Archive for the ‘Poetry’ Category

01/31/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅSilly Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   2 comments

This morning has started off strangely. Fifteen seconds after I sat down at the computer the power went out. I’ve lost all power in the house except for a few limited outlets hooked into the generator. It maintains all of the most important functions of the house like heat and water and thankfully this computer. I’ll be writing this in the dark with no way to upload the content until sometime later today (I hope). Maine has been having a rash of storms in recent weeks and the power grid has been damaged in many areas. I have to admit, this shit is getting really old and all of my bitching and complaining won’t help. Let’s move on to something a little more interesting.

I post a lot of limericks of all types. Some of you like them cute and funny, some like the children’s limericks and some others prefer the more bawdy and suggestive ones. Truthfully, I enjoy them all when the circumstances permit. Today I’ll pass along a few of the milder and sillier ones that won’t scare the children or any adults with delicate sensibilities.

๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.

She was frightened and screamed very loud.

Then a happy thought hit her

To scare off the critter,

She sat up in bed and meowed.

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

A young man dining out in Peru

Found a rather large mouse in his stew.

Said the waiter, “Don’t shout

And wave it about

Or the rest will be wanting one too!”

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

There were three little birds in the wood

Who sang hymns anytime that they could.

What the words were about

They could never make out,

But they felt it was doing them good.

๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ

A glutton who lived on the Rhine

When asked at what time he would dine,

He replied, “At eleven,

Four, six, three and seven,

And eight and a quarter to nine.”

๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž

Well finally some good news. The power has been turned on (for how long I couldn’t guess) and I’ll get this posted as quickly as possible.

BROWNCOATS RULE!!

01/28/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   3 comments

I thought I’d introduce you to something new today. I’ve posted hundreds of limericks over the years, and they were all basically the five-line standard. Another style of limerick is the extended limerick which are a bit longer than you normally see and more challenging to write. Here are two samples:

By Anonymous

There once were two cats of Kilkenny.

Each thought there was one too many,

So, they quarreled and fit,

They scratched and they bit,

Till, excepting their nails

And the tips of their tails,

Instead of two cats, there weren’t any!

๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›

By Anonymous

There was a strange student from Yale.

Who put himself outside the pale.

Said the judge:” Please refrain,

When passing through Maine,

From exposing yourself in in the train,

Or you’ll just have to do it in jail!”

๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜—

In my opinion they aren’t as exciting as a normal limerick, but many people disagree. Now let’s take a look at what’s called a prose limerick. It’s a totally different style but I enjoy these very much because of the narrative way they are written.

By Anonymous

When cars are left here for repair, our charges are modest and fair. And

owners may rest quite content that we test all work that is done with great care.

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

In the shed at the end of the mews there’s a bucket of old bolts and screws, and

right at the back you will see a large stack of old junk that perhaps you can use.

๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ

The train that was due to depart at 8:10 is not likely to start. We’re

working to rule, you’d best get a mule or a bike or a horse and a cart.

***

TRY WRITING A FEW OF YOUR OWN

01/16/2023 ๐Ÿ’€Grave Subjects๐Ÿ’€   2 comments

In my younger days I spent a great deal of time wandering through the graveyards of Southern Massachusetts. I’ve always liked cemeteries and some of the oldest graves in the country can be found in and around the Plymouth area. Say what you want about the Pilgrims, but they brought their love of catchy epithets from the old country, and they are some of the best. I spent many hours sketching cemeteries and painting a number of interesting oil paintings which allowed me to sit for hours in a quiet and serene place. Here is a small collection of epithets from this country and others.

From Church Stretton, Shropshire, England

On Thursday she was born,

On a Thursday she made a bride,

On a Thursday put to bed,

On a Thursday broke her leg, and

On a Thursday died.

๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

From a churchyard in Oxfordshire, England

Here lies the body of John Eldred,

At least, he will be when he’s dead.

But now at this time he is alive,

The 14th of August, Sixty-five.

๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

From Middlefield, Massachusetts

Old Thomas Mulvaney lies here.

His mouth ran from ear to ear.

Reader, tread lightly on this wonder,

For if he yawns, you’re gone to thunder.

๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

From Keeseville, New York

Here lies a man of good repute.

Who wore a No. 16 boot.

Tis not recorded how he died,

But sure, it is, that open wide,

The gates of heaven must have been,

To let such monstrous feet within.

๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

From Chelmsford, Essex, England

Here lies the man Richard,

And Mary his wife.

Their surname was Pritchard,

They lived without strife.

And the reason was plain,

They abounded in riches,

They had no care or pain,

And his wife wore the breeches.

๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

Here’s a favorite from a grave in Winslow, Maine and proves that short and sweet is always the best.

Here lies the body of John Mound

Lost at sea and never found.

*****

NOW, SIT DOWN AND WRITE YOUR OWN

001/14/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅMusic Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

I realize that many of you out there are avid music fans. I’m addicted to oldies from 1958 through 1974 and have thousands of songs from that era. I like a lot of the new stuff too but I’m able to pick and choose the ones that really get me going. While we are all music lovers, my second passion is limericks and interesting poetry. So, with that in mind I decided that today my limerick selections would be G rated and concern music and musicians. I hope you enjoy them as much as you enjoy your music.

๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽต

By Anonymous

There was a composer named Liszt

Who from writing could seldom desiszt.

He made Polonaise.

Quite worthy of praise,

And now that he’s gone, he is miszt.

๐ŸŽน๐ŸŽน๐ŸŽน

By Ogden Nash

A bugler named Dougal MacDougal

Found ingenious ways to be frugal.

He learned how to sneeze

In various keys,

Thus, saving the price of a bugle.

๐ŸŽธ๐ŸŽธ๐ŸŽธ

By Paul West

All of a sudden, the great prima-donna

Cried, “Heavens! My voice is a goner!”

But a cat in the wings

Cried, “I know how she sings,”

And finished the solo with honor.

๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ

By Anonymous

There was a composer named Bong

Who composed a new popular song.

It was simply the croon

Of a lovesick baboon,

With occasional thumps on the gong.

๐ŸŽท๐ŸŽท๐ŸŽท

YOUR TURN TO HUM A FEW BARS

01/02/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ2023 Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   1 comment

I’ thought I’d start the new year with a small collection of limericks. This collection should be rated “PG”, so keep the youngsters away. Happy New Year to all of you limerick aficionados. Today’s collection concerns:

Sexual Misfortunes

Two middle-aged ladies from Fordham,

Went out for a walk but it bored ’em.

As they made their way back,

A crazed sex maniac

Leapt out of a bush and ignored ’em.

๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท

An unfortunate sailor name Bates,

Had performed the fandango on skates.

But a fall on his cutlass

Had rendered him nutless

And, well – virtually useless on dates!

๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†

A nudist, named Roger McPeet,

Loved to dance in the snow and the sleet.

Till, one chilly December,

He froze his poor member,

And retired to a monkish retreat.

๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฉ

Ancient octogenarian, Hugh,

To his wife remained steadfastly true.

This was not from compunction,

But more the dysfunction

Of his spermatic glands – nuts to you.

๐Ÿ†๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿ†

What better way to kick off a new year. Here’s one final limerick with a religious bent for an oh-so inclined friend.

โค๏ธ

When Lazarus came back from the dead,

He still couldn’t function in bed.

“What good’s Resurrection

Without an erection?”

Old Lazarus testily said.

AMEN TO THAT

12/23/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

See the source image

I know that most people have all of their attention with Christmas involved with the buying and wrapping of gifts. While that is important to all of the kids, as an adult I’m in it for the food. For me Christmas is just a second Thanksgiving with gifts and a new list of foods for me to pig out on. Candy canes, cookies, fudges, brownies, pies, little cakes, and SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR!! Bring it on Santa, I’m ready to devour it all. So, folks, here are some limericks about food from a serious and chubby “foodie”. Enjoy!

๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท

A cheese that was aged and gray

Was walking and talking one day.

Said the cheese, “Kindly note

My mama was a goat

And I’m made out of curds by the whey.”

๐Ÿ—๐Ÿ—๐Ÿ—

There was an old lady of Rye,

Who was baked by mistake in a pie.

To the household’s disgust

She emerged through the crust,

And exclaimed, with a yawn, “Where am I?”

๐Ÿœ๐Ÿœ๐Ÿœ

There was an old man from the Rhine

Who was asked at what hour he’d dine.

He replied, “At eleven,

At three, six, and seven,

At eight and a quarter to nine.”

๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿฆ

There was a young man of Calcutta

Who spoke with a terrible stutta.

At breakfast he said,

“Give me some b-b-b-bread

And a pat of b-b-b-b-butta.”

2 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

12/17/2022 ๐Ÿš—Retro Bumper Stickers๐Ÿš—   2 comments

โค๏ธ

I’ve never been one to load up the bumpers of my vehicles with the pearls of wisdom contained on bumper stickers. I’ve had more vehicles than I can remember and the only bumper sticker I ever put on one of my cars was in 1975. It read, HONK IF YOUR HORNY, on the back of my beautiful orange Gremlin. That being said I still love reading them on the cars of others. Here are a few that decorated vehicles during the late 20th century.

CAUTION, I DRIVE JUST LIKE YOU

SORRY, I DON’T DATE OUTSIDE MY SPECIES

NOT ALL DUMBS ARE BLOND

I DON’T BRAKE FOR PEDESTRIANS

IF YOU LIVED IN YOUR CAR, YOU’D BE HOME BY NOW

LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS’ MISTAKES, USE BIRTH CONT ROL

EAT WELL, STAY FIT, DIE ANYWAY

MY WIFES OTHER CAR IS A BROOM

INSTANT ASSHOLE, JUST ADD ALCOHOL

BEER ISN’T JUST FOR BREAKFAST

HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST

BE CAREFUL – 90 PERCENT OF PEOPLE ARE CAUSED BY ACCIDENTS

DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE – YOU MIGHT SPILL SOME

I’M NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT – SOME PARTS ARE MISSING

HONK IF YOU’VE BEEN MARRIED TO ELIZABETH TAYLOR

SEVEN SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

12/12/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   1 comment

With the holidays underway I looked far and wide for some holiday related limericks. I found a few but they were absolutely horrible. So, I decided that since every holiday has a feast of one kind or another, today’s collection of limericks will be about food and eating. They are also rated G so the younger readers can enjoy them as well. The juicier limericks will continue after the holidays for all of you poetry connoisseurs. These are circa 1952.

๐Ÿคถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคถ๐Ÿป

A diner while dining at Crewe,

Found quite a large mouse in his stew.

Said the waiter, “Don’t shout,

And wave it about,

Or the rest will be wanting one, too.”

๐ŸŒฒ๐ŸŒฒ๐ŸŒฒ

There once was a pious young priest

Who lived almost wholly on yeast.

“For.” he said “it is plain

We must all rise again,

And I want to get started, at least.

โ˜ƒ๏ธโ˜ƒ๏ธโ˜ƒ๏ธ

There was an old person of Dean,

Who dined on one pea and one bean.

For he said, “More than that

Would make me too fat,”

That cautious old person of Dean.

๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„

There was an old lady of Brooking,

Who had a great genius for cooking.

She could bake sixty pies

All quite the same size,

And could tell which was which without looking.

๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ

12 MORE SHOPPING DAYS

12/04/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅChristmas Limericks๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

Continuing the Christmas theme for this week, here are a group of Christmas limericks collected from far and wide places. I hope they put a holiday grin on your face.

Santa came home with a reindeer

And Mrs. Claus said with a sneer

โ€˜Did you have to bring

That horny old thing?โ€™

Rudolph said, โ€˜Madam, he lives here.โ€™

๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„

An elf said to Santa: “Oh Dear,

We’ve not enough presents this year”

That made St. Nick think:

Now he’d given up drink

He could give all the children some beer!

๐Ÿคถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคถ๐Ÿป๐Ÿคถ๐Ÿป

I saw mom and Santa having a chat

She told him he was much too fat

She then grabbed his behind

With eyes closed kissed him blind

Then they both fell down on the mat.

๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„

Old Santa got drunk on warm ale

“I’m too old for Christmas” his wail

“But what of the toys

For the good girls and boys?”

“I’ll send all the presents by mail!”

๐Ÿง‘๐Ÿปโ€๐ŸŽ„๐Ÿง‘๐Ÿปโ€๐ŸŽ„๐Ÿง‘๐Ÿปโ€๐ŸŽ„

20 SHOPPING DAYS TO GO

11/21/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimericks for Kids๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

It’s time for some cute yet funny limericks written primarily for kids. The author will be noted when possible but most of these limericks are approximately fifty years old. They are cute and funny without a lot of sexual inuendo and profanity. These are just plain fun.

A little boy down in Natchez

Sat upon powder and matchez.

For the seat of war

He hankers no more,

Though re-enforced well with patchez.

๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

By Hugh Lofting

Here’s a little Jim Nast of Pawtucket

Wo slid down the stairs in a bucket.

He has more understanding

Since reaching the landing,

Just look at the hole where he struck it.

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

By Oliver Hereford

A puppy whose hair was so flowing

There really was no means of knowing

Which end was his head,

Once stopped me and said,

“Please, sir, am I coming or going.

๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ

A certain young fellow named Beebee

Wished to wed with a lady named Phoebe.

“But,” said he, “I must see

What the clerical fee

Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee.”

๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„

HAPPY MONDAY

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