Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category

10/25/2021 **DUMB 💩💩 AWARD**   Leave a comment

I’ve given a lot of thought to reintroducing this “Dumb Shit Award”. It’s something I instituted on my former blog and I feel it’s time to bring it back. We’ve become what is known as a target-rich environment. This award is only given to people or things that have earned this prestigious honor.

So I’d like to introduce the first “Dumb Shit Award” winner for 2021, namely anyone who refuses to be vaccinated against Covid-19. All of those “Dumb Shits” who think by defying the government they will somehow protect the rest of use from infection. Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot, those “Dumb Shits” could care less about anyone else. Congratulations to you all.

TO COLLECT YOUR AWARD, REPORT TO YOUR LOCAL VACCINATION CLINIC

10/25/2021 Dumb Republican Quotes   Leave a comment

This is the first of two posts concerning our two major political parties. I decided to do the dumb quotes of the Republicans first to avoid the never ending complaints of bias from the Democrats and other Liberals. After all this time they still haven’t gotten my core message. I don’t much care for any politicians from any party. This is my friendly gesture to all of you non-Republicans out there that stupid things are consistent to all parties. Enjoy . . .

  • “If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” ~ George W. Bush
  • “When the President does it that means that it’s not illegal.” ~ Richard M. Nixon
  • “Exercise freaks are the ones putting stress on the health care system.” ~ Rush Limbaugh
  • “Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.” ~ Jerry Falwell
  • “Facts are stupid things.” ~ Ronald Reagan
  • “This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.” ~ George W. Bush
  • “Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.” ~ Ronald Reagan
  • “[America has to import so many workers because] for the last 35 years we have aborted more than a million people who would have been in our workforce.” ~ Mike Huckabee
  • “I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged.” ~ Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
  • “I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started.” ~ Donald Rumsfeld
  • “Well, I learned a lot. I went down to (Latin America) to find out from them and (learn) their views. You’d be surprised, they’re all individual countries.” ~ Ronald Reagan
  • “We have a lot of work to do. It’s a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border.” ~ John McCain (the countries share no common border)
  • “The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.” ~ Rush Limbaugh
  • “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.” ~ Representative. Virginia Foxx
  • “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” ~ George W. Bush

Be sure to check back tomorrow for the Democratic posting on this subject. You’ll see that both stupid and smart people have the ability look ridiculous at times. It’s unfortunate that we the citizenry are forced to listen to all their never-ending nonsense.

GOOD LUCK TO US ALL

10/24/2021 How Dumb Are We?   Leave a comment

As I read through the current event postings from across the Internet I surprisingly still see a lot of handwringing concerning airport screenings, TSA inappropriateness, and general all-around unhappiness with the process. I’ve flown my fair share over the years but I’ve never flown a great deal since 9/11 occurred. Members of my family have and I’m familiar with most of the screening processes that are being used now. And even though a great many terrorist threats have been eliminated or stopped by their screening, there remains a certain percentage of the population (ACLU) constantly complaining about screenings, profiling, racial bias, inappropriate searching, and anything else that comes to mind. I admit there’ve been some ridiculous reports of activities by TSA but overall they’re done a pretty good job as far as I can see. The following list is a short test for any of my readers out there who are the people that think TSA oversteps. Take this little test to help you understand why profiling is a legitimate tool and should be used as such. Then read the additional entries below the test and see how you feel then.

Do you remember?

1. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by:
a. Olga Korbitt
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwartzeneger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

2. In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

3. During the 1980’s a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

4. In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

5. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:
a. The Smurfs
b. Davy Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

STILL BATTING 1000 ?

6. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a U.S. Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by:
a. Captain Kid
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

7. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

8. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by! :
a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


9. In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill’s women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

10. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was
diverted to a crash by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed by:
a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
b. The Supreme Court of Florida
c. Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

11. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NF! L
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

12. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
a. Bonny and Clyde
b. Captain Kangaroo
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

Nope, I really don’t see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? Let me continue on . . .

22 December 2001 – Shoe bomber: An al-Qaeda operative, Richard Reid, attempted but failed to detonate a bomb concealed in his shoes while on board a plane from Paris to Miami.

5 November 2009 – Fort Hood shooting: US Army Major Nidal Malik Hasan who serving as a Psychiatrist at Fort Hood, Texas opened fire on fellow service members resulting in 13 deaths and 29 wounded.

25 December 2009 – Underwear bomber: Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab attempted to blow up Northwest Airlines flight 253 but failed.

1 May 2010 – Time Square bomber: Faisal Shahzad ingnited a bomb in his vehicle parked in Times Square but the explosive device failed to detonate.

15 April 2013 – Boston Marathon bombing: Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev planted two bombs near the finish line of the Boston Marathon. The explosion killed three and injured over 180 people.

12 June 2016 – Orlando nightclub shooting: an American-born citizen of Afghan descent entered Pulse, a gay night club, and began shooting resulting in 49 deaths and 53 injured.

31 October 2017 – NYC truck attack: Sayfullo Saipov, who was inspired by ISIS used a rented Home Depot flatbed pickup truck to drive down a bike path killing eight and injurying 11.

6 December 2019 – Naval Air Station Pensacola shooting: Mohammed Saeed Alshamrani, an aviation student from Saudi Arabia, opened fire at the Naval Air Station Pensacola. The attack directed by al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula resulted in the death of three US Navy sailors and wounded eight.

(Sarcasm On) So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, TSA officers will no longer be allowed to profile certain people. They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President’s security detail, and anyone else except for Muslim males between the ages 17 and 40. (Sarcasm off)

“STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES!”

10/23/2021 Weird Facts and a Joke   Leave a comment

As you all know, I collect weird, unusual, and strange facts. Over the years my collection of weird facts has grown so large that I feel the need to share them with you just so someone other than me can enjoy them. Here are just ten of them that I’d like to pass along. It’s giving me something to do on this cold, rainy, and dreary day in Maine. I can feel winter sneaking up on me and I’m not sure I ready for the frigid cold weather and snow. Here we go . . .

  • Two 1903 paintings were sold at auction for $590,000 – the paintings were in the famous “Dogs Playing Poker” series.
  • Actor Burt Reynolds was originally cast to play Hans Solo in the first Star Wars film. He dropped out just before filming started.
  • 7% of Americans claim they never bathe at all.
  • The number of U.S. college students studying Latin is three times the number studying Arabic.
  • If you could drive to the sun at 55 mph it would take you about 193 years.
  • Everyone has his or her own unique odor identity, or “smelly fingerprint”.
  • 10% of the world’s volcanoes are in Japan. Among them, 108 have erupted in the last 10,000 years, 50 in the last 100 years, and 36 are currently active.
  • There are approximately 250,000 sweat glands in a pair of feet, and they excrete as much as half a pint of moisture each day.
  • Each domestic cow emits about 105 pounds of methane a year.
  • It takes your mouth, esophagus, stomach, small intestine, gallbladder, pancreas and liver just to digest a glass of milk.

Now that the weird facts list has been completed, I thought you might enjoy a little humor. Being a former police officer this joke made me laugh out loud. Any cop can tell you that things like this actually do occur and they always helped to break up a slow work day. Enjoy!

There was a middle-aged guy who had just bought a Mercedes 2000 convertible.  He headed down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “This is great,” he thought, and floored it some more, only to hear a siren and see the flashing lights of a State Police car in his rearview mirror. “I can get away from him no problem,” thought the man, and he stepped on it again until he was flying down the road at over 100 mph. Then he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this kind of thing,” so he slowed and pulled over to the side of the road to wait for the officer to catch up with him. The pursuing officer pulled in behind the Mercedes, got out, and walked up to the man. “Sir,” he said, looking at his watch, “my shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me one good reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.” The fellow looked at the patrolman and said, “Last week my wife ran off with a  State Trooper and I thought you were bringing her back.”

The patrolman said, “Have a nice day.”

THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I STILL MISS POLICE WORK

10/21/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

A diminutive maiden name Hilda,

Had a date with a top body-builder;

He said that he should,

That he could and he would,

And he did – and it damn near killed her!

10/21/2021 50 Things I Love   Leave a comment

A few weeks ago I supplied you with a list of fifty things that annoyed me. That was a modified list of The 100 Things I Hate from eleven years ago. Now I’m going to do the same thing to The list of 100 Things I Love. After closely reviewing my old list I was able to eliminate half of the items. It wasn’t an easy job and I have a feeling I’ll be taken to task for some of things I eliminated by friends and family alike. So be it. Here’s my revised list of the Fifty Things I Love, but be warned all of you nitpicker’s out there. This new list can be updated without notice and you might just be eliminated the next time around. Here they are . . .

licking the hairs at the base of a woman’s spine, kids laughing, people watching, sex in the morning, small breasts, reading anything, being naked in the morning, real coffee, lucy my cat, the ocean, getting oil massages, watching your lips on me, honesty, medium-sized breasts, skinny-dipping, truth, large breasts, girl watching, pretty feet, computer games, my better half, , orgasms anytime, huge breasts, BJ’s at night, masturbation-alone or with a friend, being naked in the afternoon, old friends, making out in the back seat of a car, all animals, sloppy tongue-sucking kisses, snow, BJ’s in the morning, movies that make you cry, making you laugh, juicy fantasies, growing herbs, mom and dad, sculpting, painting, history, reading your tarot cards, creating anything, jacuzzies, deck time, blogging, writing, winemaking, grandchildren.

As a courtesy I’ll add this formal apology to all those people who were removed from the list as well as a number of things that were originally listed that I can no longer perform. No wise cracks please. You know who you are and so do I.

WHO LOVES YOU BABY?

10/20/2021 “1958 vs. 2021”   Leave a comment

I really don’t think another of my rants about political correctness is necessary today. These scenarios speak for themselves, in volumes.

Scenario 1:

1958 – Jack goes duck hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack. The Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun out to show Jack.

2021 – School goes into an immediate lock-down and classes are suspended. FBI and local police are called, Jack is hauled off to jail and his gun confiscated. His truck is towed away and impounded. Counselors are called in to aid any traumatized students and teachers. The Vice Principle was later terminated and cited for not wearing his mask.

Scenario 2:

1958 – Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. A crowd gathers. Mark wins the fight. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2021 – Police are called and SWAT team arrives — both Johnny and Mark are arrested. They are charged with assault and both are suspended even though Johnny started it. Both are also cited for failure to maintain safe distance requirements because of the pandemic. Johnny was also found unmasked. Juvenile hearings are scheduled and Anger Management therapy mandated. Teachers are required to attend a training seminar on How to Handle Out of Control Students and a review session on Covid-19 rules and requirements is scheduled..

Scenario 3:

1958 – Jeffrey will not be still in class and he disrupts other students. Jeffrey is sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and doesn’t disrupt the class again.

2021 – Jeffrey is isolated from other students. His parents are called and he’s transported to his doctor’s office. A recommended dose of Ritalin is prescribed by his physician. He then becomes a zombie. Next he’s then tested for ADD allowing the family to collect extra money (SSI) from the government because of his disability. Family counseling is ordered by the authorities.

Scenario 4:

1958 – Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.

2021 – Billy’s dad is immediately arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to a foster care home until the father has completed his Anger Management classes. Billy then joins a local gang and is later arrested for a host of crimes. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she vaguely remembers being abused herself as a child and their dad ends up in prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist and Billy steals a car and runs away.

Scenario 5:

1958 – Mark gets a headache and brings some aspirin to school. Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal outside at the smoking dock.

2021 – The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons. His parents are detained and their house searched for any illicit drugs or paraphernalia. The Principal is suspended pending an investigation of his receiving drugs from a suspect student and supplying that student with cigarettes.

Scenario 6:

1958 – Pedro fails high school English. He then goes to summer school, passes English and goes on to college.

2021 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by the state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files a class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is then banned from the core curriculum and Pedro is given his diploma anyway. He ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can’t speak English.

Scenario 7:

1958 – Johnny takes apart some leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July. He puts them into a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an ant hill. Ants die.

2021- ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism and possessing unauthorized explosives. The FBI investigates his parents – and all siblings are removed from their home. All computers are also confiscated. Johnny’s father and mother are placed on a terror watch list and are never permitted to fly again. The family is sued by a neighbor when a drug sniffing dog bites his son.

Scenario 8:

1958 – Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary is seen hugging him to comfort him. In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2021 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job after another teacher saw her hugging Johnny. She faces 3 years in State Prison for child molestation. Johnny undergoes 5 years of intense therapy, becomes sexually confused after hypnosis therapy revealed alleged repressed memories of abuse. He now identifies himself as a transgendered named Janine.

AHHHHH!!! THE GOOD OLD DAYS

10/19/2021 Limerick   Leave a comment

A bit of a nuisance named Liam,

Said: ” The best bits are tits, when you see’em.

But they’re usually trapped,

Cupped, wired and strapped.

So I make it my mission to free’em.

10/18/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

An engaging young filly named Sally,

Who enjoys the occasional dally,

Will sit on the lap

Of a well-endowed chap,

And declare: “Ooh, you’re right up my alley!”

10/17/2021 Why Does Everyone Hate America?   Leave a comment

I thought the title of this post would get your attention because we as Americans aren’t all that surprised when we hear how much most of the world seems to hate us. People hate us, countries hate us, individuals hate us, and yet millions of them put their lives at risk to escape their own countries to come here. I find that to be a conundrum and it needs to be examined and we’re going to do it right now.

I consider myself to be a proud and patriotic American. That being said I feel that most people on this planet have little or no respect for our country, our people, our culture (if we have one), and our politicians. When Donald Trump was president everybody on the planet including the people in this country had nothing good to say about the man. I’m finding now that Biden has been elected, other countries are already taking potshots at him as are many of our own citizens. He’s too old, he’s crotchety, he can’t remember anything. What the hell are we doing? We hate to be hated but insist on hating others including ourselves. Many of those comments I mentioned were obtained from British television and those folks don’t hold much back when criticizing.

I would gladly tell most of them if asked how little I care about their opinions on America. It’s like when you were in high school and somebody picked on your sister. It’s okay if you do it but no one else better try. I fully understand why the rest of the world shows us such little respect. We are as always our own worst enemy. I won’t even begin to discuss reality programming which makes the entire planet think we’re a bunch of mouth-breathing, arrogant morons. It’s hard to argue that fact when so many millions of Americans are so addicted to watching these staged soap operas that permit idiots to exploit their 15 minutes of fame at our expense. Fake drama, fake plot lines, and generally just a lot of BS.

There is so much weirdness in America these days it boggles the mind. I know by now to expect the absolute worst and when it doesn’t happen, I celebrate. I’d like to send a big shout out to the Media and Hollywood, for producing such crap and broadcasting it worldwide. Without fuel a fire will go out, so people, please stop fueling the damn fire.

I was thinking last night while surfing around the TV network sites, how would a reasonably religious and intelligent person living anywhere on the planet feel about America after watching an hour of TMZ or the host of reality shows clogging the airways.

I know that America and its Americans will continue moving down this road regardless of the consequences. That’s our right as free citizens to be as stupid and unmindful about others as we seem to be. However, we should really stop whining about everyone on the planet hating us. We have to get over that crybaby BS and take the heat for all the stupid crap we continue to do and then transmit it to the rest of the world.

Every time we have one of our wacko celebrities out of the country on tour, they’re seen as representing all of us. That’s about as scary as it gets for me. How about you?

GOD BLESS AMERICA – LOL

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