02-17-2013   Leave a comment

Women.  As any experienced man will tell you they are impossible.  Impossible to understand and impossible to deal with at almost any level.   It must be genetic because they develop their skill-set at a very early age and spend years fine tuning them.  So as a public service to you younger gentlemen out there  who are naively preparing to enter the fray, listen up!

Flirting – Women are forever flirting with almost any man who will pay attention to them.  I was in line at a food store recently and a young girl no more than 4 years old was sitting in a cart in front of me.  She was smiling, being coy, giggling at me for at least fifteen minutes.  She was as cute as a button but God help the boys she meets in another ten or fifteen years.  She’s already learning the skills needed to befuddle and manipulate them.  And now for the big warning guys, don’t let her catch you flirting or you’re a dead man.

Opinions – Learn when to answer and when to stay quiet.  A head nod at the right time can save you a great deal of aggravation.  Also be careful when asking for an opinion from them.  It can be difficult to get a straight answer because they constantly sidestep the question and throw it back to you for your feelings on the matter.  Immediately after you give your opinion they disagree and spend ten minutes explaining to you in great detail how misinformed you are.

Driving – Some women insist on driving all of the time which is a vaguely veiled attempt at control.  If you’re dumb enough to let them chauffer you then be prepared for the payback.  Intentionally driving ten mph under the speed limit while fixing their hair, putting on makeup, texting, or searching the car for a misplaced item, is truly passive-aggressive.  OMFG! You watch as she constantly drives with her left tire directly on the centerline of the road.  Say nothing as you watch other drivers swerving out of the way to avoid being side swiped.  You should know by now that your wrong no matter what. 

Double standards – You’ll find her getting annoyed over some trivial issue that you did just once to her but that she does all the time to you. If you call her on it be prepared for a lecture on why your mistaken and why you shouldn’t be annoyed.

Asking impossible questions – Does this dress make my butt look too big? Do you like my hair this color? Does this big gaudy broach look good with this yellow blouse?  Does this bra really make my boobs look perky? What are you thinking?  Are you staring at that girl in the thong bathing suit? Do you really love me?  Need I say more guys?

The Boss – They all want to be the boss.  They claim it’s a need to be independent.  They desire independence in all things but expect you do everything for them. They will attempt to lecture you on hundreds of things you’ve already accomplished with no experience of their own to draw from. They’ll spend much of your life explaining to you how things should really be done and how they would do it.  It’s just another grab for control.

So, I hope you’ve all learned a few things here that might save you a great deal of grief later.  If you’re a true masochist like most men are required to be and can put up with all of their BS and control issues you might just get laid one day.

For your sake I hope the sex is mind blowing. Even if it isn’t tell them it is, just saying.

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