Archive for the ‘Entertainment’ Category

08/04/2022 “More Historical Oddities”   Leave a comment

I’ll be the history fanatic today offering you a few facts that most people haven’t heard or read about. So, no run-of-the-mill stuff today. I hope you enjoy them.

1900

In Brussels, a young anarchist made an assassination attempt on the Prince of Wales. (Future King Edward VII). His Royal Highness reputedly explained, “Fuck it, I’ve taken a bullet.”, although he was in fact untouched.

1902

So numerous were the mistresses of Edward VII that at his coronation a special pew, known as the “loose box” was reserved for them.

1904

The French physician and psychiatrist, Madeleine Pelletier, A cross-dressing celibate feminist, became a Freemason, joining the Novell Jerusalem lodge.

1905

The 25-stone Chelsea goalkeeper, William “Fatty” Folkes, lifted a Port Vale forward off the ground and hurled him into his own goal. The penalty was awarded against Chelsea.

1905

Maurice Garin won the Tour de France, but four months later it was shown that he had traveled some of the route by train rather than by bicycle.

1909

On 12 December, King Leopold II of the Belgians married Caroline Lacroix, a prostitute who had borne him two sons. He died five days later.

1912

As soon as the Titanic went down, the White Star Line, the ship’s owners, stopped the wages of the crew.

1914

On November 4, a British attempt to capture the port of Tanga in German East Africa was repelled when the invaders were attacked by swarms of bees and were obliged to retreat into the sea.

1915

In New York, the French artist Marcel Duchamp submitted a work entitled Fountain to the Salon des Independents, which rejected it. The work comprised a porcelain urinal, signed by “R. Mutt”

07/29/2022 More Number Freaking   1 comment

I’ve posted previously about what Number Freaking is all about. If you’re really interested just do a search to read those posts. Today’s number freaking facts and stats concern sex. I knew that would get your attention very quickly. Read on and be educated . . .

  • The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior claims sexual intercourse takes place, worldwide, 120 million times every day. Assuming an average of one male per coupling and one orgasm per male It is estimated that 30 million billion (30 quadrillion) sperms are in the hunt every day.
  • Assuming a healthy male can make as many as 1500 sperm a second, in 1 min. he can produce 90,000 sperm.
  • There are 2.2 billion adult women on earth. It would take one man 17 days to make one’s sperm per woman.
  • The average number of kids born per women worldwide is 2.8. So, assume an average woman will lose 28 menstruating months to pregnancy during her lifetime.
  • The average woman will menstruate 19.66 quarts of blood in her lifetime. That’s about the same amount as two cases of wine.

  • The average American man first gets married at the age of 28.7 years and dies at the age of 76. A duration of 47.8 years. If he could manage having sex three times a day every day until he dies, he would’ve had intercourse 52,376 times.
  • According to the Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior the country boasting the longest lasting sexual intercourse is Brazil at 30 min. The USA, Canada, and Brits follow with 28, 23, and 21 min. respectively. The quickest sex in the world takes place in Thailand in 10 min. and Russia in 12 min.
  • The data shows that almost 88% of men’s penises measure between 5 and 7 inches when erect. When relaxed 90% of men are 3 to 5 inches.
  • Kinsey also reports that the average vagina is 3 inches long with a diameter of .8 inches when aroused, and 3.75 to 4.1 inches long with a diameter of 2.3 to 2.5 inches when stimulated (so it’s wide enough for birth).
  • Women in Kinsey studies said that on average they took just under 4 min. to achieve orgasm, flying solo. Practicing with a partner, however, it took between 10 and 20 min.

And here is one of my favorite factoids concerning men. There is a popular assumption that man think constantly about sex. Globally, life expectancy at birth, for a man, is 65 years. If we assume men start thinking about sex with the advent of puberty, which we’ll assume to be at age 13, that means men will think about sex every 6 seconds for 52 years or 273.5 million times.

NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL AN OBSESSION

07/28/2022 “Looney Limericks”   Leave a comment

It’s not often I get surprised especially by anonymous gifts from readers. My surprise occurred a few days ago when I received a fifty-page paperback booklet printed in 1999. It contains a collection of what are titled “Looney Limericks”. I haven’t the faintest idea who sent it but please consider this a big thank you, whoever you are. Here are a few samples of some clean and funny limericks apparently written for children.

There was a young man of Bengal

Who went to a masquerade ball.

He dressed, just for fun,

As a hamburger bun,

And a dog ate him up in the hall.

😊😊😊

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.

She was frightened and screamed very loud.

Then a happy thought hit her

To scare off the critter,

She sat up in bed and meowed.

😊😊😊

There was an old man of Blackheath,

Who sat on his set of false teeth.

Said he, with a start!

“O Lord, bless my heart!

I’ve bitten myself underneath!”

😊😊😊

There once was a hungry old leopard

Who brought home a skinny young shepherd.

Said the leopard, “I feel

That you’ll make a good meal

Once you’re properly salted and peppered.

😊😊😊

HANG IN THERE, IT’S ALMOST FRIDAY

07/27/2022 “Grave Moments”   Leave a comment

In my younger days I spent a great deal of time in the oldest graveyards in southern Massachusetts. I did gravestone rubbings, sketches, and even a number of oil paintings. I even stretched t-shirts over gravestones, did rubbings, and sold them through a local gift shop. I had many requests from families for shirts with their family name or their favorite epithets. It seems everyone is either fascinated by graveyards or afraid of them. I’ve always loved them because of the absolute quietness. I spent many an hour curled up with a good book, under a tree, in my favorite graveyard.

Here are a few unusual and catchy tombstone epithets for your entertainment.

  • M.S. Donald Robertson, died 4 June 1848, age 63. “He was a peaceable man, and, to all appearance a sincere Christian. His death was much regretted – which was caused by the stupidity of Lawrence Tulloch of Clotherton who sold him nitre instead of Epsom salts by which he was killed in the space of three hours after taking a dose of it.” Cross Kirk, Shetland, England
  • “Sacred for the memory of Anthony Drake, who died for peace and quietness sake. His wife was constantly scolding and scoffin’, so he sought for repose in a twelve-dollar coffin.” Burlington, Massachusetts
  • “Sacred to the memory of Elisha Philbrook and his wife Sarah, beneath these stones do lie. Back-to-back, my wife and I. When the last trumpet the air shall fill, if she gets up, I’ll just lie still.” Sargentville, Maine
  • “Beneath this stone, a lump of clay lies Arabella Young, who on the 21st of May began to hold her tongue.” Hatfield, Massachusetts
  • Sacred to the memory of Jared Bates who died August the 6th, 1800. His widow, aged 24, lives at 7 Elm Street, has every qualification for a good wife, and yearns to be comforted.” Lincoln, Maine
  • “Fear God, keep the commandments, and don’t attempt to climb a tree, for that’s what caused the death of me.” Eastwell, Kent, England
  • “Here lies I, Jonathan Fry. killed by a skyrocket in my eye socket.” Frodsham, Cheshire, England

IT SEEMS A SENSE OF HUMOR LAST FOREVER

R.I.P.

07/26/2022 “Pearls of Wisdom”   2 comments

Who doesn’t love trivia? Even a person who reads trivia and claims not to enjoy it actually does learn something. The more facts you learn, regardless of content, adds information to your memory banks. “More” is always better than “Less”. Here’s a little more for you . . .

  • In 200 BC, the Carthaginian ruler, Hannibal, defeated an enemy’s navy by stuffing poisonous snakes into earthen jugs and catapulting them onto the decks of his opponents’ ships.
  • National Bathroom Reading Week is the second week in June.
  • An unusual baseball injury occurred when former Braves first baseman, Ryan Klesko, pulled a muscle by lifting his lunch tray.
  • The gluteus maximus, the muscle that makes up the buttocks, is the biggest muscle in the human body.
  • The square most commonly landed on in the game of Monopoly is Illinois Avenue. (The Go space ranks second.)
  • The original title of the Buddy Holly hits on “Peggy Sue” was “Cindy Lou”.
  • The very first stolen car was reported in St. Louis Missouri, in 1905.
  • The colors of the Campbell Soup label – carnelian red and white – were chosen from the colors of the Cornell University football team.
  • Nike shoes got their distinct waffle sole design in 1971, after track coach Bill Bowerman’s wife served him breakfast. Inspired by the design, he put rubber in his wife’s waffle maker and created what would become Nike’s custom sole.
  • The Library of Congress in Washington DC, is the largest library in the world, containing 28 million books and 532 miles of shelving.

Now be truthful. Don’t you feel just a little bit smarter? Add this quote to your files as well:

“Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.” Oscar Wilde

07/25/2022 Limerick “How To” III   5 comments

David McCord

Here are the final limericks in Mr. McCord’s limerick construction primer. I thoroughly enjoy reading the work created by such an intelligent man who enjoys his love of poems and limericks as I do. His non-limerick poetry is also outstanding as you will see.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

It’s been a bad year for the moles

Who live just in stockings with holes;

And bad for the mice

Who prefer their boiled rice

Seved in shoes that don’t have any soles.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

There once was a man in the Moon,

But he got there a little too soon.

Some others came later

And fell down a crater,

When was it? Next August? Last June?

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

I don’t much exactly quite care

For those cats with short ears and long hair.

But if anything’s worse

It’s the very reverse:

Just you ask any mouse anywhere.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

So, by chance it may be you’ve not heard

Of a small sort of queer silent bird.

Not a song, trill, or note

Ever comes from his throat.

If it does, I take back every word.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

And last but not least.

Write a limerick now. Say there was

An old man of some place, what he does,

Or perhaps what he doesn’t,

Or isn’t or wasn’t.

Want help with it? Give me a buzz.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

I heard my first limerick when I was about 7 years old when I was eavesdropping on my father and one of his friends. I heard my dad recite this little gem. My love of limericks was born!

There once was a lady from Wheeling

She had one helluva feeling.

She laid on her back

And opened he c***k

And p****d all over the ceiling.

HAVE A GREAT WEEK

07/24/2022 Limerick “How To” II   Leave a comment

As promised, here is the second installment of David McCord’s limerick writing primer. He not only shows how to write a limerick but gives excellent examples of the various types you can create.

Consider this odd little snail

Who lives on the rim of a pail:

Often wet, never drowned,

He is always around

Safe and sound, sticking right to his trail.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

A man who was fond of his skunk

Thought he smelled pure and pungent as punk.

But his friends cried No, no,

No, no, no, no, no, no!

He just stinks, or he stank, or he stunk.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

Here’s one of his poems as well. Enjoy!

There was an old man who cried Boo!

Not to me or to he but to you.

He also said scat

To a dog not a cat,

And to Timbuc he added too-too.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

“This season our turnips was red

And them beets was all white. And instead

Of green cabbages, what

You suspect that we got?”

“I don’t know,” “Didn’t plant none,” he said.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

THE FINAL INSTALLMENT TOMORROW

07/23/2022 A LIMERICK “How To”   Leave a comment

I’m going to introduce you today to a man who was famous for writing limericks, Mr. David McCord. He was also a philanthropist, writer, and poet who held honorary degrees from 22 universities. He was famous for his work in teaching children to write poetry. This first limerick is a short instruction on who to structure a limerick.

David McCord

The limerick’s lively to write:

Five lines to it – all nice and tight.

Two long ones, two trick

Little short ones, then quick

As a flash here’s the last one in sight.

There are 13 limericks published over fifty years ago and were Mr. McCord’s attempt to explain and teach how to write a limerick. Here are the first four. I’ll post a few each day until the entire collection is in your hands. Maybe they will encourage you to write a few of your own.

There once was a scarecrow named Joel

Who couldn’t scare crows, save his soul.

But the crows put the scare

Into Joel. He’s not there

Anymore. That’s his hat on the pole.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

“There was an old man” of wherever

You like, thus the limerick never

Accounts for the young:

You will find him unsung

Whether stupid, wise, foolish, or clever.

A Rare Non-Dirty Nantucket Limerick

There was a young man let me say,

Of West Pumpkinville, Maine, USA.

You tell me there’s not

Such a place? Thanks a lot.

I forget what he did anyway.

πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

Take the curious case of Tom Pettigrew

And Hetty, his sister. When Hettigrew

As tall as a tree

She came just to Tom’s knee.

And did Tom keep on growing? You bettigrew.

That’s lesson number one for today. If you read them carefully, he gives excellent rhyming tips and how exactly to structure the limerick. More to follow tomorrow.

07/21/2022 🫁Human Bodies🦴   Leave a comment

In my teens, my 20’s, my 30’s, my 40’s, and my 50’s, my main interest in human bodies mostly concerned women. These day’s I’ve been forced by Mother Nature to look at bodies from a totally different perspective. It’s not near as much fun but it will have to do. As the old familiar quote states: “when given lemons, make lemonade.” Currently I’m a ball busting, pain in the ass lemonade aficionado. Here are some factoids about the human body from my new lemonade making perspective.

  • Each square inch of human skin consists of 19 million cells, 60 years, 90 oil glands, 19 feet of blood vessels, 625 sweat glands, and 19,000 sensory cells.
  • Man has tiny bones once meant for a tail and unworkable muscles once meant to move his ears.
  • Most people by the age of 60 have lost 50% of their taste buds and 40% of their ability to smell.
  • The largest cell in the human body is the female ovum, or egg cell. It is about 1/180th of an inch in diameter. The smallest cell in the human body is the male sperm. It takes about 175,000 sperm cells to weigh as much as a single egg cell.
  • The human body consists of about 60 trillion cells, and each cell has about 10,000 times as many molecules as the Milky Way has stars.

  • Are only part of the human body that has no blood supply is the cornea. It takes its oxygen directly from the air.
  • At sea level there are 2000 pounds of air pressure on each square foot of your body area.
  • Hydrochloric acid of the human digestive process is so strong and corrosive that it easily can eat its way through the iron of an automobile body. Yet, it does not endanger the walls of the stomach, which are protected by a film of sticky mucus.
  • The daughters of a mother who is colorblind and a father who has normal vision will have normal vision. The sons will be colorblind, however.
  • The sensitivity of the human eye is so keen that on a clear, moonless night, a person standing on a mountain peak can see a match being struck as far as 50 miles away. Astronauts in orbit around the earth were actually able to see the wakes of ships.

Well, there you have it. I hope all of you enjoy your day and for those senior citizens out there:

“GO MAKE SOME LEMONADE”

07/20/2022 “More Stupid Headlines”   Leave a comment

I stumbled across a rather large collection of really stupid newspaper headlines this week. I just can’t resist throwing a few of them your way. This kind of stuff just boggles the mind. The first one is the classic screw up and must be seen again.

DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN

PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO THE POPE

PANDA MATING FAILS, VETERINARION TAKES OVER

CLINTON WINS BUDGET, MORE LIES AHEAD

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

I especially like the Clinton one. I wonder if the editor got reprimanded. That would have been a big NO-NO for a liberal newspaper. Let’s continue.

COUPLE SLAIN, POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

DEAF MUTE GETS NEW HEARING IN KILLING

QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED

ILLITERATE? WRITE TODAY FOR FREE HELP

LOW WAGES SAID KEY TO POVERTY

It’s hard to believe just how many of these I’ve collected. I should start posting only the ones that are well written and correct. It’s a much smaller number to deal with.

OVER THE HUMP DAY

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