1941
There’s an oversexed lady named Whyte
Who insists on a dozen a night?
A fellow named Cheddar
Had the brashness to wed her,
His chance of survival is slight.
1946
It’s only human nature after all
If a fellow puts a girl against the wall
And his inclination
Into her accommodation
To increase the population
Of the rising generation –
Why, it’s only human nature after all.
Just what you’ve all been clamoring for – more limericks. I made a lucky discovery a few weeks ago when I purchased a book containing 1700 limericks dated between 1810 and 1950. Instead of printing a few here and there I decided to pick a few selections from each decade. They’ll give us a good flavor of the times in which they were written. Many are crass and bawdy and there’s a host of them from the war years in the 1940’s. Just a warning . . . some of these are not for children or anyone whose overly religious or just plain naive. Let’s get to it . . .
There was a young girl in Berlin
Who was fucked by an elderly Finn.
Though he diddled his best,
And fucked her with zest,
She kept asking, “Hey, Pop, is it in?” 1927
Winter is here with his grouch,
The time when you sneeze and you slouch.
You can’t take you’re women
Canoe’in or swimm’in,
But a lot can be done on a couch. 1927
There was a young man named Hughs
Who swore off all kinds of booze,
He said,”When I’m muddled
My senses get fuddled,
And I pass up too many screws.” 1926
There was a young plumber of Leigh
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
She said,”Stop your plumbing,
There’s somebody coming!”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me.” 1923
There was a young lady named May
Who strolled in a park by the way,
And she met a young man
Who fucked her and ran,
Now she goes to the park every day. 1924
What do you think? It seems the same sense of humor required to write limericks doesn’t change much from one generation to another.
Everyone who’s ever read this blog for more than a day or two, knows just how much I love limericks. I like them funny, dirty, and filthy. I’ve been collecting them for many years but in a recent book I discovered a gentleman named John Ciardi. He was the second half of the book of limericks authored by Isaac Asimov. They were both lovers of limericks and have written some of the best ones I’ve ever seen. I posted samples of Asimov’s limericks a few weeks ago and today I thought I’d list a few of Mr. Ciardi’s. I know you’ll enjoy them because he takes a lot of time to craft them properly. Here we go . . .
There was a young lady who wouldn’t.
Her mother had told her she shouldn’t.
When dear mama died
She felt free. So, she tried,
but by then she was so old she couldn’t.
There once was a girl from New Haven
Whose pubic hair was not shaven
But missing because
She slept without drawers
Within range of a nest building Raven
There was a young lady named Jo❤
Who always said,” Thank you, but no,”
Which is poised and polite
But never does quite
As well as “Sure, Buster, let’s go.”
😜😜😜
A young do-it-yourselfer once screwed
Two pieces together. If you’d
Like to know what he made,
You must ask Adelaide
And her little sister, Gertrude
🚽🚽🚽
There was an old hooker who blew.
What I mean is, she left town. If you
Understood what I said
To mean she gave head,
Well, I guess there was some of that, too.
I would like to thank Mr. Ciardi for all of his hard work in creating these wonderful limericks. After reading all of his limericks as well as Isaac Asimov’s, it inspires me to begin writing a few of my own again. You can be sure of only one thing, mine will be a little ruder than theirs. Write a few of your own and send them along.
ALWAYS KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR
While undressing a nurse named JV,
Her seducer observed: “So I see
That a nipple a day
Keeps the doctor away,
Think how healthy these two must be!”
With Christmas now in my rear-view mirror, I can get ready for the coming New Year holiday and celebrations. I won’t be out-and-about myself, but I will have a toast at midnight with my better-half. That being said let me move onto something else that I happen to enjoy, limericks and Isaac Azimov.
I have always been a huge fan of Isaac Asimov. I’ve been reading his novels and articles for most of my adult life. Fortunately for me most of them are science fiction which is my absolute favorite material to read. Asimov was one of the most prolific writers in history. If I recall correctly, he wrote more than 200 novels and thousands upon thousands of novelettes, short stories, and articles in many areas of study. In short, he was amazing.
It wasn’t until 10 years ago that I discovered that one of his hobbies was writing rude and bawdy limericks. After finding that out, I was determined to obtain some of his limericks. I found a thrift bookstore online and after some searching through their inventory discovered a book published in 1978 that contained dozens and dozens of limericks by Azimov and his friend John Ciardi. The book is split into two sections, limericks by Asimov, and the other half are limericks by John Ciardi. It’s a battle of the limerick monsters and makes for some really enjoyable and hilarious reading. I’ll offer up for your entertainment today four of Asimov’s more sexy limericks. I hope you enjoy them because I sure did.
😁😁😁
Sex need not be at all conversational,
Without talking, it’s still inspirational.
But mind you’re not burned
For many have learned
The act can be baby-creational
😜😜😜
Said the husband, with smiling urbanity,
I possess penile super humanity.”
Said his wife,” But the score
Of his inches is four.
The rest of it’s just his insanity.”
😉😉😉
There was a young woman named Cora Lee
Who said,” I will do it immorally
On top and on bottom,
Any way that I’ve got’em,
Vaginally, anally, orally.”
❤❤❤
There once was an eager young nurse
Who felt that she had to rehearse
Every sexual joy,
Every hot little ploy,
To succeed in becoming perverse.
What better way to prepare for New Year’s than a few raunchy limericks? There’ll be many more to come in the new year.
2022 IS COMING – HELP! HELP! HELP!
Christmas Eve the night of all nights.
Flying around delivering toys a delight.
It certainly helps when the flask from the elves,
Helps Santa sleep better at night.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
There was a farmer named Gary
Whose mule was getting contrary.
Gary painted him red,
A green hat on his head.
Sold him as a huge Christmas fairy.
A remarkable race are the Persians: They embrace such peculiar diversions; They make love all day In the usual way, And save, till the nights, their perversions.
Santa’s sleigh and GPS were upgraded this year,
With Alexa in charge of all eight reindeer.
Rudolph rudely told Santa, this change really blows,
As Santa screamed loudly, “Alexa, turn on his freaking nose!”
HO! HO! HO!
There once was a woman named Bess
For whom holiday cooking meant stress.
Five puddings, ten turkeys
And a thousand beef jerkeys –
Bess did tend to cook to excess!
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