Well the weather has taken an unfriendly turn into winter. The electric blanket has been officially plugged in and the heavy clothing is being unpacked and aired out. I have the distinct feeling that this winter may be one to remember and I hope I’m wrong. Rather than thinking thoughts of the coming winter I’ll do as I always do – POST MORE LIMERICKS. I’ve dug into the archives once again to retrieve a few winners that should not be read by the youngsters. I’d rate these as PG or worse. Here goes nothing . . .
Living in Maine is always an adventure especially concerning the changing weather patterns. Lots of snow, lots of wind, lots of ice, and lots of SNERT (melted snow mixed with dirt). I’ve always been a fan of cold weather and snow but my first three years in Maine gave me an entirely new perspective. My first winter purchase in Maine was a kick-ass snow blower which has become over the years my best winter friend. Other required purchases were skis, snow shoes, and layered clothing. I loved taking winter photos in the forests but that was taken to a whole other level when the snow was more than two feet deep. Todays post will be a list of weather related facts that might interest you. Mother Nature is a real bitch and she visits Maine and New England way too frequently.
Snow fell for thirty-six hours in New York in 1888. The storm dropped 50 inches of snow and became known as Great Blizzard of 1888.
Mt. Washington in New Hampshire holds the world-record of 231 mph wind gusts measured on the summit on April 12, 1934.
The Farmers Almanac lists various information, including information on the best days to castrate animals, to quit smoking, and to can jellies and jams.
Hurricane-force winds (74+ mph) occur on average every other day on Mt. Washington during the winter months.
The Blizzard of 1978 paralyzed New England for a week, dropping 27.1 inches of snow in Boston and over 40 inches in parts of Rhode Island, Massachusetts and Maine. Severe flooding occurred as the storm stalled off Long Island, combining hurricane-force wind gusts (up to 93 mph) with four destructive high-tide cycles. 99 fatalities were recorded across the states, with thousands of stranded motorists left on major highways throughout New England.
Ice storms are also common in Maine and our last major storm a few years back brought down thousands of trees and left us without electricity, water, and internet, for more than two weeks. Unfortunately that was before we purchased our whole-house generator. We did learn how to sleep with five or six blankets on the bed while wearing parkas, tassel hats, and ear muffs.
All of that being said I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. Maine is a beautiful state regardless of Mother Nature’s whims and the seacoast and beaches are second to none. It’s called America’s Vacationland for a reason.
It’s time for another quiz concerning language. I’ve discovered over the years that my knowledge of the uses of language has slowly improved but it needs to get even better. Todays quiz contains ten questions related to language and it will make you rethink how much you really know. As always the answers will be listed below. Good luck . . .
What are zoonoses?
What part of an airplane is the empennage?
What is the most common name we use for the physical affliction known as furfur?
What do the letters in the computer-world acronym BASIC represent?
What are you afraid of if you have pogonophobia?
In computerize what’s the difference between a bit and a byte?
What is the meaning of the Japanese word “judo”?
What is the unfriendly meaning of the acronym NIMBY?
What is “wagger pagger bagger” slang for in England?
What was the original meaning of “ezel”, the name 17th century Dutch artists gave to the three-legged stand we know today as an easel?
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Answers
Animal diseases communicable to man, The complete tail assembly, Dandruff, Beginner’s All-purpose Symbolic Instruction Code, Beards, A bit is a single basic unit of info and a byte is generally 8 bits, The Gentle Way, Not In My Back Yard, A wastepaper basket, Ezel is Dutch for “donkey”.
In my humble opinion the most important thing a person can have is a healthy sense of humor. Without that a person loses most of their true personality and likeability. In the worst of times being able to “crack wise” and smile a little goes a long way to calm any situation. I constantly post quotations because they tell me more about a person than meeting them in person and having a casual conversation. Even people who I really don’t care for occasionally surprise me with their quotes and a few times I actually forgave them their stupidity and changed my opinion of them. That sounds a little harsh but all of us have the capability of being harsh, crass, and opinionated and still have thoughts worth sharing. Todays post contains quotations from some of my favorite people: comedians.
“Always look out for Number One and be careful not to step in Number Two.” Rodney Dangerfield
“It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from it’s mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.” Jay Leno
“I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin
“My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.” Steven Wright
“I am at two with nature.” Woody Allen
“Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.” Rosanne Barr
You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again”. Joan Rivers
“My plastic surgeon told me my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.” Phyllis Diller
“When I meet a man I ask myself, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” Rita Rudner
“In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.” Johnny Carson
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BONUS FOR RETIREES
“Sex after ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in it’s holder is a thrill.”
I have to admit that most of my readers are rather particular about the limericks I post. Of all of my posts, the dirtiest limericks seem to get the most views while the readership lessens considerably the cleaner the limericks become. That should tell me something about my readers but I’m not actually sure what that is. Todays offerings contain some really old limericks that concern sexual DISEASES. That’s all I’m saying, see what you think.
I’ve been writing a blog of one sort or another for almost twenty years and covered everything and anything that tickled my fancy. Approximately six months ago (I’m guessing) I posted a Bible Trivia Quiz which was moderately received by my ever so faithful readers. I normally shy way from religion as a tropic of discussion but thanks to a persistent reader I will make an exception today. A young gentleman from Alabama has sent me so many email requests to do more with Bible trivia that today I’ll be posting something that just might convince him to remove me from his mailing list. The answers will be posted below. Todays topic will be:
Biblical Multiple Marriages
What king had 700 wives and 300 concubines?
Who was first man in the Bible mentioned as having more than one wife?
Who fathered 70 sons by his many wives?
What hairy man had three wives named Judith, Bashemath, and Mahalath?
Who married sisters Rachael and Leah?
Whose father had two wives named Hannah and Peninnah?
What early king had two wives named Ahinoam and Rizpah?
What women was married to two of Judah’s sons?
What New Testament woman had at least five husbands?
What son of Solomon had 18 wives and 60 concubines?
LOVE OR PUNISHMENT – WHO KNOWS?
Answers
Solomon (1 Kings 11:3), Sapphira (Act 5:5-10), Gideon (Judges 8:30), Esau (Genesis 26:24: 28:9), Jacob (29:15-25), Samuel (1 Samuel 1:1-2), Saul (1 Samuel 14:50: 2 Samuel 3:7), Tamar (Genesis 38:6-10), The woman at the well (John 4:6-19), Rehoboam (2 Chronicles 11:21)
I am finally qualified to be considered a true “Mainer”. I moved to Maine in 1999 and was told by some of the natives that I would have to live here for at least 25 years before I could even be considered a “Mainer”. I can now wear that distinction with honor since I’m my 26th year of residency. Maine is a beautiful place with Mother Nature displaying all of her wonders at every turn. Most people know very little about Maine except for it’s abundance of lobsters, a rather expensive delicacy. Unfortunately I’m one of a very small group of people who actually dislike lobsters and everything connected with them. Being the book nerd that I am I decided to learn more about lobsters and their history because I’d heard odd stories over the years about how lobsters came to be the ultimate food with a price tag that could make you gasp. Here is a paraphrased account of some lobster history.
Lobsters have always been plentiful along the coast of Maine. The Pilgrims likely dined on lobster at the first Thanksgiving. There are stories of two-foot high piles of lobsters simply washing up on the shore during that time period. When things are plentiful the price is usually reasonable as was the case until the 1800’s. Massive quantities of cheap lobster weren’t all that appetizing at the time and were used to feed prison inmates and indentured servants. Some nearby states had rules insisting their inmates eat canned lobster meat more than once a week, and other sources noted that indentured servants often demanded that their contracts limit the number of lobster meals to no more than twice weekly.
Once lobsters were able to be shipped alive, over long distances, the Maine lobster became much sought after in the Boson and New York areas. Over the next decades that custom spread across the country and even during World War II lobster was considered a high priced delicacy and not subject to wartime rationing. My how things have changed. During the recent World Cup invasion I listened to some of our British friends trying out their first taste of our famous lobster rolls. They loved the taste enough to pay upwards of $40.00 for a small sandwich. That’s just another big reason for me to avoid that delicacy since I’ve always been a cheap SOB.
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Just pass me two of those big, fat, and juicy hamburgers, “Thank you very much!
I’m a consistent user of quotations. Sometimes they’re funny and other times they only assist my poor writings to make them seem more pertinent. Todays post contains a variety of quotes from a host of known and unknown writers. Some are funny and some not so funny. You may recognize the names of the authors and maybe you won’t. It’s not really about the authors but what they’ve written. Even people who are not well known actually have the ability to say some truly profound things.
“The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born.” Elaine Boosler
“It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m wearing Milk Bone shorts.” Kelly Allen
“Human kind cannot bear very much reality.” T.S. Eliot
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason – there’s a reason.” Molly McGee
“The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.” Rebecca West
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“The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married and the married wish to be dead.” Ann Landers
“Canadians should come down to California and take the jobs away from our Mexicans.” Stanley Ralph Ross
“Politics is a means of preventing people from taking part in what properly concerns them.” Paul Valery
Wise men talk because they have somethin to say; fools talk because they have to say something. Plato
“A good husband is healthy and absent.” Japanese Proverb
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“My cat shit on my last painting. Should I take it personally?”
Are you ready for a new batch of disturbing, disgusting, and naughty limericks? One of my biggest problems in posting limericks is that I have thousands of them available but in most cases they are extremely difficult to categorize. I made the ultimate sacrifice recently and forced myself to read hundreds of limericks and to try and establish some sort of categories. Todays post will include limericks concerning Sex Substitutes. These will be copied directly from my collections with rather blunt, off-color, and the occasional appropriate profanity. These will be rated “R”, so keep the youngsters away. Lets get rolling . . .
I think we’ve all discovered the amount of weirdness online. It seems the weirder the post or vid the more likelihood of collecting a lot of clicks. Don’t ask me why. People crave being shocked and they seem to search out the bizarre for a cheap thrill. I like crazy and unusual as much as the next guy but I hesitate to follow some of the geniuses down their deep rabbit hole of truly strange and unusual fantasies. This post isn’t too strange because for me weird is only interesting if it’s true. These are true (LOL).
💞How To Find Your True Love 💞
Soak one of your socks in rose water, dry it out and put it under your bed. Send out nightly thoughts about your true love for a month, and then burn a red candle at sunset while thinking more about the object of your affections. Repeat for seven days.
❤️Here’s Another Way❤️
Pick a half-green half-red apple when the Moon is three days past full. Breathe on the green side and rub it with a red cloth while reciting this verse: “Fire sweet and fire red, warm the heart and turn the head.” Kiss the red half, and give it to the object of your desire. If he/she eats it he/she will fall under your spell.
⛈️Strange Rains⛈️
June 1901 -South Carolina – Cat fish, Perch, and Trout
August 1890 – Baghdad, Iraq – An edible substance (thought to be desert lichen of tamarisk) fell during a heavy shower. The locals gathered it up and made it into bread (Manna from heaven?)
1897 – Macerata, Italy – Millions of seeds from the Judas Tree dropped from a blood colored cloud.
1877 – Memphis, Tennessee – Hundreds of live snakes.
If you add up the time spent eating and drinking by an average person over the course of their entire life, it comes to approximately 5 years. This adds up to an estimated 33 tons of food you’ve eaten, which is the equivalent of six entire elephants. Unfortunately what goes in must eventually come out. The result is during your lifetime you will produce a pile of poo about the size of a medium sized car. Some animals, other than humans, that love to eat poo include rats, mice, rabbits, dung beetles, flies gorillas, and dogs.
