“Welcome to the Company”

During my formative years as a corporate “slug” working my way up the ladder of success, I discovered many helpful tools. Many times we’d get assignments requiring the creation of new programs of one type or another. You’d name, create, and implement the program while being “eyeballed” by the upper-level executives. A group of us young upstarts were always looking for ways to ease tension by messing with the stodgy “suits” who were just so full of themselves and their positions. We used the following table for years to name our new programs and never once had the names of the programs questioned or changed. Here’s how it works:

Name the program by selecting one term from each of the following three columns. If it was a “Personnel” program you could use 5-1-6. Responsive Organizational Time-Phase or “ROT” for short.

If it sounded good the “suits” approved it every time. Our all-time favorite was a program developed to build morale within the Corporation with petty incentives designed to convince the associates that the company cared. We chose 3-1-0. Parallel Organizational Options or “POO”. “POO” was anonymously leaked to the rank-and-file in the company and the name became the actual morale builder. We had associates across the country talking up the “POO” program for weeks at every meeting. I freaking loved it.

Feel free to use it as often as you please because it’s a worth million laughs. Please be careful out there because the “suits” will get you if you’re not paying attention.

1 7 6

TOTAL INCREMENTAL TIME-PHASE

THE ‘TIT’ PROGRAM