Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

06-25-2015 Journal–Fish Story!   Leave a comment

As I began thinking about posting this blog as I awakened this morning it was 4:10 am and I was barely human.  You need to understand something, I am not a fisherman. Nonetheless I was up and on my way for a day of deep sea fishing and thank God for Dunkin Donut’s Coffee.

We arrived at Camp Ellis, Maine, stowed our cooler on the boat and were off to begin the day at 6:00 am. Even though  I’m not a fisherman I really love being on the water regardless of the reason. Weather-wise it was the perfect morning.  It was nice and cool with a light breeze and forecasters were calling for a bright and sunny day.  For once they were right on target.

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My nephew and better-half were all fired up and ready to go and it didn’t take long for their fishing lines to get into the water.  We made a quick stop over a large school of mackerel to fill the live bait tank and then proceeded to our first fishing spot.  The two of them caught almost forty mackerel in fifteen minutes.

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Our guide brought us to one of his favorite fishing holes and within the first hour my better-half snagged four good sized stripped bass and one dumb ass seagull.  The stupid bird insisted on diving into the water and was hooked trying to steal her bait.  Fortunately he was captured, manhandled, and immediately released.  He should have stayed ashore at the nearby McDonalds and had a breakfast of french fries like all of his buddies.  Birds can be so stupid.

I normally don’t post photos of friends and family on the blog but in this case they are demanding it.  Here they are with their prizes.

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A fun day was had by all but we still were happy to return home for a quick shower, a short nap, and to relax until those big fat steaks that I’ll be cooking later were ready to eat.  I think we all need many more days like this one.  This day was the perfect example of the proverbial “mental health day”.  It was fantastic.

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01-22-2015 Journal–Moody January Blues!   4 comments

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It appears I may have contracted one of a number of viruses, cold, or a flu of some sort.  Winter is tough enough when your confined to your home but being ill at the same time is murder.  My energy level is such that I’m postponing all of my current projects for a while.

The bathroom remodel is on hold after making a surprisingly good start.  All of the supplies have been delivered from Lowe’s and are piling up in my man-cave.  That’ll start driving me crazy in short order.  I’ve resigned myself to more sedentary tasks such as writing and sketching and a hour or so everyday of Halo where I can kill a few aliens without tiring myself out. There’s nothing so satisfying as ridding a planet of bad guys without getting out of your favorite chair.

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I just finished having my breakfast which was an experiment in eating.  One of our Christmas gifts this year was a NutriBullet used to make any number of smoothies to help us drink our way to good health. I always thought that was what bourbon was for but things change I guess. I eat more than my share of veggies and herbs and I really prefer eating them on a plate and not in a smoothie.  For me smoothies sole purpose is to give me a proper substitute for creamy, sweet, and satisfying milkshakes.  With that thought in mind I decided to try something different.

Normally I’m fairly regimented in my eating habits. I love cereal and try to have it three times a week.  My other option is bacon and eggs and I’ve tried to cut back on that in recent years to just once every two weeks.  This morning I filled the NutriBullet with two cups of almond milk (which I’ve come to love), a cup and a half of cereal containing freeze dried strawberries, oat chunks, and bran.  I dropped in a half cup of blueberries and gave it two minutes in the NutriBullet. I was as shocked as anyone when I tasted it. It was fantastic and I’ll be having it again real soon.  It may not be the oft praised health food that the fanatics require but it works for me.

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The cat and I are spending some quality time together this morning after a couple of weeks of disputes.  He’s been banned from our bedroom at night because of his insistence on waking us up at odd hours for no apparent reason.  I locked him out of the bedroom a week ago and he been more than a little pissy ever since.  He doesn’t like change in his life anymore than the rest of us but he has no choice but to adjust.

I plan on taking it easy for a few more days until after the Super Bowl and then try and get back to work.  I’ve just downloaded four more novels for my Kindle and that should keep me occupied until then. 

Life goes on whether we like it or not.

10-23-2013   Leave a comment

I think it’s a good day for another trivia quiz with questions about something of which I’m not all that familiar. As I’ve said many times before I’m not a huge sports fan but I do know that many of the readers of this blog are. With that in mind here are 10 fairly difficult sports trivia questions which should challenge even the best sports trivia fanatics.

As always I’ll list the correct answers tomorrow and you can see just how good you really are. I scored a big fat zero on this one. I hope you sports people can at least do better than that. Have fun.

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1.  What souvenir did New York Giant linebacker Lawrence Taylor request from a referee after he played his last game in January 1994?

2.  What was the first sport in which women were invited to compete at the Olympics?

3.  What Baseball Hall of Fame pitcher hit a home run in his first major league at-bat and never hit another?

4.  Who was the first athlete to hit a major league home run and make a professional football touchdown in the same week?

5.  What basketball player racked up the greatest number of personal fouls during his professional career?

6.  Who was the first professional football player to run for more than 2000 yards in a season?

7.  How many baseball gloves can be made from one cow?

8.  Why did the Cincinnati Reds baseball team send an autographed second-base bag to cowboy movie star Roy Rogers?

9.  Who was scheduled to be the next batter when Bobby Thomson hit his famous home run in the 1951 National League playoffs, winning the pennant for the New York Giants?

10. What is the meaning of basketball great Shaquille Rashaun O’Neal’s given Islamic name?

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As you can see I wasn’t kidding, they are tough questions. Check back tomorrow.

10-16-2013   Leave a comment

The Winter season is upon us in everyway except for the snow which will arrive when it’s most inconvenient as always.  Everyone has been slowly abandoning their summer-wear and easing into that ever so attractive triple layered ensemble of t-shirts, sweaters, sweat shirts, gloves, hats, and parkas.  People watching takes an ugly turn every year at this time and I’ll sure miss the bikinis, thongs, short skirts, and beautiful tans.  It’s the worst part of winter for me.

It gets so bad at times that after a few months, usually in February, you might find yourself making a early trip to the local mall to have a coffee and watch the ever increasing numbers of people doing their morning walk. There’s nothing more sad than making an early morning visit to a semi-deserted mall just to watch other idiots trying to make some human contact and to get the hell out of the house for an hour or so.

I’m a little jealous of those folks who can’t wait for the snow to arrive so they have a place to play.  I’m way too clumsy to be a snow bunny.  As a kid I managed to injure myself on a regular basis during every Winter season without even trying too hard.  Skiing was always good for a twisted knee or an up close and personal relationship with the occasional tree or shrub.  Once or twice I was actually able to ski down a hill, knocking over other skiers along the way, and then ending up in a creek with thin ice and really cold water.  We skated on a remote pond for years and without fail I always managed to fall through the ice on a few occasions.

After decades of minor injuries from walking on snow and ice I gave up.  No skiing, no skating, and definitely no snowmobiling.  When my friends in Maine discovered my failures as a snow bunny they began to give me odd looks and began whispering behind my back.  This was the motivation I needed to get serious about resolving my winter issues.  After many years I’ve discovered the only winter activity I’m good at.

As you are certainly aware every ski lodge has things in common with the others.  There’s always a chair lift, snow, a big mountain, and a lodge.  My winter activities this year will be centered primarily around the lodge and it’s varied selection of things to do.  There are lovely rooms to sleep and play in.  There are hot tubs, Jacuzzis, and untold numbers of young and attractive individuals to meet and interact with.  My favorite thing in every lodge is that comfortable bar stool that sits at the end of the bar near the huge picture window. There I can sit, drink, eat, meet, and greet everyone.  The only possible injuries I might suffer would be from an accidental fall from the bar stool which would only involve a spilled drink and possibly a small bruise on my buttocks.  The other and more dangerous injury would be from one of the many skiers I see flying down the mountain just outside my window.  If by chance one of them loses control and crashes through the window, I could be seriously injured.  If I stay alert I should be fine but you never know.  It also requires that I surround myself with a bevy of alcohol drinking buxom women to help break my fall if the worst happens. As always my approach to everything Winter is SAFETY FIRST.

Hopefully this winter I’ll remain uninjured for another year. Along the way I intend to stay as warm and cozy as possible with all of my new female lodge buddies. I promise to do my part when it comes time to do a Jell-O shot or two off the stomach of an enthusiastic  female volunteer.

SKIING RULES

10-07-2013   Leave a comment

I’m not much of a sports fan and watching sports on TV has no attraction to me whatsoever.  I’ve always had better ways of spending my time than watching almost anything sport related except for possibly one thing.  I will occasionally  watch professional golf. Over the years I played a lot of golf with my father. He introduced me to it at age 13 and I played regularly for more than twenty five years with him, his coworkers, and my friends.

This week was the Presidents Cup Tournament and I didn’t watch the entire match but did waste away a few hours vegging in front of the TV.  It took me back to the days when my Dad was still able to play and the fun we had competing against each other.  It was a nice trip down memory lane for me.   As I was watching I began to remember caddying for him in a number of golf tournaments sponsored by his employer and the many pranks I pulled on him while doing so.  With that in mind I did a little searching and found the following stupid caddy remarks which will make any golfer smile.

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#10

Golfer:    "I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake."

Caddy:    "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

#09

Golfer:    "I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."

Caddy:   "Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth."

#08

Golfer:    "Do you think my game is improving?"

Caddy:    "Yes     . . . . You miss the ball much closer now."

#07

Golfer:   "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"

Caddy:   "Eventually."

#06

Golfer:    "You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world."

Caddy:    "I don’t think so . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence." 

#05

Golfer:    "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction."

Caddy:    "It’s not a watch – it’s a compass."

#04

Golfer:    "How do you like my game?"

Caddy:   "It’s very good – but personally, I prefer golf.

#03

Golfer:    "Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?

Caddy:   "The way you play, it’s a sin on any day."

#02

Golfer:    "This is the worst course I’ve ever played on."

Caddy:    "This isn’t the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago."

AND FINALLY #01

Golfer:    "That can’t be my ball, it’s too old."

Caddy:   "It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir."

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Most people think golf is such a very serious pass-time but that couldn’t be further from the truth.  With my Dad and other co-workers it was hilarious at times. I’ll offer this one story and then call this posting finished.

My father was a big, strong, and determined individual.  He was known for his long and accurate drives and could get frustrated  when he was having a bad day.  On one particular occasion he walked to the tee on one of his favorite holes, teed up, and hit the ball so far in the woods it couldn’t be found.  Up until that time it had been a close round but with that shot he lost the match. He proceeded to take his driver, twirled it around his head, and threw it as far as he could into the trees. He then walked off cursing and swearing and never looked back. 

For months afterward as we all played golf on that same course we laughed our asses off every time we came to that hole because his bent and twisted driver could be seen in the top of a nearby tree.  It was just so damn funny. The best part of the prank occurred more than a year later at his retirement dinner when his buddies climbed up that tree, retrieved the club, had it bronzed and mounted on a plaque, and gave it back to him as his retirement gift.

How can you not like golf with good friends like that.

09-01-2013   Leave a comment

Not being a huge football or sports fan has distinct advantages for me.  I can ridicule any team at any time for any reason and I do as often as I can.  It’s difficult because so many people admire, desire, and worship these football heroes (I use the term loosely) that they’ll attack anyone who isn’t awed by the mere sight of them.  My hero worshiping days were short lived after all of the scandals: cheating, lying, steroid use, and criminal activities.  No more sports heroes for me thank you very much.  I’ll stick to the real heroes, our servicemen and women who sacrifice so these hulks can make millions of dollars and be praised by the masses.

Here are a few notable quotes, past and present, by some of those sports heroes.  Thank God all of their colleges found a way to help them graduate.

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Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs that we went to."

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season…"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Joe Theismann

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for four years, not Princeton."

Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships: "I’ve won at every level, except college and pro."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team’s 7-27 record: "We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road. As general manager, I just can’t figure out where else to play."

Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."

Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet."

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’ "

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What more needs to be said?  The more they insist on standing up and talking to the media the more material I’ll have for postings like this.  Keep close tabs on your sports programs for those pregame, half-time, and post game interviews.  They’re almost as entertaining as the games.

08-28-2013   Leave a comment

Football Season is fast approaching and for those of you who are fanatical, you’re probably already in a serious state of FAN (Football Arousal Narcosis).  You find yourself sexually aroused by wide screen HD televisions, satellite NFL packages, and the occasional busty cheerleaders. I must warn you that you’re playing with fire.  Sometime in January when the end of the season is approaching and the withdrawal starts setting in you may find yourself becoming sexually attracted to Terry Bradshaw.  If that happens proceed directly to rehab, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars.

I’m not a sports fanatic in any way, shape, or form.  The only sports I watch religiously are as many games of the Little League World Series as I can. Those games seem more real and genuine to me than watching a bunch of grown men spending more than three hours to play nine innings of baseball for a few million dollars a year and all the steroid and drug enhancements they can consume.  This time of the year is when the pregame and postgame analysis programs kidnap prime time TV and fill the airways with an ungodly number of continuous sports metaphors and clichés.  It makes me just a little crazy.

Unfortunately those metaphors have slowly and insidiously made their way into our daily language.  If you didn’t already know that, WAKE UP.  We have "ballpark figures", "drop back and punt", and "going the whole nine yards". It’s also a sprint, a boxing match, even a demolition derby. It has leaders and trailers, boasts knockout punches, and will go down to the wire, the buzzer, or the final whistle.” Check these out:

“I was blind-sided by all the talk about the mortgage and someone else bought the house before me.”

“Critics of President Obama used bump and run tactics to impede the implementation of a Republican directive.”

“When Tom retired Larry carried the ball for the next 9 months and the project was completed.”

“If we get the new machinery, we will be dancing in the zone in September.”

‘”Paul fumbled the sale when he failed to return the client’s call.”

“The Democrats game plan totally revolved around the promise of jobs.”

“The lawyers decided to settle after a brief huddle.”

“After John’s failure to win the building contract, his colleagues only made things worse with their Monday morning quarterbacking.

“President Obama caves in over and over again. He punts on first down.” 

These examples are just the tip of the iceberg.  As we progress through the season begin listening carefully to the everyday newscasters, pundits, and anyone else speaking to you from your television screen.  You’ll be absolutely amazed.

AND FOR MY LATER FATHER’S BENEFIT – GO STEELERS!