Archive for the ‘Limericks’ Category

10/06/2022 “Sporty Limericks   Leave a comment

I woke up at 4:45 am today and it’s still cold and miserable outside. It’s been raining for a day and a half and I hate it. I made the decision to stay in bed under my warm electric blanket and to watch one of my favorite movies, The Godfather. There’s nothing like an couple hours of senseless violence, mayhem and the occasional murder or two to get your day started. I then caught up on the days sport scores so as not to be totally uninformed. My coffee was hot but unfortunately none of my hometown teams (Pittsburgh) were. I’ve been wanting to post a few limericks this week and I’ve also got sports on my mind. What’s better than a few sporty limericks to kick off this crappy day.

*****

A batter, named Fatty McPhatter,

Had the gift of the gab with his patter.

“Whichever pitch comes,

I hit only home runs,

So the fact that I’m fat doesn’t matter.

*****

I used to shout The Yankees were playing the Mets

On a million home TV sets.

“A team from New York

Will be walking the walk!”

Said an analyst (hedging his bets)

*****

A golfer tries hard to survive,

With grit, dedication and drive.

“Inflation,” he’ll claim

“is affecting my game,

I used to shout ‘fore’, now it’s ‘five’.

*****

I’m giving the next pitch a bunt

Just a couple of inches in front.

So the boy on each base

Will all move round one base,

It’s a very unpopular stunt!

*****

I’VE STRUCK OUT

09/29/2022 πŸŽ‡Kid’s LimericksπŸŽ‡   Leave a comment

Here are a few cute limericks, some are written by kids and others written for kids. I hope you enjoy them.

By Colin McNaughton

Should a beast ever hunt you and find you,

He’d certainly crush you and grind you.

But here’s nothing to fear,

There are none around here,

GOOD HEAVENS! THERE’S ONE

RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!

😊😊😊

By Reg Lynes

I’ve eaten as much as I can,

I cannot digest one more gram.

I’m leaving the chips,

And the salady bits,

And the peas, and the eggs, and the ham.

πŸ₯°πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

By Margaret Brace

Archeologists dig at their leisure,

And it gives them a great deal of pleasure,

Not to mention bad backs,

As they fill up their sacks

With all sorts of muddy old treasure.

😜😜😜

By Amanda Chew

There was a young cannibal, Ned,

Who used to eat onions in bed.

His mother said “Sonny,

It’s not very funny –

Why don’t you just eat people instead?”

😏😏😏

ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE

09/26/2022 πŸ’₯Silly Limerick AlertπŸ’₯   Leave a comment

Once again, it’s time for a few lighthearted limericks rather than the bawdier ones we’re used to. I’ll reference the author when possible.

By Frank Jacobs

A lion whose manners weren’t nice

Played Monopoly with two white mice.

After losing, he roared,

Then devoured the board,

Marvin Gardens, both mice and the dice.

πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹

By Oliver Herford

Once a grasshopper (food being scant)

Begged an ant some assistance to grant.

But the ant shook his head

“I can’t help you,” he said,

“It’s an uncle you need, not an ant.

😎😎😎

By Anon

A barber who lived in Batavia

Was known for his fearless behavia.

When a giant brown bear

Took a seat in his chair,

Said the barber, “No way will I shavia.”

😏😏😏

By Gelett Burgess

I’d rather have fingers than toes.

I’d rather have ears than a nose.

And as for my hair,

I’m glad it’s still there,

I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.

🍩🍩🍩

HAPPY MONDAY

09/24/2022 “Epithets”   Leave a comment

As I’ve stated many times in the past, I’ve always had a fascination with graveyards and cemeteries. With that thought in mind, here are a few of my favorite humorous epithets. It’s good to have a sense of humor even after death.

From Enosburg, Vermont

Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

☠️☠️☠️

From Bayfield, Mississippi

Stranger pause. my tale attend,

And learn the cause of Hannah’s end.

Across the world the wind did blow,

She ketched a cold that laid her low.

We shed a lot of tears ’tis true,

But life is short – aged 82.

☠️☠️☠️

From Medway, Massachusetts

Beneath this stone, this lump of clay,

Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,

Who too early in the month of May

Took off his winter flannels.

☠️☠️☠️

From Canterbury, Kent, England

Of children in all she bore twenty-four:

Thank the Lord there will be no more.

☠️☠️☠️

From Chelmsford, Essex, England

Herer lies the man Richard,

And Mary his wife.

Their surname was Pritchard,

They lived without strife.

And the reason was plain,

They abounded in riches,

They had no care or pain,

And his wife wore the breeches.

HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOURS YET?

09/19/2022 πŸ’₯Silly Limerick AlertπŸ’₯   Leave a comment

It’s time once again for a few silly limericks circa 1960. These are fun limericks, and the creators will be listed if possible.

A cheerful old bear at the zoo

Could always find something to do.

When it bored him to go

On a walk to and fro,

He reversed it and walked fro and to.

😜😜😜

By Ogden Nash

A Bugler named Dougal MacDougal

Found ingenious ways to be frugal.

He learned how to sneeze

In various keys,

Thus, saving the price of a bugle.

😊😊😊

By Al Graham

A Martian named Harrison Harris

Decided he’d like to see Paris.

In space (so we learn)

He forgot where to turn

And that’s why he’s now on Polaris.

😏😏😏

By Berton Braley

Young Frankenstein’s robot invention

Caused trouble too awful to mention.

Its actions were ghoulish,

Which proves it is foolish

To monkey with Natures intention.

πŸ₯°πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

IT’S GOOD TO START A WEEK WITH SILLINESS

09/10/2022 Looney Limerick Alert   Leave a comment

It’s 5:30 am and everyone is sleeping in (I hope). It’s only fair that I start this weekend with some looney limericks to help me stay awake. Not bawdy rhymes but good clean fun for all. Then it’s back to bed for another hour of sleep for me. Enjoy!

By Frank Jacobs

There once was a skunk in the dell

Who hated all people , they tell;

“Human beings,” he said,

Always fill me with dread,

Plus they give off that terrible smell!”

*****

By Mary Mapes Dodge

There once was a knowing raccoon

Who didn’t believe in the moon;

“Every month – don’t you see?

There’s a new one,” said he;

No real moon could wear out so soon.!”

*****

By Frank Jacobs

A very large woman name Kate

Is six hundred pounds overweight;

On an overseas trip

She transported by ship

In a wooden container marked “Freight.”

*****

By Gelett Burgess

I’d rather have fingers than toes;

I’d rather have ears than a nose;

And as for my hair,

I’m glad it’s still there;

I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND

09/06/2022 “John Ciardi”   5 comments

I’m always good for more limericks and today’s offering is from one of my favs, John Ciardi. I’ve been a huge fan of his limericks since reading the book he shared with Issac Azimov. Two crazy smart limerick aficionados.

For a friend . . .

In a lane, a young fellow named Cooper

Committed a terrible blooper.

He had his girl bare those with more

In his car, unaware

Of a vigilant nearby state trooper.

*****

A carefree young woman named Nola

At one time in a summer pergola

Took care of three men

Again and again

And did it on just Coca-Cola.

*****

A little adultery spices

Our lives, but just look at those prices!

If they charge all that dough,

Man can’t buy it, you know,

And there’ll be a frustrational crisis.

*****

The Times tells the world what is doing;

Who’s winning, who’s losing, who’s suing,

Whose striking, who’s stealing,

Who’s dying, whose healing,

But won’t say a word on who’s screwing.

*****

LIMERICKS RULE!

08/31/2022 πŸ’₯Limericks by KidsπŸ’₯   Leave a comment

As much as I love bawdy limericks, I also love those written by the kids for other kids. And it’s also nice to know that another generation of limerick lovers and writers are waiting in the wings.

Amanda Chew – Age 13

There is a math teacher called Rundle

Who ties up his books in a bundle.

It’s too heavy he feels,

So, he puts it on wheels.

Now Rundle can trundle his bundle!

😊😊😊

Raymond Coleman – Age 11

There was a young lad called Davy

Who hated the food in the Navy.

He couldn’t have beef

In case his false teeth

Would drop out and fall in the gravy.

😜😜😜

Mark Rothery – Age 8

A certain young goalie named Finn

Lost count of the goals he let in.

When his coach bawled “Eight!”

He replied, quite sedate:

“Then we only need nine goals to win!”

πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

Rebecca Telford – Age 7

There was a brown dog named Spot

Who tied up his tail with a knot,

To remember his bone

Which he left back at home

When he sometimes went out for a trot.

😏😏😏

GIVE A HAND TO THESE FUTURE POETS

08/26/2002 ☠️☠️Morbid Humor☠️☠️   Leave a comment

Over the years I spent a great deal of time roaming through graveyards in New England and elsewhere. I’ve always found them to be very quiet and calming. I also discovered that the older the tombstones the more interesting are the epithets. Here are a few you might get a kick out of.

Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,

Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,

Who too early in the month of May

Took off his winter flannels.

😡😡😡

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent to them manna.

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

😡😡😡

Here lies my husbands, One, Two, Three,

Dumb as men could ever be.

As for my fourth, well, praise be God,

He bides for a little longer above the sod.

Alex, Ben, and Sandy were the first three names,

And to make things tidy I’ll add his – James.

😡😡😡

Here lies the body of fat May Preston

Who’s now moved to heaven

To relieve the congestion.

T.G.I.F.F.

08/25/2022 πŸ’₯Limerick AlertπŸ’₯   2 comments

Let’s put an end to this week with a few cute and clean limericks. While most of us really enjoy the racier limericks there are many readers out there who enjoy a tamer version. Here we go . . .

There was an old man of Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket.

But his daughter named Nan,

Ran away with a man,

and as for the bucket, Nantucket.

😜😜😜

The bottle of perfume that Willie sent

Was highly displeasing to Millicent.

Her thanks were so cold

They quarreled I’m told,

Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.

πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

A flea and a fly in a flue

Were caught, so what could they do?

Said the fly, “Let us flee.”

“Let us fly,” said the flea.

So, they flew through a flaw in the flue.

πŸ˜—πŸ˜—πŸ˜—

There once were two cats of Kilkenny,

Each thought there was one cat too many.

So, they fought, and they fit,

And they scratched and they bit,

Till instead of two cats there weren’t any.

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

TGIF

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