01-30-2013   3 comments

Well, we’re into February which means our winter here in Maine is a little more than half over. Now for the bad news. I’ve started receiving tax documents from here, there, and everywhere and if I’m like everyone else in this country, I hate doing my taxes.  It’s like stealing from your own bank accounts and then being forced to do the paperwork too. Not only do I think were being over-taxed, I think we’re getting close to that critical tipping point where we’re paying more in collective taxes (federal tax, local tax, surcharges, fee, and fines) than we’re allowed to keep.

My first big question for the Fed is how many dependents can I actually claim.  For most of my life I could answer that question without giving it too much thought.  Unfortunately those days are gone forever.  I’d really like to know since the IRS isn’t too understanding about errors on their tax returns and they seem to get some perverse thrill out of kicking all of us little guys around. Years ago it was just me, my wife, and child, easy right? No more.

With the advent of the Obama Nation slowly taking control of almost every facet of our lives, what do I do?  This comprehensive list of my dependents is my conundrum:

12 million illegal immigrants

3 million drug addicts

42 million people on food stamps

2 million people in over 243 prisons

535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate

1 Narcissistic President

I should be getting back a freaking boatload of money if my calculations are correct but I won’t hold my breath waiting for that to happen.  C’mon Barack, just give me one penny for each person listed above and I’ll be able to buy an island and establish my own country. Then I could declare war on the US and immediately surrender when their troops arrive. The surrender would be conditional with the US required to pay war reparations and an annual check of foreign aid for the rest of my life.  If they can keep me funded and happy I’ll be their most loyal ally. Free money, no taxes, and no politicians to bribe or coerce. It could be the new Garden of Eden without the stupid snake and the apple tree. See, I really do have a plan if those A-holes in Congress and the White House would just cooperate.

The Ides of April are fast approaching.  I hope I can find an acceptable solution to my problem by then. Have a wonderful tax season  this year because next year it will be much worse.

3 responses to “01-30-2013

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  1. You can take those deductions,,,,however you would be subject to Alternative Minimum Tax equel to 125% of your gross income,,,,payable immediately!

  2. They’re already in your bunker!

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