07/19/2021 Do You Want to Be a Millennial?   Leave a comment

I seem to be having something of an identity crisis these days. We as a people insist on labeling damn near everything and everybody we come in contact with. I have no idea why that is but I’m beginning to feel left out.  I was tagged with the Baby Boomer handle many years ago and never thought it was all that accurate or even “cool”.

Then comes the Generation X, or Gen X Americans born between the mid-1960s and the early-1980s. They were the newly crowned “cool” generation until just recently when the Millennials began taking over the spottlight on social media. They are the current darlings of the media and I’m not sure why exactly.

As I sit here in my favorite chair (a boomer specialty), I’m trying to come up with a way I can climb out of the Boomer ranks and once again become part of the “cool” generation.  There must be a few Millennial’s out there who can explain to me how I can make the change.  I want to become what could be called a Senior Millennial in training. I’ll return soon after I do some research ……

It’s been a few hours since the last paragraph was written and I’ve been in constant contact with a few of the more forward thinking Millennial’s that I know. They agreed to assist me in compiling a list of things I must do and trends I must partake of to meet their high standards for membership. The first requirement was to always have a truly authentic fake smirk on my face any time the terms Baby Boomers or Gen Xer’s are mentioned.  I put on my best smarmy face, made a couple of wise cracks about middle aged or old people, and stopped at a Starbucks for a half-caf, soy milk mocha latte, with just a hint of cinnamon sprinkled on top. I passed their temporary entry exam and was immediately supplied with this list of 20 things I must do to gain admittance into their “cool” generation:

Buy some overly tight skinny jeans.

Make friends with at least four hipsters.

Make friends with at least four hipsters.

Eat no sugar.

Eat no sugar.

Eat no carbs.

Get a good job with high pay working less than 10 hrs per week.

No more cooking…takeout is the rule. With delivery of course.

Hash-tags and Emogis whenever possible.

Amazon is God,

Have a minimum of 5 social media accounts.

Abbreviate as many words as possible to as few letters as possible:

OMG = Oh My God
LOL = Laugh Out Loud
LMAO = Laughing My A** Off
JK = Just Kidding
BRB = Be Right Back
NVM = Never Mind
TTYL = Talk to You Later
NBD = No Big Deal
TBH = To Be Honest
JOMO = Joy of Missing Out (opposite of FOMO)
BAE = Before Anyone Else
TFW = That Feeling When
TMW = That Moment When
SMH = Shaking My Head
V = Very (“I’m v excited”)
P = Pretty (“I’m p excited”)
WYD = What (Are) You Doing
MCM = Man Candy Monday
WCW = Woman Crush Wednesday
RN = Right Now
TN = Tonight
BC = Because
Thx = Thanks
@ = At (but used in a sentence, not in an email address)
L8 = Late
OMW = On My Way
Bye = Get Out of Town (girl, bye)
OOTD = Outfit of the Day (akin to SOTD, Shoes of the Day and POTD, Photo of the Day)
FTW = For The Win
HBU = How About You
WBU = What About You
FWIW = For What It’s Worth
YOLO = You Only Live Once
BTW = By The Way
ICYMI = In Case You Missed It
TY = Thank You
YW = You’re Welcome
IDC = I Don’t Care
FB = Facebook
IG = Instagram
SM = Social Media
DM = Direct Message (like on Twitter: “dm me”)
TBT = Throwback Thursday
FBF = Flashback Friday
NSFW = Not Safe For Work
LMK = Let Me Know
HMU = Hit Me Up
RT = Retweet
IRL = In Real Life
TIL = Today I Learned
IMO or IMHO = In My Opinion or In My Humble Opinion:-):-P

After reading all of that nonsense I’ve decided your generation is not for me. To much BS to deal with and life’s way too damn short. I’ll be around in ten years or so when the next generation of self-rightous windbags take over. I’ll be more than happy to help all of you in readjusting to the new reality.


Posted July 24, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Bitch & Complain

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