one year is held by E.B. White (twenty-eight in 1927). The overall record is held by James Thurber, who published 273 stories from 1927 to 1961.
That’s it for today. Hopefully they’ll be a few non-readers out there who’ll decide to read this post. I know for certain my son won’t be one of them unless I add some silly facts about batting averages or Babe Ruth’s weight problems.
NON-READERS MAKE ME CRAZY
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‘Religious & Silly?’
Well with another Easter finally here we should be that much closer to warmer temperatures. Having a bright sunny day just isn’t enough when the temperatures remain at or below freezing. That’s just another of Mother Nature’s teases but there’s only one way I like to be teased and this isn’t it.
It’s 10:30 am and I’ve yet to move from my bed. The better-half and I have been playing a vicious game of "Words With Friends" which I hate to admit I just lost by one effing point. Starting my day without kicking her butt may be a bad omen for the rest of my Easter Sunday. I know I’ll be hearing about this win all day.
‘Religious & Badass??’
It’s another chilling and gray day that’ll keep me from getting anything done outside. I refuse to be cold and miserable while doing all of those boring little chores that need to be completed. When the sun finally decides to come out then so will I. I was forbidden by my better-half from saying that “When the sun has risen . . then so will I”. She felt that would be rude to all of you religious folks out there. I disagree somewhat because almost all of the religious people I know are permitted a sense-of-humor. Hers has yet to be fully developed but “I pray” it will someday.
We celebrated Easter yesterday along with the one year birthday of our grandson. It was a fun party with lots of cake and presents but it also allowed us to have a quiet day today. We’re looking forward to a couple of steaks cooked on the grill tonight along with a bottle of blueberry Mead I’ve been saving for a special occasion.
Easter for me has no religious connotation but I know it does for my better-half. As with most things having a good stiff drink always helps me feel a little more religious (she won’t think that’s too funny either).
‘Religious & Intergalactic’
I’ll get this posted in the next few minutes and then spend the remainder of the day working on a pencil sketch that’s captured my interest this week. I hope all of you are enjoying your holiday with your families. Religious or not.
SORRY I CAN’T FIND ANYTHING RELIGIOUS ABOUT AN EASTER BUNNY
JUST SAYING LOVEY!
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Have you ever had your credit card information stolen by someone? I have.
For the second time in a year my bank sent me a notice that I’m being issued a new credit card because mine may have been compromised. No explanations as to how or when or why, just shut up and do it. I hate pushy people, pushy governments, pushy companies, and now this pushy bank. Ordering me to change cards without giving me the specifics seems to be a tad arrogant. If it’s just a preventative measure then tell me that. I don’t appreciate being treated like a moron child, being ordered around by a know-it-all parent. That may have worked when I was five but trust me, I’m no longer five.
I allow these people the privilege of using my money to make money for themselves but this Big Brother attitude pisses me off. It seems to be the way of things these days especially with the government and Big Business. They see us as a pack of slobbering idiots who need their hands held to make any sort of decision.
Now I get to spend a couple of hours today on the Net changing my credit card numbers on a myriad of websites. I suppose I shouldn’t complain since they are allegedly protecting my money and accounts but talking down to me is unacceptable.
Over the last five years I’ve had my information stolen twice when unauthorized purchases were made in Canada and Europe. Throw in two changes of debit cards (because of hacked companies) and three new credit cards (for unexplained reasons) and OMFG what the hell is going on. If you’re doing something to benefit me all that’s required is a simple explanation. I guess it’s too much to hope for in these days of big government and big business arrogance. They’re too busy to deal with the feelings of the “great unwashed”.
I sometimes wonder whether it would be worth it to remove myself from the grid entirely and go back to writing checks and mailing payments. Is simple convenience worth all of this grief and aggravation? I don’t want to get too crazy but maybe it’s time for some common sense to enter into my approach to the Net, my use of credit and debit cards, and banking in general. I need to think on it for a while longer and try to come up with some good solid solutions to this nightmare.
I’d ask the bank for help but they’d just replace all of my cards once again and send me that condescending form letter as well.
THE BIGGER THE ORGANIZATION, THE LESS THEY CARE.
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Today is what will probably turn into a do-nothing, boring, day of reading, and not much else. We’re still caught in between seasons here in Maine which means the weather is all screwed up and annoying. The snowfall from our recent storm is 90% gone but it’s still awfully cold at night. It’s just cold enough to require heavy clothing that makes you begin to sweat as soon as you put it on. Then you remove it to cool down, get cold, and put the clothing back on and sweat some more. It’s no wonder everyone seems to be suffering either from colds or any one of many flu viruses that seem to be going around.
I’ve spent the last few days at home and only leaving the house for wine or food emergencies. All that means is if I’m short on wine and my favorite foods I will brave the cold and crappy weather regardless. Minor errands or stupid shopping forays are not what I consider an emergency no matter what my better-half tells me.
While I’m thinking about that here are a few dirty jokes to brighten your day. We’ll start with a bar joke. Everyone loves a good and dirty bar joke.
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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
Having worked for a few retail companies over the years I thought a little retail humor was warranted. I looked for years trying to find a salesman like this.
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A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow." I’ll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today? The kid says, "One". The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.65 ". The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?" The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’"
This joke goes a long way to explain how long term marriages seem to work.
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Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes ballistic, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids….."
You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive? This little list makes one think, and may put things in perspective:
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 $ 9.52 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 $10.00 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 $10.17 per gallon
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 $10.32 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 $25.42 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 $33.60 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 $84.48 per gallon
Pepto-Bismol 4 oz $3.85 $123.20 per gallon
Vick’s Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 $178.13 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER . . .
Evian water 9 oz $1.49 $21.19 per gallon!
$21.19 FOR WATER! . . . and most buyers don’t even
know the source. But then again "EVIAN" spelled
backwards is "Naïve."
HAVE A GREAT DAY
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I’d just like to send out to Mother Nature a big huge kick in the butt. I awoke this morning to her latest gift . . . 6 inches of snow with more expected. I think it’s just her way of letting us know who’s really in charge around here. So I spent this morning getting the snowblower out of storage, gassing it up one more time, and clearing the driveway again. Dammit!!
I much prefer to talk about our day trip yesterday which was much nicer than all this crappy snow today. We took a ride west into New Hampshire to the foothills of Mt. Washington. It was a cold and sunny day which made for a great drive. We were headed once again to North Conway, NH known for it’s many cool little shops and outlet stores. Here a photo looking down Maine Street towards Mt. Washington.
The town was packed full of visitors and every store and shop was crowded. A little sunshine goes a long way in helping to open purses and wallets. I actually opened mine for a change and did my part to help the local economy.
After walking a few miles and looking at damn near everything we decided to stop for lunch at a restaurant called Horsefeathers.
Their menu had a lot to offer but I always lean towards seafood whenever possible. The better half had a great crab and cheese sandwich and loved it. I ordered some super garlicky mussels and this was all that was left a short time later.
The food and drinks were terrific and we returned to the car fat, dumb, and happy. All of our purchases were loaded up and as we drove down Main Street towards home this was what I saw in my rearview mirror. Just a beautiful area.
I can’t wait to return later in the summer to make the trek to the summit of Mt. Washington. We’ve done it before because the view will take your breath away. If I remember correctly on a clear day you can see five states from up there and parts of Canada as well.
JUST A GREAT DAY TO SHAKE OFF THE WINTER DOLDRUMS
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Spring Fever has slowly crept up on me and I seem to be firmly held in it’s grasp. Garden fever has also arrived along with Lowe’s receiving their first Spring shipments of plants and seeds. It’s taking all of my willpower not to immediately run there and start buying stuff. I’m trying to keep things under control for a while but it’s not easy.
And here’s a picture to prove to some of you that I actually did celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. It looks almost as good as it tasted:
‘Green Chardonnay on Ice.’
With green wine in mind I thought I might start the Spring and Summer seasons properly by making my first batch of wine for 2016. In my continuing effort to stay "outside the box" and do new things I decided to make some Sake. It’s been a very long time since I’ve made any so I figured why not. I did a quick inventory of my winemaking supplies and placed an online order for a few essentials. They arrived within 48 hours which was perfect. I then searched up a vendor to buy a case of 375 ml bottles and they’ll be here within a week.
Off to the food store to pickup eight pounds of raw rice, three pounds of white raisins, and a ten pound bag of sugar. My recipe calls for a sherry yeast but I purchased a new product which is yeast specifically created for making Sake. This yeast will tolerate alcohol up to 16% or 32 proof for you amateurs out there. It was a bit pricey but if I’m going to do this I should do it properly.
Yesterday I began the process of crushing the rice and chopping the raisins. Along with a number of other ingredients my primary fermenter will hold what should eventually give me three gallons of excellent Sake. Here are a few photo’s of the prep. The fermenter will sit for 48 hours after hot water is added and then the yeast will take over. Then I can kick back and wait while Mother Nature does her thing.
‘Empty Fermenter’
‘Bags of Chopped Raisins & Crushed Rice’
‘This + Patience = 3 1/2 Gallons of Sake’
I can’t think of a better way to start my Spring season unless it’s a couple of thick and tasty T-Bone steaks on the grill. I’ll be setting our grill up on the deck this week and the steaks will be cooked as soon as possible after that.
GOODBYE WINTER, HELLO SPRING
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It’s that time of the year again to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. It’s another one of those holidays that most people celebrate but they’re not entirely sure why. For most of us it’s just a reason to get out, drink a little too much and make fools of ourselves. Take it from one who knows.
Since my heritage includes a few folks of the Scotch/Irish persuasion I’ve been known to occasionally get a little crazy on St. Paddies Day. Truthfully it was just an excuse in my younger days to drink too much, dye my hair green, and dance a jig or two after swilling a couple quarts of green beer.
It’s been quite some time since I really celebrated the day but in the spirit of the holiday I’ll supply you with a quick primer explaining why it was originally created.
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Saint Patrick’s Day, or the Feast of Saint Patrick (Irish: Lá Fhéile Pádraig, "the Day of the Festival of Patrick"), is a cultural and religious celebration held on 17 March, the traditional death date of Saint Patrick (c. AD 385–461), the foremost patron saint of Ireland.
Saint Patrick’s Day was made an official Christian feast day in the early 17th century and is observed by the Catholic Church, the Anglican Communion(especially the Church of Ireland), the Eastern Orthodox Church, and Lutheran Church. The day commemorates Saint Patrick and the arrival of Christianity in Ireland, and celebrates the heritage and culture of the Irish in general. Celebrations generally involve public parades and festivals, céilithe, and the wearing of green attire or shamrocks. Christians also attend church services and the Lenten restrictions on eating and drinking alcohol are lifted for the day, which has encouraged and propagated the holiday’s tradition of alcohol consumption.
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That has been your short history lesson for today, not that any of you really care WHY we celebrate. Every ethnic group has it’s holidays so why shouldn’t the Irish get on board as well. After spending many years in the Boston area I can tell you for certain this holiday is taken seriously there and celebrated heartily. It may not be the same celebration you’d see in Ireland but I can guarantee a few things. You will have green hair, you will have many new friends you may never see again, you probably won’t remember the entire evening or the parade, and you will have the mother of all hangovers that could last for days.
I can live with that.
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‘Gaius Julius Caesar’
Today is the day every year that I remember good old Julius Caesar. The Ides of March will forever be known as an evil day thanks to him and all of his so-called friends. Stabbed twenty-three times upon arriving at his work place at the Curia he was left to die alone on the sidewalk. It just goes to show how far we’ve come as a society because these days we’ve made some major improvements on how to murder someone. If Caesar was to be murdered today it would be by two hooded gentlemen driving by in a mini-Fiat firing a couple of Tech-9’s at him. He’d still be just as dead but it would have been done so much quicker and efficiently. So for today “All Hail Caesar”.
Now let’s move onto something almost as interesting as a dead guy. SEX! I’ve been on a roll in recent weeks with trivia postings because I love trivial facts. I also love sex so it only seems right that I offer up some sex related information. Here goes nothing.
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The average size of an erect penis measures between 5 and 6 inches, while the average size of a flaccid penis is about 3.5 inches.
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Many of the ingredients in chocolate are proven to cause arousal similar in effect to sexual foreplay. In fact, some experts believe chocolate may be even more effective than foreplay for sexual arousal.
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Historical records show that even in 1850 B.C., women attempted to practice birth control. The most common method was a mixture of crocodile dung and honey placed in the vagina in the hopes of preventing pregnancy.
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Although nearly any body part or item of clothing may be an object of sexual fetishism, the shoe and the foot are the two most common fetishes in Western society.
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Just a decade ago, only 25% of women reported experiencing orgasm as a result of intercourse. In recent years, this number has risen to about 45%. In contrast, over 80% of women report experiencing orgasm though oral sex.
It’s no wonder I’ve been addicted to chocolate my entire life. Instead of foreplay just gobble down a handful of M&M’s and get busy. Also I will verify that feet can be sexually arousing. I’ve been a foot lover since day one and damn proud of it. And last but not least to both men and women I say “Hooray for Oral Sex” and “Boo!” to crocodile dung and honey. Yuck!
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The vibrator, a common sex toy for women, was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a medication to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation).
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Throughout the United States, approximately 4% of the population self-identifies as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
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During 30 minutes of active sex, the average person burns approximately 200 calories.
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On average, adult men think about sex every seven seconds.
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Approximately 1% of people worldwide identify as asexual (having no strong sexual attraction to either sex).
I think about sex every seven seconds? I might have to disagree with that fact. I think it’s way more often that that. Ask any guy! If I recall my basic facts on weight loss it takes a reduction of approximately 2000 calories to lose a pound of weight. If that’s true then having intercourse ten times would also work. I’m sure you could lose a lot of weight doing it that way but you might miss a few days of work here and there.
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Statistics suggest that approximately one in every five Americans has indulged in sex with a colleague at work.
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Approximately 70% of people in the U.S. admit to fantasizing about group sex at some point in their life, and more than 50% of those people actually follow through.
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One report states that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Interestingly, an identical 48% of men also report faking an orgasm at least once.
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Since AIDS was first diagnosed in 1981, more than 25 million people have died as a result of the virus. Two million people died from AIDS in the year 2007 alone.
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Statistics show that approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time.
Group sex appears more popular than I thought. The masturbation numbers were surprising. I thought you women out there were keeping up but I guess I was mistaken. Shame on all of you, so get to work ladies.
This is my favorite tidbit and could possibly explain my obsession with wine. After I drink enough of a favorite Chardonnay my behavioral responses can get pretty interesting. Especially if I eat a huge chunk of chocolate along with it. LOOK OUT!
HAVE A HAPPY IDES OF MARCH
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I’ve been infected with that same disease I get every year at this time. It always seems to take me by surprise which I don’t really understand. It’s a deceptive little virus that kind of sneaks up on me . . . it’s called Spring Fever. All I really give a damn about is getting out of the house, standing in fresh air, feeling the sun on my face, and being able to walk along a beach. Is it any wonder why I can’t seem to concentrate on anything else?
I’ve been doing a lot of internet surfing and perusing through my collection of books recently and have happened upon a huge steaming pile of ridiculously stupid trivia that anyone in their right mind could care less about. That’s the reason I decided to share it with you.
These tidbits are in no particular order of importance, just a whole lot of true nonsense.
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Odds of being killed in a tornado – 1 in 2 million.
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You use more calories eating celery than there are in the celery itself.
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Odds of being killed by falling out of bed – 1 in 2 million.
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It only takes 7 pounds of pressure to rip your ear off.
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On average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each McDonalds Big Mac bun.
Did you ever think you’d see the day when someone would count the seeds on a Big Mac, then put that info on the Net where I could find it and pass it on to you. It must be fate.
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In the past year your hair will most likely have grown 12 cm and your nail about 4 cm.
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There are 1 million ants for every person in the world.
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Odds of being killed by a dog – 1 in 700,000.
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World population has grown by around 76,570,430 since your last birthday. In the time it takes you to read this another five babies will have been born.
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13 people are killed each year by vending machine’s falling on them.
Stay alert when you assaulting your next vending machine. They’ll get you if your not careful.
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Odds of being killed by poisoning – 1 in 86,000.
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314 Americans had buttock lift surgery in 1994.
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If you counted 24 hours a day, you would be over 31,000 years old when you reach one trillion.
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Odds of being killed in a car crash – 1 in 5,000.
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There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee.
This should help all of you to really enjoy that next hot cup of morning chemicals.
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If you played all of the Beatles’ singles and albums that came out between 1962 and 1970 back to back, it would only last for 10 hours and 33 minutes.
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Odds of dying while in the bath tub – 1 in 1 million.
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Experts at Intel say that microprocessor speed will double every 18 months for at least 10 years.
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The Apollo 11 only had 20 seconds of fuel when it landed.
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Odds of being killed in a plane crash -1 in 25 million.
I guess all the propaganda we’ve heard for years about the safety of air travel is true. The odds are certainly better than those for car accident deaths.
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Driving 55 miles (88 km) per hour instead of 65 miles (105 km) per hour increases your car mileage by about 15%.
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The average person flexes the joints in their finger 24 million times during a lifetime.
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1/3 of all cancers are sun related.
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If we had the same mortality rate now as in 1900, more than half the people in the world today would not be alive.
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Airbags explode at 200 miles per hour.
Let’s hope none of us have to experience an airbag situation. They can keep you alive during a collision and then break your damn neck at the same time.
Twenty-nine more useless facts you can use to win bar bets.
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everyuselessthing.com 