Archive for the ‘Poetry’ Category

09/26/2022 πŸ’₯Silly Limerick AlertπŸ’₯   Leave a comment

Once again, it’s time for a few lighthearted limericks rather than the bawdier ones we’re used to. I’ll reference the author when possible.

By Frank Jacobs

A lion whose manners weren’t nice

Played Monopoly with two white mice.

After losing, he roared,

Then devoured the board,

Marvin Gardens, both mice and the dice.

πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹

By Oliver Herford

Once a grasshopper (food being scant)

Begged an ant some assistance to grant.

But the ant shook his head

“I can’t help you,” he said,

“It’s an uncle you need, not an ant.

😎😎😎

By Anon

A barber who lived in Batavia

Was known for his fearless behavia.

When a giant brown bear

Took a seat in his chair,

Said the barber, “No way will I shavia.”

😏😏😏

By Gelett Burgess

I’d rather have fingers than toes.

I’d rather have ears than a nose.

And as for my hair,

I’m glad it’s still there,

I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.

🍩🍩🍩

HAPPY MONDAY

09/24/2022 “Epithets”   Leave a comment

As I’ve stated many times in the past, I’ve always had a fascination with graveyards and cemeteries. With that thought in mind, here are a few of my favorite humorous epithets. It’s good to have a sense of humor even after death.

From Enosburg, Vermont

Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

☠️☠️☠️

From Bayfield, Mississippi

Stranger pause. my tale attend,

And learn the cause of Hannah’s end.

Across the world the wind did blow,

She ketched a cold that laid her low.

We shed a lot of tears ’tis true,

But life is short – aged 82.

☠️☠️☠️

From Medway, Massachusetts

Beneath this stone, this lump of clay,

Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,

Who too early in the month of May

Took off his winter flannels.

☠️☠️☠️

From Canterbury, Kent, England

Of children in all she bore twenty-four:

Thank the Lord there will be no more.

☠️☠️☠️

From Chelmsford, Essex, England

Herer lies the man Richard,

And Mary his wife.

Their surname was Pritchard,

They lived without strife.

And the reason was plain,

They abounded in riches,

They had no care or pain,

And his wife wore the breeches.

HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOURS YET?

09/19/2022 πŸ’₯Silly Limerick AlertπŸ’₯   Leave a comment

It’s time once again for a few silly limericks circa 1960. These are fun limericks, and the creators will be listed if possible.

A cheerful old bear at the zoo

Could always find something to do.

When it bored him to go

On a walk to and fro,

He reversed it and walked fro and to.

😜😜😜

By Ogden Nash

A Bugler named Dougal MacDougal

Found ingenious ways to be frugal.

He learned how to sneeze

In various keys,

Thus, saving the price of a bugle.

😊😊😊

By Al Graham

A Martian named Harrison Harris

Decided he’d like to see Paris.

In space (so we learn)

He forgot where to turn

And that’s why he’s now on Polaris.

😏😏😏

By Berton Braley

Young Frankenstein’s robot invention

Caused trouble too awful to mention.

Its actions were ghoulish,

Which proves it is foolish

To monkey with Natures intention.

πŸ₯°πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

IT’S GOOD TO START A WEEK WITH SILLINESS

09/10/2022 Looney Limerick Alert   Leave a comment

It’s 5:30 am and everyone is sleeping in (I hope). It’s only fair that I start this weekend with some looney limericks to help me stay awake. Not bawdy rhymes but good clean fun for all. Then it’s back to bed for another hour of sleep for me. Enjoy!

By Frank Jacobs

There once was a skunk in the dell

Who hated all people , they tell;

“Human beings,” he said,

Always fill me with dread,

Plus they give off that terrible smell!”

*****

By Mary Mapes Dodge

There once was a knowing raccoon

Who didn’t believe in the moon;

“Every month – don’t you see?

There’s a new one,” said he;

No real moon could wear out so soon.!”

*****

By Frank Jacobs

A very large woman name Kate

Is six hundred pounds overweight;

On an overseas trip

She transported by ship

In a wooden container marked “Freight.”

*****

By Gelett Burgess

I’d rather have fingers than toes;

I’d rather have ears than a nose;

And as for my hair,

I’m glad it’s still there;

I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND

09/06/2022 “John Ciardi”   5 comments

I’m always good for more limericks and today’s offering is from one of my favs, John Ciardi. I’ve been a huge fan of his limericks since reading the book he shared with Issac Azimov. Two crazy smart limerick aficionados.

For a friend . . .

In a lane, a young fellow named Cooper

Committed a terrible blooper.

He had his girl bare those with more

In his car, unaware

Of a vigilant nearby state trooper.

*****

A carefree young woman named Nola

At one time in a summer pergola

Took care of three men

Again and again

And did it on just Coca-Cola.

*****

A little adultery spices

Our lives, but just look at those prices!

If they charge all that dough,

Man can’t buy it, you know,

And there’ll be a frustrational crisis.

*****

The Times tells the world what is doing;

Who’s winning, who’s losing, who’s suing,

Whose striking, who’s stealing,

Who’s dying, whose healing,

But won’t say a word on who’s screwing.

*****

LIMERICKS RULE!

08/28/2002 “Bad Poetry Alert”   Leave a comment

I’m warm and cozy…

I hear distant sounds . . .

I feel and hear a rhythmic pumping . . .

A spasm, a sharp tug, another spasm, and then light.

I AM

❀️

08/26/2002 ☠️☠️Morbid Humor☠️☠️   Leave a comment

Over the years I spent a great deal of time roaming through graveyards in New England and elsewhere. I’ve always found them to be very quiet and calming. I also discovered that the older the tombstones the more interesting are the epithets. Here are a few you might get a kick out of.

Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,

Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,

Who too early in the month of May

Took off his winter flannels.

😡😡😡

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent to them manna.

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

😡😡😡

Here lies my husbands, One, Two, Three,

Dumb as men could ever be.

As for my fourth, well, praise be God,

He bides for a little longer above the sod.

Alex, Ben, and Sandy were the first three names,

And to make things tidy I’ll add his – James.

😡😡😡

Here lies the body of fat May Preston

Who’s now moved to heaven

To relieve the congestion.

T.G.I.F.F.

08/25/2022 πŸ’₯Limerick AlertπŸ’₯   2 comments

Let’s put an end to this week with a few cute and clean limericks. While most of us really enjoy the racier limericks there are many readers out there who enjoy a tamer version. Here we go . . .

There was an old man of Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket.

But his daughter named Nan,

Ran away with a man,

and as for the bucket, Nantucket.

😜😜😜

The bottle of perfume that Willie sent

Was highly displeasing to Millicent.

Her thanks were so cold

They quarreled I’m told,

Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.

πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

A flea and a fly in a flue

Were caught, so what could they do?

Said the fly, “Let us flee.”

“Let us fly,” said the flea.

So, they flew through a flaw in the flue.

πŸ˜—πŸ˜—πŸ˜—

There once were two cats of Kilkenny,

Each thought there was one cat too many.

So, they fought, and they fit,

And they scratched and they bit,

Till instead of two cats there weren’t any.

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

TGIF

08/20/2022 ❀️Bad Poetry Alert❀️   2 comments

After receiving a few interesting emails and poems on my recent “Feet” posting I decided to offer up some of my own Bad Poetry for your entertainment. In my opinion poetry is best when humorous.

I just saw a sexy painted red toe

Peeking at me from a nearby sandal.

It looked soooo damn cute

It was almost more than I could handle.

As it sauntered on by

Four other toes caught my eye.

Oh my! Oh my! I felt such a tingle

And followed along hoping the owner was single.

I raised my head a tiny little bit

To checkout that anonymous owner.

And all of a sudden, I unfortunately discovered

The loss of a perfectly good boner.

πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜‚πŸ˜„

08/16/2022 Limericks for Kids   Leave a comment

It’s time for a few limericks written primarily for kids and young adults. It’s nice for a change to post limericks that aren’t totally crude and for adults only. I like to offer an interesting selection and here we go . . .

πŸ˜—πŸ˜—πŸ˜—

There was a young farmer of Leeds,

Who swallowed a packet of seeds,

It soon came to pass

He was covered with grass,

And he couldn’t sit down for the weeds.

😜😜😜

There was a young fellow of Perth,

Who was born on the day of his birth.

He was married, they say,

On his wife’s wedding day,

And he died when he quitted the earth.

😁😁😁

A certain young man of great gumption,

‘Mongst cannibals had the presumption

To go – but alack!

He never came back.

They say ’twas a case of consumption.

😊😊😊

There was a young lady named Perkins,

Who had a great fondness for gherkins.

She went to a tea

And ate twenty-three,

Which pickled her internal workin’s.

HAPPY HUMP DAY

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