Archive for the ‘Quotations’ Category

06/03/2023 An Unexamined Life #12   Leave a comment

To date, I’ve posted 165 questions in 11 installments. Those questions were relatively simple questions to deal with but the deeper into this list we go the more difficult they become. So, let’s get started with installment number 12 and see how you fare.

*****

  • If you wanted to look very sexy, how would you dress?
  • For $2000 would you be willing to stand up in a crowded restaurant and, for at least a minute, loudly berate a waitress for some trivial imperfection in the service? If not, consider how grateful the waitress would be if you did so and later split the money with her.
  • If there were a public execution on television, would you watch it?
  • If someone offered you a large amount of money for some information about one of your company’s products, would you except it? Assume you know you wouldn’t be discovered.
  • Do you consider yourself well organized? How often do you have to look for your keys?

*****

  • If you could increase your IQ by 40 points by having an ugly scar stretching from your mouth to your eye, would you do so?
  • Would you be willing to do something very unsatisfying i.e. cleaning toilets, for five years if you were certain that the experience would afterwards bring you a deep sense of personal fulfillment for the rest of your life?
  • What things are too personal to discuss with others?
  • Walking along an empty street, you notice a wallet. It contains $5000 in cash but no name or address. What would you do? Would it alter your decision if inside you found the name, address, and picture of either a wealthy looking young man or a frail looking old woman?
  • Would you prefer to be blind or deaf?

*****

  • Would you be content with the marriage of the highest quality in all respects but one – it completely lacked sex?
  • When was the last time you stole something? Why haven’t you stolen anything since then?
  • How many of your friendships lasted more than 10 years? Which of your current friends do you feel will still be important to you 10 years from now?
  • If you could mold to your liking your memories of any past experience, would you do so?
  • Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say?

*****

EXAMINE YOUR LIFE

05/27/2023 Who Doesn’t Luv the Media?   Leave a comment

I for one dislike the media as much as anyone. Not that they’ve ever had anything bad to say about me personally but I hate how they consistently mislead the public by slanting their stories either to the left or to the right. I think the leftwing as it currently exists is pitiful and vicious. What gets ratings pleases their corporate owners and their promotion of inhouse biases. The right wing is just as bad, and they never hesitate to pull the same lame stunts that the left wing uses. The victims in all of this are “We the People”. I thought I’d do a little research and look back through the records to see how other people thought and felt about the media in years past. Some of these posted opinions remain anonymous and with good reason. Many of the others are opinions about the media by some of their other victims, primarily celebrities and people of wealth. Let’s see what you think.

“The mission of the modern newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” Anonymous

“I always said that when we don’t have to go through you bastards, we can really get our story over to the American people.” John Fitzgerald Kennedy – 1962

“The press is like the peculiar uncle you keep in the attic – just one of those unfortunate things.” G. Gordon Liddy

“Tabloids are fast reading for the slow thinking.” Anonymous

“The most important service rendered by the press and the magazines is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.” Samuel Butler

“An editor should have a pimp for a brother, so he’d have someone to look up to.” Gene Fowler

“The freedom of the press works in such a way that there is not much freedom from it.” Princess Grace of Monaco

“The most truthful part of a newspaper is the advertisements.” Thomas Jefferson

“The most guileful among the reporters are those who appear friendly and smile and seem to be supportive. They are the ones who seek to gut you on every occasion.” Mayor Ed Koch – 1984

“Mother (Bess Truman) considered a press conference on a par with a visit to a cage of cobras.” Margaret Truman

And here’s one of my all-time favorite quotes about the media. This is from the man who received the ultimate media related colonoscopy and deserved every minute and inch of it.

“People in the media say they must look at the president with

a microscope. Now I don’t mind a microscope, but boy, when

they use a proctoscope, that’s going too far.”

Richard M Nixon – 1984

I JUST LUV QUOTING TRICKIE DICKIE

05/25/2023 Do You Want to be Famous?   Leave a comment

It’s been said too many times that everyone is constantly looking for their fifteen minutes of fame. It probably explains the popularity of much of social media and especially Tik Tok. I’m not saying that it’s a good thing or a bad thing because who really cares what I think. True fame is achieved in other ways after you’ve proven yourself over a number of years or decades and the then almost certainly after your death. Here are a number of examples of delayed fame, for what it’s worth.

  • Jonas Bronck, a Swedish settler, lends his name to a section of New York City called the Bronx.
  • The dance called the Lindy Hop was named after famous American aviator Charles Lindbergh.
  • One of Florida’s most populous cities, Jacksonville, was named for its former territorial governor, Andrew Jackson.
  • Block Island in the state of Rhode Island was named for Dutch explorer Adrien Block.
  • The Metrodome in Minneapolis is named for Hubert Humphrey, a famous Minnesota senator and presidential candidate.

  • The city of Chicago has a natural history museum and a department store chain named for Marshall Field. It is the Field Museum of Natural History and the retail chain, Marshalls.
  • Kentucky’s favorite son, Davy Crockett, has a national forest appropriately named for the legendary frontiersman.
  • The city of Santa Anna, California, named their airport to honor the “Duke”, John Wayne.
  • Cleveland Ohio’s best-known city park was named for one of the city’s best-known and richest residents, John D. Rockefeller.
  • The Harvard School of Government in Boston was named for John Fitzgerald Kennedy, a Massachusetts-born president.

I’ve already established my fame hundreds and thousands of times all across this country and the world. Every time you say the words, “I’m going to the john”, you’ll be carrying on my legacy and fame forever.

FOR TRUE FAME, BEING DEAD HELPS

05/20/2023 “A Pirate History Lesson”   2 comments

“DOCK ELLIS”

Being born and raised in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania requires from an early age that you be a Steeler fan and a Pirates fan. I guess I’m kind of a fair-weather fan and have staunchly followed the Steelers passionately for decades. The Pirates not so much. They’ve had a few good years here and there from the 1960 World Championship to the years with Willie Stargel and his teammates. They’ve attempted over the years to obtain players with high expectations i.e. Dave Parker, with little or no success. Today I’ll tell you a short story about one of their outstanding choices, Dock Ellis.

In June of 1970 the Pirates finished a two-game series in San Francisco and were enroute to San Diego, and it was not Ellise’s turn to pitch. He spent the day prior in Los Angeles with friends, relaxing, and dropping acid. It wasn’t until the morning of the 12th that his friend’s girlfriend told him the Pirates had a doubleheader in San Diego that afternoon and because of the extra game, Ellis was expected to take the mound. He hopped onto a shuttle and made it to the ballpark just in time to start his game. Through the nine innings he pitched, he struck out six batters, walked eight, but gave up no hits and won the game, 2-0. He later stated “I can only remember bits and pieces of the game. I was psyched. I was zeroed in on the catcher’s glove, but I didn’t hit the glove too much. I remember hitting a couple of batters, and the bases were loaded two or three times. The ball was small sometimes, the ball was large sometimes, sometimes I saw the catcher, sometimes I didn’t.”

Ellis was known as an “odd duck” when he showed up at pregame warmups wearing hair curlers. It took an order from the Commissioner of Baseball to stop the madness. He had incredible pitching skills with a superhuman and high velocity fastball. In 1974, while pitching against the Cincinnati Reds, he hoped to motivate his team by taking aim at the other teams’ players – literally. In the first inning alone, he beaned three players (including Pete Rose) before throwing the ball behind Hall of Fame catcher Johnny Bench’s head, after which he was promptly removed from the game.

Since the Pirates are having a moderately successful season this year, I can only assume they’ve stopped using the same set of requirements that brought them Dock Ellis. I’m yet to be convinced like so many die-hard fans seem to be. I’ll wait and see like I’ve done for decades with my fingers crossed and my head firmly buried in the sand.

*****

GOOD LUCK BUCS

“Show me what you’ve got.”

05/18/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅNew Years Resolution Update๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

It’s that time again for a New Years Resolution update. With June approaching soon, let’s call this my mid-year review. In past years I’ve stumbled repeatedly with only moderate successes. I hope 2023 has better results but let’s just see.

๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ

Read 8.33 books a month (That’s 100 books for all of you math majors out there). Kindle has advised me that I’ve finished 48 books so far this year. I’m on track to make this a really successful reading year.

Keep the number of F-Bombs to less than a hundred a week. (I’m dreaming on this one.) I’ve done better with this resolution than expected. I’ve been confined to my home for the last three months with minimal contact with friends and family. We all know and understand that it’s the other people in our lives that helps to create F-Bombs, so I’m looking good for 2023 (so far).

Spend less than $50.00 a week on Dunkin. (That’s mostly for my better-half. They’re too expensive for me.) Again, my three-month confinement is saving me a boat load of Dunkin expenditures. The only person suffering is my better-half.

Drink less alcohol than last year but more than next year. (I’m dreaming!) What was I thinking? This one never had a chance.

Visit only the classiest porn sites. (No more than 10 per week unless provoked) This is another failure. Everyone knows that ten porn sites can easily be perused in under ten minutes. I truly set myself up to fail and trust me, I’ve failed miserably (you can’t see this huge smile on my face). It’s the smile of a happy and excited loser.

๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ

No naked dancing near the picture window in the living room. (We have nervous neighbors!) I’m sure my neighbors are missing my fantastic dance routines and to them I apologize. It’s tough for me to “kick up my heels” while using a wheelchair, a walker, or a cane. Never fear, I should be healed by Labor Day and the show must go on.

Try not to argue with my better-half too much. (The operative word here is to try) This was doomed to immediate failure.

Teach the grandsons no more than five new swear words. (Or maybe learn one or two new ones from them.) I received a real surprise on this one. It seems that both of them have been picking up the lingo from other sources (internet, school, and friends). The ten-year-old actually asked me if I knew what the “F” word was. I immediately denied any knowledge of that bad word because I knew if I admitted anything, he’d rush home and rat me out to his mother. I still have a chance to have some success here. Five swear words in 6 months . . . easy-peasy.

Try to be more polite to all of the doctors that have been manhandling me for years. This one is difficult. Telling doctors anything is like “pissing into the wind” and that tends to make me really impolite at times.

Stay vertical. So far so good.

๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ

ENJOY YOUR SUMMER

Score for 2023 (so far) – 6 Maybe’s, 4-No’s

05/14/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

It’s been quite a while since I posted a Limerick Alert due in part to my semi-invalid status these last few months. Now that I’ve been cleared by the doctors once again I can freely move around my residence without the need of a wheelchair, walker, or a cane. I feel like a new man even though I will have to learn how to walk properly all over again. These limericks are always humorous as they were written by children for children and they’re all extremely well done. These are rated G and are safe for children.

By Marion Swinger

An unfortunate schoolboy named Pete

Had extremely malodorous feet.

If he waggled one sock,

The olfactory shock

Could empty the average street!

๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹

By Rebecca Telford

There was a brown dog named Spot

Who tied up his tail with a knot,

To remember his bone

Which he’d left back at home

When he sometimes went out for a trot.

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

By John Hegley

There once was an organic leek

That had managed to learn how to speak.

At the sight of a knife,

It would fear for its life,

And go: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

By Catherine Osborne

There was an old fellow from Pinner

Whose wife became thinner and thinner.

He told her, “My dear,

You’ll soon disappear,

Stop slimming, start eating your dinner!”

*****

ENJOY !

05/06/2023 COINCIDENCE???   Leave a comment

As a former police officer, private investigator and interrogator, I do not believe in coincidences. But after years of collecting odd and strange stories from just about everywhere on the planet it’s hard for me not to change my opinion. There are many weird and strange things that occur, and some people call them serendipitous, and others call them coincidences, I just don’t know what the hell to call them. With that thought in mind you be the judge.

On December 5, 1664, the first event in the greatest series of coincidences in history occurred. On this date, a ship in the Menai Straight, off North Wales, sank with 81 passengers on board. There was one survivor, a man named Hugh Williams. On the same date in 1785, a ship sank in the Menai Straight with 60 passengers aboard. There was one survivor, a man named Hugh Williams. On the very same date in 1860 in exactly the same area, a ship sank with 25 passengers on board. There was one lone survivor, a man named Hugh Williams.

In Louisville, Kentucky, three family members died in the same spot, on different dates. A woman was hit by a car, an accident that she survived, but that killed her six-week-old daughter. A few years later, the same woman was killed approximately two blocks away as she jumped from a moving vehicle for an undisclosed reason. But cruel coincidence continued when 20 years later the woman’s 19-year-old son died on the same street when his motorcycle hit a car full of college students.

The wife of Ulysses S Grant awakened on April 14, 1865, with the intense sense that she and her husband should get out of Washington, DC, as soon as possible. They left that day, even though it meant standing up President Abraham Lincoln’s invitation to the theater. That’s why Grant was not killed by John Wilkes Booth that evening when the actor assassinated the president. Booth’s papers later revealed that Grant was on his hit list.

****

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

05/04/2023 “An Unexamined Life #11”   2 comments

I know it’s been a while but here is installment number eleven to further assist you in the examination of your life. I hope these fifteen questions will prompt some interesting conversations between you and the person you share them with. As the famous Greek scholar Socrates once stated: “An unexamined life is not worth living.”

  • If you knew a thermonuclear holocaust would occur in precisely twenty years and no one would survive it, how would you change your present life?
  • When did you last cry in front of another person? by yourself?
  • If, by getting a 2″ x 2″ tattoo, you could save five lives and prevent a terrorist attack, would you do so? If you were allowed to select the location and design, where would you have it placed and what would the design be?
  • Someone you love deeply is brutally murdered and you know the identity of the murderer, who unfortunately is acquitted of the crime. Would you seek revenge?
  • Would you be willing to give up all television for the next five years if it would induce someone to provide for 1000 starving children in Indonesia?

*****

  • While arguing with a close friend on the telephone, she gets angry and hangs up. Assuming she is at fault and makes no attempt to contact you, how long would you wait to get in touch with her?
  • What do you value most in a relationship?
  • If you learned you would die in a few days, what regrets would you have? Were you given five extra years of life, could you avoid the same regrets five years hence?
  • Do you judge others by higher or lower standards than you use to judge yourself?
  • Would you be willing to make a substantial sacrifice to have any of the following: your picture on a postage stamp, your statue in a park, a college named after you, a Nobel prize, a national holiday in your honor?

*****

  • On an airplane you are talking pleasantly to a stranger of average appearance. Unexpectedly, the person offers you $10,000 for one night of sex. Knowing that there is no danger and that the payment is certain, would you accept the offer?
  • If you had to spend the next two years inside a small but fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one other person, whom would you like to have with you?
  • You notice a self-destructive behavior pattern in a friend who is clearly unaware of it. Would you point it out?
  • If you had the choice of one intimate soulmate and no other close friends, or of no such soulmate and many friends and acquaintances, which would you choose?
  • You become involved romantically but after six months realize you need to end the relationship. If you were certain the person would commit suicide if you were to leave and were also certain you could not be happy with the person, what would you do?

*****

MORE TO FOLLOW

04/29/2023 “MY FAVORITE SAYINGS”   5 comments

If you’ve read this blog at all you already know I’m a bit of a hoarder of adages, phrases, idioms, and anything else that interests me. Today I’ll supply you with a list of twenty-five of my favorite sayings. Some are quotes from well-known people, but most are ones that I picked up along the way from whoever was lucky enough to speak them to me. Maybe you’ll find a few that tickle your fancy or your funny bone or both. Enjoy.

  • Everyone Lies About Sex
  • Religious men are fools! Fools should be taken lightly.
  • A parent is a little kid pretending to be a big kid so his little kid won’t be afraid.
  • Being involved with two women is like playing pool on two tables. You may have enough balls for it but you’ll wear out your stick.
  • The ten best years of a woman’s life are between the ages of twenty-nine and thirty.

  • When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
  • A yawn is a silent shout.
  • The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom respectable.
  • They are no premature babies, only delayed weddings.
  • There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap.

  • Chastity is curable if detected early.
  • If Christian nations were nations of Christians, there would be no wars.
  • Colleges don’t make fools, they only develop them.
  • Common sense could prevent most divorces and all marriages.
  • It is not death that alarms me but dying.

  • A diplomat is a person who always remembers a women’s birthday, but never her age.
  • In wine there is truth.
  • He who hesitates is last.
  • Itโ€™s not the men in my life I worry about, itโ€™s the life in my men.
  • A pessimist thinks all women are bad. An optimist hopes they are.

  • The ultimate rejection is when your hand falls asleep while masturbating.
  • Sex is only dirty, if its done right.
  • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  • I prefer an interesting vice to a boring virtue.
  • I am not young enough to know everything.

DID YOU FIND ANY YOU LIKED?

04/15/2023 *%^$#@!= People   Leave a comment

I’ve always been a people watcher and loved nothing more than to talk to someone I’ve never met before. People interest me primarily because I made my living talking to them. I was at times surprised and shocked by some of their attempts to communicate with me, either on the phone, in person, or in their writings. I was cleaning out some old files recently and came upon a handwritten resume I received for a job I’d posted for a multi-state investigator position (many years ago). The job had quite a bit of responsibility for multiple locations in a number of surrounding states. Needless to say, I needed someone absolutely trustworthy. I’ll type the body of this resume I received because the handwriting was god-awful. My question to you is: Would you have hired this person to secure your business, home, family or belongings?

Here are excerpts from one of the strangest resumes I’ve ever received. I’ve tried to correct some of the many spelling and grammar errors, or you wouldn’t be able to understand much of this at all. Read on.

***

As I answer your advertisement in the newspaper, I would like to tell you something about myself. And of my background. I am not Hispanic! I was married and divorced from a Spaniard and never remarried. I have military and police corrections background. I also have approximately 23 years of retail sales experience, having worked for a number of the larger well-known department stores.

I have traveled extensively over the U.S.A. I grew up in a white ghetto, married a newsman, work in a hospital as a CSR tech. I study law as a hobby but not in the classroom, although I do have two years of college.

I know street language, jail jargon, drug language, petty theft, organized crime and white-collar crime. I do not know much about ballistics.

Because of my background, my Social Security number is being used by four or five people for fraud. That makes it difficult for me to find work. I have never been arrested, charged, or anything similar to it. But the ones using my Social Security numbers have various backgrounds.

I qualify for the for the newly emerging veterans training program, on-the-job training. My salary would be open to negotiations. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you,

Sincerely and as always, I’m just a gal named Gus

(I can and will relocate or travel)

***

After attempting to read and understand the resume, I contacted the local authorities and much to my surprise she was well known in the area as a questionable individual (and not in a good way). I actually responded to her letter to let her know I was running a background check with local police. It came as no surprise to me that she never responded. The refusal letter came back unclaimed.

BE CAREFUL, THEY’RE OUT THERE

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