I have to admit that most of my readers are rather particular about the limericks I post. Of all of my posts, the dirtiest limericks seem to get the most views while the readership lessens considerably the cleaner the limericks become. That should tell me something about my readers but I’m not actually sure what that is. Todays offerings contain some really old limericks that concern sexual DISEASES. That’s all I’m saying, see what you think.
Human beings are strange animals. We all seem to think that everything we think and speak is something new and original and profound. It’s not until we mature into thinking adults (most of us) that we realize just how repetitive and cyclical almost everything is. Todays post will concern a few classic nursery rhymes we’ve all heard or used and the approximate date of their origins. Have fun.
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“Hush-a-Bye Baby” – 1765, New England
Hush-a-bye baby, on the tree top,
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock;
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
Down will come baby, cradle, and all.
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“Baa, Baa, Black Sheep” – Pre-1760, England
Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes, sir, yes, sir,
Three bags full . . .
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“Hey Diddle Diddle” – Post-1569, Europe
Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon . . .
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“Sing a Song of Sixpence” – Pre-1744 – England
Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye;
Four and twenty blackbirds,
Baked in a pie.
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Here’s a special ditty just for Mary (my better-half).
“Mary, Mary” – 18th Century – England
Mary, Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
and pretty maids all in a row.
Secular tradition claims the original ” Mary” was actually Mary, Queen of Scots
I’m a consistent user of quotations. Sometimes they’re funny and other times they only assist my poor writings to make them seem more pertinent. Todays post contains a variety of quotes from a host of known and unknown writers. Some are funny and some not so funny. You may recognize the names of the authors and maybe you won’t. It’s not really about the authors but what they’ve written. Even people who are not well known actually have the ability to say some truly profound things.
“The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born.” Elaine Boosler
“It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m wearing Milk Bone shorts.” Kelly Allen
“Human kind cannot bear very much reality.” T.S. Eliot
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason – there’s a reason.” Molly McGee
“The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.” Rebecca West
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“The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married and the married wish to be dead.” Ann Landers
“Canadians should come down to California and take the jobs away from our Mexicans.” Stanley Ralph Ross
“Politics is a means of preventing people from taking part in what properly concerns them.” Paul Valery
Wise men talk because they have somethin to say; fools talk because they have to say something. Plato
“A good husband is healthy and absent.” Japanese Proverb
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“My cat shit on my last painting. Should I take it personally?”
Are you ready for a new batch of disturbing, disgusting, and naughty limericks? One of my biggest problems in posting limericks is that I have thousands of them available but in most cases they are extremely difficult to categorize. I made the ultimate sacrifice recently and forced myself to read hundreds of limericks and to try and establish some sort of categories. Todays post will include limericks concerning Sex Substitutes. These will be copied directly from my collections with rather blunt, off-color, and the occasional appropriate profanity. These will be rated “R”, so keep the youngsters away. Lets get rolling . . .
I’ve been watching hundreds of Europeans since the World Cup ended who seem to be quite taken with the USA and especially all things Texas. Here’s another little gift directly from the wild, wild, west to all of those visitors. Even our limericks rock . . . .
I’m feeling a little calmer and relaxed after resolving all of my recent computer woes. What better way to begin another week than with a few limericks from one of my favorite limerick writers, John Ciardi. He was renowned far and wide for his limerick wars with Isaac Azimov. Enjoy some of his work.
It’s almost too effing hot to do anything. I’m hiding in the man-cave with the fans roaring and it sounds more like an airport runway than a man-cave. It’s as good a day as any to post more of my favorite things: limericks. I normally post limericks by category but not today. Here are a few chosen totally at random from the archives.
Today I thought I should step away from all of the excitement connected with the World Cup. The endless supply of Tik-Toker’s are doing a fine job of informing the world about the USA and I’m sincerely happy about that. Reality will return soon enough, so enjoy our time in the sun as best you can. Todays post is a collection of thoughts and opinions by one of my favorite writers and philosophers, Oscar Wilde. He was a figure both loved and hated due to his many writings and personal exploits. I’ve always appreciated his Irish sense of humor and skilled and vicious use of sarcasm. A warning for those of you (myself included) who wield the sharp sword of sarcasm at every turn. It’s always a hazardous hobby even on the good days. Let’s get started.
ON WOMEN
“American women are pretty and charming: little oases of elegant unreasonableness in a vast desert of practical common sense.”
“Women are meant to be loved, not understood.”
“A woman will flirt with anyone in the world, as long as other women are looking on.”
“I like men who have a future, and women who have a past.”
“If you really want to know what a women means, which is dangerous, always look at her but never listen.”
ON MEN
“Men become old, they never become good.”
“I sometime think that God, in creating man, rather overestimated his ability.”
“If a man is a gentleman, he knows quite enough, and if he is not a gentleman, whatever he knows is likely to be bad for him.”
“A man can be happy with any woman, so long as he does not love her.”
ON LOVE & MARRIAGE
“London is full of women who trust their husbands; one can always recognize them because they look so thoroughly unhappy.”
“The only real tragedy in a woman’s life is that her past is always her lover, and her future is invariably her husband.”
“There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman; it’s a thing that no married man knows anything about.”
“Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious: both are disappointed.”
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ONE OF MY FAVORITES
“No great artist sees things as they really are; if he did, he would cease to be an artist.”
I’ve just spent almost two solid days online listening to assorted visitors from Europe showing their appreciation of this country. I knew in my heart that the media in Europe was doing what the Media in America always does, attempting to direct how we should think and feel about damn near everything. I’m no soccer fan and probably never will be but any sport that has such a rabid fan base is a wonderful thing to witness. I feel even more patriotic than usual and that’s difficult to imagine. I’m also having much better thoughts about the European people themselves but not their governments. So today’s post is an limerick alert of a sort with the following collection of limericks that are sports related. Enjoy…
I recently began rereading Isaac Azimov’s “The Foundation Series“. I’ve read it at least four or five times over the years which probably makes me a crazy rabid Azimov fan. Since I’ve lately reintroduced him to my brain, todays post will include a few of his limericks. While he was a prolific writer of books, he was also a lover of all things limerick. In company with a friend and fellow writer, John Ciardi, they’ve written hundreds of limericks both funny and many times a little bawdy. Here are a few to make you smile.
