Archive for the ‘Quotations’ Category

10/02/2022 “Toilet History”   Leave a comment

Always wishing to keep this blog interesting I decided that a short review of the “toilet” needs to be told. It’s an important part of our everyday lives but very few people care to hear anything about it. I’ll do the best I can with the information I’ve been able to find.

  • Before the invention of toilet paper, people use shells or stones, bunches of herbs or, at best, a bit of sponge attached to a stick, which they rinsed with cold water.
  • A Victorian plumber, Thomas Crapper, perfected the system we all use today. The siphon flush which by drawing water uphill through a sealed cistern is both effective and hygienic.
  • In Victorian times, toilet seats were always made of wood. The well-to-do set on mahogany or walnut, while the poor put up with untreated white pine.
  • The idea of separate cubicles for toilets is a relatively modern invention. The Romans, for example, sat down together in large groups.
  • The first toilet air freshener was a pomegranate stuffed with cloves.

  • American civil servants’ paychecks are recycled to make toilet rolls.
  • The most impossible item to flush is a ping-pong ball.
  • The movie Psycho was the first Hollywood film that showed a toilet flushing – thereby generating many complaints.
  • Julia Roberts was once asked for an autograph while she was on the john. She said, ” I’m the tiniest bit busy.”
  • Actor Jack Nicholson has a dead rattlesnake embedded in the clear plastic seat of his toilet.

And one last quote from a member of British royalty. “The biggest waste of water in the country by far. You spend half a pint and flush 2 gallons.”(Prince Philip in a 1965 speech)

NEVER FORGET THE COURTESY FLUSH

09/30/2022 “Fall”   1 comment

With September already over and cold temperatures beginning, it’s time to have some fun before the snow starts flying. With the holidays approaching I thought I’d publish a revised version of the Worker’s Prayer. This is posted for all of those people (my better-half included) that are stuck in thankless retail jobs across the country.

The Worker’s Prayer

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off, and also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass I may have to kiss tomorrow.”

And just for the hell of it I decided to author a haiku as requested by a friend. Here it is.

❤️

The sky is so blue

A dot of sunshine yellow.

Forget me never.

T.G.I.F.

09/27/2022 “The Royals”   3 comments

Are you a follower of all things “Royal”? With the passing of Elizabeth, I thought it was only right and respectful to wait a period of time before I decided to jump into the vast emptiness that all of the Brits are probably suffering from. I’ve never understood the need for “Royals” but nevertheless here are a number of items of trivia you might find interesting about them.

  • Elizabeth was born on Wednesday or “hump day” if you prefer.
  • The Queen always wrote with a fountain pen that belonged to her father, King George VI.
  • Her husband Prince Philip once crashed his car within minutes of having delivered a speech on road safety in 1957.
  • Prince Charles first Shetland pony was named Fum.
  • Prince Andrew refused to wear shorts under his kilt as a child to be like Prince Philip. “Papa doesn’t wear anything and neither shall I!” he would cry.

  • Princess Diana was the first royal bride not to use the word obey in her marriage vows.
  • Prince Philip kept a collection of press cartoons of himself on the walls of his lavatory in Sandringham.
  • The Queen was an excellent mimic and sometimes entertained the family by aping the prime ministers she’d known in the last half-century.
  • Princess Margaret was afraid of the dark.
  • All royal babies are baptized with water brought from the river Jordan.

There you have it, some totally useless trivial facts about the royal family. I’ve always wondered if many of their activities were as normal as some of the things that we do. I won’t get into the details of what I sometimes think because it would be a little disrespectful and absolutely hilarious. A friend of mine after a recent discussion about the Royals put some strange thoughts into my head (off-color to be sure) which I won’t get into today. Here’s one last quote to help keep things in their proper “Royal” perspective.

The Queens description of Niagara Falls was “It looks very damp.”

R.I.P. LIZZIE

09/25/2022 “Miscellaneous Truths”   Leave a comment

The truth is sometimes strange and at other times ridiculous. These factoids are a little of both. They’re good for making a few bucks at bar bets on trivia night.

  • The term ” soap opera” comes from the fact that shows used to work advertisements for soap powder into the plot lines.
  • A champagne cork flying out of a bottle can travel as fast as 100 miles per hour.
  • People who fear the number 666 suffer from hexakaosioihexekontahexaphobia.
  • On November 21, 1980, 83 million Americans tuned in to watch the finale of the Dallas cliffhanger “Who Shot J.R.?” A few weeks earlier, 85.1 million Americans voted in the Reagan-Carter presidential election.
  • During a 60-year life span, an average tree will produce nearly 2 tons of leaves to be raked.

  • Dancing the tango was considered a sin in Paris during the early 1900s.
  • Those roped off areas where boxing matches take place actually used to be round, hence the term “boxing ring”.
  • Pope John XXI (1276-01277) had been in office less than a year before the ceiling on a new wing of his palace collapsed on him while he slept. He died six days later.
  • Nearly 4% of American women claim that they never wear underwear.
  • The Pentagon goes through more than 600 rolls of toilet paper every day.

TOO WEIRD TO BELIEVE? . . . WELL, BELIVE IT ANYWAY

Quote of the Day

“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just

don’t have as many people who believe it.”

George Carlin

09/23/2022 “The Media”   Leave a comment

Over the years and after many mergers the Mainstream Media has become an arm of the corporations that seem to have their fingers into everything. It’s become painfully clear that many media types have become TV stars in their own right. You would think that those under public scrutiny would be more careful than most about the articles and headlines they post or print. I guess that folks who control what we see and read could at times be less than careful. To prove my point read these wonderfully lame and stupid headlines that made their way through writers and editors to amuse and annoy the rest of us.

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency

Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us

Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty

This kind of carelessness is unbelievable. Lots of people are being paid lots of money to create these ridiculous headlines. Hopefully going forward the newspapers and websites will at least make some effort to stop the madness.

DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH

09/17/2022 “American History”   Leave a comment

I’ve been a lover of history for most of my life, especially American history. That love motivates me to look for unusual or little-known historical facts. It seems the more I find the more there seem to be. Here’s a small collection for all of you history lovers out there.

  • The oldest seat of government in the United States can be found not in Massachusetts but in Santa Fe, New Mexico, whose governor’s palace was built in 1610, 10 years before the Mayflower landed in the New World.
  • The person who led the Indians in the battle of Little Big Horn was not Sitting Bull who stayed in the hills making medicine, but Crazy Horse.
  • There were ten 19th century American presidents who had been generals: Jackson, W.H. Harrison, Taylor, Pierce, A. Johnson, Grant, Hayes, Garfield, Arthur, and B. Harrison.
  • The longest war fought by the United States was the 46-year campaign against the Apache nation, which ended in 1886 with Geronimo’s surrender in New Mexico.
  • Lizzie Borden’s verdict was not guilty.
Lizzie Borden

  • The Pentagon was built with about twice as many bathrooms as would have been expected for a building of its size to comply with Virginia’s then legal code; Virginia law at the time required racial segregation of public buildings.
  • President Andrew Jackson was called Old Hickory because of his walking stick.
  • Paul Revere did not shout, “The British are coming”; he shouted, “The regulars are out.” The regulars were British infantry soldiers.
  • Although many people think that all of the states ratified the Prohibition Amendment, two states (Rhode Island and Connecticut) rejected it.
  • President Lincoln’s first choice to lead the Union was not General Grant but Robert E. Lee who rejected the offer because of his loyalty to Virginia.

HAVE A GOOD WEEK

09/15/2022 “Americas Pastime”   Leave a comment

I’m a huge fan of baseball primarily because I played it for so many years. It’s the best! However, I will continue to poke the baseball bear in the eye whenever possible. The game is sacred to me, but the individual players are not. So, let’s have a little fun today.

“Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a Communist.” Alvin Dark, New York Giants Infielder

“Even Napoleon had his Watergate.” Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager

“Folks, this is perfect weather for today’s game. Not a breath of air.” Curt Gowdy, sports commentator

“All I said was that the trades were stupid and dumb, and they took that and blew it all out of proportion.” Ron Davis, Minnesota Twins pitcher

“I am throwing twice as hard as I ever did. It’s just not getting there as fast.” Lefty Gomez, New York Yankee pitcher

“I prefer fast foods.” Infielder Rocky Bridges, when asked why he wouldn’t eat snails

“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” Tug McGraw, National League pitcher, when asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf

“Raise the urinals.” Darrel Chaney, Atlanta Braves infielder, on how to keep the Braves on their toes

“Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean.” Pedro Guerrero, National League player

“I lost it in the sun.” Billy Loes, Brooklyn Dodger pitcher after fumbling a grounder

PLAY BALL!

09/13/2022 “The Donald & The Douglas”   7 comments

I’ve been trying desperately not to bring politics onto this blog. Years ago, I created a political blog and after months and months of writing discovered that the American public isn’t interested in truth but only in perception. After the fiasco of Bill Clinton and his minions including the lovely but deadly Hillary Clinton, I didn’t think it could get any worse. I was wrong, really wrong. Hence the election twice of Barack Obama who was a phony if there ever was one, and his wife who remains to this day a borderline communist. Don’t get me wrong, George Bush was no prize either.

I was a supporter of Donald Trump only because he was the only candidate that had a chance of keeping Hillary out of the presidency. I celebrated a little when he won the election, but I did so with many reservations. I have to admit that he did a great number of really good things, but they were all overshadowed by his persistent need to have his ego stroked. If nobody else would stroke it, he did it himself, hence the hundreds of texts on the internet.

The hatred for the man appears to have no bounds both from the Left and the Right. Politics in this country is difficult on a good day and he’s making it impossible to have even one good day. There are more important things to be addressing than his continual whining and idiotic lawsuits. Give us all a break.

This comes from a somewhat conservative person who wished you well when you ran and regretted it ever since. It is my solemn wish that you would stop talking to media, stay off the internet, fire your attorneys, and go back to building golf courses, casinos and whatever else you need to make more and more money. You say you love this country so do the right thing. Support the next Republican candidate of your choice and fade away like Douglas McArthur. You’ve praised him in the past, follow his lead.

“I now close my military career and just fade away, an old soldier who tried to do his duty as God gave him the light to see that duty. Goodbye.”

ENOUGH SAID

09/12/2022 “MORE ANONYMOUS SAYINGS”   Leave a comment

Yesterday I posted a list of sayings, and most were attributed to people who are or were once famous. The response to that posting was excellent leading me to try something a little different. Have you ever heard a friend or acquaintance say something that “stuck with you”, something funny or profound? Today’s list will be pearls of wisdom from the smartest person in the world, “Anonymous”. We never seem to realize just how smart that SOB can be.

  • A gossip tells things before you have a chance to tell them.
  • We expect our children to learn good table manners without ever seeing any.
  • The other night, while lying on the couch, I reviewed the high point of my life and fell asleep.
  • Imagination makes a man think he can run the business better than the boss.
  • He who peeps through a hole may see what will vex him.

  • Strange how much you’ve got to know before you know how little you know.
  • People are living longer now; they have too – who can afford to die?
  • Some people are easily entertained. All you have to do is sit down and listen to them.
  • Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.
  • Marriage is a wonderful institution. If it weren’t for marriage, husbands and wives would have to fight with perfect strangers.

THANK YOU ANONYMOUS

09/11/2022 “SAYINGS”   1 comment

I’m a lover of quotations as you all know. Some are poignant and other are a bit to smarmy and silly. They’re all good if you take them at face value. Just don’t read too much into them or your in trouble. I’ve collected many that are funny and those are my favorites regardless of who supplied them. These following sayings are from all sorts of people, some well known but most are not. Here they are . . .

  • The devils boots don’t creak. Scottish Proverb
  • Losing weight is a triumph of mind over platter. Anon
  • Nothing is more dangerous than a friend without discretion; even a prudent enemy is preferable. Jean de la Fontaine
  • It is easier to know how to do than it is to do. Chinese Proverb
  • When dealing with people remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity. Dale Carnegie

  • Speak well of your enemies, sir, you made them. Oren Arnold
  • God is a father; luck, a stepfather. Yiddish Proverb
  • A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults. Louis Nizer
  • My lawyer was hurt – the ambulance backed up suddenly. Anon
  • A leader is best when people barely know he exists. When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will all say, “We did it ourselves.” Lao-tzu

HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FALL DAY

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