Having served three years in the Army changed many things about me. I was introduced to many new experiences that I hope never to repeat and I learned a lot about myself both good and bad. While I wasn’t involved in any massive world wars I got a taste of its reality by my visits to Korea and Vietnam. This post isn’t meant to be about me but about war itself. Todays post contains a few odd and strange facts from the most destructive war this country has ever faced, The American Civil War, which pitted brother against brother and families against families. The most widely cited figure is 618,222 total deaths, with 360,222 Union deaths and 258,000 Confederate deaths. The war’s toll was so severe that if the same percentage of the U.S. population had died today, it would be equivalent to 6 million deaths. Enjoy . . .
Of the future members of the United States Supreme Court who were of fighting age during the civil war, seven were in uniform. Four fought for the Union: Oliver Wendell Holmes, John M. Harlan, William B. Woods, and Stanley Matthews. Three fought for the Confederacy: Edward D. White, Horace H. Lurton, and Lucius Q.C. Lamar.
Union privates were paid only $16.00, but the gold value of their pay was more than seven times greater than that of the Confederates.
Slaves in Virginia could be hired for $30.00 a month in 1863 – yet the pay for an Army private was $11.00 a month. Confederates pay finally increased to $18.00 a month the next year.
Of the 546 nuns known to have served as battlefield nurses, 289 were from Ireland, 40 from Germany, and 12 from France.
Firing on both sides was so inaccurate that soldiers estimated it took a man’s weight in lead to kill a single enemy in battle. A Federal expert said that each Confederate who was shot required 240 pounds of powder and 900 pounds of lead.
A young Confederate officer, Captain S. Isadore Guillet, was fatally shot on the same horse on which three of his brothers had been previously killed. With his final wish he willed the horse to his nephew as he died.
Years before the war Jesse Grant, father of Ulysses, lived and worked in the home of Owen Brown, whose small son, played noisily about the frontier homestead,. That boy grew up to be John Brown, the Abolitionist martyr who lit the fuse of the war.
The Confederate General, Nathan Bedford Forrest, classed by some historians as the war’s most able cavalry commander, had twenty-nine horses shot from under him in the course of the war. He survived to be the founder of the Ku Klux Klan.
WAR IS TRULY HELL
(And as I also learned – Peacetime is a motherf**ker)
As a youngster I was easily impressed by just about everything. Being that impressionable had it’s pitfalls and Mae West was one of my first. She won me over with her outrageous sense of humor, her “I don’t give a shit” attitude, and that buxom body. I loved watching her short but outrageous appearances on TV and her movies with W.C. Fields were next level hysterical. She was also a well known comedian, singer, screenwriter, and playwright. She remained bawdy and outrageous well into her late eighties as she strutted her stuff and was always accompanied by two large muscular young men. She passed away on November 27, 1980 and the world lost a unique and exciting woman. Todays post is a short collection of some of her most colorful quotes and a few photos. I still miss the old girl.
“It’s not the men in your life that counts, it’s the the life in your men.”
“It’s better to be looked over than overlooked.”
“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”
“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”
“When I’m good, I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.”
“Good sex is like good bridge,. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
“Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.”
“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”
Many years ago I came upon a book of poetry titled MIRACLES compiled in 1966 containing poems from English speaking children from around the world. Any time I’m feeling down or depressed I return to the poetry in that book. The name of the authors and their age will be listed at the time the poetry was collected. With luck the authors are now in their forties and fifties and I hope they’ve continued with their poetry writing. They’ll never know how much pleasure they’ve given me over the years. I hope you enjoy them as well.
If the title has confused you, let me explain. Malaprops are simply a wide variety of verbal miscues. I’m supplying you with a few samples that made me grin a little. These were taken from grade school, middle school, high school and college examinations. So much for higher education.
Gutenberg invented the Bible.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.
Italics are what Italians write in.
Protons are in both meat and electricity.
Abraham Lincoln became Americas greatest Precedent.
You purify water by filtering it and the forcing it through an aviator.
Salmon swim upstream to spoon.
Socrates died from taking a poison called wedlock.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
Never look a gift horse in the mouse.
A leopard is a form of dotted lion.
The police surrounded the building and threw an accordian around the block.
Marriage to one wife is called monotony.
The mountain range between France and Spain is the Pyramids.
The government of England is a limited mockery.
🎓🎓🎓
A special thanks (tongue-in-cheek) to all of the teachers who taught these exceptional students. Maybe they will all be saved embarrassment once the AI’s take over. LOL.
In keeping with the theme of this blog “everyuselessthing”, I thought a short history lesson was in order to supply readers with a little known trivia tidbit about NASA and the first moon landing. In 1969 Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin landed on the moon as we all know but were you aware that William Safire, President Nixon’s speechwriter, gave the president a draft of a speech he might have to give if the moon mission failed. It is claimed that the president never saw it. Here is a copy of that speech.
Fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace.
These brave men, Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, know that is no hope for their recovery. But they also know that there is hope for mankind in their sacrifice.
These two men are laying down their lives in mankind’s most noble goal: the search for truth and understanding. They will be mourned by their family and friends; they will be mourned by their nation; they will be mourned by the people of the world; they will be mourned by a Mother Earth that dared send two of her sons into the unknown.
In their exploration they stirred the people of the world to feel as one; in their sacrifice, they bind more tightly the brotherhood of man.
In ancient days, men looked at stars and saw their heroes in the constellations. In modern times, we do much the same, but our heroes are epic men of flesh and blood.
Others will follow, and surely find their way home, Man’s search will not be denied. But these men were the first, and they remain the foremost in our hearts.
For every human being who looks up at the moon in the nights to come will know that there is some corner of another world that is forever mankind.
One final tidbit of irony. In 1999, on the 30th year anniversary of the moon landing, the three astronauts were shown this text for the first time by Tim Russert on Meet the Press.
This post is being written on Easter Sunday and should be considered a tongue-in-cheek horror story from my youth. It will also explain to readers why I have never celebrated Easter as would be expected. In my early childhood I was always confused by my parents when my mother claimed Easter was a religious holiday but the rest of the family loaded me up with chocolate bunnies, candy eggs, and plastic eggs in the yard containing quarters. I was greatly confused but truly enjoyed all the candy that eventually rotted out a few of my teeth.
When I reached the age of ten they decided to take a different approach to Easter. I still got all the candy and eggs but they added a few things to the mix. I received four baby chicks that immediately ran behind the refrigerator and refused to come out. Eventually they did but within two weeks they had all passed away and never even got an offer of an Easter resurrection. I was truly sad but I hadn’t had time to develop much of a relationship with them. I did give them a silent prayer and a beautiful burial ceremony as my father tossed them into a trash can. I forgot to mention one other thing. Along with those chicks I was also gifted two small white baby rabbits which I immediately fell in love with. They were so damn cute and cuddly.
Now, let’s jump ahead three years. Those cute little bunnies had grown into two huge white rabbits that were so big we were forced build a hutch in the yard for them to live in. I still loved them both but my father did not. He constantly complained about them being a nuisance but I wouldn’t let him sell or give them away. I came home from school one afternoon prepared to do my homework and then have dinner. As I sat down at the table I immediately noticed a large plate of steaming meat and was told by my father to “eat up”. I asked what kind of meat it was and he told that the two rabbits would no longer be a problem. He’d killed my bunnies and served them to me for dinner. Needless to say I went to bed hungry that night. Happy Effing Easter!
That pretty much erased Easter from the list of holidays I chose to celebrate. Even now I cringe a little when my spouse has the grandchildren over for their annual Easter egg hunt. They love finding the hidden eggs especially the plastic ones with money in them. My only requirement is “No Bunnies or Chicks” chocolate or otherwise. I’d have terrible nightmares for a week.
I’m what some people would call a member of the “TV Generation”. I’ve never taken that description as a negative because it’s the truth. I’ve lived through seven decades of TV and I’m sure it only damaged me a little. I’ve enjoyed huge hit shows and series in almost very decade except for my years overseas with the Army. Truthfully I enjoy it just as much now as I did then. There have been huge changes over the years but if you see TV as simply entertainment then you won’t be too disappointed. Todays post is a short quiz about TV in the 90’s. Answers will be listed below.
A Festivas celebration includes the airing of what?
The famous catchy theme song for Friends, “I’ll Be There For You” was played by what duo?
Who hosted the first Academy Awards show in 1990?
Who did Mila Kunis play on That 70’s Show?
In what year did the final episode of Cheers air?
What type of animal is Ren from The Ren & Stimpy Show?
From what show was the Chicago-set Family Matters a spin-off?
What are the twins name on Rugrats?
What was the most popular salad dressing in the USA in 1992?
What was Ross’s reason for believing he didn’t cheat on Rachel?
📺BONUS QUESTION📺
What was the Seinfeld’s creator Larry David’s motto for the show, ensuring there would be no sentimentality or character growth?
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Answers
Grievances’, The Rembrandts, Billy Crystal, Jackie Burkhart, 1993, Perfect Strangers, Phil & Lil, A Chihuahua, Ranch Dressing, “They were on a break.”, BONUS- No hugging & no learning.
I try to be an avid reader of just about everything. I really enjoy reading poetry as well as being hooked on history. With today’s post I’ll try to mix those two interests. We’ll look back many years to the so-called sophisticated British Empire to find some of the most outrageous limericks and dirty jokes. It seems people are just people regardless of the time period they’re born into. The following piece of history (and I use the term loosely) will make some of you smile and some others cringe. The date of this little gem as best that can be determined was the year 1612. I’ll let you determine it’s value (if you can find any). Enjoy this piece from our sophisticated and disturbing ancestors titled “The Wooing Rogue”.
Come live with me and be my Whore
And we will beg from door to door,
Then under a hedge we’ll sit and delouse us.
Until the Beatle and come to rouse us.
And if they’ll give us no relief
Thou shalt turn Whore and I’ll turn Thief.
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If thou can’st rob them I can steal
And we’ll eat roast-meat at every meal:
Nay! We’ll eat White bread every day
And throw out mouldy Crusts away,
And twice a day we will be drunk
And then at Night I’ll kiss my punk.
❤️❤️❤️
And when we both shall have the Pox,
We then shall want Shirts and Smocks
To shift each others mangy hide
Is with itch so pockified:
We’ll take some clean ones from a hedge
And leave our old ones for a Pledge.
❤️❤️❤️
Isn’t that the most romantic love poem ever? I agree it wasn’t nearly as interesting as works by Emily Dickenson or Robert Frost but it grabbed my heart and soul tightly and rightly. I sure wish I could have lived back then just to met the unknown author and to shake his hand. (Only after it had been thoroughly washed, of course). (SATIRE OFF)
I collect odd and unusual books and it’s not often I get truly surprised but it finally happened. I stumbled upon a book titled Bizarre Books – A Compendium of Classical Oddities. It lists in great detail some of the weirdest book titles, subtitles, and authors names I’ve ever seen. Over the next few months I’ll pick out a topic and list some of the titles mentioned in this book that apply. To start I’ve chosen a topic that will spice things up a little, Sex & Marriage. As you will see the human obsession with sex is nothing new. Here we go . . .
Seven Wives and Seven Prisons– The life of a Matrimonial Monomaniac – L.A. Abbott 1870
Shipping Semen? How to have a Successful Experience– Pennie Ahmed 1998
Sex + Sex = Gruppensex – Ruediger Bosschmann 1970
Orgasmus and Super-Orgasmus – Stephenson Verlag 1972
Castration: The Advantages and Disadvantages– Victor T. Cheney 2003
How to Pickup Women in Discos– Don Diebel 1981
Straight Talk About Surgical Penis Enlargement – Gary M. Griffin 1991
The External Genitalia of Japanese Females– Kanji Kasai 1995
In and Out and Up and Down – Jo L.G. McMahon 1922
High-Performance Stiffened Structures – Bury St. Edmunds 2000
It’s no secret that I’m what most people would classify as an old man. While it’s true who better to challenge your trivia credentials than me. My early childhood, ages 4-7, consisted of me, my father, and mother sitting in our small little living room in the evening listening to the radio. At that time TV was fairly new and not readily available to most people and the radio was all we had. It introduced me to many shows like TheLone Ranger, Fibber McGee & Molly, Jack Benny, Red Skelton, and my all time favorite The Shadow. My father purchased our first TV in 1955 when I was about 8 years old. It was black/white and about the size of a small modern day microwave and it changed everyone’s life forever. I know most of you won’t understand just how much fun it was on those evenings with just my parents, me, and that stupid old radio. I still miss those quiet evening eating popcorn, drinking Kool-Aid and sitting on the floor next to the radio.
Enough of my reminiscing, let’s get back to today. This post will contain a few questions about the good old days of radio. I really don’t think many of you will score highly but it’s just good fun to introduce some of you to how our wonderful world of Media got it’s start. As always the answers will be listed below. Have fun with it.
What character introduced the stories on Death Valley Days?
Who played The Great Gildersleeve?
Name two actors who made the Life With Luigi transition from radio to TV?
Who created The Lone Ranger?
Where did Ones Man’s Family live?
What character did Gale Gorden play on Our Miss Brooks?
Who played the title roles of Fibber McGee & Molly?
What were Molly Goldberg’s two kids’ names?
What did Ozzie Nelson do for a living on his show?
One of the earliest quiz shows on radio became TV’s first. Can you recall the name?
BONUS QUESTION
Who was the wealthy man-about-town with the hypnotic ability to “cloud men’s minds” to fight crime, famously introduced by the phrase, “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!”
❤️❤️❤️
Answers
The Old Ranger, Willard Waterman, J. Carol Naish & Alan Reed, Fran Striker & George W. Trendle, San Francisco, Osgood Conklin, Bob Sweeney & Cathy Lewis, Rosalie & Sammy, For the most part, nothing, Uncle Jim’s Question Bee, BONUS – Lamont Cranston.
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