Archive for the ‘congress’ Tag

01/30/2022 Who is Dumbest?   Leave a comment

Marion Shepilov Barry was an American politician who served as the second and fourth mayor of the District of Columbia from 1979 to 1991 and 1995 to 1999.

Who is the dumbest? This might be the stupidest question ever asked by anyone including myself. There is so much dumb going around in recent years, it would take me forever to put a coherent list together of the worst of them. I’ve been alive a long time and I’ve seen dumb, heard dumb, and on occasion spoke dumb myself. It’s only right that I’ve chosen to honor former mayor Marion Barry of Washington D.C. fame. He had problems putting together an eight-word sentence and if you don’t believe me, read on. His dumbness was also all too obvious when it came to hookers and crack cocaine. Someone at his level of stupid deserves to be memorialized by me, today and here are his tidbits of wisdom . . .

  • “I am providing you with a copulation of answers to several questions raised . . .”
  • “What we have here is an egregemous miscarriagement of taxitude.”
  • “The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against adversity during this long period of increment weather.”
  • “I promise you a police car on every sidewalk.”
  • “I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria, or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol, can you deny that Africa?”
  • “What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?”
  • “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”
  • “People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn’t break, would it be my responsibility to fix them than? Would it?”
  • “There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths, and there are made up truths.”
  • “I am a great mayor, I am an upstanding Christian man, I am an intelligent man, I am a deeply educated man, and I’m a humble man.”

How could we possibly go wrong when this is the standard someone has to meet to be elected in the nation’s capitol. Is it any wonder Washington D.C. and Congress are eternally screwed up? Instead of firing and prosecuting Mayor Barry, we should have elected him President, it worked so well for Bill Clinton, so why not. I shouldn’t complain, I guess. If all politicians were actually what they claimed to be I wouldn’t have anything to write about.


11-18-2015 Journal–Poe, Twain & Lying!   Leave a comment

It’s morning, it’s daylight, it’s cold, and I’m in my toasty bed reading a little Edgar A. Poe.  I occasionally fall back to the classics when I’m bored with reading my normal stuff and today is one of those days.


‘He’s got Trump  Hair’

I’m not a fanatic about poetry like some, but I will read a little if and when I have time to waste.  Most poetry does nothing for me since I’ve self-classified myself as an anti-poetry snob.  My idea of good poetry  are bawdy limericks and poetry that promotes laughter and good humor. 

I have no idea why I started my day today reading some of Poe’s depressing poetic offerings.  I did my very best to concentrate on his works, Spirits of the Dead, The Valley of Unrest, and it was a chore.  He’s the only poet that can take something beautiful and make it seem tragic and misbegotten.  Man that guy had some serious issues.


I finally gave up on Poe when I started feeling depressed and put upon by his words. I moved over to an essay by one of my all time favorites, Mark Twain, or Samuel Clemens if you insist.  He was renowned for being a spectacularly glib wise ass which immediately endeared him to me. His thoughts contained in “On the Decay of the Art of Lying” are just plain funny and sarcastic. Here’s a sample:

“The saying is old that truth should not be spoken at all times; and those whom a sick conscience worries into habitual violation of the maxim are imbeciles and nuisances.” It is strong language, but true. None of us could live with an habitual truth-teller; but thank goodness none of us have to. An habitual truth-teller is simply an impossible creature; he does not exist; he never has existed.

Everybody lies – every day; every hour; awake; asleep; if he keeps his tongue still, his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude, will convey deception – and purposely. Even in sermons – but that is a platitude.

Anyone who disagrees with those statements is obviously living with their head deeply buried in the sand or deeply shoved up their ass. I’ve always been a fan of lying because lies serve many useful purposes.  “Does my ass look big in this dress?”, “Of course not.’’, a beautiful, polite, required, and obvious white lie. We all have a million them and use them frequently.


Do you want me to explain lying to you when it comes to our political system and the liar that has been squatting in the “Peoples House” for the last seven years.  That discussion would be totally rhetorical requiring no explanations or further conversations.

I think I could have supported Mark Twain as President only if he had the ability to select Edgar A. Poe as his Vice President.  No there’s a pair that could have driven most of Congress right out of their every-lying minds.  Throw in Donald Trump as Secretary of State and we’d have a unbeatable trifecta.


Enough of my musings.  I’m going to roll over, hug my pillow, and say a prayer that the insanity that has had this country in it’s grip for seven years is slowly fading away.  And who’s up next for the Dems but good old Hillary Clinton.

I find myself agreeing with a large block of voters in this country of both parties. We’re sick of hearing the names Bush and Clinton. To both factions, please just go away. You’ve done enough harm already and we don’t need any more.




‘OMFG Yikes Again’

08-30-2013   Leave a comment

Have you ever just been standing around people watching and wondering about things?  I have.  Do certain things you see and hear make you wonder what the hell is going on?  I thought it only right that I look into some of these matter because they bother the hell out of me.

Take a moment and come  up with a few of your own.  They are every where it seems and no one has any answers as to why.

  • Why is it that women show up at Walmart in a pink sweat-suit that’s two sizes too small with “Hot & Juicy” stitched across the butt?
  • Why does the sun lightens our hair, but darken our skin?
  • Why can’t women put on mascara without opening their mouths?
  • Why are they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  • If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of Progress?
  • Why must you click on "Start" to stop Windows 7?
  • Why is it that lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
  • Why haven’t we ever seen the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  • Why does a fiftyish man have a comb over more than 5 inches long and things no one notices?
  • Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
  • What possesses a person to paint his house pink?
  • Why do doctors call what they do "practice"?
  • Why aren’t planes made from the same material used for the indestructible black boxes ?
  • Why did they ever decide to name the airport "The Terminal"?
  • What thought process occurs to cause an beautiful and intelligent young lady to streak her hair red and pierce her nose in three different places?
  • Why isn’t there a mouse-flavored cat food and what person tastes dog food when it has a "New & Improved" flavor?
  • Why do they bother to sterilize the needles used for lethal injections?

Who can answer these questions?  I need some answers and I need them now?  How can I be convinced that your basic average human being is intelligent and right-thinking when I see hundreds of these types of things every week. It just doesn’t fill me with much confidence that the human race can survive itself.  It’s just more than a little scary.

05-20-2013   4 comments

I started out today writing a post on political polling.  Upon completion I reread it and found myself bored to actual tears.  I may post it in the future but every time I write about politics or politicians I feel kinda dirty.  Someday soon when I’m having one of those “I hate politicians” days I’ll post it. Today I feel like passing along a few more items of totally useless information to help make your lives richer and fuller.  Here we go.

  • Too much coffee can kill you. A lethal dose for an average adult is around 10 grams. That’s the equivalent of drinking between fifty and two hundred cups in rapid succession.
  • Malaria mosquitos are attracted to ripe Limburger cheese and smelly feet.
  • Members of the U.S. Congress are the highest paid legislators in the world.
  • Toilet paper was invented by the Chinese. In 1391 they produced 720,000 sheets a year for exclusive use of the emperor. Each sheet measured 2 feet by three feet.
  • Disney World in  Orlando covers 30,400 acres or 46 square miles.  That’s twice the size of Manhattan.
  • A cockroaches brain is spread throughout it’s body., If you chop off the head, it can still live up to a week. It finally dies because it can’t eat.
  • You can get cooties. Cooties are lice.
  • Mosquito repellant does not repel mosquitos. It blocks their sensors so they don’t know your there.
  • Poison ivy is a member of the cashew family of plants that supplies us with cashews and pistachio nuts.
  • Charlie Chaplin once lost a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.  He didn’t even make it to the finals.
  • Artists have more sexual partners.
  • The Puritan’s bought beer to America.
  • Antarctica is the only continent without owls.
  • A ten gallon hat only holds three-quarters  of a gallon.
  • The first film version of Frankenstein was a fifteen minute silent produced by Thomas Edison.

Well there you have it.  I saved you all from a boring political rant and offered up this collection of incredible information at the same time.  We do live in miraculous times, don’t we? I’m out the door and on my way in five minutes so ending this right now is necessary. Consider it ended.

01-30-2013   3 comments

Well, we’re into February which means our winter here in Maine is a little more than half over. Now for the bad news. I’ve started receiving tax documents from here, there, and everywhere and if I’m like everyone else in this country, I hate doing my taxes.  It’s like stealing from your own bank accounts and then being forced to do the paperwork too. Not only do I think were being over-taxed, I think we’re getting close to that critical tipping point where we’re paying more in collective taxes (federal tax, local tax, surcharges, fee, and fines) than we’re allowed to keep.

My first big question for the Fed is how many dependents can I actually claim.  For most of my life I could answer that question without giving it too much thought.  Unfortunately those days are gone forever.  I’d really like to know since the IRS isn’t too understanding about errors on their tax returns and they seem to get some perverse thrill out of kicking all of us little guys around. Years ago it was just me, my wife, and child, easy right? No more.

With the advent of the Obama Nation slowly taking control of almost every facet of our lives, what do I do?  This comprehensive list of my dependents is my conundrum:

12 million illegal immigrants

3 million drug addicts

42 million people on food stamps

2 million people in over 243 prisons

535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate

1 Narcissistic President

I should be getting back a freaking boatload of money if my calculations are correct but I won’t hold my breath waiting for that to happen.  C’mon Barack, just give me one penny for each person listed above and I’ll be able to buy an island and establish my own country. Then I could declare war on the US and immediately surrender when their troops arrive. The surrender would be conditional with the US required to pay war reparations and an annual check of foreign aid for the rest of my life.  If they can keep me funded and happy I’ll be their most loyal ally. Free money, no taxes, and no politicians to bribe or coerce. It could be the new Garden of Eden without the stupid snake and the apple tree. See, I really do have a plan if those A-holes in Congress and the White House would just cooperate.

The Ides of April are fast approaching.  I hope I can find an acceptable solution to my problem by then. Have a wonderful tax season  this year because next year it will be much worse.

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