I know this will make some of you jealous especially the male readers. I’ve been lucky enough to acquire a wonderful little booklet published in 2000 filled with hundreds of quotes and other tidbits of wit and wisdom by some of our most famous women. I try to keep things interesting on this blog by gathering information from all sides of the human equation. Here are a few samples from the distaff side of things.
“In nine cases out of ten, the woman had better show more affection than she feels.” Jane Austen 1813
“Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret.” Aphra Behn 1687
“Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all – the apathy of human beings.” Helen Keller 1927
“If all men are born free, how is it that all women are born slaves?” Mary Astell 1706
“To be a king and wear a crown is more glorious to them that see it than it is a pleasure to them that bear it.” Queen Elizabeth I 1923
Queen Elizabeth I
“If I didn’t start painting, I would have raised chickens.” Grandma Moses 1947
“Always be smarter than the people who hire you.” Lena Horne 1985
“The person who publishes a book willfully appears before the populace with his pants down.” Edna St. Vincent Millay 1986
“Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit’em, but remember it’s a sin to kill a mocking bird.” Harper Lee 1960
“Truth is such a rare thing, it is delightful to tell it.” Emily Dickinson 1870
❤️❤️❤️
Here is one of my favorite quotes from a successful and feisty long-running actress.
It’s been a while since I posted any quizzes. Todays will consist of ten sports related trivia facts. These questions will not be easy. Let’s see who the real sports fanatics are out there. As always the answers will be listed below. Have fun with it.
What is the distance between bases on a Little League ball field?
In 1939 what famous American athlete starred on UCLA”s undefeated team and was the top scorer in the Pacific Coast Conference for basketball?
What is the state sport for Alaska?
Who was the world champion swimmer disqualified from competing in the 1936 Olympics?
How many baseball gloves can be made from one cow?
Daredevil Jack
What did basketball star Kareen Abdul-Jabbar and Frank Sinatra have in common?
“Daredevil Jack” is the title of a 1920 movie starring which heavyweight boxer?
Who was the only American to win a gold metal at the 1968 Winter Olympics?
In what major league ballpark was a pitcher charged with a balk when the wind blew him off the mound during an All-Star game?
Who was the first major league baseball plyer to win a batting title in three different decades?
George Brett
HOW DID YOU DO?
Answers
60 feet, Jackie Robinson, Dog-mushing, Eleanor Holm, Five, Both born at 13lbs., Jack Dempsey, Peggy Flaming, Candlestick Park in 1961, George Brett – .333 in 1976, .390 in 1980, and .329 in 1990.
I’ve been a lover of books since a very early age. The term bibliophile meant nothing to me back then. The first real book I ever read cover-to-cover occurred in 1952 at the ripe old age of 7. I was walking from the school bus a mile and a half to my home. Along the way I passed a neighbors house and noticed a number of large cardboard boxes filled with all sorts of things which had been placed there for a trash pickup the next morning. I noticed an old worn book sticking out of one of those boxes, pulled it out, and it was titled 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne. I read a few lines from page one and was hooked. The book went into my bag and I couldn’t put it down and finished reading it in just two days. That book changed my life because I was forced to read it with a dictionary in one hand and the book in the other. There were so many words I’d never seen or heard before and it made the entire process a major learning experience not just for reading but also how to properly use a dictionary. The one unpronounceable word that has stuck with me ever since was rendezvous. For quite some time I pronounced it as “ren-dez-e-vos” and not “ron-de-voo“. Many thanks to my mom for explaining that to me and even now when I hear or see that word it takes me right back to 1952 once again.
Todays post contains the titles of ten obscure books published in the far past concerning everyone’s favorite topic: SEX. They are hilarious and can only be truly appreciated by a dedicated bibliophile. Are you one? Do you want to become one? I highly recommend it.
Is Pleasure Worth the Penalty – Henry Butter 1866
The Girdle of Chastity – Eric John Dingwall 1931
Training of the Young in Laws of Sex – Hon. Edward Lyttelton 1900
In and Out and Up and Down – Jo L.G. McMahon 1922
How to Pickup Girls on a Public Beaches – Raleigh Leo Stanley 1982
😍😍😍
Bullying and Sexual Harassment: A Practical Study – Tina Stephens and Jane Hallas 2006
Happy Though Married – Sophia Gertrude Wurtz 1922
A Kiss for a Blow – Henry Clark Wright 1920
Heroic Virgins – Alfonso P. Santos 1977
History of the Girls’ Friendly Society – Agnes L. Money 1897
BONUS – My Fav
Wed to a Lunatic – A wild weird yarn of love and some other things delivered in the form of hash for the benefit of tired readers – Frank Warren Hastings 1896
I decided that todays post would address a few things that are important to me now that I’m within shouting distance of being eighty years old. As anyone that reads this blog knows, I’m all about maintaining a really good sense of humor about almost everything. Nothing is funnier for me then one-liners. They convey a lot of laughs and good will with a very small investment of words. Being an old fart like me means often thinking about death as well as just being too damn old. Here are a few one-liners that cheer me up and I hope they do the same for you. Enjoy!
GROWING OLD
I’m so old that when I go to a cafe’ order a three-minute boiled egg, they want the money up front.
I was always taught to respect my elders but I’ve reached the age when I don’t have anyone left to respect.
The only reason I’ve taken up jogging is so I can hear heavy breathing again.
DEATH
My grief counselor has just died. He was so damn good, I don’t give a shit.
I want to die peaceably in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Death is Nature’s way of saying “Slow down”.
HAPPINESS
Statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not happy.
Happiness is sunshine, a good meal, and a good or a bad woman. It depends how much happiness you can handle.
Ecstasy is happiness with its clothes off.
Some people light up a room when they enter it. Other people do so when they leave. (YOU KNOW WHO YOUR ARE)
Here is an updated selection of rather odd and sometimes scary trivia facts. Some are good and some are not. Ten things you probably wish you don’t know. You be the final judge.
Approximately 1.7 million violent workplace incidents occur in this country every year. 18,700 are committed by the victim’s intimate partner.
If you swim in ocean areas that contain sharks, avoid wearing the colors yellow and orange. Apparently these colors piss off sharks. Who knew?
Female marsupials have three vaginas. and the males have a forked penis.
Approximately 4 million cats and dogs are euthanized each year in this country at animal shelters.
Ten percent of Americans between eighteen and twenty-four can’t find the United States on a blank world map.
Half of Americans believe that the President has the power to suspend the constitution (Mostly Democrats I’ll wager).
According to the Institute of Medicine (IOM) estimates, 1.5 million patients suffer each year because of mistakes made with medicines given in hospitals.
Mental health concerns are one of Americans’ top reasons for seeking medical treatmernt.
The place where you rest your hands on your desk is home to ten million bacteria at any given moment.
A person can survive without eating for weeks, but will only survive eleven days without sleep.
It amazes me that anyone who spends time telling dirty jokes to friends, family, or acquaintances, thinks their jokes are the most hilarious of all time. Some folks have the ability to remember dozens of dirty jokes which helps them to become the life of the party. That’s not me. I’ve heard many hundreds of jokes over the years and some were truly side-splittingly funny. I may repeat a joke a few times but even the really funny ones slowly fade from my memory and unless I write them down, they’re just gone. Now to my point. I have in my hot little hand a book published in 1976. It’s titled “The Worlds Best Dirty Jokes” and the book was compiled by the unidentified “Mr. J”. Why he thought his collection was the worlds best dirty jokes I will never understand. I offer up two of those jokes from that book for your enjoyment. I’ll bet anything that you’ll think your jokes are funnier than these.
The famous Greek ship owner Ori Oristotle, was having a house built on a large piece of land in Greece. He said to the architect, “Don’t disturb that tree over there because directly under that tree is where I had my first sexual experience.” “How sentimental, Mr. Oristotle,” the architect said, Right under that tree.” “Yes,” continued Ori, “And don’t touch that tree over there either. Because that’s where her mother stood watching while I was having my first sex.” “Her mother just stood there while you were screwing her daughter?” the architect asked. “Yes”, said Mr. Oristotle. “But Mr. Oristotle, what did her mother say?” “She said, BAAAA”
I hope you didn’t hurt yourself with all of the hilarious side-spitting laughter from that jewel.
*NEXT*
🌭🌭🌭
Lee and Larry were a pair of winos. They woke up with the shakes one afternoon to find they only had $.40 between them. Lee began to climb the walls, but Larry said calmly, ” Look, old man, give me the forty cents and I’ll show you how we can drink free all day.” So they went into a diner, and Lee bought a hotdog, which he stuck in Larry’s fly. Next, they went into a nearby bar and ordered drinks. When the bartender asked for payment, Lee got down on the floor and started sucking on Larry’s hotdog which they had placed in his pants. The bartender screamed, “You goddamn perverts, get the hell out of here.” They repeated the scenario in more than a dozen bars and finally, Lee complained, “Listen Larry, it was a great scheme but my knees are getting sore from hitting the floor so much.” Larry shook his head, “You should complain,” he said. “We lost the damn hotdog after the second bar.
I began my morning by reading a number of limericks. For me that’s the only proper way to start a day. I rooted through my book shelves and found what were the remains of a very small book of limericks published in 1980. It is a very small and was packed into the hardcovers with a rubber band. It fell to pieces as I began reading it. The book is titled Dirty Little Limericks and here is the first sentence in the forward which tells you all you need to know, “A good friend of mine – a practicing therapist – has advanced the thesis that the greatest contributions to human health and sanity in the last two hundred years is neither penicillin nor indoor plumbing, but rather the limerick.” I couldn’t agree more. Here are four for your enjoyment.
As you are aware I hunt like an obsessed bloodhound for topics that are a 7-9 on the weirdness scale. Fortunately for me all that weirdness has for some reason had little or no effect on me (I hope you are someone who doesn’t miss a satirical comment when you read it). Todays post will contain six blurbs about well-known people who were truly weirder than anyone ever imagined.
WALT WHITMAN
When American poet Walt Whitman died in 1892, his brain was put in a jar and donated to the University of Pennsylvania. The University doesn’t have it anymore because a clumsy lab technician dropped the jar on the floor and damaged the brain. The University quietly discarded it, and Whitman’s “Specimens Days” were over.
MARGARET WISE BROWN
American children’s author Margaret Wise Brown (1910 to 1952), who wrote many tender kitty-and-bunny tales, including Good Night Moonand The Bunnies Birthday, loved to hunt rabbits and she collected their severed feet as trophies.
VOLTAIRE
Voltaire always fainted whenever he smelled roses. He also drank seventy cups of coffee every day. Are the facts related, who knows?
EMILY DICKINSON
Poet Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) will’s final requests were that she would be buried in a white casket, that heliotropes be placed inside along with a posy of blue violets to be placed at her throat. All of her wishes were granted.
AGATHA CHRISTIE
Agatha Christie nearly pulled off a real-life hoax worthy of her mystery novels. Upset that her husband was leaving her for another woman, she set up an incriminating crime scene that almost got him arrested for “her murder”. Luckily for him, an employee at a distant seaside hotel saw news photos of Christie and recognized her as the woman who had slipped into their hotel under an assumed name. Although Christie claimed amnesia, the police were not amused after having wasted a week of searching rivers and bogs for her body.
⚱️⚱️⚱️
And last but not least goes to someone who finally discovered his true worth.
TUPAC SHAKUR
Requested that his ashes be mixed with marijuana and smoked by his friends in the band Outlawz.
Are you a “foodie”? Everyone I ask gives me the same answer. YES! Being a “foodie” means much more than just eating three squares meals a day. It refers to someone who is obsessed with food, it’s preparation, it’s presentation, and of course the flavor. I think I just inadvertently booted myself from the “foodie” ranks because I’m no longer concerned with all of that. Years ago when I was into cooking, canning, and wine-making, I was most certainly a “foodie”. Now that I’m fully into being retired the term doesn’t apply to me any longer. Todays post will be a short quiz for those of you who still identify yourselves as “foodies”. As always the answers will be listed below.
Italy leads the world in pasta consumption with 61.7 pounds each per person per year. What country is second?
Black-eyed peas are not peas. What are they?
Where was the first automated fortune cookie machine manufactured?
What does VVSOP mean on a cognac bottle?
What color did blue replace in 1995 when it was introduced to the standard package of M&M’s candies?
🥗🍚🍔🦐
On average, how many calories a day are American astronauts given to eat while on missions to outer space?
What do herring, cabbage and carrots represent at New Years Eve feasts in Germany and Scandinavia?
How much caffeine must be removed from coffee for it to be called decaffeinated?
What popular soft drink contained the drug lithium, now available only by prescription, when it was introduced in 1929?
What did the Wrigley Company do to promote its chewing gum nationwide in 1914?
🐮🐮🐮
BONUS
What is the cordial kumiss made from?
❤️🍔❤️🦐❤️🍚❤️🥗❤️
Answers
Venezuela at 27.9, Beans, Japan, Very Very Superior Old Pale, Tan, 3000, Herring represents good luck; cabbage, plenty of silver; and carrots, gold in the year ahead, 97%, 7UP, It mailed a stick of Doublemint gum to every person listed in the U.S. phonebooks, BONUS: Fermented mare’s or cow’s milk.
There are times that I really miss the old style Playboy magazines. They helped answer many questions that all young boys had about females. Everyone jokes about reading the magazines just for the articles but that was always a huge bit of sarcasm. Was the content misogynistic, probably, but the young lads paging through those articles just wanted to see and read about those gorgeous women willing to share their most intimate secrets and secret areas to them while they furiously and quietly masturbated. I have to admit I participated myself on occasion. It all depended on whether I could find my fathers stash of Playboys he thought were so well hidden. He actually hid them from my mother because we were all afraid of her. Todays post will list five items from some of those beautiful Playmates on “Turn-Ons & Turn-Offs” from the 1970’s, 1980,s, and 1990’s. No names will be mentioned but I know it’s possible you’ll remember a few of the those forgotten beauties that aided in your teenage sex education.
everyuselessthing.com 