Archive for the ‘kids’ Tag

07-19-2016 Journal – An Amusing Park!   Leave a comment

In my last post I took you on a tour of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. You got to see the beaches full of people, a friendly bar to hangout in, and a cute bikini clad girl buried in sand.  I hope you didn’t think that covered our entire visit because there was much more to it.  Today I’ll take you along on our continuing tour that includes my better-half’s favorite spot.  Welcome to the Amusement Park.

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Doesn’t look like much from the outside but . . .

The Arcade while not my favorite place is always interesting.  Tourists from just about anywhere flock to this place to throw their money away or to just drop off their kids for a few hours.  Where else can you win tickets for doing just about anything and at the end of your day you’d  have spent forty bucks to win enough tickets to buy a pack of gum.  My better-half is for some reason a Skee Ball addict. She insists on throwing her money away, winning a fistful of tickets, that she ends up giving to some kid who happens to be standing around picking his nose. It’s always puzzled me and I fear it will continue to do so.

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Who can resist all of this fine looking merchandise?

Never let it be said that I’m immune to the attractions of this park.  I was once again drawn to a booth where I was permitted to spend five bucks to throw two tiny bean bags at some under inflated balloons. Being a former Little League baseball player I was stunned when I actually broke two of those stupid balloons and won my honey this glorious and somewhat ridiculous prize.

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Who doesn’t love a cuddly little frog?

Once again I became a willing victim of all the hype that’s constantly spewed by this park. It seems to happen every time I visit here and stranger still, I don’t mind at all.

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I’m so excited by all the hubbub in an amusement park I actually feel kind of bad that I’m not permitted to ride these stupid rides.  As a young kid I was too short to ride them and now all these years later I’m too tall and plump to fit in them. There’s just no justice in this world.

FORTUNATELY . . . IT’S ALL GOOD FUN!

OUR SUMMER CONTINUES!

4-30-2026 Journal–Cuss’in & Swear’in!   Leave a comment

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Now that I have grandchildren running through the house occasionally I’ve been forced to curb my use of all cusswords.  I’ve always loved cursing and swearing but stopping cold-turkey has been tough.  I have no doubt they’ll be picking up a few dozen new cuss words at home and especially at daycare. We can only hope they don’t pick up too many of the really good ones for a while yet.

I decided to do a little research into cussing as it applies to what will be their daily lives soon enough.  Before I do that I thought I’d give you a short history lesson too.  Here’s a few retro cusswords from back in the good old days.

 Old School Cussing

Heavens to Betsy

Jumpin’ Jahosafat

Yikes

Gadzooks

Holy cow

Sugar

Dagnabit

flippin’

Geez Louise

Jeez oh man,

Fudge

Eat it … RAW

Hell’s bells

Oh Shoot

Great Caesar’s Ghost

Jiminy Cricket

Holy Mary-Mother of God

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They sound so lame to us now but back in the day they got the job done with us kids.  My Mom knew all of these and a few more modern words as well.  Now lets take a look at cusswords in use in the USA today. Some fool took the time to do a study to determine what states used certain cusswords  the most. Here are the results.

Asshole – New England, Nevada, Oregon, Utah, Arizona

Bitch – Texas through the Carolinas – Along the coast.

Darn – Most of the Great Plains states.

Shit – Texas to Delaware along the coast.

Fuck – All coastal states, East, West, and South.

Motherfucker – Southwestern states and Maine’s

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Before too long our grandchildren will on the Web and getting introduced to Facebook and Twitter and all of the associated idiots who roam there. Here is some information and usage on both of those sites.

Twitter

Detailed work by researchers at Wright State University in Ohio has found that 34.7% of all the swearwords in their sample of 51m tweets were "fuck" or one of its long list of cognates.

In comparison, the second and third most popular swearwords – "shit" and "ass" – accounted for 15.0% and 14.5% respectively, while other highlights included "bitch" (10.3%), "hell" (4.5%), "whore" (1.8%), "dick" (1.7%), "piss" (1.5%) and "pussy" (1.2%). Between them, the top seven make up 90.6% of all the swearing on Twitter.

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Facebook

Someday, when aliens are sifting through Facebook data to find out what 21st-century humans thought and cared about, they’re going to see a lot of shit. That’s the most popular swear word on Facebook, according to an analysis by Slate. In the three-day period queried, shit appeared in 10.5 million U.S. Facebook interactions, fuck in 9.5 million, damn in 6.3 million, bitch in 4.5 million, and crap in 2 million.

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This next section applies directly to Rap Music. It’s always been known for bad language and we find out now that criticism was totally justified.  I feel bad for the fool that had to sit through this terrible music to complete this study.  It must have been brutal.

Rap Music

  • 217.7 cuss words-per-album average.
  • One song from the study had, on average, 13.76 instances of profanity.
  • Too $hort’s 1985 album Raw, Uncut & X-Rated was the most profane album, clocking 49.8 curse words per song.
  • The most profane artists per song were The Geto Boys, as they uttered cuss words on average 46.4 times per song. The second-most vulgar artist? Geto Boys’ Scarface, with 33.3 cuss words per song.
  • Bun B’s song “Some Hoes” had the most instances of profanity in its lyrics with over 113 cuss words. The words “nigga” (51 times) and “ho” (46) make up the majority. However, the study qualifies that Lil Jon’s “Roll Call” is perhaps the most vulgar with 329 cuss words but it was not used in the study.
  • The most profane year in Hip-Hop from the study was 2001 with 22.66 cuss words per song.

If both grandson’s can last more than fifteen minutes in this cuss filled society without becoming cussing experts it will be nothing short of a miracle.  Since I believe that “turn-about is fair play” I’ll just wait until they start cussing on their own then I’ll step in and add a few of mine.

SHIT ! ! !

IF IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR FACEBOOK, IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

07-25-2015 Journal– Is Betty Boop Really Catholic?   Leave a comment

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It’s a Saturday morning in Maine in July. It’s rained through the night and everything is wet and bright green as you’d might expect.  The downside is that it’s 6:00 am and my better-half has awakened me because of our planned trip to a nearby church festival. I was informed that it’s critically important that we arrive before 8:00 am before all of the good stuff is gone at the Flea Market.  Just as a point of information the “Flea Market” is nothing more than the basement of the church filled to the rafters with crap.  If I chose to be politically correct it could be called antique, vintage or  preowned but that would be stretching the meaning of those words to the limit. Imagine thousands and thousands of objects discarded by hundreds and hundreds of people scattered across forty of fifty tables, in side rooms, and even outside in tents. The great majority of the items are priced at a dollar or less and even then it’s a rip-off (in my humble opinion). I understand it’s money raised for a church charity so overcharging for crap is accepted and expected.

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It was so crowded with crazy people I could barely move around.  I felt pressured and obligated to buy something because this flea market was being run by a friend and former co-worker.  I dug down deep into my moth infested pocket where I found two one dollar bills.  I decided on a purchase which I would present to my better-half on her birthday.  I imagine every women in the world wants, needs, and desires a beautiful yet tacky Betty Boop toilet paper roller.

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After that purchase I fled the scene and returned to the fair for some greasy and unhealthy fair food.  There was plenty to go around.

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‘Salted, greasy, unhealthy, and almost delicious.’

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‘Hot sausage sandwich, peppers, onions, and a butt load of cholesterol.’ 

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‘Chicken anyone?’

With my belly full I made a bee line for the tent where the books were being sold.  I try to buy a sufficient number to carry me through the upcoming winter but the selection wasn’t as good as in previous years.  I purchased a few but disappointed there weren’t more.

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No real fair or festival fails to have the obligatory Disney presence with Mickey and Minnie posing for pictures with the kids.  I asked cute little Minnie to sit on my lap for a picture but she adamantly refused.  Nobody likes a prudish and fake mouse and she was  really mean too!

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My better-half made a number of trips to the car with her arms loaded with just about everything.  She bought food, toys, raffle tickets, and enough other crap to fill my trunk and backseat.  I was more than a little happy to see that church in my rear view mirror as we pulled away. 

Another three and a half hours of my life I’ll never get back.

07-01-2015 Journal–Strawberry Picking!   Leave a comment

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Even though it’s been raining off and on for a week we here in Maine must make the best of it.  It’s always been my policy that if I don’t have to shovel it, I’ll just sit back, relax, and enjoy it. 

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My better-half arrived home from work all excited about something.  I was then coerced into changing clothes and rushing out the door with a promise of a free meal at a restaurant later in the day.  I really didn’t feel  much like going out but if I can scrounge a free meal, what the hell.  We were on our way to meet with her daughter and grandsons to pick strawberries.  Control yourself, it’s not as exciting as it sounds.  This is one of those summer time activities that seem to be mandatory here in Maine. We also have apple picking, blueberry picking, and occasionally nose picking.

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My better-half the bargain hunter attempted to explain to me just how much money we’d be saving rather than buying the berries from a food store.  Instead of paying $3.00 a quart at a store we could spend our time driving to a distant farm (my car of course), picking the berries in our own little containers, and returning home. All of those thrills and we only had to pay $2.60 a quart.  On top of that we were being helped (I use this term loosely) by a two year old who ate more than he picked.  Yeah we saved money alright. . . . NOT.

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The farm was a little crowded and the skies were threatening rain again.  No sooner did we arrive when the daughter-in-law scooped up the kids and headed home.   I think she may have been way over her fun limit for the day. Since the primary reason for our outing was to see the kids we were left with nothing to do but pick berries.  For me that was a Lose-Lose situation.

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We managed to pick three quarts of berries, paid the money-saving price and escaped just as the rain began. This jam the better-half will be making tomorrow had better be the best damn jam she’s ever made.  On top of everything else I was screwed out of my promised free meal.  You just can’t trust anyone these days I guess.

12-15-2014 Journal – My Christmas Story!   Leave a comment

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It’s early and I’m still snuggled up in this warm bed and I never ever want to leave it.  My better-half is a person who isn’t entirely sure how to relax and just a few minutes ago she left this cozy bed to begin her endless list of chores.  She’s driven by her imaginary To-Do list that instantly becomes her number one priority as soon as her feet hit the floor.  I’m a goal oriented person myself but luckily I know when to just lay back, block out the world, and relax. Any minute now she’ll be delivering me a steaming hot cup of hazelnut coffee and then she’ll disappear into own little world of Christmas stuff and loud annoying music.

I don’t dislike Christmas as many people think but I also have no great love for it. As a kid It was much more of a religious holiday thanks mostly to my mother. As I grew older and lost my interest in organized religion I also lost most of my interest in Christmas.  I really enjoy sharing gifts with friends and family and I actually enjoy the giving more than the receiving.  My better-half is Christmas crazy and it’s gotten progressively worse since the birth of her grandson.  With another child expected in March I can only assume next Christmas will be totally out of control.

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There’s nine shopping days left until the big day and I’m actually looking forward to having the grandson under the tree and up to his neck in wrapping paper and gifts.  He doesn’t realize yet because of his young age that this will be this last Christmas as the lone grand child. Next year he’ll have a new sibling to share the limelight with and so it will be forever.  I plan on spoiling him a bit this year because I’m really sympathetic to his plight.

I’m even considering sneaking down to his house after dark disguised as Santa to look in the window and scare the crap out of him like my parents and family did to me.  It was an odd way to show their love but after a few years of being deathly afraid of Santa I was able to man up and get on with my life. It was really scary.

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I was about his age when my sister was born and things were never quite the same after that.  I wasn’t too happy with sharing the limelight and neither will he I’m sure. That rivalry will last forever.  So our little man is going to have one terrific Christmas which I hope he’ll remember and appreciate someday.  I see I’m getting the evil eye from my better-half which means she’ll start bugging me to get the hell out of bed and get busy.

I fully intend to convince her that today I have my own To-Do list to worry about. Then I’ll post the blog, grab my camera, and disappear from the premises.  I figure any time I can steal and spend driving around and taking pictures is a win/win. I could also hint that I need to buy her another gift or two and that should do the trick.

That’s my Christmas Story and I’m sticking to it.

11-17-2014 Journal – Blood, Guts, and Ratings!   2 comments

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I usually find myself posting about my personal life, friends, family, and the crazy things we do, but not today.  After having an up close, personal, and distasteful incident  with my television I feel the need to vent. This posting will be a tad longer than most but unfortunately for all of you I have a lot to say. Bear with me for a few minutes.

What I’m about to post may piss off a few people.  I’m not a card carrying member of any special interest group advocating non-violence on TV or elsewhere.  I’m just a regular guy who’s concerned with viewing trends on TV and in the movies. I take my responsibilities as a citizen seriously as accorded by the Bill of Rights which gives me the right and responsibility to voice my displeasure about things I’ve been seeing.

This is the time of Obama’s dysfunctional presidency and more importantly the end of Mad Men, the end of Sons of Anarchy, and worst of all the end of Justified.  What will we now do to satisfy our deep, dark, and secret needs for illicit sex, adultery, criminal activities up to and including murder and mayhem? 

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We may be forced to feed our disturbing need for uncontrolled violence with the next generation of those gritty, realistic, murderous, and graphic programs like Hell on Wheels.  Who doesn’t want to sit at home after a hard days work to watch rape, murder, and worse on their 60” big screen HD TV. Fortunately we still have our old list of favorites to fall back on if we can’t find enough blood and guts to satisfy us. That’s what Hulu Plus and Netflix are for, don’t you know.

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We now have Dexter the serial killer who spends his off-time killing other serial killers.  How much more graphic killing do we really require on TV before we begin to realize that our kids and ourselves are being desensitized to all this death and destruction.  Watch a few seasons of Criminal Minds where the ever increasing number of serial killers justifies the continued ridiculous story lines that include everything up to and including cannibalism.  We can’t see enough blood and guts I guess and there seems to be no limits of decency any longer. Anything is acceptable as long as it keeps the ratings where they need to be and the revenues flowing. 

The politicians certainly did their part by making the famous "V" chip mandatory for manufactures.  Just another politically correct gimmick used  to quiet the critics and maintain the status quo.  Do you know anyone who’s actually ever used a "V" chip or even knew there was such a thing?

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Let’s watch more of that continuous  stream of murderous zombie programing that seems to be the latest fad. There you can fill your need to smash someone’s skull and splatter their brains and blood everywhere.  If all else fails we’ll always have those thousands of werewolves out there to rip out some throats or tear some hearts from chests for our viewing pleasure. It’s just so damn exciting. Also, there’s nothing hotter than a graphic sex scene between a human and one of those romantic and super sexy killing machines. It’s just so freaking cool. Start shining up those pretty trophies to prepare for next years round of award shows where we applaud and award the stars and producers of this nonsense.

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I guess I’m old-school enough to appreciate television when it was just entertainment.  The need for censors was minimal and the programming was easily watched by everyone, children included.   I liked it better when the good guys won and the bad guys lost.  No gray area that required the good guys to be recovering drug addicts or alcoholics who’d been rehabilitated and continued to fight that good fight.  I didn’t need the bad guys to be portrayed as good guys who were mistreated and abused throughout their entire lives giving justification to their inappropriate and criminal activities.  Good is good, bad is bad, it’s that simple.

It wasn’t until “reality TV” arrived  on the scene that things started really going to hell.  I for one like to see bad guys pay for their sins.  If it happens that they’re shot fighting with the good guys, I can live with that.  What I can’t live with is the perverted need to see the slow motion bullet flying through the air, entering the body, and sending blood and guts flying in all direction. 

I also refuse to watch as attempts are made to convince viewers that the good guys were at fault and shouldn’t have shot the bad guys in the first place. They should have handled him with kid gloves, shown empathy for their terrible childhood, and then set them up in a comfortable jail cell with cable TV, Internet access, a gymnasium, conjugal visits, and an attorney to file an endless list of appeals. 

To me it’s all interconnected and as always a steady stream of propaganda works.  I hope some of you agree but I hold little hope for that as well. As in the book 1984, when Big Brother controls the Media, we are screwed.

I’m done with this.  I’ll be back to writing about my semi-boring life tomorrow.

08-02-2014 Journal Entry – Festive Festivities!   Leave a comment

I’ve been so busy of late I decided to take today off.  My only task this morning was to can another ten jars of Bread & Butter pickles.  The garden is producing ridiculous numbers of cucumbers, zucchini’s, and beans, making it a little difficult to keep up. 

DSC_0028‘Before’

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‘After’

I really hope to get a little reading done over the next few days. Last weekend we visited a local fair at St. Matthews church in Limerick, ME. This is an event that we try never to miss. It’s a three day event and draws quite a crowd from southern Maine. It consists of a huge flea market where you can still find a treasure or two for a very low price.  Over the years I’ve found quite a few jewels and this year was no different.  I found two stainless steel stock pots in like new condition without a mark on then for $15.00. If I tried to buy them at a retail store it would have been more like $50.00.

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There were crowds of people everywhere but as always the biggest crowd was in the book tent.  Tens of thousands of books, sorted on tables, and being rummaged through by hundreds of people.  I normally am able to buy enough books to keep me reading for most of the Winter for less than $20.00. It’s hardback books for a buck and paperbacks for $.50 each.  I bought so many I had two make two trips to the car to unload the bag.  I may be a big fan of the Ereader’s but at these prices I’ll take a step back to reading actual books anytime.  I still like the feel of the book in my hands and turning each page manually.  An Ereader is more convenient to be sure but old habits are hard to break.

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‘My Winter Stash’

Another thing I look forward to are the french fries.  I’ve been on a no-carb diet for almost a year but there are certain occasions that demand that I eat some greasy, salty, and crunchy fries.  I pigged out and with the help of my better-half, her daughter and her husband, and the grandson, we totally destroyed a giant box of fries along with half a bottle of ketchup.  It was sinfully delicious.

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The grandson who is just now starting to speak spent most of his time near the tent where they sell used children’s toys.  He was drawn to a hot looking plastic Camaro with flashing red lights and shiny decals.  That should keep him occupied for a week or so making it an excellent investment.

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They offer some minor gambling with a chuck-a-luck wheel, a greenhouse selling plants, and a host of other food booths.  The odd clown or two doing face painting for the kids and a huge barbecue cooking area loaded with roasting beef and chicken.  The aroma is almost overwhelming.  I like all of it except for those clowns that always seem to roaming around the grounds and showing up right next to me. After all these years they still creep me out.

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‘Yikes!’

The better-half, the daughter, and the grandson are leaving on a road trip tomorrow heading south to Delaware and then on to Ocean City, Maryland. They’ll be meeting up some of her family members for a few beach days and a night or two on the Boardwalk. I guess I can expect another silly baseball hat and T-shirt to add to my collection. That also means a week off from everything on my better-half’s Honey-Do list.  I’ll be able to read a few books, relax on the deck with the cat, and clear my head a little. 

It should be a good week for us all.

12-25-2013. Journal Entry – Christmas Day   Leave a comment

Well, another Christmas has come and gone.  It’s late and the last of the family and friends have headed home.  The day started early with my better-hale preparing some of her family traditions for Christmas morning.  She makes a batch of cinnamon buns covered with lots of sugary icing.  That and a large cup of hot coffee will definitely get your heart started.  The grandson and his mom and dad arrived in late morning requiring the platter of shrimp to be unveiled and devoured.  We all gathered in the living room around the tree for a time  chit-chatting about this and that.  It was obvious to me that everyone was just going through the motions until they could dig into the pile and open their gifts.

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“The Aftermath”

As you can see an hour later and the room looked like Santa had shown up and then exploded.  It took almost as long to clean up the debris as it did shopping to buy the stuff in the first place.  The cat and grandson had a great time rummaging through the piles of wrapping paper and boxes seemingly more interested in that stuff than the gifts themselves.  Kids!!!!  Cats!!!!

Another hour has passed and everyone appears thrilled with their gifts so we snack a little more waiting for the next group to arrive.  Our two visitors from northern Maine have finally arrived with tales of the previous day’s ice storm and the fact that most people up north are without electricity.  It’s one of the hazards of living in Maine and those storms can be brutal.  The last time we had one here we were without power for almost a week and a half.  It’s difficult to sleep in a cold bed wearing a parka, gloves, and a tassel hat. It’s hard but we did it.  The pictures taken during that storm are locked away where no one can seem them.  We looked god awful.

After our new visitors had a beer and a few snacks the bowling tournament on the X-box began.  I was able to avoid all of that because of my leg injury so I was the official photographer.  Everyone had a ball with my better-half taking home the winners trophy.

Then it was my turn to cook and to fed the hoard with a decent meal.  A honey-baked ham, rice, Brussels sprouts, and corn took care of everyone’s hunger pangs.  It was followed later by delicious apple and pumpkin pies.  Then after digesting for a while it was back to the X-box for a few rounds of darts which I also avoided by using “cleaning up the kitchen” as my excuse.

After loading up the cars they were off for the night leaving us at least two days of clean up.  All in all a successful holiday gathering with a fun group of people.  The better-half is scheduled for work at 5:00am and her son is flying out at 9:00am.  Unfortunately none of us will be getting enough sleep tonight and we should be zombies all day tomorrow.

I hope your day was as enjoyable as ours.  Merry Christmas!

12-05-2013 Christmas Letters to Santa   Leave a comment

I decided that continuing my Christmas theme this month is important.  I spent a few minutes yesterday just reading nothing but the headlines from the Drudge Report and if that doesn’t depress you, you’re a better and stronger person than I.  I’ve been reading that site for years and I have to admit it’s a real downer most of the time.

In recent days I’ve slowly been developing a little of the good old kind of Christmas spirit I had as a kid.  The tree has been decorated and the lights strung and my better-half has covered every surface of every piece of furniture in the house with Santa statues and assorted Christmas knick-knacks.  We’re shopping hard, wrapping presents, and preparing packages for shipment to various family members located around the country.  It takes a while for me to get with the Christmas program but eventually I do.

It’s meant to be a happy time so with that in mind here’s a little Santa humor to start your day.

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It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mother if he could have a new bike. She told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mother told him that would be fine.

Sam went to his room and wrote, ‘Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.’

But he wasn’t very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote: ‘Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.’

He read it back and wasn’t happy with that one either. He tried a third version: ‘Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.’

He read that one too, but he still wasn’t satisfied.So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter.

‘Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you’d better send me a new bike.’

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Are you smiling?  Good!  Now I’ll pass along a selection of kid’s letters to Santa that should keep that smile on your face for the rest of the day. I have to admit I have no memories of writing letters to Santa as a kid but I wish I had. Being able to read them after so many years would have been great fun. Here we go.

  • Dear Santa,
    Please give me a doll this year. I would like her to eat, walk, do my homework, and help me clean my room.
    Thank you, Jenny
  • Dear Santa,
    Thanks for the race car last year. Can I have another one, only this time one that is faster than my best friend’s race car?
    Ricky
  • Dear Father Christmas,
    I wish you could leave a puzzle under the tree for me. And a toy for my sister. Then she won’t want to play with mine and I can have it to myself.
    Merry Christmas, Cassie
  • Dear Santa,
    You can send me one of everything from the boys’ section of the Sears catalogue. But nothing from the girls’ section. I can’t wait for Christmas to come.
    Kent
  • Dear Pere Noel,
    Could you come early this year? I’ve been really super good, but I don’t know if I can last much longer. Please hurry.
    Love, Jordan
  • Dear Santa,
    I lost my list of toys, so please just send me the stuff that you forgot from last year.
    Todd
  • Dear Father Christmas,
    What should I leave for your reindeer to eat? Do they like cookies, too? My mom won’t let me bring hay into the living room.
    Your friend, Sandy
  • Dear Santa,
    I need a new skateboard for Christmas. The one I got now crashes too much. Band-aids would be OK too.
    David
  • Dear Santa,
    Would you rather I leave you cookies and milk or pizza? Dad says you’d probably like the pizza. Write back right away to let me know.
    Love, Lisa
  • Dear Kris Kringle,
    Please give me a tank, a jet fighter, 20 green soldiers, and a bazooka gun. I’m planning a surprise attack on my brother. So don’t tell anyone.
    Thanks, Danny
  • Dear Santa,
    How will you get into our house this year? We don’t have a chimney and my father just installed a very expensive security system.
    Julie
  • Dear Santa,
    Mommy says that you only bring presents for the good little boys. That isn’t fair.
    Brian
  • Dear Santa,
    How old are you? How did you meet Mrs. Claus? Is your first name really Santa? Can I be an elf next year? Who is your favorite kid? How do you fit all those toys in your sleigh? I have more questions for later.
    Your pal, Pauline
  • Dear Father Christmas,
    My mother told me to write to you and say thanks for the train set. My dad plays with it all the time.
    Mike

I’m not sure when or where the tradition of writing these Santa letters began. The following article was released to the public  in 2011 after being written in 1910. The list of items reveals the age of the letter and I’m still not totally sure what some of these items actually are.

* * *

Hannah Howard’s Christmas letter was hidden and lost in a chimney for years. The ghost of Christmas 100 years past arrived early for a County Down, Northern Ireland man when he discovered the “Santa letter” his late mother wrote when she was a girl.

The scorched letter was dated Christmas Eve 1911 and had been up a chimney in a Dublin house for decades. Victor Bartlem’s mother, Hannah Howard, had written her Christmas wish list when she was just 10 years old.

It was first discovered in 1992 when the current house owner John Byrne installed central heating. He came upon Hannah’s letter in the chimney and decided to keep it as a memento of times past. He made it public in 2011 in the Irish Times and it was there that Victor – living more than 100 miles away in Bangor, County Down, read about it.

Here is  that list written over a hundred years ago.

A baby doll.
A waterproof with a hood.
A pair of gloves and a toffee apple.
A gold penny and a silver sixpence.
A long toffee.

Hannah was born on Christmas Day 1900 and she died in 1978.

* * *

The items requested then appear to be very basic and far less demanding than our modern day equivalents.  If you have young children or grandchildren, take a few minutes and let them write a letter to Santa.  Then hide them away for twenty or more years.  What better gift could you give the authors than a look back to their childhoods.  They’ll love it.

12-04-2013 New Year’s Resolution’s   Leave a comment

Today’s the day that I began my yearly chore of putting together my list of New Year’s resolutions. I realize that for most people New Year’s resolutions aren’t taken all that seriously and that over the years they’ve become something meant to be humorous. In my righteous attempt to do it seriously this year I decided to search  the Net for any new ideas or tips that could help me. Amazingly, I found quite a number of websites with prewritten lists made for both children and adults. I guess they think that just printing off the list from their webpage gives some kind of credibility to people who are too lazy to take the time to do it properly. Shame on all of you who decided to take the easy way out and use one of those sites.

Here’s one of those lists suggested for younger children and you can decide just how lame it is or isn’t.  Or better, would you want your kids to use this list or make up their own.

  • I will do my homework in time.
  • I will sleep in time.
  • I will drink milk and water, and limit aerated drinks.
  • I’ll never give out personal information such as my name, home address, school name or telephone number on the Internet or to strangers.
  • I’ll be nice to other kids. I’ll be friendly to kids who need friends – like someone who is shy, or is new to my school.
  • I will wear my seat belt every time I get in a car. I’ll sit in the back seat and use a booster seat until I am tall enough to use a lap/shoulder seat belt.
  • I will apply sunscreen before I go outdoors.
  • I will try to stay in the shade whenever possible and wear a hat and sunglasses, especially when I’m playing sports.
  • I will try to find a sport (like basketball or soccer) or an activity (skipping rope, dancing or horse riding) that I like and do it at least three times a week!

You have to admit this list is no more than politically correct nonsense. You may be able to force your kids to accept this list as their own but their heart just wouldn’t be in it.   I continued my search looking for more resolutions that applied mainly to adults and found much more of the same. Premade politically correct BS which didn’t help me at all. I then sat down at my desk and put together this list of humorous adult resolutions found at another such site.

1.  This year, I’m just making one New Year’s resolution: Stop making resolutions. My only other resolution is to quit breaking my resolutions.

2.  I probably shouldn’t be making any new resolutions this year…mainly because I’m still working on the ones from last year.

3.  This year my New Year’s resolution was to stop saying ‘Seacrest out!’ after I ejaculated.

4.  I will stop peeping into my boyfriend’s female friends profile on Facebook.

Again I was disappointed. The adult resolutions while trying to be humorous were even more stupid than I’d expected. I was forced to go to the archives once more and find my posted resolutions for 2013.  I was expecting no surprises because I couldn’t remember a single one of them.  Here they are with the results of my efforts of which I’m truly ashamed.

1.  Don’t wear sweat pants outside the confines of the house less than twice a week (demanded by my better-half). FAILED

2.   Pay less than $75.00 a month at Dunkin Donuts. I failed at the $50.00 level, now I’ll just up the monthly amount and hopefully be successful. COMPLETED

3.   Tell my better-half I love her at least twenty times a day (again her idea). FAILED

4.   Attempt to develop a casual and platonic friendship with my weird neighbors.  FAILED

5.   Convince my better-half that pizza is not an official food group and refuse to eat it more than once a week.  FAILED

6.   Don’t call the President a stupid, effing, liberal, socialist, narcissistic A-hole  more than twenty times a week.  FAILED

7.   Read 3 non-fiction and 3 fiction books a month. COMPLETED

8.   Fire at least 1000 rounds of ammo a quarter to fine tune my shooting skills to prepare for the impending anarchism which will follow. FAILED

9.  Take a vacation to some exotic and strange non-American land (like maybe Boston, New York, San Francisco, or LA). FAILED

10.  Refuse to eat dog food more than three times a month to help pay for my mandated Obamacare taxes. COMPLETED

It appears that my accomplishments for 2013 were an abject failure. The fact that I couldn’t remember any of them leads me to believe that in my attempt at humor I cheapened the New Year’s resolution process. What I’m about to show you is NOT, I repeat NOT the final version of my resolutions for 2014. This is just a draft list with my initial thoughts on the matter and I’m sure some changes  may be required. See what you think about these.

(Draft Only)

1.  Start washing my hands after I use the restroom or just stop peeing on my hands.

2.  Stop licking almost everything (well almost everything).

3.  Never eat yellow snow or brown asparagus (for you lovey).

4.  Spend less than $1000.00 for coffee at Dunkin Donuts this year.

5.  Claim my pet as a dependent on my tax return.

6.  Start smoking to lose weight.

7.  Watch less T.V…. in standard definition.

8.  Buy larger clothes.

9.  Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while driving near crosswalks.

10. Stop buttering my doughnuts.

Well there you have it, my first thoughts on the subject for 2014. I certainly need to give it a little more thought as you can see. If you really think about it though,  it just makes good sense to have fewer resolutions every year.  It helps to keep you from disappointing yourself too much and you’ll then feel less guilty about how little willpower you really have.  Hopefully I’ll have my final version completed prior to New Year’s Eve which will give me one more thing to celebrate.