06-03-2013   2 comments

I thought I’d write a little about marriage today.  Seeing as how more marriages fail than survive, it makes one wonder what’s the point.  Even knowing it only has a 50/50 chance of success doesn’t seem to stop people from jumping right into a relationship that’s complex and difficult on it’s good days.  Even the massive effort by members of the gay community to legalize marriage truly puzzles me.  I sometimes think it’s just a way for them to feel like the rest of us, married, miserable, and alimony and child support eligible.

As an officiant in a wedding more than a year ago I had my eyes opened even further about weddings and their preparations.  The wedding I was involved with was a down-to-earth, simple, and beautiful one.  No thousands of dollars spent on a one-time dress, no catered meal, no huge hall, or any of the more stupid things like releasing doves.  It was elegant and beautiful. Does that give that marriage a better chance of success?  I doubt it.

The number of cottage industries that have originated to feed the marriage expectations of millions of people also boggles the mind.  Event planners, depending on the wedding size, make much more money for their services than some weddings cost.  As we all know some people spend many thousands of dollars on what everyone considers an institution with terrible odds of succeeding.  That’s a kind of gambling most people would never attempt, not even in Las Vegas.

That being said, in my efforts to better understand I found myself wandering the highways and byways of the Net looking for information of this holy of holy experiences (I hope you know that was sarcasm).  Some people have made the decision to have a humorous wedding.  Why?  I have no clue.  I suppose humor might make taking the plunge a little less terrifying.  Here are two examples of some of the new and funny vows (again sarcasm) to help lighten up the ceremony:

I (name), take you (name), to be my beloved wife. I promise to love you and be your faithful partner, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, when the Jets are winning, and when they are losing, in sickness, and in health, and in Jets-induced sickness. I will be true and loyal, and cherish you for all the days of our lives.

I take you as my wife to have and hold, love and cherish, to honor and mostly obey. I promise to make you number one in all of my life’s biggest decisions. While I don’t promise not to make you mad, I promise to apologize…when I think it’s my fault. I want nothing more than a long and happy life together. Do you?

I can’t imagine asking someone to marry me and have them take the entire thing so lightly as to use vows like that.  Here are a few quotes about marriage that really are funny and insightful.  Not fake funny like those stupid vows.

"Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock." ~ Ernest Hemingway

"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out." ~ Michel de Montaigne

"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility." ~ Leo Tolstoy

"My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked." ~ Winston Churchill

"There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again." ~ Clint Eastwood

"I tended to place my wife under a pedestal." ~ Woody Allen

"Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet." ~ Mae West

I could write ten thousand more words on marriage, the traditions, and the ever increasing costs.  But because it would push me into a major depression I refuse to do it.  You can thank me later.  I’ve been through the marriage ringer myself and after nineteen years we failed miserably. So maybe my comments and sarcasm are reflective of that awful experience.  Even so, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a risky proposition on it’s best day.  To all of you heterosexuals and homosexuals I wish you the best.  Those marriages that truly work are the best thing that can happen to two people in love with each other.  If it doesn’t work it can also be the most traumatic nightmare ever and haunt you for years. 

Good luck to you all.  My best advice is to elope to Las Vegas.  Save yourself a trip to bankruptcy court (no sarcasm in that statement).

2 responses to “06-03-2013

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  1. I think everyone should have as many marriages as they can afford because there is nothing like it, one way or the other.

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