Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category

03-30-2018 My Wildlife Welfare System   Leave a comment

Being a lifelong animal lover has it’s ups and downs and living here in Maine makes things even more interesting.  With the harsh winters and constant snow cover the wildlife here has become quite  deligent in their hunt for food. I’ve been a loyal bird feeder for most of my life because I really enjoy having the birds around.  My better-half is also a bird lover and we currently have six feeders we keep filled.  I estimate the birds are eating close to 125 lbs. of feed a year  not counting the many packages of suet we purchase to keep the woodpeckers healthy and happy. Add to that two or three quarts of sugar syrup for the hummingbirds and you begin to truly understand.

It became apparent some months ago that the birds living in this area have a rather accomplished communication system to spread the news concerning food sources and the location of predators. This came to my attention when a herd of wild turkeys showed up out of nowhere and began feeding from the food accidently dropped from our hanging feeders.  Needless to say my better-half was quick to buy more corn and began strewing it everywhere. That’s all they needed to make our home the number one spot on their regular feeding rotation. With the heavy snow cover this winter they needed to do something inventive to help them survive the winter.  Thus began the feeding of a another new group of dependents that I couldn’t claim on my taxes. As always I just went along thinking that would be the last of the additions to our extended family of two hundred or so really hungry birds.  I was sadly mistaken once again.

Last year I erected a squirrel feeder on a nearby tree hoping it might convince the little buggers to stay away from the bird feeders. Once again, no good deed goes unpunished. We found out very quickly that turkeys and the occasional deer are also fond of corn.  So began the battle for the corn that lasted most of the summer and into the winter. My better-half still insists on bringing home an endless supply of corn to keep the battle going.  I left one of the bags sitting in the basement and hoped she would forget about it.  She forgot for a time but the field mice did not.  They like corn too and we soon found ourselves overrun with mice. Since the untimely demise of my lifelong best friend, my cat Stormy it’s been difficult to keep them under control.  He died a year ago and the mice discovered his absence rather quickly.  A new war was a brew’n.

A quick visit to Lowes supplied me with an armload of mouse traps and a determination to keep the mice out of our home.  I did discover that putting cheese in a mousetrap is a waste of time.  At first the mice were able to pull the cheese from the trap without harming themselves.  After some research I discovered that JIFF creamy peanut butter really gets the job done.  I’ve peeled 13 little corpses off those traps so far and I hope there will be many more to come. I toss their little corpses out onto the snow bank in the backyard where the crows and coyotes fight over the free meal.  At least with the mice I only have to feed them once.

I wish that was the end of this sad story but no such luck.  Next on my list is a large group of industrious little chipmunks who have quite a nice residence under our home.  My father always told me if you see one chipmunk you probable have at least ten. If that’s true then we may have upwards of a hundred roaming around. Oh yeah, they also love corn and bird seed just like damn near everyone else. It’s a little more difficult for them because they’re so small and the birds are constantly chasing them away.

I’ll begin working in our garden within the next few weeks and “Job 1” is to be certain that the fences are intact.  All these little varmints, birds, deer, and skunks are just waiting for me to make a mistake and then my garden will be trashed.  Don’t even get me started about that big fat skunk that patrols our property looking for trouble.  If he was any bigger I could just ride him around  like a horse.

So begins another summer here in Maine.  It should be interesting.

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03-26-2018 My New 21st Century Addiction   2 comments

I haven’ t posted anything since the start of the year and I’m feeling a little guilty.  Having a blog is like having an ungratful child.  It’s a lot of work for which I receive virtually no gratitude.  I especially miss the less than friendly emails received from my more liberal readers.  My life has been empty without their caustic comments and endless political preaching.  I’ve relegated them to a dustly shelf in my mancave where everything that bores me is stored.

Enough of that . . .  On to other matters concerning my newest and least satisfying addiction.  I’ve known for sometime that I have an addictive personality.  As a very young man I had a tremendous taste for beer.  It got me into some trouble in my teens and I had to finally let it go. No more of that nasty brew.  Then in my twenties I turned my attention to cigarettes and the occasion toke of giggle weed.  Both of which hung on until my thirites when I saw the light and quit smoking everything.  No more happiness weed and no more cigarettes.  I got healthy, hit the gym, and finally (according to my mother) turned myself into a beautiful and productive person.

As the years rolled along I ended my addiction to marriage and lived a rather raucous and crazy few years filled with wine women and song.  Yes I’d finally discovered a taste for wine and women but no matter what I did I couldn’t carry a tune. As is usual the combination of wine and women got me into considerable trouble as well. I finally met, fell in love, and settled down with the love-of-my-life, stopped drinking wine and turned instead to brandy.

The next to go was the damn brandy. While I enjoyed the brandy drinking experience it was rather boring and I had to stop. I hate spending that kind of money on alcohol that tastes great but I get no glow.  No glow means you got to go and it did.  So currently I’ve reduced my addictions to just three.  My woman is here to stay, thats #1, and thank god for a continuous supply of Jack Daniels (thats #2).  I’ve limited myself to just two or three Jack & Pepsi’s a week (and maybe a few more if we have visitors). Things seem to be working out perfectly almost . . .

My last remaining addiction is without a doubt the worst.  I’ve rid myself of a major television addiction 2 years ago when I could no longer stand watching 10 minutes of commercials every half hour. I told Dish Network to cancel my account and signed up immediately with Netflix and Amazon for streaming service.  Unfortuneately streaming is a double-edged sword.  Being generous I estimate that both streaming services are 80% crap and only 20% of their movies are worth watching unless you want to pay a fee.  My newest and worst addiction is to this endless supply of  terrible, crappy, and ridiculous movies.

                                             SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

I’m in dire need of some sort of 12 step program to get me away from this TV.  My greatest fear these days is that my better-half will find me alone in the dark, slumped over in my favorite chair, clutching the remote.  Dead from dehydration, boredom, and felony eye-slaughter.

 

08-28-2017 The New Left !   2 comments

As the Fall of the year approaches the extreme left continues it belly-aching and whining toward the new administration.  Honestly I never thought they’d stop anyway. They’re  much like a small child throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of a mall.  They’ll keep at it until they turn blue and collapse or until someone gives them a whack on the ass and tells them to shut the hell up.  It could be a very long wait for that to happen.

As of late it’s become obvious to anyone who cares to pay attention that the Republicans have been infected by the Leftist Flu.  They are currently classified in my mind as Dems-Lite.  Finally the party has the upper hand in this government and they are pissing it away like they always do.  They seem to enjoy being the weaker party so they can just sit back and spend all of their time  sniping  at every little thing the liberals do. That doesn’t require any hard work or dedication.  It’s also obvious that the caliber  of Republican members and leadership  isn’t what it once was.  That capable well led party no longer exists and we may never see it again.

Poor Donald Trump.  No one seems to like him anymore. He really doesn’t look all that upset about it either.  No one likes him except for the millions of voters who elected him.  He has become something that even that lunatic Ross Perot couldn’t become, a one man third party. Maybe it’s time for a viable third party to make an appearance.  Not some Tea Party organization that growled and barked for a couple of years and then disappeared.  Those Tea Party folks who used the conservative message to get elected have now become part of the system we all despise.

I would love to see Donald Trump run for reelection with the backing of an real organization of real people who actually believe in the things they promise the electorate.  Not individuals who will say anything to get elected and then walk away smiling to themselves.  People who are actually concerned about this country being turned into another Europe. Just read the daily news.  Europe is falling apart due mostly to their liberal outlook on damn near everything.  In ten more years the Islamists will own Europe and the fun will really start. We’ll see how much the European populations like Sharia laws and  all of the rules and restrictions that apply to women.  I can’t wait to see Angela Merkel in a burka.

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This pair should keep you up nights.

BERNIE

I can only hope for a Democratic ticket that is so ridiculous that he’ll win in a landslide.  How about a ticket of Maxine Waters and Bernie Sanders.  Who wouldn’t vote for a lunatic and a socialist?  They seem to be the new Democratic brain trust that’s on the rise.  I was never a big believer in prayer but for that ticket I might start.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK MR. PRESIDENT

08-06-2017 Syndromes!   Leave a comment

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I think I’ve become a victim of RAS Syndrome. As you well know there seem to be hundreds of magical syndromes that are announced on a regular basis to help excuse what some might call “shitty behavior”. While there are many real syndromes out there some alleged experts create as many questionable or fictitious  syndromes as the imagination will allow. It’s those acronyms and syndromes  that are driving me mad. Searching the Net I’ve found hundreds and hundreds of these acronyms for just about anything you can think of.  Here’s one of mine:

RAS Syndrome (short for “redundant acronym syndrome syndrome”) refers to the use of one or more of the words that make up an acronym in conjunction with the abbreviated form, thus in effect repeating one or more words.

How about a few examples?

If you fart in church then you must be suffering from the infamous NFIPP Syndrome. That’s “Nasty Farts In Public Places”. It’s really not your fault that you farted, it’s the fault of the Church for pressuring you into attending services after one of their famous bean dinners.

Another of my favorites is the BBABO. That’s the “Bad Breath And Body Odor Syndrome”.  No matter where I go or where I sit a person suffering with this disorder manages to be right next to me.  That in turn gives me a case of VIMT. That’s “Vomit In My Throat Syndrome”‘, for those of you who are unaware that you may suffer from that same disorder.

I’ve also  noticed another major syndrome as I walked through our local Wal-Mart recently. It’s one of the most common ones I see these days. It’s confusing, disgusting, and at times revolting and it’s called the YODOAFM Syndrome. “You Obviously Don’t Own A F–King Mirror Syndrome”.  Many Wal-Mart customers have been infected over the years and now it’s threatening to become a pandemic.

I’ve suffered from a another syndrome since early childhood.  At times it’s been a good thing but occasionally it’s anything but. It’s the IDGASWYT Syndrome. That’s the “I Don’t Give A Shit What You Think Syndrome”. It’s something genetic I inherited from my father, his father, and his father.

The one that has shown up recently to cause all of us problems is the IHTBIAWC Syndrome. That’s “I Hate Trump Because I’m A Whinny Crybaby Syndrome” It’s been running rampant through the country since Election Day but only seems to be infecting Liberals, Democrats, and a few million illegal aliens.

I have another one for all of  them.  It’s the KMIA Syndrome (Kiss My Independent Ass).

 

 

 

 

 

09-16-2016 Journal – Look Out! X-mas is Coming.   Leave a comment

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Another week coming to an end and we’re already halfway through the month of September. The summer of 2016 went by in the wink of an eye and the holidays are again rushing towards us. I wonder to myself which retailer will strike the Christmas colors first. I suspect that as in years past Walmart will be the one to get things rolling 15 minutes after the Halloween holiday is over. That in itself is supremely depressing but it seems to get earlier and earlier every year regardless of how much we complain.

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Yesterday I received this list of companies that have already made it known that Black Friday will begin for them by being open for business on Thanksgiving Day. I guess that’s the new approach to companies who put their employees families second on their list of priorities. That seems to be the ongoing retail way of thinking these days and unfortunately I can bitch about it all I want but no one in the retail establishment gives a damn what I think or what you think. Look at the upside . . . you’ll have a great place to spend your holiday if you get sick of eating Thanksgiving dinner, spending time with your family, or God forbid actually relaxing and enjoying the day. The almighty buck rules all. Make sure to thank these folks:

J.C. Penny

Kohl’s

Toy’s r Us

Target

Walmart

Sears

Macy’s

Belk

Sports Authority

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Dollar General

Best Buy

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While I write this posting I have a Christmas wish that will never be fulfilled. I wish that the population of the millions of so-called consumers in this country would pull their collective heads out of the sand and stop allowing retailers to continue to think that the “great unwashed” are that easily controlled. It’s a lazy population that lets celebrities, the media, politicians, and big business tell them how to think, act, what to buy, and how to be politically correct at all times.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO US ALL

You usually get what you deserve.

08-16-2016 Journal – Death Trivia!   Leave a comment

We do a lot of trivia on this site which usually consists of total useless information about totally useless things and people.  Today will be a miscellaneous mish-mash of things I’ve discovered recently.  First is something called the Manner of Death statistics.  It’s a list created by some group somewhere telling us all how we are dying in descending order of frequency. Enjoy!

Heart disease: 614,348
• Cancer: 591,699
Chronic lower respiratory diseases: 147,101
Accidents (unintentional injuries): 136,053
Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 133,103
Alzheimer’s disease: 93,541
Diabetes: 76,488
Influenza and pneumonia: 55,227
Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis: 48,146
Intentional self-harm (suicide): 42,773

That’s enough to send a cold chill up anyone’s back. The perfect way to start your day.  Next is a list of injury types, hospital data, and a whole lot more.

  • Number of medically attended injury and poisoning episodes in the population: 39.5 million
  • Episodes per 1,000 population: 126.3
  • Number of visits (to physician offices, hospital outpatient and emergency departments) for injuries: 80.1 million (includes visits for adverse effects of drug, medicinal or biological substance)
  • Number of emergency department visits for injuries: 43.0 million (includes visits for adverse effects of medical treatment)
  • Number of discharges for fractures (all sites): 1.1 million
  • Number of discharges for poisonings: 260,000
  • Number of discharges for certain complications of surgical and medical care: 1.0 million

Mortality

Total number of deaths: 192,945

Deaths per 100,000 population: 60.2

Poisoning

Number of poisoning deaths: 48,545

Deaths per 100,000 population: 15.4

Traffic Deaths

Number of deaths: 33,804

Deaths per 100,000 population: 10.7

Firearm Deaths

Number of deaths: 33,636

Deaths per 100,000 population: 10.6

Are you feeling more secure now?  Do you even want to leave the house?  It appears that life in these United States is a real crap shoot.  Roll the dice and hope for the best every time you leave the house.

I admit I’ve depressed myself with this posting so I’ll keep this last item short. On this day in history many people have passed on. Here are two that died on this day that I thought might interest you.

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1948 Babe Ruth, Baseball legend (NY Yankees), dies in NY at 53

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1977 Elvis Presley, American musician, dies at Graceland at 42. Official cause of death is cardiac arrhythmia

I THINK I’LL GO BACK TO BED

08-14-2016 Journal – My Almost Friend!   Leave a comment

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Mother Nature is normally not my friend.

We celebrated yesterday because it finally rained.  Not like the dozen or so sprinkles we’ve received in recent weeks but an honest-to-god rain shower.  The rain cooled things off overnight but ten minutes after the sun came out this morning the temperature zoomed back to 90 degrees.

I should be happy . . right?   Not very.  We need a good five or six days of rain just to get the water levels back where they belong.  Early this morning at 5am both my better-half and I were awaken by the sounds of tree branches cracking. Just outside our bedroom window a rather large tree branch snapped and barely missing the house.  This portion of the tree was obviously dead and we knew it was only a matter of time before it fell.  I once attempted to climb the tree with a chain saw to cut it down but it was just too dangerous.

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The house is just a few feet to the right of the photograph.

How it missed the house is a mystery but thank god it did. That’s the second time in the last year a tree has fallen close to the house and missed it completely.  We must have a guardian angel keeping an eye on things.

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Mother Nature isn’t usually this kind.  I remember a time in Massachusetts that we had a storm that dropped a 100 foot tall oak tree onto our backyard and took the corner of my house with it.  At the same time a giant pine tree fell on my car in the driveway and crushed it completely.  I count my blessings any time she chooses to leave me alone. Today was one of those days.

MOTHER NATURE IS NOT NICE

08-12-2016 Journal – #/*#! Politics!   Leave a comment

thQQFH5AW8I’ve been doing everything in my power to disassociate myself from politics during this presidential election year.  I’ve been keeping my opinions to myself except for a few comments to my better-half.  If the truth be told, I have little or no use for any political party at this point.  I’ve morphed from being an social moderate, fiscal conservative Independent to an “Anyone But Hillary” Libertarian.  Actually all of those labels are mostly BS anyway but everyone insists that everyone else have a label. If our forefathers could see us now they’d be sad, disappointed, and most certainly ashamed of what we’ve become and are still becoming.

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With that thought in mind why don’t you sit back and read some of the thoughts of the men who helped create this country. Take those thoughts from our forefathers and match them up to any of the antics of either the Bushes or Clintons.  If your an intelligent and thoughtful American you should be able to figure things out before pulling the lever for Hillary.

  • “A government of laws, and not of men.”  JOHN ADAMS 1774
  • “If the government is in the hands of a few, they will tyrannize the many, if in the hands of the many, they will tyrannize over the few.” ALEXANDER HAMILTON 1787
  • “A wise and frugal Government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned. This is the sum of good government.” THOMAS JEFFERSON 1801
  • “The aggregate happiness of the society, which is best promoted by the practice of a virtuous policy, is, or ought to be, the end of all government.” GEORGE WASHINGTON 1790

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Do  those statement in anyway describe our current political situation?  That would be a big “HELL NO”.  Lets take a moment to discuss with our forefathers the matter of government corruption.

  • “Sell not virtue to purchase wealth, nor Liberty to purchase power.” BENJAMIN FRANKLIN 1738
  • “Few men have enough virtue to withstand the highest bidder.” GEORGE WASHINGTON 1799
  • “Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his conduct.” THOMAS JEFFERSON 1821
  • “Where the private interests of a member of Congress are concerned in a bill of question, he is to withdraw.” THOMAS JEFFERSON 1801

I think they’ve made my point for me.  I’ll drop in one last quote from the most infamous of all politicians that perfectly describes many of out current representatives, senators, and Big Businesses.

  • “I recognize no moral law in politics. Politics is a game, in which every sort of trick is permissible, and in which the rules are constantly being changed by the players to suit themselves.” ADOLF HITLER  Mein Kampf 1924

I realize that my opinion means very little in the grand scheme of things but here it is anyway. Hillary Clinton is the epitome of what’s wrong with our government. Donald Trump may be brash, loud, and combative but he’s a better choice than anyone else I see.  We’ve had eight years of Liberal nonsense with Obama and Hillary  will be more of the same.  Trump will be a breath of fresh air in the halls of Congress that currently smells a lot like a hot and humid day in an outhouse.

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VOTE TRUMP!

08-10-2016 Journal – Garden Frustrations!   Leave a comment

As you all know I love gardening.  That doesn’t change the fact that at times it’s as  frustrating as hell.  Last year my garden problems concerned a number of God’s annoying little critters that insisted on attacking my garden.  Since I’m a problem solver I installed a fence around certain portions of the garden that they like to eat. Problem solved, right? No way.  The following photos were some of the items harvested so far this year in spite of the critters.

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The culprit from last years fiasco has since disappeared and we haven’t had one of his nightly visits this year. Unfortunately he has friends that were apparently given detailed directions to find us. This year for the first time in eight years we were visited by a big fat groundhog.  He was sitting right in the middle of the yard watching the house when I spotted him the first time.  He ran into a culvert to hide and I immediately dropped a couple of fire crackers in after him.  If it didn’t scare him, it certainly deafened him.  Problem solved, right! Not hardly.

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A week later he was back sitting in the same spot and it appeared he may have been taunting me a little. I couldn’t see all that clearly but I think he might have been giving me the finger as well.  It was time for the big guns.  With my handy pistol in hand I gave chase and took a shot at him. He was one helluva lot faster than he looked and escaped with his life.  Problem solved, Right!   No effing way.

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A few day later I discovered that someone had been eating my kale plants that were of course, not inside the damn fence.  It’s man against the critters once again.  I’ve never won any battles against them before but maybe this time I’ll have more luck.

THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I HATE MOTHER NATURE

08-06-2016 Journal Entry – The 2016 Squirrel Wars!   Leave a comment

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I’m a little late in posting today due in part to visiting family from Maryland.  All of us have been kept rather busy for a few days which makes posting this blog more difficult.  Things remain much of the same around here. I take care of the garden, cut what grass that hasn’t been burned away by the heat and lack of rain, and of course . . . PRAY FOR RAIN.

I’m also in the midst of a battle with a community of squirrels (both gray and red) that have a special love for our house and our bird feeders.  A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in our second floor living room doing some work on my laptop. The living room is directly adjacent to a porch that leads onto a second story deck.  I had the door to the deck open so the stupid cat could lounge around outside which in hindsight was my first big mistake.

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I was completely focused on the computer  but  noticed some movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and sitting in the middle of the living room was a red squirrel calmly watching me.  Apparently a string of loud curse words are the perfect squirrel repellent I’ve been looking for.  He made a dash for the door and onto the deck and dove straight into the nearby trees.  Where was my ferocious cat?  He was asleep on the chair not three feet from the damn squirrel. He barely blinked an eye as I was screaming at it.  He’ll pay for his total lack of interest in the very near future.

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The very next day I heard a noise on the porch and that same little red squirrel was in the process of chewing through a bag of bird seed. Again he escaped but just barely.  He sat in a nearby tree chittering at me until I shot him in the ass with a B-B gun.  I hate killing them but I will certainly take every opportunity to give him a bruise or two with that B-B gun.

Soooooooo! Today I was once again alone in the house working in the living room. I was really concentrating on my project and jumped nearly three feet in the air due to a loud crash on the porch. I ran over to investigate and found a big fat gray squirrel sitting next to an overturned container of bird seed. He saw me and very calmly walked out onto the deck and split.  I may be a little slow on the uptake but I’m reasonably certain the word is out in the squirrel community that I have food on my porch.

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Tomorrow I will begin taking steps to address these issues but I’m not optimistic.  I’ve been involved in two other squirrel wars at other places I’ve lived and sadly lost them both.

I’M  HOPING FOR THE BEST AND EXPECTING THE WORST