Archive for October 2021

***Limerickđź’—Alert***   1 comment

There was a nurse anxious to score

With such style she was hard to ignore.

There’s one way she likes

But it gave me the frights,

But still I came back for more.

Posted October 31, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

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10/31/2021 The Cure for What Ails You   Leave a comment

I can only assume that all of you are as sick of this pandemic lifestyle we’ve been forced into. I know I’ve made some rather harsh remarks recently about people who refuse to get vaccinations but being a problem solver forced me to find a workable solution to possibly help those folks.

The coronavirus is one of a group of viruses which includes the common cold. I decided to check around to see if I can find anything that might assist the anti-vaxers to battle viruses without compromising their principles. What I’m about to tell you is nothing new but we’re running out of options and this may be the final one available for you undecided folks. Most of the symptoms of Covid-19 are similar to those of the common cold. With vaccines out of the mix I found this ancient remedy that may be worth a try. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. IMO

Make sure to wrap it tightly around your neck for best results.

CURE #1

A woolen sock, yes you heard me, I said, a woolen sock. But you must use a woolen sock – not a synthetic, “nasty” fiber sock. The wool sock must be dirty – worn by someone else, preferably someone who is strong and healthy. It’s best for a woman with symptoms to use a healthy man’s soiled sock and vice versa.

The dirty sock should be turned inside out – with the grungy part on the outside. Wrap the sock around your neck and be sure the foot part of the sock covers the sorest spot of your throat. Leave it there all night. Be warned – you will smell, and it won’t be a good smell. Your partner most assuredly will insist you sleep on the sofa. But try to get a good nights sleep despite the terrible odor. In the morning, remove the sock and Ta Da! Your symptoms should be better.

The magic in this cure is the moisture of the dirty sock. The moisture from the healthy person is absorbed while he or she is wearing it. When that same sock is placed on a sore throat, the moisture is magically absorbed by the sick person and the illness is cured.

Woman holding a dirty vinegary sock with a disgusted look on her face.

CURE #2

Another sock cure is to soak clean cotton socks – again, no synthetic fibers – in vinegar. Squeeze out the excess vinegar and put on the socks. Get a good nights sleep and upon wakening wash your feet. You also may want to open the windows and air out the bedroom! The vinegar in the socks supposedly draws out the illness. Where the symptoms go is anyone’s guess. So be on the safe side, don’t hang around folks who wear vinegar soaked socks. Make sure they’re at least 6 to 8 feet away at all-times. I’m assuming that social distancing isn’t something you object to on moral grounds.

Well there you have it. Two alternate solutions to avoid getting vaccinated and letting the scary government run your life.

THIS HAS BEEN A SARCASTIC PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

✨Great Quote Award✨   Leave a comment

“A work of art is useless. So is a flower.”

Oscar Wilde

Posted October 30, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Quotations

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10/30/2021 Our Next “Younger Generation”   Leave a comment

Welcome to the Every Useless Thing discussion on up-and-coming younger generations. It’s obvious that the older generations are responsible for the various nicknames to the younger generations i.e. Greatest Generation, Silent Generation, Baby Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y (Millennials), Gen Z, and the internet generation. Of course they never name themselves because that’s the job of the next generation to take care of. It’s all so silly. That’s why a history lesson is in order. Here we go . . .

I remember as a child being told by my parents that the younger generation (including me) were screwed up, uncaring, and unthinking. I took great offense to that and it just motivated me to rebel at every opportunity much to their chagrin. Jump ahead thirty-five years and I actually heard myself saying the same kinds of things during one of my angry moments in dealing with my son. Soon after that conversation I was having a coffee at a local cafĂ© (pre-pandemic) and I just started chuckling to myself. The more I thought about the conversation with my son the funnier it became because it’s not often I’m able to recognize an epiphany when I have one.

I read quite a bit and the diversity of my subject matter is what makes it so much fun. The following quotation was in a recent book I read and as soon as I saw it I began chuckling again. Even 5000 years ago the adults were saying the same damn things about their younger generations and it keeps me optimistic about the generations to come. Also having a close relationship with a few of the younger generation keeps me on my toes and aware of their thoughts, ideas, and approaches to us grown-ups. Broad brushing a group of individuals is foolish and should be avoided at all costs.

A tablet from ancient Assyria, from about 2800 B.C., has been found that states: “Our earth is degenerate in these latter days. There are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end. Bribery and corruption are common.”

More than 2000 years later, Socrates complained, “Children are now tyrants . . .They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize over their teachers.”

And Plato also wrote of his students: ” What is happening to our young people? They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions, their morals are decaying, what is to become of them?”

If reading that doesn’t make you chuckle just a little then you’ve got a problem. It gives me a great deal of comfort to think that the grown-ups then were moaning and complaining just like we do now and how the next generation will be moaning and complaining about us.

ITS ALL JUST TOO DAMN PREDICTABLE

10/29/2021 ***Limerick đź’—Alert***   5 comments

Said Miss Vero, at one of her bars:

“Sex is more fun in bed than in cars.

You feel more at ease,

Your ass doesn’t freeze,

And no one can see all my scars.

I đź’—My Belly Button   Leave a comment

I’ve always been a believer that “an unexamined life is not worth living”. It’s a habit I’ve gotten into over the years when I wish to relax, Zen out, and ponder my life. Have I ever had any major epiphanies along the way, why yes I have. Even the smallest of things that seem unimportant and inconsequential should be examined, thought on, and then blogged about.

I have to admit I’ve been a big fan of belly buttons for most of my life. Not just my own but many bellybuttons of the female persuasion have caught my eye on more than one occasion. I’m definitely not a connoisseur of bellybuttons but just an aficionado for sure. Haven’t you ever wondered and I mean ever wondered why bellybutton lint is generally blue in color? Today is your lucky day because I’m here to explain it to you. I discovered this short essay quite by accident and immediately knew it was something my readers would need to know and appreciate. Here we go . . .

  • A number of surveys have been undertaken in relation to bellybutton lint. They’ve all found that the lint is generally blue in color and is more prevalent in the navels of certain types of people. To answer why it tends to be blue, the origin of the lint must first be considered.
  • It’s thought that the lint, comprises fibers from clothing, as well as some skin cells, that are channeled to the navel from below by hairs on the stomach throughout the day as the body moves. The hairs also help to dislodge the fibers from the clothes.
  • It is also been found that men with large stomachs accumulate more lint, probably because their abdomen presses harder against their clothing, causing more fibers to dislodge, and also because their navels tend to be deeper, allowing more lint to accumulate there. Supporting this theory is the fact that outward protruding navels rarely collect lint.
  • The reason why the lint is colored blue has been the subject of much conjecture, but it’s generally thought to be related to the color of the clothing worn below the navel, which is generally dark colors such as blue. However, the lint of people who wear a variety of colors still tends to be blue, because blue is the result of combining a number of different colors, just as the lint found in the filters of washers and dryers tends to be bluish, being the combination of the fibers from all of the clothes in the load.

Now, I understand how excited you’ve become to receive this important and critical information. It’s surprising how much reference material about bellybuttons and bellybutton lint is available on the internet. If you’re as excited about this information as I am, feel free to start surfing and become better educated about the wonderful world of bellybuttons. I now feel as though my court ordered public-service requirement has been met. My late mother would’ve been so proud.

OUTIES SUCK

10/28/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   Leave a comment

There was an old fellow named Bill,

Who swallowed an atomic pill;

His navel corroded,

His asshole exploded,

And they found both his nuts in Brazil.

10/28/2021 Our So-Called Celebrities   Leave a comment

I realize how many of you absolutely adore and idolize celebrities and some politicians. I will admit that not all of them are objectionable but as with any group of people there’s a certain percentage that give them all a bad name. I thought I’d start off first with five presidents that were arrested and convicted of crimes of one sort or another. See if you can match up the arrest with the appropriate photograph. Not as hard as you might think but if nothing else it makes them a little more human.

NAME THAT PRESIDENT

President Ulysses S. Grant was once arrested for speeding and his horse and carriage were impounded. He paid in a $20 fine and then walked back to the White House.

President Thomas Jefferson and President-To-Be James Madison were once arrested by an overeager police officer in Vermont in the spring of 1791, for carriage riding on a Sunday.

Then there’s “Tricky Dicky” Nixon of Watergate fame. The first and only president to be forced to resign from office because of his misdeeds and terrible judgment. Fortunately for him Pres. Gerald Ford officially pardoned him.

President Franklin Pierce was arrested in 1853 for running over an old lady.

Now that you’ve completed the presidential quiz, next comes some really out of control celebrities. Some of these photos are old but most are relatively current. Without cheating, name as many as you can without doing research on-line and then send me your total on a comment. I thought they were fairly easy so it shouldn’t be all that tough. It’s fun to see them without all the makeup and expensive clothes and having “regular folks” problems.

CELEBRITY MUG SHOTS

NAME YOUR FAVORITE CELEB

Nick Nolte, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Gary Bussey, Paris Hilton, Robert Downey Jr.,

Jane Fonda, Mike Tyson, Yasmine Bleeth, Macaulay Culkin, Kloe Kardashian, Heather Locklear

AMERICAN IDOLS ?

10/27/2021 Stupid Celebrity Quotes   Leave a comment

Here’s the third list of stupid quotes as promised. I wouldn’t want the celebrities to feel left out. Regardless of what they say, they love any and all attention they can get. We should be soooooo proud.

  • “When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes.” – Nicole Richie
  • “I want to go to Egypt and Japan and opened orphanages… a chain of them.” – Lindsay Lohan
  • “I have started smiling! I’ve mastered this smirk; it’s a smile that isn’t a smile.” – Victoria Beckham
  • “To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god.” – Celine Dion
  • “Sometimes what I actually love to do is go to a farm and get fresh milk or watch a pig get slaughtered.” – Jake Gyllenhaal
  • “I felt like my vote was the vote that put [Obama] into office. It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. And that may not be true, but that’s how much power it felt like I had.” – P Diddy
  • “There are many other kinds of milk available. Why don’t we try drinking rats’ milk and dogs’ milk?” – Heather Mills
  • “I’m not a sexual person, really. I don’t really care about sex.” – Paris Hilton
  • “It’s so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day.” – Lady Victoria Hervey
  • “If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final.” – Cyndi Lauper
  • “I always wanted to be a hairdresser.” – David Beckham
  • “I’ve always wanted to be a spy, and frankly I’m a little surprised that British intelligence has never approached me.” – Liz Hurley
  • “There’s the perception Danni Minogue is the sweetest little thing in the world but she’s not… she’s got balls of steel.” – Sharon Osborne
  • “I’ve been up and down so many times that I feel as if I’m in a revolving door.” – Cher
  • “How the fuck am I supposed to get in then?” – Kate Moss, on being told that the only available toilet on a photoshoot location had no door.

WHEN IN DOUBT, USE THE “STUPID” ALERT BUTTON

10/26/2021 ***Limerickđź’—Alert***   2 comments

Many years ago a girl I once knew,

Was in desperate need of a screw.

Not too hard to find, someone who is kind,

And would bang her till she was black and blue.

But who??

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