04-04-2013   2 comments

Can you quickly name twenty-five things you love?  Are you a hater?  Can you immediately name twenty-five things you hate?  We as human beings seem to have the ability to quickly list those things that adversely effect us and to verbalize them  loudly to anyone nearby.

On my shopping safari yesterday I found myself rubbing elbows with the normal everyday human insanity to which we’ve all become accustomed.  I visited a few businesses in the area and as always was pretty much forced into listening to my fellow men and women  bitching about almost everything.  I’m only mentioning it because it became painfully obvious very quickly that an infection of some sort was in the air and effecting everyone including me.

I first visited my favorite book store to make a few purchases, check out some new authors, and people watch, of course.  I was in a great mood and anticipated a quiet restful visit. This is a very small store and when new arrivals show up they’re easy to spot.  A woman arrived in a rather expensive Audi, dressed very well, and with a walk that showed a lot of attitude.  She was in her fifties, fairly attractive, and well maintained, if you get my drift.  She wasn’t in the door more than three steps when she began talking at, not to, the proprietor.  That poor SOB was manning the register near the door and couldn’t escape.  This well-to-do looking woman began complaining about a book she purchased a week ago and didn’t really like and wanted a cash refund.  I think the term I’m looking for is "a bitch on wheels". She pissed and moaned about a three dollar refund for so long I was tempted to give her the money just so she would go away.  Thankfully neither the manager nor I gave her that refund and as she marched out the door we both breathed a sigh of relief.  She must have a real fashion sense though. It’s can’t be easy to hide such a huge set of balls in such a tight dress.

I then made a short drive to a nearby Wal-Green store where I was forced to stand in line behind two young ladies in their twenties.  We were in that line for maybe ten minutes but OMG it seemed much longer.  These young ladies were the queens of public trash talking.  Friends and foes alike couldn’t escape their wrath. To quote, "that bitch was all over him last night, what a slut", "I hear he uses so many drugs he can barely function (wink, wink) and finally a few choice words about someone who is their BFF and who threw up all over the side of her car.  I walked away really glad they didn’t consider me a friend.

As my safari continued I made my way to the Hannaford food store.  I like shopping there because I can quickly use the self-checkout and be in and out quickly. As usual I got in the checkout line behind the wrong effing guy.  I swear there could be twenty registers open and I would still manage to get behind that one customer with some huge problem or issue.  Today was no different.  I had about twelve items and planned on being checked out and gone in just a few short minutes but no way, Jose!

As I walked up to the self-checkout there was a guy just standing in front of the device with a dead stare and a blank look of real confusion on his face.  He apparently was new to self-checkouts, couldn’t figure it out, and the longer he waited the more pissed off he became.  For the next ten minutes he invited a cashier, a Front-End Manager, and finally the Store’s General Manger to help him.  I was proud of myself because I just wanted to scream a few obscenities at him and loudly identify him to everyone in the area as the dumbass that he was.  He was loud, obnoxious, rude, stupid, ignorant, and wouldn’t stop complaining.  He actually looked over and gave me a dirty look like I was part of his problem.  Those poor managers really earned their pay dealing with this schnook.  I finally was able to go on my way fifteen minutes later and was glad I hadn’t parked anywhere near that A-hole.  He was still standing in the parking lot as I drove away bitching to anyone who would listen. 

I’d planned to stop at a couple of other places but what was the point.  I was caught up in a local shit storm of complaining and unhappy people and had to get away as fast as possible.  As you can tell by reading this I didn’t get away quickly enough and was also infected.  I immediately went home and sat quietly for a while to compose myself and to let the infection run it’s course.

People are just so much fun it’s just a real pleasure to be around them. (sarcasm off)

2 responses to “04-04-2013

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  1. Sheesh, so many crazies crammed into so little time.

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