Archive for the ‘Just Saying’ Category

06/03/2023 An Unexamined Life #12   Leave a comment

To date, I’ve posted 165 questions in 11 installments. Those questions were relatively simple questions to deal with but the deeper into this list we go the more difficult they become. So, let’s get started with installment number 12 and see how you fare.

*****

  • If you wanted to look very sexy, how would you dress?
  • For $2000 would you be willing to stand up in a crowded restaurant and, for at least a minute, loudly berate a waitress for some trivial imperfection in the service? If not, consider how grateful the waitress would be if you did so and later split the money with her.
  • If there were a public execution on television, would you watch it?
  • If someone offered you a large amount of money for some information about one of your company’s products, would you except it? Assume you know you wouldn’t be discovered.
  • Do you consider yourself well organized? How often do you have to look for your keys?

*****

  • If you could increase your IQ by 40 points by having an ugly scar stretching from your mouth to your eye, would you do so?
  • Would you be willing to do something very unsatisfying i.e. cleaning toilets, for five years if you were certain that the experience would afterwards bring you a deep sense of personal fulfillment for the rest of your life?
  • What things are too personal to discuss with others?
  • Walking along an empty street, you notice a wallet. It contains $5000 in cash but no name or address. What would you do? Would it alter your decision if inside you found the name, address, and picture of either a wealthy looking young man or a frail looking old woman?
  • Would you prefer to be blind or deaf?

*****

  • Would you be content with the marriage of the highest quality in all respects but one – it completely lacked sex?
  • When was the last time you stole something? Why haven’t you stolen anything since then?
  • How many of your friendships lasted more than 10 years? Which of your current friends do you feel will still be important to you 10 years from now?
  • If you could mold to your liking your memories of any past experience, would you do so?
  • Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say?

*****

EXAMINE YOUR LIFE

06/01/2023 💥💥LIMERICK ALERT💥💥   2 comments

Well, it’s June! What better way to start a new month than with a Limerick Alert. I understand that many of the readers of this blog wait patiently for me to post limericks that are a bit more interesting and suggestive, but once again I’ll post this selection of limericks that are cute and funny and written primarily for and by children. For those of you who like your limericks with a bit more spice, I’m compiling a collection more to your liking that will be posted in a few weeks. These six will have to carry you through until then, so let’s get started. I also hope you’ll appreciate this first limerick because it’s the only limerick ever to use the word Nantucket without offending anyone.

💥💥💥

There was an old man of Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket.

But his daughter, named Nan,

Ran away with a man,

And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

💥💥💥

There was a young lady of Crete,

Who was so exceedingly neat,

When she got out of bed,

She stood on her head

To make sure of not soiling her feet.

💥💥💥

There once were two cats of Kilkenny;

Each thought there was one cat too many.

So, they fought paw to paw

And they scratched claw to claw,

Till instead of two cats there weren’t any.

💥💥💥

There was a young woman from Niger.

Who smiled and rode out on a tiger.

They returned from the ride

With the lady inside

And a smile on the face of the tiger.

💥💥💥

HAVE A GREAT SUMMER

05/25/2023 Do You Want to be Famous?   Leave a comment

It’s been said too many times that everyone is constantly looking for their fifteen minutes of fame. It probably explains the popularity of much of social media and especially Tik Tok. I’m not saying that it’s a good thing or a bad thing because who really cares what I think. True fame is achieved in other ways after you’ve proven yourself over a number of years or decades and the then almost certainly after your death. Here are a number of examples of delayed fame, for what it’s worth.

  • Jonas Bronck, a Swedish settler, lends his name to a section of New York City called the Bronx.
  • The dance called the Lindy Hop was named after famous American aviator Charles Lindbergh.
  • One of Florida’s most populous cities, Jacksonville, was named for its former territorial governor, Andrew Jackson.
  • Block Island in the state of Rhode Island was named for Dutch explorer Adrien Block.
  • The Metrodome in Minneapolis is named for Hubert Humphrey, a famous Minnesota senator and presidential candidate.

  • The city of Chicago has a natural history museum and a department store chain named for Marshall Field. It is the Field Museum of Natural History and the retail chain, Marshalls.
  • Kentucky’s favorite son, Davy Crockett, has a national forest appropriately named for the legendary frontiersman.
  • The city of Santa Anna, California, named their airport to honor the “Duke”, John Wayne.
  • Cleveland Ohio’s best-known city park was named for one of the city’s best-known and richest residents, John D. Rockefeller.
  • The Harvard School of Government in Boston was named for John Fitzgerald Kennedy, a Massachusetts-born president.

I’ve already established my fame hundreds and thousands of times all across this country and the world. Every time you say the words, “I’m going to the john”, you’ll be carrying on my legacy and fame forever.

FOR TRUE FAME, BEING DEAD HELPS

05/16/2023 “SPORTS ODDITIES”   Leave a comment

It seems that sports are on everyone’s mind currently between basketball finals, the NFL draft, and the newly published NFL season schedules for 2024. I thought I’d participate a little myself. I like some sports but not all, but I like humorous and odd stories regardless of the sport even more. Today I’m going to touch on golf and baseball for some interesting trivia and a few smiles and laughs.

Harpo Marx

George Burns

Hillcrest Country Club in California has long been a favorite of Hollywood entertainers. One August day comedians George Burns and Harpo Marx came to the club to play a round of golf. The thermometer registered over 100° and the two decided to play without their shirts. But then the course officials heard about the shirtless golfers and rushed out to find them. “Rules are rules, you can’t play without a shirt and there are no exceptions.” they exclaimed. The comedians put their shirts back on and started to play. The officials made their way back to the clubhouse. A few minutes later, someone came rushing in with the news, “Burns and Marx are playing without their pants!” Again, the committee raced out to the course and sure enough Burns and Marx had their shirts on, but they had removed her pants were playing in their undershorts. Harpo Marx reminded the committee of the rulebook. It says we can’t play without shirts. But show me the rule that says we can’t play without pants. The officials were licked, and they knew it. There and then a new rule was made: All-male players could take off their shirts, but they had to wear pants at all times. I love it when a plan comes together.

Henry Heitman

If there is a record for the shortest major league career by a pitcher, it belongs to a right-handed pitcher named Henry Heitman. On July 27, 1918, Heitmann started a game for the Brooklyn Dodgers against the St. Louis Cardinals. The first four batters all hit safely and Heitmann was sent to the showers immediately. A few days later he enlisted in the United States Navy and never played major-league baseball again. That’s what I call a short career.

Bobby Jones

Bobby Jones was one of the greatest golfers ever, winning dozens of tournaments before he retired in 1930. One day in 1920, playing in the Southern Amateur Tournament at New Orleans, Jones found himself with an unexpected problem. One of his drives landed inside an old shoe that was resting on top of a workman’s wheelbarrow. After deciding not to take a penalty for dropping the ball out of the shoe, he found a novel solution to his problem. He played the shoe. The immortal Bobby smacked the shoe which flew off the wheelbarrow and the ball flew out of the shoe and kept rolling, finally stopping only a few feet from the green. Jones chipped onto the green and holed out for a par. Professionals always find a way.

ALWAYS MAINTAIN A HEALTHY SENSE OF HUMOR

05/06/2023 COINCIDENCE???   Leave a comment

As a former police officer, private investigator and interrogator, I do not believe in coincidences. But after years of collecting odd and strange stories from just about everywhere on the planet it’s hard for me not to change my opinion. There are many weird and strange things that occur, and some people call them serendipitous, and others call them coincidences, I just don’t know what the hell to call them. With that thought in mind you be the judge.

On December 5, 1664, the first event in the greatest series of coincidences in history occurred. On this date, a ship in the Menai Straight, off North Wales, sank with 81 passengers on board. There was one survivor, a man named Hugh Williams. On the same date in 1785, a ship sank in the Menai Straight with 60 passengers aboard. There was one survivor, a man named Hugh Williams. On the very same date in 1860 in exactly the same area, a ship sank with 25 passengers on board. There was one lone survivor, a man named Hugh Williams.

In Louisville, Kentucky, three family members died in the same spot, on different dates. A woman was hit by a car, an accident that she survived, but that killed her six-week-old daughter. A few years later, the same woman was killed approximately two blocks away as she jumped from a moving vehicle for an undisclosed reason. But cruel coincidence continued when 20 years later the woman’s 19-year-old son died on the same street when his motorcycle hit a car full of college students.

The wife of Ulysses S Grant awakened on April 14, 1865, with the intense sense that she and her husband should get out of Washington, DC, as soon as possible. They left that day, even though it meant standing up President Abraham Lincoln’s invitation to the theater. That’s why Grant was not killed by John Wilkes Booth that evening when the actor assassinated the president. Booth’s papers later revealed that Grant was on his hit list.

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WHAT DO YOU THINK?

05/04/2023 “An Unexamined Life #11”   2 comments

I know it’s been a while but here is installment number eleven to further assist you in the examination of your life. I hope these fifteen questions will prompt some interesting conversations between you and the person you share them with. As the famous Greek scholar Socrates once stated: “An unexamined life is not worth living.”

  • If you knew a thermonuclear holocaust would occur in precisely twenty years and no one would survive it, how would you change your present life?
  • When did you last cry in front of another person? by yourself?
  • If, by getting a 2″ x 2″ tattoo, you could save five lives and prevent a terrorist attack, would you do so? If you were allowed to select the location and design, where would you have it placed and what would the design be?
  • Someone you love deeply is brutally murdered and you know the identity of the murderer, who unfortunately is acquitted of the crime. Would you seek revenge?
  • Would you be willing to give up all television for the next five years if it would induce someone to provide for 1000 starving children in Indonesia?

*****

  • While arguing with a close friend on the telephone, she gets angry and hangs up. Assuming she is at fault and makes no attempt to contact you, how long would you wait to get in touch with her?
  • What do you value most in a relationship?
  • If you learned you would die in a few days, what regrets would you have? Were you given five extra years of life, could you avoid the same regrets five years hence?
  • Do you judge others by higher or lower standards than you use to judge yourself?
  • Would you be willing to make a substantial sacrifice to have any of the following: your picture on a postage stamp, your statue in a park, a college named after you, a Nobel prize, a national holiday in your honor?

*****

  • On an airplane you are talking pleasantly to a stranger of average appearance. Unexpectedly, the person offers you $10,000 for one night of sex. Knowing that there is no danger and that the payment is certain, would you accept the offer?
  • If you had to spend the next two years inside a small but fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one other person, whom would you like to have with you?
  • You notice a self-destructive behavior pattern in a friend who is clearly unaware of it. Would you point it out?
  • If you had the choice of one intimate soulmate and no other close friends, or of no such soulmate and many friends and acquaintances, which would you choose?
  • You become involved romantically but after six months realize you need to end the relationship. If you were certain the person would commit suicide if you were to leave and were also certain you could not be happy with the person, what would you do?

*****

MORE TO FOLLOW

04/29/2023 “MY FAVORITE SAYINGS”   5 comments

If you’ve read this blog at all you already know I’m a bit of a hoarder of adages, phrases, idioms, and anything else that interests me. Today I’ll supply you with a list of twenty-five of my favorite sayings. Some are quotes from well-known people, but most are ones that I picked up along the way from whoever was lucky enough to speak them to me. Maybe you’ll find a few that tickle your fancy or your funny bone or both. Enjoy.

  • Everyone Lies About Sex
  • Religious men are fools! Fools should be taken lightly.
  • A parent is a little kid pretending to be a big kid so his little kid won’t be afraid.
  • Being involved with two women is like playing pool on two tables. You may have enough balls for it but you’ll wear out your stick.
  • The ten best years of a woman’s life are between the ages of twenty-nine and thirty.

  • When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
  • A yawn is a silent shout.
  • The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom respectable.
  • They are no premature babies, only delayed weddings.
  • There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap.

  • Chastity is curable if detected early.
  • If Christian nations were nations of Christians, there would be no wars.
  • Colleges don’t make fools, they only develop them.
  • Common sense could prevent most divorces and all marriages.
  • It is not death that alarms me but dying.

  • A diplomat is a person who always remembers a women’s birthday, but never her age.
  • In wine there is truth.
  • He who hesitates is last.
  • It’s not the men in my life I worry about, it’s the life in my men.
  • A pessimist thinks all women are bad. An optimist hopes they are.

  • The ultimate rejection is when your hand falls asleep while masturbating.
  • Sex is only dirty, if its done right.
  • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  • I prefer an interesting vice to a boring virtue.
  • I am not young enough to know everything.

DID YOU FIND ANY YOU LIKED?

04/25/2023 “PRIORITIES”   2 comments

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee. This story has been around a very long time and was told to me for the first time many years ago. As I was recently reviewing a lot of old files in forgotten directories, there it was. It still works for me. I thought I’d share it with all of you.

*****

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some interesting items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full, and they agreed that it was. So, the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He vigorously shook the jar and the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full and once again, they agreed.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar and the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.” The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand granules. The students laughed and continued to listen. “Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things — your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions — things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

“The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else — the small stuff.” If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. “Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18 holes.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked,” he said “It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.”

JUST REALLY GOOD ADVICE

04/19/2023 “Terminal Statistics”   3 comments

I’m a huge fan of statistics. No matter how you shake them out you can always get them to support your idea. I know because I’ve done it a few times myself and they made me look awfully smart. So, when I see information published and supported by statistics, I can’t wait to see how silly they are and how they might have been manipulated. Here are a few that made me smile.

  • You’re unlikely to kill yourself by attempting suicide. Fewer than one in twenty-five suicide attempts are successful unless your a senior citizen. They take it more serious with a success rate of one in four.
  • More than 70% of serious injuries at American colleges and universities are caused by cheerleading.
  • You have a better chance of being killed by a donkey than of dying in a plane crash.
  • You’re slightly more likely to die from a cave-in than from contact with tap water.
  • It’s more likely you will die from your pajamas catching fire than from the bite of a venomous spider.

  • Mosquitos are the deadliest animal on earth causing human deaths at 600,000 per year.
  • More people are killed each year by freshwater snails than by salt-water crocodiles.
  • You’re slightly more likely to drown in a bathtub than to die from electrocution.
  • More than 100 billion (give or take a few million) people have died in the history of the world.
  • And last a really stupid death. Cynthia was a topless dancer who died while performing her famous act of jumping out of a cake. Unfortunately, the cake was well constructed and apparently airtight. Cynthia suffocated after waiting 90 minutes to surprise the lucky groom.

*****

GOTTA LOVE STATISTICS

04/07/2023 ⚾Opening Day⚾   1 comment

Rumor has it that yesterday was opening day for baseball. I absolutely love the game, but it’s been difficult at times to watch because I kept falling asleep and missing the best parts of the alleged action. It’s just so damn boring at times. Hopefully the new rule changes will speed things up a little but I’m always skeptical about new and unproven experiments. A pitch-count may work but I feel they shouldn’t use it during the final inning. We’ll find out soon enough if it is everything we’re being told it is. Along that same line, I look forward someday to the elimination of the home plate umpire entirely and of their questionable calls and all the drama they create. Bring on the new computer-generated home plate umpire.

Here are two pieces of baseball trivia for you.

In 1903 the first World Series was held between the Boston Americans (American League) and the Pittsburgh Pirates (National League) in a best-of-nine game series. Boston won the game and five years later rebranded themselves the Boston Red Sox.

Did you know that the first recorded game of baseball was between The New York Nine and the New York Knickerbockers in 1846. The Nine won the game 23 to 1. By 1857 the New York area clubs were playing baseball under the auspices of the National Association of Base Ball Players (NABBP), the sports very first governing body.

PLAY BALL!!

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