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This disclaimer is for those of you who are militant believers in all of these syndromes.  This posting is being written as humor with just a hint of the truth.  If you have no sense of humor then stop reading now because this will almost certainly anger you.  If you chose to continue please keep your caustic comments to yourself, they won’t be posted.

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These days it seems like everyone regardless of age or gender is suffering a syndrome of one kind or another.  This permits them to be stupid, annoying, and in general a huge pain in the ass without consequences.  If your child is undisciplined  and does pretty much what they please without any obvious parental control, they suffer from ADS.  Load them with a few drugs to maintain control in the classrooms and everything will be just fine.

Then they can grow into an annoying and undisciplined adult and be diagnosed with AADS.  More drugs and again less responsibility for bad behavior.

We have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and if that’s not good enough we also have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).  Both children and adults can now claim any of these disorders hoping for more drugs and less responsibility for their questionable rude behavior.

Were you also aware of the cottage industry that has blossomed for those poor and suffering souls afflicted with one or many of these disorders.  The first thing you should do is become an official member of CHADD.  This description was taken directly from their web-site.

Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), is a national non-profit, tax-exempt (Section 501(c)(3)) organization providing education, advocacy and support for individuals with ADHD. In addition to our informative website, CHADD also publishes a variety of printed materials to keep members and professionals current on research advances, medications, and treatments affecting individuals with ADHD. These materials include Attention magazine and a free electronically mailed informational newsletter, as well as other publications of specific interest to educators, professionals, adults with ADHD, and parents.

As you can see it’s becoming an official part of our laundry list of disorders.  Pick the one that fits best, talk with a friendly doctor and make the diagnosis official.  Then present it to the school or your employer and expect special treatment from the entire world for the rest of your life. 

Why should I be left out?  Here’s a new disorder that I recently discovered quite by accident and I suspect there are millions of other sufferers nationwide that need to be told what’s wrong with them.  My new disorder is called AAADD or Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it works…

I decide to do my laundry. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I’m going to do the laundry…

BUT FIRST I’m going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I’ll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack….

BUT FIRST I’ll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook?

Oops.. there’s the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I’m going to look for that checkbook…

BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.

I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there’s the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What’s it doing here? I’ll just put it away…

BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and…Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants…

BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.

END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control… And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because…I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious…I’d get help… BUT FIRST…I think I’ll check my e-mail.

I need to quickly recruit a few hundred individuals interested in forming a non-profit organization to help spread the word to the world about this terrible albeit understandable age related problem.  How about we start the ASS-ASS organization, American Society of Silly -  Aged Seniors Sufferers

Join up with ASS–ASS immediately all of you poor suffering and aging old bastards.

REPRESENT ! ! !