Archive for the ‘women’ Tag

03-26-2018 My New 21st Century Addiction   2 comments

I haven’ t posted anything since the start of the year and I’m feeling a little guilty.  Having a blog is like having an ungratful child.  It’s a lot of work for which I receive virtually no gratitude.  I especially miss the less than friendly emails received from my more liberal readers.  My life has been empty without their caustic comments and endless political preaching.  I’ve relegated them to a dustly shelf in my mancave where everything that bores me is stored.

Enough of that . . .  On to other matters concerning my newest and least satisfying addiction.  I’ve known for sometime that I have an addictive personality.  As a very young man I had a tremendous taste for beer.  It got me into some trouble in my teens and I had to finally let it go. No more of that nasty brew.  Then in my twenties I turned my attention to cigarettes and the occasion toke of giggle weed.  Both of which hung on until my thirites when I saw the light and quit smoking everything.  No more happiness weed and no more cigarettes.  I got healthy, hit the gym, and finally (according to my mother) turned myself into a beautiful and productive person.

As the years rolled along I ended my addiction to marriage and lived a rather raucous and crazy few years filled with wine women and song.  Yes I’d finally discovered a taste for wine and women but no matter what I did I couldn’t carry a tune. As is usual the combination of wine and women got me into considerable trouble as well. I finally met, fell in love, and settled down with the love-of-my-life, stopped drinking wine and turned instead to brandy.

The next to go was the damn brandy. While I enjoyed the brandy drinking experience it was rather boring and I had to stop. I hate spending that kind of money on alcohol that tastes great but I get no glow.  No glow means you got to go and it did.  So currently I’ve reduced my addictions to just three.  My woman is here to stay, thats #1, and thank god for a continuous supply of Jack Daniels (thats #2).  I’ve limited myself to just two or three Jack & Pepsi’s a week (and maybe a few more if we have visitors). Things seem to be working out perfectly almost . . .

My last remaining addiction is without a doubt the worst.  I’ve rid myself of a major television addiction 2 years ago when I could no longer stand watching 10 minutes of commercials every half hour. I told Dish Network to cancel my account and signed up immediately with Netflix and Amazon for streaming service.  Unfortuneately streaming is a double-edged sword.  Being generous I estimate that both streaming services are 80% crap and only 20% of their movies are worth watching unless you want to pay a fee.  My newest and worst addiction is to this endless supply of  terrible, crappy, and ridiculous movies.

                                             SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

I’m in dire need of some sort of 12 step program to get me away from this TV.  My greatest fear these days is that my better-half will find me alone in the dark, slumped over in my favorite chair, clutching the remote.  Dead from dehydration, boredom, and felony eye-slaughter.

 

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06-05-2016 Journal – Miscellaneous Trivia!   Leave a comment

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I think it’s time for more trivia. I’m actually getting tired of talking about gardens and gardening. I need a break and I’m sure you do as well. They’ll be a lot more of that information coming your way this summer so there’s no need for more today.

These factoids will cover a number of categories but I’m sure you’ll find as interesting as I did.  Let’s get started.

  • Half of British women own more than thirty pairs of shoes.
  • In the US, half of children ages 4-6 have played video games, and a 25%  say thy do so regularly.
  • The most expensive age of your life is thirty-four.
  • Ten percent of people are left-handed and twenty percent are left-footed.
  • In the US, the lifetime cost to parents for rearing one middle class child is $1.43 million.

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  • In any conversation lasting ten minutes or longer, 20% of adults will lie.
  • There are a half million semiautomatic machine guns in Swiss homes.
  • Women are estimated to buy 80% of everything that is sold.
  • By late 2006, only 35% of Americans had sent a text message, compared to almost 100% of Brits.
  • Women in almost every culture speak in deeper voices than Japanese women. American women’s voices are lower than Japanese, Swedish women’s lower than American, and Dutch women women’s lower than Swedish.

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  • One third of all houses in Ireland were built in the last two decades.
  • The average American two-car garage is 25% bigger than the average Tokyo home.
  • In 2007 YouTube consumed as much bandwidth as the entire Internet did in 2000.
  • Spammers typically need to send one million emails to get just fifteen positive responses.
  • The total computing power of NASA at the time of the Sputnik launch in 1957 was far less than that available in a typical smart phone in use today.

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I guess that will do it for today. I never stop searching for this kind of off-the-wall information and you can be sure more facts will keep coming your way on a regular basis in the future.

GET OUTSIDE AND ENJOY YOUR DAY

07-11-2014 My Relationship Rules for Women!   Leave a comment

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Every guy loves ogling beautiful women and that includes me.   It’s been that way forever and I don’t see it changing any time soon.  Woman claim to dislike being stared at but do they really mean it?  Victoria Secret’s success has made that claim a little less believable. I’ve had them try to tell me that they wear makeup, revealing clothing, and expensive hair styling just to look good for other women.  Do you buy that? Not a chance.  They want to be stared at, whistled at, and ogled just as much as the men enjoy doing it.  It’s that famous “dance” that the sexes do in a age old mating ritual.  If you look good then your choice of mates increases exponentially.

I must say that it’s a fine line for a woman to walk.  If you get too revealing you look like a slut.  Most guys looking for a serious relationship wouldn’t be drawn to the slutty woman but also wouldn’t hesitate making the occasional booty call to one after a night of drinking and increasing horniness. What most women don’t seem to get is the desire by many men for an attractive, well behaved, and friendly woman who sheds those attributes upon entering the bedroom and turns into a sex crazed slut.  I know it isn’t rally fair to all of you women but unfortunately it remains true.

There’s a rule of thumb you’ve probably heard, KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid”.  Over the years I’ve developed five simple and easy rules for women to help them have a modicum of success in attracting a possible long term mate.

Rule 1 – Look good but not too good. Just slutty enough to make his mouth water and to keep his fantasies percolating.

Rule 2 – Be flirty but not too dirty or off color.  Just a hint of the “bad girl” is usually enough to drive most men over the edge.

Rule 3 – Drink enough but don’t get sloppy drunk.  No one wants to have the woman they’re hoping to have sex with throwing up on them.  Don’t laugh, it’s happened to me.

Rule 4 – Lay off that constant stream of foul language except in the bedroom. Be coy at first and then turn into that bedroom slut he’s been hoping and searching and wishing for.

Rule 5 – You may be more sexually experienced than he is but don’t show off.  Save some of your better moves for later when he’ll thinks he’s the reason you’ve decided to do them.

I’ve always been partial to women who look good but not too good.  I love a woman who wears her hair long because I find long hair very sexy. It’s an old Victorian fantasy of mine where you spend a great deal of time peeling off layers of clothing and after all that work she  lets down her hair down and you’re good to go. Gives me the shivers just thinking about it. 

“With the narrower silhouette, emphasis was placed on the bust, waist and hips. A corset was used to help mold the body to the desired shape.

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“Skirts were supported by a hybrid of the bustle and crinoline or hooped petticoat sometimes called a “crinolette”. The crinolette itself was quickly superseded by the true bustle, which was sufficient for supporting the drapery and train at the back of the skirt.”

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“The Victorian Version of the J-LO look.”

Well back to topic. I’ve had dealings with a few women in my life and they’ve fallen into any number of different categories.  Beautiful, fugly, and all points in between.  Each one was a totally different experience, some good and some really effing bad.  They can try and deny their innate desire to attract men but down deep in their hearts they know its the truth.  They want a good man in a good relationship with kids, a dog, and the white picket fence.  After all of that they also want to be the biggest slut they can be in the bedroom and have a man who’ll appreciate it.

SURPRISE LADIES . . . THAT’S WHAT WE WANT TOO

01-12-2014 Relationship Wants   4 comments

I’ve been racking my brain for the last few days trying to come up with some ideas for my least favorite holiday that’s approaching. Everyone on the planet knows it’s a made-up holiday supported primarily by greeting card companies but it doesn’t change the fact that we men are required to do the proper thing regardless for Valentine’s Day. The proper thing being candy, flowers, and an emotional and over the top “love” card. If you really want to get lucky it also may require an expensive dinner and a crazy night on the town.  It’s kind of like Christmas.  You get one big gift that’s meant to last the whole year.

I really don’t mean to sound  like a man but unfortunately that’s what I am. I decided to do a little net surfing in an attempt to identify those things that men want from women in  a relationship and vice versa.  It seems that everyone is an expert on this subject and in order for me to be thorough I would’ve been forced to read through hundreds of websites. My laziness resulted in these two lists with 10 items each listing the primary “wants” from both genders. This first list is what men are looking for in the women they date in the hopes of finding their soulmate.

What Men Want in Women

Physical Intimacy

Confident

Attractiveness

Love

Security

Trust

Sense of Humor

Supportive

As you can see there are no surprises in that list.  This next list is things wanted by women in their men to qualify them for “soulmate” status.

What Women Want in Men

Love

Sense of Humor

Confident

Respectful

Sexual Passion

Trustworthy

Chivalrous

Attractive

Ambitious

Imaginative

Again no real surprises at all.  Some minor differences but nothing too shocking.  Let me make a statement that in my humble opinion will sum up the main wants and needs of both sexes in one simple  sentence.

“I want an attractive, confident, trustworthy, and sexy person.”

For me that says it all.  Those characteristics were common to both lists and I suspect haven’t changed much since the first man met the first women.  Thousands of years, millions of people, trillions of dollars, and I figured it all out in an hour. So if you have all of these qualities you should be in demand as a single person and a major catch for marriage seekers.  If you think  that that sentence describes you and you aren’t in demand it can only mean one thing.  I got it all wrong.  If I’m wrong then I’d advise you to get your ass in gear and buy some candy, some flowers, a mushy card, a fancy dinner, and then pray for the sex your hoping to get on Valentine’s Day night.

For a few extra thrills throw in some jewelry. Also I find it a little interesting that Valentine’s Day is represented by the initials VD. I don’t think it means anything, I’m just saying.

11-16-2013 The “Battle of the Sexes” Continues   2 comments

I discovered the following list while roaming around the Net yesterday.  I’m known for being sarcastic at times especially when writing about our female counterparts who tend to bring out the devil in me.  The “Battle of the Sexes” is something I take very seriously and I feel that it’s my job to defend my gender.  I think it’s only fair to make sure that women don’t get an unfair upper-hand in the amount of sarcastic BS they circulate about men.  I promise to do my very best to keep  us men on an even keel with them. 

For some reason sarcasm irritates the hell out of many women except for when they’re spewing it themselves.  This list of “Reasons It’s Good to Be a Women”" appear to have been written by a sarcastic and mean-spirited female sexist.  Since she seems to have gone over the edge with her comments I thought I should respond in kind. I’m not saying she’s a man hater but it’s certainly someone who must has been dumped recently or has a string of failed relationships that fueled her anger and sarcasm.  I hope you enjoy this item-by-item comparison written by a somewhat sarcastic man who definitely has had a few failed relationships along the way. Enjoy.

“Reasons It’s Good to be a Woman”

  1. We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

  2. Taxis stop for us.

  3. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

  4. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

  5. We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

  6. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

  7. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

8.    We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

9.   We have the ability to dress ourselves.

10.  We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

11.  If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

12.  We will never regret piercing our ears.

13.  There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

14.  We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren’t listening anyway.

* * *

Am I right?  Does she sound just a little bitter?  No doubt in my mind she has issues she’s not dealing with all that well.  I think it’s time for my contribution to this discussion in a much more rational and male manner.  I’ll address her points one-by-one. 

“Reasons Why It’s Better to Be a Man”

1.    We don’t get and complain about gynecological disorders but if we had to listen to our women explain them, then we’d  probably jump off the Titanic voluntarily.

2.    We have vehicles and require no taxis.

3.    We don’t need to dance to display the goods.  Here they are.

4.    We may wear the occasional Speedo at the beach but we never go to Walmart in a dirty pink sweat suit with Hot & Juicy printed across the ass.

5.    We pass gas which eases our pain and keeps us from becoming as mean and disagreeable than our gas-pained female friends and lovers.

6.    We love to shave, it makes us clean and neat, not hairy and scary like some of the girls.

7.    We have the maturity and passion to show our male friends the “Thrill of Victory” and the “Agony of Defeat” without worrying about what our homophobic female friends think.

8.    We don’t reach down to touch ourselves to make sure our junk is still there.  We do that for those females with a short attention span so they won’t forget where the goods really are.

9.    We dress ourselves in a simple manner because if it’s too complicated our poor female lovers can’t figure a way to remove our clothing.

10.  We talk to the opposite sex because we have the unique ability to accurately picture them naked.

11.  We won’t marry someone 20 years older than us because that would make us look like an idiot.

12.  We will never regret much of anything, EVER.

13.  We carry a supply of chocolates with us at all times to entice the welcoming chocoholic females into a gooey, chocolate, and messy sex romp.

14.  We can say almost anything we want in the presence of women because they’re too busy yakking it up with each other  to hear what we have to say.

15th and Most Important:  WE HAVE CUSTODY OF THE PENIS.  With that in our favor we really own most women except for the occasion Lesbian.  But even they find it necessary at times to make detailed replicas of the penis for their amusement and the amusement of their partners.

MEN RULE

(Sarcasm Off)

10-12-2013   Leave a comment

For most of my life I’ve had older people telling me things that I had a hard time believing.  Growing up in western Pennsylvania put me in contact with many people with their genealogical roots in eastern Europe.  I wasn’t more than seven or eight when a elderly neighbor lady who spoke broken English told me to wear cloves of garlic around my neck to ward off evil spirits.  It wasn’t until many years later that I discovered she was an immigrant from Romania where they have a history of evil beings and Vlad the Impaler

Old wives tales are present in every society it seems and have been passed down through the generations as being the gospel truth.  When I lived in Korea I found out the best way to insure a safe pregnancy was to hang a strand of charcoal pieces over the doorway to your home.  I thought it was nonsense but after a group of elderly Korean ladies threatened me with bodily harm, I just smiled and got out of their way.  They put the charcoal in place and there was once again peace in the valley.

Here’s an interesting collection of “Old Wives Tales” for you women out there.  I can’t verify that they’re true or that they actually work but I can guarantee that somewhere out there are a few Old Wives who believe it.

  • If you happen to step on a man’s toes, whether dancing or in a crowd, it is the man you’ll marry. So the next time you step on a man’s toes, take a real good look at him, you just might be looking The One.
  • Eve didn’t have any choice as to who she gave the apple to. But before you give your apple away, try this. Cut it in half and put all the seeds in a pan on the stove. Name each seed after a man you know. Then quickly heat the pan. The first seed to pop will reveal the name of the man for you.
  • A woman who puts on a bridal veil and holds orange blossoms on any occasion, but not her own wedding, will never marry.
  • If you are young woman make a pie. While trimming the pie crust, if it falls over your hand, that is a sign you will marry young.
  • If a woman braids her hair and leaves out a strand, it is a sign she will marry within the year.
  • If there are many men in your life and you wonder which one you’ll marry, take 12 slips of paper and write on each slip the name of one of the men. Place the 12 slips into an envelope and sleep with it under your pillow. Each morning draw one slip from the envelope at random. Rip it up and toss it away. The last slip of paper in the envelope is the name of the man you will marry.
  • If you have a man in your life and you want him to remain interested in you and to pop the big question, never let him carry your comb in his pocket.
  • A woman who makes a good looking bed will have a good looking husband. And a woman who has an unkempt bed will have someone else’s husband.
  • If you haven’t met Mr. Right yet, but want to see his face, follow these steps. Find a well. Make sure it’s not covered so that you can actually look down into it and see the water. On the night of the full moon, toss a penny into the well. The face you see at the bottom of the well is the man you’ll marry.

Unfortunately ladies most of you will one day be an Old Wife. I’m supplying you with these tales so you’ll have something to pass along to your daughters. It’s your motherly responsibility to keep this tradition alive. Every generation has the right to hear this nonsense and then to pass it along to their daughters.  It keeps life interesting.

10-03-2013   Leave a comment

I’ve been accused by my better-half on more than one occasion that she knows what I’m thinking when I say certain words.  I refuse to repeat any of her examples because it’ll only make her think she’s right and then I’d never ever hear the end of it.  It did get me thinking about certain words and phrases I’ve been hearing for most of my life from female family members, girlfriends, and spouses.  I think this list may be used as a reference guide to help me in my future discussions (arguments) with my better-half concerning these matters.  I’m sure if I put my mind to it I could add another twenty of thirty items to this list but what’s the point.  For my male readers I’m sure you’ll recognize some of these golden oldies used by generations of women to confuse and misdirect us.  War is truly hell when it involves the sexes.  Arm yourselves with as much ammunition and information as you can.  You’ve been warned.

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FINE – This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut the hell up.

WHATEVER – This is the new favorite word women use to convey “screw you”or “up yours”.

FIVE MINUTES – This means half an hour.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? – This has no real meaning. They only say it every fifteen minutes to drive us effing crazy.

NOTHING – This is the calm before the storm. This actually means "Something," and you should stand with your back to the nearest wall.  ‘Nothing’ usually means Something and it’s Something bad for you.

GO AHEAD – This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it, trust me, DON’T DO IT.

FINE! -  Does not really mean fine at all.  It means “Fine, you rotten SOB” and you’ll be sorry for bringing it up.

LOUD SIGH – A sigh means she thinks you’re an idiot and a moron and wonders why she’s wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

THAT’S OKAY – This means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you’ll pay for your mistake.

THANKS – A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you’re welcome but make no direct eye contact.

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I hope this helps all of you men out there in your attempts to understand just what your woman or women are really saying.  It takes decades for us men to even scratch the surface of understanding women and I’m firmly convinced we never will.  We just have to keep trying.

08-27-2013   Leave a comment

For as long as I can remember the “Battle of the Sexes” has raged on and on and on and on.  After living through the bra burning years and ERA I thought it might finally ease up a little but once again I was wrong.  With women’s salaries edging upward and their elevated management positions becoming the norm rather than the exception I’d hoped for the best.  I was wrong again.  Are you sensing a pattern here?  No matter what I do in any association with any woman, I’m immediately wrong (whether I am or not) strictly because I’m a man.

My interactions with women both in the workplace and my personal life have resulted in my hearing the same old complaints and worn out clichés.  “You men are all alike.” “It’s just like a man to do something like that.” “I can’t break through that glass ceiling because men discriminate against me.” “Men are unfair.”  Are you seeing a particular pattern here too?  Good, I hope you are.

The point I’m trying to make is that women have made a great deal of progress over the years but just can’t seem to acknowledge it.  They want more!  If they ruled the planet entirely they’d be upset that they aren’t ruling the entire universe and all those bad aliens out there are discriminating against them. 

To further make my point  I submit the following excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine. This article was written for male supervisors of women in the workforce during World War II.  Read on ladies and see what having a double standard is really all about.

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Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees

There’s no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage. Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they’re less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn’t be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It’s always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls – those who are just a little on the heavy side – are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination – one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5. Stress at the outset the importance of time; the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they’ll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can’t shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman – it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl’s husband or father may swear vociferously, she’ll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11. Get enough size variety in operator’s uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can’t be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

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No ambitious person should ever just settle. Working hard and getting the job done still works whether your male or female.  I think it’s time to drop the blame game against all men and get back to work.  Just saying.

08-09-2013   Leave a comment

I’ve written many a post over the years about sex, relationships, and especially women.  I ‘m the same as most men, we really don’t have a complete grasp on what women want or expect before, during, and after sex.  Some times we get lucky and do things just right but as a woman changes so does her desires during sex.  Lick an ear lobe one day and your just so damn sexy.  Wait a week, lick the same ear lobe and get a somewhat tepid response.  Women?

I decided that a thorough search on the Web might help me clarify a few things if I could find a few females willing to help me.  I think the following list of things women like or love might be helpful to all of you inept men out there.  It reminds me an episode of Friends where Monica and Rachel attempt to educate Chandler about various female erogenous zones.  It was funny and sad at the same time.

Let’s get started.  For all of you women out there who feel the need to respond to these facts, please be kind and keep the profanity to a minimum.

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Stay in Shape: This becomes increasingly difficult as we age.  Older men have the proverbial pot belly and it can be difficult to stop Mother Nature from intruding into your bedroom. Let change this category to Stay in the Best Shape You Can. Start doing exercises and other techniques to help you improve. She’ll be begging for much more sex once you do!

Take Your Time: More extended foreplay. Think about it, by delaying the penetration and enjoying the foreplay, she’d feel more wet and will enjoy sex a lot more.

Emotional Connection. To enjoy sex better, women  need to feel connected to the man emotionally. Well, this doesn’t make one night stands less sexy but in a relationship where you’ve had sex a few times, you always need to focus on making her feel loved and emotionally connected to you.

Raise Her Self esteem. For a woman, self esteem is one of the most important things to help her feel sexy about herself when she’s in bed with a man. When you’re making love with your women, make her feel loved and comfortable, and compliment her body or any other specific regions that you find sexy. Women love a man who boosts their ego in bed.

Talking Dirty: Yes, I’ve been a dirty talker for years.  It’s a type of oral sex that I found quite satisfying once I discovered that women love it too.  Not every woman loves it but more do than I ever thought possible.

More Experimentation: Women crave new things more than  men. Keep a drawer full of gadgets, extra batteries, and a copy of the Kama Sutra nearby.  A six pack or two of various flavored lubricants won’t hurt either.

A Little Danger: Dare to take a chance or two.  Sex in unusual places can be thrilling. I’ve ben known to try storerooms, closets, park benches, restroom stalls, and even cars upon occasion. Use your imagination, and you’ll be surprised at just how much risk many women are willing to take.

Satisfy her: Can you really enjoy sex if you don’t finish yourself off? Of course, you can’t. And for women, it works the same way. Don’t focus only on your own needs. Take it slow and warm her up, and don’t ejaculate until your woman has orgasmed first.

Give All of Her Your Attention: If you really want your woman to have a wild time in bed, don’t isolate yourself to just a place or two on her body. Focus on all of her, kiss her hands, lick her navel, kiss her toes, the back of her neck and everywhere else. If she moans you know you’re doing the right thing.

End It With Love: Afterplay is just as important as foreplay for a woman. Cuddle after sex and talk to each other for a few minutes. Add in a few kisses and compliments and she’ll love you for the great guy you are.

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You’ll notice I didn’t address the size and shape of male and female genitalia at all.  I just didn’t see the need.  Size can be important to some but in general I think it’s overrated.  Big breasts, little breasts, big penis little penis . . . . So what!  If you can successfully learn half of the items on the above list you’re likely to be a better lover regardless of size.

07-01-2013   2 comments

I find women interesting and the older I get the more interesting they become.  Highly emotional with all of the accompanying maternal instincts that pretty much control their lives.  The consequences of being the child bearing gender are many but in small doses they aren’t too bad.  As with everything else, too much of a good thing can end up being a real problem.

It’s been my observation that certain women have children, love them, raise them, and send them on their way.  You’d think they’d be happy to have accomplished such a difficult task as having and then raising a child or two or three or even four.  I guess it all depends on the individual woman.

Normally what occurs after the nest has been emptied is their subtle and sometimes subconscious need to try and refill it.  Who’s the only logical candidate to help them accomplish that? The poor spouse or partner. He becomes the target of all those wonderful traits that attracted him to her in the first place. It’s a totally different situation when she begins treating her spouse or partner like he’s a prepubescent child.  The hovering and constant nit-picking can drive a person over the edge.

How can a man deal with these problems without getting angry and hurting her feelings?  Not an easy proposition but unless you find a solution there could be big trouble in River City.

Fortunately if the woman is reasonably aware of what she’s doing and after a period of time (hopefully short) and with the man’s help this phase will pass and life can return to normal (whatever that is).  As a man your lucky if this Empty-Nest Syndrome passes quickly and the one thing that can make that happen is the arrival of that first grandchild.  All of those pent up motherly feelings can now be targeted to the new baby which in turn makes the man’s life a little easier (but not for long).

Just when you think your life will finally calm down without any more unneeded drama the scariest thing you could ever imagine arrives, “THE CHANGE”.  Night sweats, hot flashes, temper tantrums, and a really unfriendly alter-ego that turns your soulmate and life partner into Mrs. Hyde.  It could take years for this to come and go and it is one helluva a rough ride for all involved.

I found out the hard way just how bad it can be but after much experimentation I discovered a simple way to short circuit the Change a little.  You can’t cure the physical side effects of the Change but you can lessen the impact of the other symptoms with a healthy dose of humor.  It’s almost impossible for her to be totally crazy if you can keep her laughing.  Mix in healthy doses of hugging, touching, and other dangerous activities and you may just survive to reach the promised land.  The promised land is that wonderful place where you can have all the sex you want without fear of pregnancy.  It’s weird that Mother Nature makes you wait until old age for this to occur.  It would have been nicer to have that luxury back in my thirties.

There you have it.  You’re now in your sixties, retired, and have all the time in the world for all that sex you’ve always complained you never had time for.  Unfortunately you also no longer have the kind of stamina that’s necessary to fulfill all of your insane sex fantasies.  On top of that you have aches and pains in odd places making things even more interesting and difficult.

Mother Nature is one ironic and totally unfunny woman.