I just love reading and listening to news and current events, not for their overwhelming truthfulness but for their misleading and sometimes stupid inaccuracies. Once upon a time the news was reported by actual journalists who dug up the information and submitted it to highly capable editors to keep things as accurate as possible. Unfortunately, these days we have a huge selection of news readers and talking heads with nice hair, big boobs, all handsome and beautiful, who all get their stories as reported to them by the general use wire services. They’re lucky if they can pronounce some of the words properly. Here are a few of my favorite headlines that are both ridiculous and ludicrous.
LARGER KANGAROOS LEAP FURTHER, RESEARCHERS FIND
ALCOHOL ADS PROMOTE DRINKING
CHILDS DEATH RUINS COUPLE’S HOLIDAY
QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED
ILLITERATE? WRITE TODAY FOR FREE HELP
SURVEY FINDS DIRTIER SUBWAYS FTER CLEANING JOBS WERE CUT
SCIENTISTS SEE QUAKES IN L. A. FUTURE
MAN SHOOTS NEIGHBOR WITH MACHETE
I think these headlines have helped make my point. Pay close attention to all of those alleged reporters as you watch their multitude of news programs and opinion pieces!
For most of my life I’ve loved the winter and snow and cold weather. That being said this may have been the worse winter ever with continual losses of electric power, telephone coverage, and internet and that doesn’t even include my fractured ankle and finally being exposed to Covid-19. As global warming continues to wreak havoc on the weather patterns, there’s no normal anymore. Maybe it’s time for me to move further north and live above the arctic circle. The snow, ice, and cold remain consistent there.
Here are a few items of weather-related trivia that you might find interesting.
The Antarctic ice is forced out over the Ross Sea – a large inlet into Antarctica – in a layer hundreds of feet thick. It is called the Ross Ice Shelf (see above) and it’s area is about that of France.
At the height of various ice ages of the last million years, as much as thirty percent of all the land of the planet was covered with a thick layer of ice.
The first mention of an iceberg in world literature did not come until 800 A.D. An account of the travels of the Irish monk, St. Brendan in the north Atlantic, three centuries before, appeared around then and mentioned having sighted a “a floating crystal castle”,
An iceberg larger than Belgium was observed in the South Pacific in 1956. It was 208 miles long and 60 miles wide – the largest ever seen.
The temperature can become so cold in eastern Siberia that the moisture in a persons breath can freeze in the air and fall to the earth.
The most recent ice age reached it’s peak in 16,000 B.C., and it wasn’t until 8000 B.C. that the ice began it’s final retreat. In 6000 B.C. the Great Lakes were clear, and for the first time in 25,000 years Canada began to lose its ice cover. It was not until 3000 B.C. that the ice retreated to its present location; by then human beings were establishing cities throughout the Middle East.
After reading all of that, maybe this wasn’t such a bad year after all.
I haven’t been posting much in recent weeks due in part to my broken ankle and my inability to walk. I won’t drag this out because other people’s medical problems are truly uninteresting to most everyone else. Here is my short version of events.
Ankle Surgery – 2 days in hospital
Returned home to discover my better-half diagnosed with Covid-19
2d day I was also found to be positive for Covid-19
A total of 12 days of isolation for us both accompanied by all of the fun Covid symptoms.
Now that Covid-19 has been dealt with we can once again try to get back to some kind of normal.
Thats the extent of my whining, bitching, and complaining about this run of bad luck. I’m still not very mobile but on the bright side, in four or five more weeks I should be back to what I once thought was normal. Hopefully my blogging will increase as well.
Since I decided to reduce my posting to three days a week thing have gotten even more screwed up. I just spent two glorious days in the Southern Maine Medical Center for surgery on my ankle. I was walking around my home, minding my own business, when I took a step from a carpeted room to the hardwood floor of the living room. Tip #1: Never wear thick cotton socks on hardwood floors. I went down hard after sliding on the floor and absolutely crushed my ankle. The surgery lasted a couple of hours and now I’m screwed for the next 6-8 weeks.
The two days in the hospital were exactly as you’d suspect; they were the worst. Uncomfortable beds, questionable food, and not just a few condescending staff members. I was my fun-loving self except for a few profane outbursts that frightened a few of the more sensitive caregivers. One exceptional nurse stood out from the others. She was everything you could hope for, and I wish there were many more like her. A big thanks to Heather for her handling of a big hard-to-get-along-with ape like me under really crappy circumstances. She did herself proud.
Needless to say, my blogging will be sporadic at best until the wheelchair arrives.
Today’s history lesson contains a few unusual occurrences as recorded by European media during the last 100 years. They are quirky and strange but nonetheless true. After reading some of these you can understand how we Americans are at times a bit bizarre as well. We get it honestly from many previous generations from the Continent.
On April 14, 1930, the Russian poet Vladimir Mayakovsky shot himself. In his suicide note he said, “I do not recommend it for others.”
In 1931 the Spanish tennis player Lily de Alvarez Shop the tennis world when she appeared at Wimbledon wearing a divided skirt (culottes), the forerunner of shorts.
On October 23, 1933, a temperature inversion trapped fog and smog over London, obliterating the sun and causing total darkness at midday.
On December 24, 1935, the death of the avant-garde Austrian composer Alban Berg from an insect bite was reported.
In 1936 King Edward VIII once avoided what he thought might be an awkward interview with his private secretary by jumping out of a window of Buckingham palace and running away to hide in the garden.
On July 21, 1937, at six o’clock in the evening, all BBC transmitters and post office wireless telegraph and wireless telephone stations in the British Isles closedown for 2 minutes, to coincide with the funeral of Guglielmo Marconi the inventor of the radio.
On June 1, 1938, the Hungarian playwright Odon von Horvath, who had lived in fear of being struck by lightning all of his life, was killed in Paris when a branch fell on his head during a thunderstorm.
In 1939 a patent application was lodged for the “Wind Bag”, designed for receiving and storing gas formed by the digestion of foods. A tube linked the rectum led to a collection chamber, while the device was held in place under one’s clothes by a belt.
In 1940 during the height of the German spy scare, a vicar’s daughter in Winchester reported the British officer billeted with them to the authorities on the grounds of his suspiciously foreign behavior. The man had failed to flush the toilet.
On July 23, 1943, Eric Brown, blew up his paralyzed father by attaching a landmine to his wheelchair. He later explained to the court that he had not liked his father’s attitude. Brown was eventually declared insane.
I’ve posted about many odd and strange things that have taken place in the United States, and I think it’s only fair that these postings today give our European forefathers credit for some of their weirdness.
It’s time for me to try and convince you non-limerick lovers that they can be something other than lewd and bawdy. They’re fun to create and even more fun to read when written by members of the younger generations. Here are a few written by and for children. Enjoy!
There once was a young chap from Eugene.
Who grew so abnormally lean,
And flat and compressed
That his back met his chest,
And, viewed sideways, he couldn’t be seen!
😗😗😗
A sea serpent saw a big tanker.
Bit a hole in its side and then sank her.
He swallowed the crew
In a minute or two,
And then picked his teeth with the anchor.
😊😊😊
There was a young bather from Bewes,
Who reclined on the banks of the Ouse.
His radio blared,
And passers-by stared,
For all he had on was the news!
🙃🙃🙃
There are men in the village of Erith
Whom nobody seeth or heareth.
They spend hours afloat
In a flat-bottomed boat,
Which nobody roweth or steereth.
🤩🤩🤩
And here’s one final extra limerick for a nurse I once knew.
Believe me, this limerick is understating her illness. LOL
People love coming up with odd names or nicknames for just about everything. Even if a real name already exists, someone will attempt to create a nickname for it. I remember one from my childhood that was used to replace the term “bad breath” and it was “doggie breath”. We were stupid kids but never passed up an opportunity to create what would be considered a wise-ass replacement name. “Tubby’ was the skinny kid, “Slim” was the fat kid, and “brainiac” was the dumb ass. Why we felt the need to change the names of things that don’t need to be changed, who knows. Here are a few examples from history to further make my point without answering the big question, “Why do we do it?”.
The U.S. nickname “Uncle Sam” was derived from Uncle Sam Wilson, a meat inspector in Troy New York. During the war of 1812, Wilson’s “U.S.” stamped on meat barrels prepared for the U.S. Army was interpreted by some workmen to stand for their boss, “Uncle Sam” and the legend grew. (In newspaper cartoons during the Civil War, the figure of Uncle Sam took on the appearance of President Lincoln.)
During his career, Vladimir Ilyich Ulanov employed at least 150 pseudonyms. The best-known was Lenin. (1870-1924).
The most common name in the world is neither Ching nor John. It’s Muhammad.
The original name for the United Nations was “Associated Powers”. Prime Minister Winston Churchill affected the change to “United Nations” by quoting Lord Byron to President Roosevelt.
Millions of pounds recorded the, and anew.
Their children’s lips shall echo them, and say –
Here, where the sword united nations drew,
Our countrymen were worrying on that day!
And this is much, and all which will not pass away.”
Natives of Papua, New Guinea, who deposit their money in the bank at Port Moresby don’t get numbered accounts. Instead, they are identified by the names of fish and birds and other natural objects. One bank customer is called “sawfish” and another “hornbill”. Each depositor keeps his symbol secret.
The male Mayan Indian would change his name twice as he was growing up. His original name was linked with the date he was born. He would get a new name, describing a personal feature, when he was initiated into manhood. On marrying, he would take on his formal name.
A book of maps is called an atlas because the innovative 16th-century Flemish geographer Gerard S. Mercator’s books of maps detailing various portions of Europe sported on its cover a picture of the Greek titan Atlas holding the world on his shoulders – and thus this book became known as an atlas.
When Adolf Hitler was in charge in Germany, policemen and farmers were not allowed to call their horses by the name “Adolf”.
In 1935, “Iran” became the new name for what had been Persia, which was the new name for what had earlier been Iran.
There are an estimated 2.4 million people in the US named Smith, and over 1.8 million named Johnson, and over 1.6 million named Williams or Williamson, and over 1.4 million named Brown, and over 1.3 million named Jones. Keeping up with the Joneses would appear to be easier than keeping up with the Smiths.
As a kid, my given name was John. You can’t get much more boring than just John but that didn’t keep my friends from calling me just that, “Just John”. I had another nickname, “Crazy Legs” but the explanation for that one will remain a deep and dark secret that I’ll take to my grave. LOL
Welcome to installment #9. These questions are a little more intense but very interesting answers should be forthcoming. And for those of you who feel these questions are dark and threatening, here’s one for you tamer or lamer folks: How many cute and furry puppies must you save from a fate worse than death to be considered a true pet lover? LOL
Let’s get going!
*****
If you were able to wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else, would you do so? Whom would you pick?
If you are happily married, and then met someone you felt certain would always bring you deeply passionate, intoxicating love, would you leave your spouse? What if you had kids?
When you do something ridiculous, how much does it bother you to have other people notice it and laugh at you?
Who is the most important person in your life? What could you do to improve the relationship? Will you ever do it?
Assuming that complete recovery was instantaneous, would you be willing to accept a year of complete paralysis below the neck to prevent the otherwise certain extinction of the blue whale?
*****
Do you believe in capital punishment? Would you be willing to execute a man sentenced to death by the courts if you were selected by lot to do so and he would go free if you refused? Assume you know no details of the trial.
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
You are at a lake with some friends; the sun is warm, and the water is cold. Going into the water would temporarily chill you but you knew that later on the warm sun would be even more enjoyable and you’d be glad you had gone in. Would you take the plunge?
Do you believe in any sort of God? If not, do you think you might still pray if you were in a life-threatening situation?
While out one day, you are surprised to see your mother holding hands with someone who is clearly her lover. She notices you, runs over, and begs you not to say anything to your father. How would you respond? What would you do if your father later told you that he was going crazy because he kept thinking your mother was having an affair yet knew it was just his imagination?
*****
If 100 people your age were chosen at random, how many do you think you’d find leading a more satisfying life than yours?
If you went to a beach and it turned out to be a nude beach, would you stay and go swimming? Would you swim nude?
Have you had satisfying sex within the last three months?
Would it disturb you much if, upon your death, your body were simply thrown into the woods and left to rot? Why?
Which would you prefer: a wild, turbulent life filled with joy, sorrow, passion, and adventure – intoxicating successes and stunning setbacks; or a happy, secure, predictable life surrounded by friends and family without such wide swings of fortune and mood?
*****
IF THESE QUESTION DON’T PROVOKE DISCUSSION, NOTHING WILL!
It’s painfully obvious to me that the month of February is boring. The craziest solution to liven up February is to assign ridiculous holidays and commemorative days to keep us all from diving off the nearest bridge. The following list is only a portion of the things assigned to February.
February 1, 2023 – National Freedom Day
February 2, 2023 – Groundhog Day
February 9, 2023 – National Pizza Day
February 12, 2023 – Lincoln’s Birthday
February 12, 2023 – Super Bowl 2023 / Super Bowl LVII
February 14, 2023 – St. Valentine’s Day
February 9-20, 2023 – Chicago Auto Show
February 20, 2023 – Washington’s Birthday / Presidents’ Day
February 21, 2023 – Mardi Gras Carnival in New Orleans, LA
February 21, 2023 – Fat Tuesday / Shrove Tuesday, Day before Lent
February 22, 2023 – Ash Wednesday
*****
That being said, here is a reposting of mine concerning Ground Hog Day and the insanity of living in western Pennsylvania.
This holiday means only one thing in Pennsylvania and that is the appearance of our old friend ‘Punxatawney Phil’ on Gobbler’s Knob. He’s scheduled to show his furry little face on the second of February every year to let us know whether we’ll have six more weeks of winter.
To reminisce a bit, way too many years ago I was a rookie state police trooper in Pennsylvania. To a newbie that means getting stuck with every crappy police detail they can find for you. One of the crappier of those was being sent to Punxatawney to guard “Phil” and for crowd control in and around Gobbler’s Knob. I thought they were kidding but they weren’t.
A few of us rookies were ordered to make the trek to Punxatawney, PA along with a veteran sergeant who must have lost the coin toss. We arrived in our cleanest and well pressed uniforms, met with all of the local politicians, and then were introduced to ‘Phil”’. He was cordial enough for a stupid gopher, but we were well advised to keep our hands away from him. He was a touch cranky and known to nip off a finger or two if provoked.
Believe it or not the crowds were huge. I’ve never understood why every local politician from miles around flocks to that ceremony. I guess they’re just hoping to get some free TV facetime or maybe even an interview with some of the local media. I met some mayors, some councilmen, and a few political hacks which unfortunately weren’t even as interesting as meeting ‘Phil’.
The only good thing I experienced that day was a rather buxom news reporter from a nearby town who took an immediate liking to my manly stature and my pretty uniform. She was much less furry than ‘Phil’ which was a plus and she also paid for my dinner. She even convinced me that dating her was the right thing to do. So, I did.
It’s sad to say but we all know any relationship built upon a Groundhog Day Ceremony was doomed from the start. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t care to drive to Punxatawney (a three hour round trip) every weekend. I finally explained to her that long distance relationships just never work out no matter what. It wasn’t her it was me. I dragged out all of the old clichés I could remember and disappeared from her life.
This morning has started off strangely. Fifteen seconds after I sat down at the computer the power went out. I’ve lost all power in the house except for a few limited outlets hooked into the generator. It maintains all of the most important functions of the house like heat and water and thankfully this computer. I’ll be writing this in the dark with no way to upload the content until sometime later today (I hope). Maine has been having a rash of storms in recent weeks and the power grid has been damaged in many areas. I have to admit, this shit is getting really old and all of my bitching and complaining won’t help. Let’s move on to something a little more interesting.
I post a lot of limericks of all types. Some of you like them cute and funny, some like the children’s limericks and some others prefer the more bawdy and suggestive ones. Truthfully, I enjoy them all when the circumstances permit. Today I’ll pass along a few of the milder and sillier ones that won’t scare the children or any adults with delicate sensibilities.
😛😛😛
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.
She was frightened and screamed very loud.
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter,
She sat up in bed and meowed.
😏😏😏
A young man dining out in Peru
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout
And wave it about
Or the rest will be wanting one too!”
😊😊😊
There were three little birds in the wood
Who sang hymns anytime that they could.
What the words were about
They could never make out,
But they felt it was doing them good.
🙃🙃🙃
A glutton who lived on the Rhine
When asked at what time he would dine,
He replied, “At eleven,
Four, six, three and seven,
And eight and a quarter to nine.”
😎😎😎
Well finally some good news. The power has been turned on (for how long I couldn’t guess) and I’ll get this posted as quickly as possible.
everyuselessthing.com 