Archive for January 2023
This morning has started off strangely. Fifteen seconds after I sat down at the computer the power went out. I’ve lost all power in the house except for a few limited outlets hooked into the generator. It maintains all of the most important functions of the house like heat and water and thankfully this computer. I’ll be writing this in the dark with no way to upload the content until sometime later today (I hope). Maine has been having a rash of storms in recent weeks and the power grid has been damaged in many areas. I have to admit, this shit is getting really old and all of my bitching and complaining won’t help. Let’s move on to something a little more interesting.
I post a lot of limericks of all types. Some of you like them cute and funny, some like the children’s limericks and some others prefer the more bawdy and suggestive ones. Truthfully, I enjoy them all when the circumstances permit. Today I’ll pass along a few of the milder and sillier ones that won’t scare the children or any adults with delicate sensibilities.
😛😛😛
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.
She was frightened and screamed very loud.
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter,
She sat up in bed and meowed.
😏😏😏
A young man dining out in Peru
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout
And wave it about
Or the rest will be wanting one too!”
😊😊😊
There were three little birds in the wood
Who sang hymns anytime that they could.
What the words were about
They could never make out,
But they felt it was doing them good.
🙃🙃🙃
A glutton who lived on the Rhine
When asked at what time he would dine,
He replied, “At eleven,
Four, six, three and seven,
And eight and a quarter to nine.”
😎😎😎
Well finally some good news. The power has been turned on (for how long I couldn’t guess) and I’ll get this posted as quickly as possible.
BROWNCOATS RULE!!
Here’s a collection of peculiar trivia mixed in with some interesting quotes from somewhat interesting people. It’s a good way to start your somewhat interesting work week. Have fun . . .
“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” Eleanor Roosevelt
- In the spring of 1930, the Senate almost voted to ban all dial telephones from the Senate wing of the Capital, as the technophobic older senators found them too complicated to use.
- Commercial deodorant became available in 1888. Roll-on deodorant was an invented in the 1950s, using technology from standard ballpoint pens.
- Before Popeye, Olive Oyl’s boyfriend was named Ham Gravy.
- Three presidents died on the 4th of July: Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and James Monroe.
- The world goes through approximately 1.75 billion candy canes every year.
“The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” Vince Lombardi
- Like plants, children grow faster during spring than any other season.
- The aboriginal body consists of approximately 71 pounds of intentionally edible meat, not including organ tissue.
- British geologist William Buckland was known for his ability to eat anything, including rodents and insects. When presented with the heart of French King Louis XIV, he gobbled it up without hesitation.
- Male lions are able to make 50 or more times in a single day. Tell your husband.
- It took more than 1700 years to build the Great Wall of China.
“Carpe per diem“– means seize the check – so says Robin Williams
- In an ironic twist, Mel Blanc, best known as the voice of Bugs Bunny, had an aversion to raw carrots.
- Australian toilets are designed to flush counterclockwise.
- Mr. Potato Head holds the honor of being the first toy ever featured in a television commercial.
- If you add up all the time you blink during the day, you’d have about half an hour of shut-eye.
- John Lennon was the first person to be featured on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.
“If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian.” Paul McCartney
SEIZE THE DAY
I thought I’d introduce you to something new today. I’ve posted hundreds of limericks over the years, and they were all basically the five-line standard. Another style of limerick is the extended limerick which are a bit longer than you normally see and more challenging to write. Here are two samples:
By Anonymous
There once were two cats of Kilkenny.
Each thought there was one too many,
So, they quarreled and fit,
They scratched and they bit,
Till, excepting their nails
And the tips of their tails,
Instead of two cats, there weren’t any!
😛😛😛
By Anonymous
There was a strange student from Yale.
Who put himself outside the pale.
Said the judge:” Please refrain,
When passing through Maine,
From exposing yourself in in the train,
Or you’ll just have to do it in jail!”
😗😗😗
In my opinion they aren’t as exciting as a normal limerick, but many people disagree. Now let’s take a look at what’s called a prose limerick. It’s a totally different style but I enjoy these very much because of the narrative way they are written.
By Anonymous
When cars are left here for repair, our charges are modest and fair. And
owners may rest quite content that we test all work that is done with great care.
😊😊😊
In the shed at the end of the mews there’s a bucket of old bolts and screws, and
right at the back you will see a large stack of old junk that perhaps you can use.
🤩🤩🤩
The train that was due to depart at 8:10 is not likely to start. We’re
working to rule, you’d best get a mule or a bike or a horse and a cart.
***
TRY WRITING A FEW OF YOUR OWN
Installment eight continues this series of posts designed to promote discussion and thought through self-examination. I hope it’ll generate some interesting discussions between you, your friends, and partners. Without interesting people in our lives and a lack of interesting conversations things would become excruciatingly boring.
Also, for those of you who are interested, starting today this blog will no longer be posted daily. I’ve decided to cut back a little to allow for more time for other projects. It’s been more than twelve years of daily postings and I’ll miss that part of my routine. I’m immediately cutting back to three postings a week, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays beginning today. Now let’s get on with Self-Examination #8.
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates
*****
- Do you usually make a special effort to thank someone who does you a favor? How do you react when you aren’t thanked for going out of your way for someone?
- Would you like to have your rate of physical aging slowed by a factor of thirty so as to give you a life expectancy of approximately 2000 years?
- You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you’ve never met. Would you want to go if you had to go by yourself?
- Since adolescence, in what three-year period do you feel you experienced the most personal growth and change?
- If you were having difficulty on an important test and could safely cheat by looking at someone else’s paper, would you do so?
*****
- If your parents became infirm and the only alternative to bringing them into your house was to put them in a nursing home, would you do so? What about a sister or brother who suffered a permanently crippling injury and had nowhere to go?
- If you were at a friend’s house for Thanksgiving dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do?
- If you could take a one-month trip to anywhere in the world and money were not a consideration, where would you go and what would you do?
- Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by five years to become extremely attractive?
- Given the ability to project yourself into the past but not return, would you do so? Where would you go and what would you try to accomplish if you knew you might change the course of history?
*****
- How many different sexual partners have you had in your life? Would you prefer to have had more or fewer?
- Have you ever considered suicide? What is so important to you that without it life would not be worth living?
- If your friends and acquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to?
- If this country were to suffer an unprovoked nuclear attack and would be totally obliterated in a matter of minutes, would you favor unleashing the US nuclear arsenal upon the attackers?
- Would you accept $10,000 to shave your head and continue your normal activities without hat or wig without explaining the reason for the new haircut?
*****
ENJOY YOUR DAY
I’m a former vet who proudly served. Since then, I’ve maintained an interest in all things military. As much as all of the new high-tech equipment is interesting, I still lean towards the past history of wars and warfare. It’s always good to know all of the small details of warfare to give you an accurate picture of why wars occurred and what steps had to be taken to end them.
- The Spartans used a staff and a coil of paper to keep military messages from being decoded if they fell into the hands of the enemy. Rolled around the staff, the words fit together and made sense. Unrolled, the paper was covered with gibberish. Each general had a carefully guarded staff of precisely the same diameter around which to roll the paper and read the message.
- During World War II, the Federal Bureau of investigation secretly established a house of male prostitution in New York’s Greenwich Village. The house staffed multilingual agents for the purpose of extracting import shipping information from foreign sailors. The FBI later claimed it had been a very successful operation.
- By the end of World War II, there wasn’t a German spy in Great Britain who was not under British control. All either were cooperating with the British while maintaining their German “alliance” or had been caught and “turned around”.
- During World War II, the United States Navy had a world champion chess player, Reuben Fine, calculate on the basis of positional probability where enemy submarines might surface. Dr. Fine said, it worked out all right.
- The Federal Bureau of Investigation captured eight German saboteurs shortly after they came ashore from a U-boat off eastern Long Island in 1942. Six were executed and two imprisoned. It turns out that one of those imprisoned, the expedition’s leader, was an anti-Nazi and had tipped off the FBI. He was promised that he be jailed for only six months, but he got instead, a 90-year prison term.
- Bismarck tricked the French into the Franco-Prussian War by altering a telegram from the King of Prussia. He struck out the king’s consolatory words, so that the telegram sounded belligerent. The result was what the Iron Chancellor had intended, a French declaration of war, followed by a German victory.
- Mata Hari, the Dutch-Javanese dancer who became the most famous spy of World War I, ordered that a suit be especially tailored for her for the occasion of her execution by a French firing squad. She also wore a new pair of white gloves.
WAR IS HELL, BUT PEACETIME IS A MOTHER F**KER
The snow has finally stopped here in Maine, and I just finished blowing my driveway clear for the fourth time since yesterday afternoon. I sure hope that we get a break before the next one hits. Maybe the next storm will hold off long enough for my bruised ass cheeks to heal. I’m crossing my fingers . . .
How about a little fun wordplay today. I’ve always loved palindromes and here are a few of my favorites:
NO LEMONS, NOMELON
STEP ON NO PETS
ED IS LOOPY POOLSIDE
MADAM, I’M ADAM
RATS LIVE ON NO EVIL STAR
How are you with tongue twisters? The rumor that women can say them better than men just might be true.
SAM SHAVED SEVEN SHY SHEEP
NAT’S KNAPSACK STRAP SNAPPED
A PROPER COPPER COFFEE POT
FRED’S FRIEND FRAN FLIPS FINE FLAPJACKS FAST
A SKUNK SAT ON A STUMP.
THE STUMP THUNK THE SKUNK STUNK
THE SKUNK THUNK THE STUMP STUNK
Here are a few words that have faded from use, and you’ll see why. Do you still use any of them or know someone who does?
BEES KNEES – “cool”.
BESOT – “give”
SHAN’T – “will not”
THITHER – “over there”
ZOUNDS – “surprise”
EWER – “water pitcher”
DAPPER – “fancy dresser”
If you want to have some fun, use a few of these words when speaking or texting your friends.
Living in northern New England requires a certain amount of love for snow. Skiers, skaters, snow boarders, and sledders love it here. Unfortunately, I’m none of those. I’m too clumsy for any winter sports. My favorite winter sport consists of a comfortable stool in a comfortable bar with a huge picture window looking out at the bottom of the ski run. The only way I could be injured under those circumstances is if some amateur skier loses control, crashes through the window, and knocks me off my stool. I can’t be too careful around here with all these snow bunnies and snow freaks running loose among us. I was up this morning a 4:30 am snow blowing my driveway. I just came in from the second trip because this damn snow just keeps falling. I thought I’d pass along some weather-related trivia to save me from losing my mind.
- New Hampshire’s Mount Washington, located just a stone’s throw from this house is only 6288 feet in altitude, is often considered to have the worst weather in the world. The highest wind velocity ever recorded on Earth, 231 mi./h, swept across the summit of Mount Washington in April of 1934. More than 30 people have died there as a result of sudden changes in the weather.
- Continental snow cover would advance to the equator, and the oceans would eventually freeze, if there were a permanent drop of just 1.6% to 2% in energy reaching the earth.
- Because air is denser in cold weather, a wind of the same speed exerts 25% more force during the winter than it does during the summer.
- Gigantic snowfalls may be crippling to big cities, but at least in New York City they have a tendency to fall mainly on the day’s most convenient for the urban population. A study of the biggest snows in the last 68 years shows that 54% of them fall on a Friday or Sunday when the cleanup can be accomplished with minimal inconvenience to those millions who must go to work and school.
- In 1816, there was no summer in many areas of the world. In parts of New England, snow stayed on the ground all year. Crops there and in Europe were ruined. Volcanic dust from the eruption of Tomboro in Indonesia blocked the rays of the sun and was blamed for the unusual weather as well as for the red and brown snow that fell in the United States, Hungary, and Italy.
I’d love to chat A little more, but Mother Nature insists on filling my driveway with more snow. I’ll be snow blowing a few more times before this day is over.
MOTHER NATURE SUCKS!
I dedicate these limericks to all of the nurses I’ve known in my life and there’ve been a few. If there was ever a group that enjoyed naughty and lewd limericks, it’s them. Enjoy, all of you so-called nurse lovers.
🍆🍆🍆
An amorous writer of versus,
Was especially enamored of nurses.
But he found each advance.
In pursuit of romance
Met only with starchy reverses.
😷😷😷
A rosy cheeked nurse, from Dunellen,
Whom the Hoboken sailors called Helen,
In her efforts to please
Has spread social disease,
From New York to the Straits of Magellan!
🤕🤕🤕
There was a young nurse named Prentice,
Who had an affair with a dentist.
To make things easier,
He used anesthesia,
And diddled her, non-compos mentis.
🚑🚑🚑
An unfortunate nurse named Randall,
Hs the clap such as doctors can’t handle.
So, this forlorn young floozy
With her poor damaged coosie,
Must resume her delight with a candle.
🦽🦽🦽
A virginal nurse name of Lynne,
Shouted thus just before she gave in.
“It isn’t the deed,
Or the fear of the seed,
But that big worm that shedding its skin!”
❤️❤️❤️
WHO DOESN’T LIKE THE OCCASIONAL NURSE
LOL
I’m fairly certain that most women in this county at one time or another have drooled over Brad Pitt. He’s been the epitome of male sexuality for many years and many women. I’ve even heard a large number of female celebrities gushing over him on the endless talk shows that fill the TV air. I’m also willing to bet he’s had his fill of the notoriety as reflected by some of his statements over the years. Thanks to Uncle John for supplying me with the following quotes of a few male celebrities who’ve stated, “I’m no Brad Pitt”.
- “I’m certainly not Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.” Jason Stratham
- “The real challenge is if you don’t look super sexy, like Brad Pitt, you’re going to have to try harder.” Jack Black
- “If I could be anyone, it would be Brad Pitt.” David Fincher
- “I’m clearly not Brad Pitt, and I’m never going to be Brad Pitt.” Paul Giamatti
- “Unless you look like Brad Pitt, it’s really hard to have full control of your character.” Vincent Donofrio
- “No matter what heights you achieve, even if you are Brad Pitt, the slide is coming, sure as death and taxes.” James Caan
- “In this business, you’re either Brad Pitt right away, or you’re already going down the ladder.” Skeet Ulrich
- “For me, personally, I’m a 5’5″ leading man. I’m no Brad Pitt or anything.” Jeremy Luke
And last but not least a quote from the famous and handsome Brad Pitt.
“Heartthrobs are a dime a dozen.” Brad Pitt
I’ve spent the last three years of my life immersed in our medical systems and believe me I’m not complaining. Our healthcare systems are almost certainly overpriced but since they’ve kept me alive for the last three years, I don’t mind so much. Another plus for me is that I’ve had more time than I ever thought possible to read and digest ten tons of medical jargon and terminology. Am I any smarter? Probably not, but I picked up a boatload of trivia and useless information that I feel obligated to pass onto you. Here are some facts you probably never wanted to know but what the hell, here they are anyway
Did You Know . . .
- There are more than 2 million sweat glands (estimated 2,381,248) on the skin of an average human, according to Gray’s anatomy.
- The technical name for a human armpit is the axilla.
- If you ever see a human being with uncontrollable winking of the eyes, they are exhibiting symptoms of blepharospasms.
- The only bone in the human body that is not connected to another bone is in the throat, at the back of the tongue. It is a horseshoe shaped bone called the hyoid.
- The largest organ in the human body by weight are the lungs. Together they weigh approximately 42 ounces. The right lung is 2 ounces heavier than the left, and the lungs of males are heavier than the female.
- Could you find your buccal cavity? It’s not a trick question, that is the terminology used for the inside of your mouth.
- Were you aware that the epidermis, the outer layer of skin, replaces itself every four weeks.
- The kidney was the first organ ever transplanted. The operation was by Dr. Richard H Lawler in 1956. His patient Ruth Tucker, lived for five years with her new kidney.
- Did you know there are approximately 45 miles of nerves in the adult human body?
- The average lifespan of a human being’s tastebud is from 7 to 10 days.
HUMAN BODY’S ARE AMAZING – THE PEOPLE UNFORTUNEATELY ARE NOT
everyuselessthing.com 