I wasn’t sure I’d be posting today since my best and fastest computer stopped cooperating a few days ago. With the assistance of my better-half, some written instructions from my nephew (who built it), and three or four thousand juicy curse words, I’m once again operational. A tip for those of you who may have computer issues of your own: RULE 1 – do not drink shots of whiskey while attempting to relocate and adjust tiny little switches in the computer. It slows down the progress immensely. Along with that my better-half found out just how skilled I was at stringing those curse words together. Her training continues. LOL Todays post is titled BIZARRE for a reason.
Katherine Hepburn suffered from a phobia of dirty hair. When she was shooting films for Twentieth Century Fox, she would sniff the heads of cast and crew to make sure their hair was squeaky clean.
In Vermont it is illegal to whistle underwater.
Pennsylvania law books record a 1971 case of a man suing Satan – for his own bad luck and downfall. The case was thrown out of court on the grounds that Satan did not live in the state of Pennsylvania.
Don’t ever fall asleep in a bath tub in Detroit. You could be arrested because sleeping in bathtubs is illegal in the city.
“You have to be saved to get into heaven . . . you only have to be you to get into hell.” Marilyn Manson
In the ancient city of Jericho the dead were buried under the houses they lived in. But first their heads were severed, covered with plaster and clay, and decorated for their families to worship.
Catherine, wife of Russian czar Peter I, had a wandering eye, and Peter caught on. To teach Catherine a lesson, he forced her to watch her lover be killed, then pickled the lover’s head and kept it in their bedroom.
In the 17th century, midwives had a custom of saving a woman’s afterbirth, or placenta, and then burning it. The superstition was that the number of times the burning placenta popped indicated the number of children the mother could expect in the future.
For decades sports stars have claimed that appearing on the cover of Sports Illustrated magazine was the fastest way to a slump or defeat.
When John Madden was the coach of the Oakland Raiders football team, he wouldn’t let the team leave the locker room until running back Mark van Eeghen had belched.
Here’s something I wish I’d posted prior to the World Cup taking ownership of our country. I found it in a book of random trivia facts which I will diligently attempt to paraphrase. Most countries think that Americans hate soccer. I think that’s probably true but to a lesser extent than you might think. Here is an opinion piece which I found somewhat interesting.
Even though playing youth soccer is a veritable rite of passage in parts of the U.S., it seems that most Americans tend to lose interest in the sport around the age of twelve. The indifference previously shown to the sport has baffled sports journalists for decades. Here are a few theories why.
American’s dislike games in which you can’t use your hands.
Americans dislike games without a lot of action and they consider soccer boring. Too many tie games and games with a score of three or less goals. Watching soccer for a few hours is mind-numbing.
Americans don’t like prissy athlete’s who spend most of the game flopping around on the ground and gesticulating wildly when they get called for a penalty.
The real problem is that America has never fielded a team that was competitive in the sport and that stings the American ego a bit. Losing to teams from countries like Columbia and Costa Rica is ego deflating.
The world’s insane love for soccer is strange to Americans but at the same time Americans are crazy for NASCAR. That’s a seriously vexing sports question to be sure. Will things ever change because of our recent exposure to the World Cup? Who knows?
FYI: I WILL NEVER BE A SOCCER (OR FUTBOL) FAN . . . EVER!
With the Fourth of July behind us it’s time to move on down the road. I realized recently that with the World Cup invading America, making thousands of videos, and loving our life here, I began to see things about them more clearly than ever before. Since I’ve been impressed with them, now it’s time for you to impress yourselves with a World Trivia Quiz. This is how I celebrate the Fourth. as always the answers will be listed below.
What are the natives of Monaco called?
What is the mussiest river in the world?
Where was St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, born?
On what island are one-third of the world’s languages spoken?
American children get their Easter eggs from the Easter Bunny. Who delivers Easter eggs to Swiss youngsters?
Serendip was the early name for Ceylon. What is it now called?
What was the name of the pug who shared it’s bed with Napoleon and Josephine?
Where is the large iron key to the Bastille – that notorious French prison – kept today?
What river is the only one that flows both north and south of the equator?
What country, after the USA, has the world’s greatest number of tornados?
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The Answers
Monegasques, The Yellow River in China, Scotland, New Guinea with 700 native languages, The Easter Cuckoo, Sri Lanka, Fortune, George Washington’s home at Mt. Vernon, The Congo – it crosses the equator twice, Australia.
It’s almost too effing hot to do anything. I’m hiding in the man-cave with the fans roaring and it sounds more like an airport runway than a man-cave. It’s as good a day as any to post more of my favorite things: limericks. I normally post limericks by category but not today. Here are a few chosen totally at random from the archives.
“Today is the start of another new month and believe me when I tell you that they’ll keep coming faster and faster as you age. I’ve made the decision recently to once again reduce this blog to posting only twice a week instead of the current three days (Tuesdays, Thursdays & Saturdays). It makes sense going forward for me to begin posting only on Tuesdays and Thursdays because the readership during the summer months is substantially reduced. If things improve in the Fall and I’m sure they will, I’ll probably reconsider my decision. That being said I hope you all have a pleasant and happy summer.”
Now on to todays post. This post is primarily for those of you who either have or have contact with young children. These questions were compiled by a large group of highly educated professionals. They’re not a right or wrong kind of quiz but one that will certainly spark some interesting conversations. This first installment will give you ten questions to work with. Future installments will continue until we’ve reviewed all 268. Have fun reviewing them with the kids and hopefully you’ll both learn a few things about each other.
If you ruled the world and could have anything you wanted, and people would do anything you wanted, do you think you’d get greedy and mean or be good and fair?
Do you think boys or girls have it easier?
If your mother promised to be home at 2:00 in the afternoon to take you to the movies but didn’t show up until suppertime and didn’t even phone, what would be a good punishment for her? Would punishing her be likely to make her on time in the future?
If all of your best friends were wiling to be absolutely honest and tell you exactly what they liked and disliked about you, would you want them to?
Would you rather have a strict teacher who was fair and taught you a lot or one who was relaxed and fun but didn’t teach you much?
One day your father gets a really weird idea and dyes his hair green and puts a ring through his nose. Knowing everyone would be looking at him and snickering, would you go shopping with him if he wanted your company?
When you make a mistake, do you make up excuses? If so, do you think people believe you?
If you could have a round-trip in a time machine and travel any distance into the past or the future, where would you want to go?
If a friend had an important secret and didn’t want other people to learn about it, would telling you the secret be a big mistake?
If your parents were worried about a serious problem that had nothing to do with you directly, would you want them to tell you about it or would you rather not know?
Well, there you have the first ten questions. I hope they’ll help you help the children to learn about themselves.
Today I thought I should step away from all of the excitement connected with the World Cup. The endless supply of Tik-Toker’s are doing a fine job of informing the world about the USA and I’m sincerely happy about that. Reality will return soon enough, so enjoy our time in the sun as best you can. Todays post is a collection of thoughts and opinions by one of my favorite writers and philosophers, Oscar Wilde. He was a figure both loved and hated due to his many writings and personal exploits. I’ve always appreciated his Irish sense of humor and skilled and vicious use of sarcasm. A warning for those of you (myself included) who wield the sharp sword of sarcasm at every turn. It’s always a hazardous hobby even on the good days. Let’s get started.
ON WOMEN
“American women are pretty and charming: little oases of elegant unreasonableness in a vast desert of practical common sense.”
“Women are meant to be loved, not understood.”
“A woman will flirt with anyone in the world, as long as other women are looking on.”
“I like men who have a future, and women who have a past.”
“If you really want to know what a women means, which is dangerous, always look at her but never listen.”
ON MEN
“Men become old, they never become good.”
“I sometime think that God, in creating man, rather overestimated his ability.”
“If a man is a gentleman, he knows quite enough, and if he is not a gentleman, whatever he knows is likely to be bad for him.”
“A man can be happy with any woman, so long as he does not love her.”
ON LOVE & MARRIAGE
“London is full of women who trust their husbands; one can always recognize them because they look so thoroughly unhappy.”
“The only real tragedy in a woman’s life is that her past is always her lover, and her future is invariably her husband.”
“There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman; it’s a thing that no married man knows anything about.”
“Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious: both are disappointed.”
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ONE OF MY FAVORITES
“No great artist sees things as they really are; if he did, he would cease to be an artist.”
Today I’d like to talk about marriage. It always seems like a topic that everyone has an opinion on and so do I. As far as I can see there are no real experts on marriage. If there were they couldn’t possibly explain why a little more than fifty percent of all marriages fail miserably. I have the right to speak on this subject because I’ve been married twice and divorced twice. I married for sex initially (bad move) and then married for love (or so I thought), (another bad move). Do I have solutions for this trend – I do not. As best I can determine getting married is much like going to Las Vegas and losing everything you own and then complaining about Las Vegas for ruining your life. I’m currently unmarried and my better-half and I have been together for almost thirty years. That just tells me when it’s the right person, life can be good.
Todays post will cite a number of well known celebs on their thoughts on marriage. This should convince you that they have no clue either. Here we go . . .
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” Oscar Wilde
“The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.” S.T. Coleridge
“Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.” George Bernard Shaw
“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.” Johnny Carson
“If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry.” Anton Chekhov
“Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.” Phyllis Diller
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” Groucho Marx
“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” Sam Kenison
“It’s true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, “Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then”. Lyle Lovett – after marrying Julia Roberts
“Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.” Leonardo da Vinci
My Fav
“Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, then you lose interest.” Irwin Corey
I really and truly hate the media. Even before the term “fake news” appeared, I was well ahead of the game. I was raised during a time when there were only three networks and the main voice for America on any subject was Walter Cronkite. Whatever he said was immediately believed as information that came down from the Mount with the Ten Commandments. Now that we’ve progressed a little (LOL) we’re beginning to find out what fools our parent’s generation was and unfortunately they passed some of that foolishness along to their kids. Eventually the rest of the country finally figured all of this out because of a few thousand regular folks taking to the airways armed with a new term called “Podcasts”. Thanks also to people like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg for maintaining freedom of speech on their social media platforms. With that being said todays post contains misquotes and misstatements from numerous and varied celebrities experts and media outlets. Enjoy . . .
“If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” George Gobel – comedian.
“The crime bill passed by the senate would reinstate the federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President, hijacking an airliner, and murdering a government poultry inspector.” Published by Knight Ridder News Service
Retraction: The “Greek Special” is a huge, 18-inch pizza and not a huge, 18-inch penis, as described in an ad. Blondie’s Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday’s ad may have caused. Correction in the Daily Californian (real fake news)
As a prize – a beautiful riding mower with optional ass scratcher. Announcer on TV who meant to say “grass catcher”.
“To say this book is about me (which is the main reason I was uncomfortable – me, me, me,. me . . . frightening) is ridiculous. This book is not about me.” Kate Moss, model, on her book, Kate: The Kate Moss Book
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” Decca Recording Company turning down the Beatles, 1962
I really and truly hate the media. Even before the term “fake news” appeared, I was well ahead of the game. I was raised during a time when there were only three networks and the main voice for America on any subject was Walter Cronkite. Whatever he said was immediately believed as information that came down from the Mount with the Ten Commandments. Now that we’ve progressed a little (LOL) we’re beginning to find out what fools our parent’s generation was and unfortunately they passed some of that foolishness along to their kids. Eventually the rest of the country finally figured all of this out because of a few thousand regular folks taking to the airways armed with a new term called “Podcasts”. Thanks also to people like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg for maintaining freedom of speech on their social media platforms. With that being said todays post contains misquotes and misstatements from numerous and varied celebrities experts and media outlets. Enjoy . . .
“If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” George Gobel – comedian.
“The crime bill passed by the senate would reinstate the federal death penalty for certain violent rimes: assassinating the President, hijacking an airliner, and murdering a government poultry inspector.” Published by Knight Ridder News Service
Retraction: The “Greek Special” is a huge, 18-inch pizza and not a huge, 18-inch penis, as described in an ad. Blondie’s Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday’s ad may have caused. Correction in the Daily Californian (real fake news)
As a prize – a beautiful riding mower with optional ass scratcher. Announcer on TV who meant to say “grass catcher”.
“To say this book is about me (which is the main reason I was uncomfortable – me, me, me,. me . . . frightening) is ridiculous. This book is not about me.” Kate Moss, model, on her book, Kate: The Kate Moss Book
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” Decca Recording Company turning down the Beatles, 1962
everyuselessthing.com 