I have to admit that most of my readers are rather particular about the limericks I post. Of all of my posts, the dirtiest limericks seem to get the most views while the readership lessens considerably the cleaner the limericks become. That should tell me something about my readers but I’m not actually sure what that is. Todays offerings contain some really old limericks that concern sexual DISEASES. That’s all I’m saying, see what you think.
I am what could be considered a member of the first “TV Generation”. I saw my first B&W television in the early 1950’s and I’ve been hooked ever since. During the years 1967-1970 I was in the Army in an area that offered just radio but no television at all and I suffered. Once I returned home after my service I became truly obsessed and addicted once again. There are millions just like me from at least three generations and that’s who this quiz is targeting. Here are the “dirty dozen + one” trivia questions from the early years of TV . . . lets see how you do. As always the answers will be listed below.
What soap star played the voice of Charlie on “Charlies Angels“?
Which two “Different Strokes” stars were sent to prison for criminal felonies?
Which actors demands for higher pay caused the demise of the “Mork & Mindy” show?
What dancing movie star played Bandit, the leader of a law-enforcement gang, in the short-lived show “The Renegades”?
Which of the stars from “Barney Miller” died during the shows run?
Which star of “Welcome Back, Kotter” became one of the biggest movie stars of the 1970’s and beyond?
Which star of “One Day at a Time” once shared cocaine with her father.
What famous actor/comedian played Jodie. the homosexual on “Soap”
Who was the last member of the original cast of “Saturday Night Live” to be hired?
What movie star-turned-director got his big break as Rowdy Yates on “Rawhide”?
What “Star Trek” actor played Robin on “Mission: Impossible”?
What two actors on “Taxi” also appeared in the film “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”?
Here is one of My Favorite actors who deserves a BONUS mention:
Which actor from “WKRP in Cincinnati” went on to star as a teacher on “The Head of the Class”?
📺📺📺📺📺
HOW MANY DID YOU KNOW?
Answers
John Forsythe, Dana Plato (armed robbery) and Todd Bridges (attempted murder), Pam Dauber, Patrick Swayze, Jack Soo (Nick Yemana), John Travolta (Vinnie Barbarino), Mackenzie Phillips (Julie), Billie Crystal, John Belushi, Clint Eastwood, Leonard Nimoy, Danny DeVito & Christopher Lloyd, BONUS: Howard Hesseman (Doctor Johnny Fever)
I’ve been writing a blog of one sort or another for almost twenty years and covered everything and anything that tickled my fancy. Approximately six months ago (I’m guessing) I posted a Bible Trivia Quiz which was moderately received by my ever so faithful readers. I normally shy way from religion as a tropic of discussion but thanks to a persistent reader I will make an exception today. A young gentleman from Alabama has sent me so many email requests to do more with Bible trivia that today I’ll be posting something that just might convince him to remove me from his mailing list. The answers will be posted below. Todays topic will be:
Biblical Multiple Marriages
What king had 700 wives and 300 concubines?
Who was first man in the Bible mentioned as having more than one wife?
Who fathered 70 sons by his many wives?
What hairy man had three wives named Judith, Bashemath, and Mahalath?
Who married sisters Rachael and Leah?
Whose father had two wives named Hannah and Peninnah?
What early king had two wives named Ahinoam and Rizpah?
What women was married to two of Judah’s sons?
What New Testament woman had at least five husbands?
What son of Solomon had 18 wives and 60 concubines?
LOVE OR PUNISHMENT – WHO KNOWS?
Answers
Solomon (1 Kings 11:3), Sapphira (Act 5:5-10), Gideon (Judges 8:30), Esau (Genesis 26:24: 28:9), Jacob (29:15-25), Samuel (1 Samuel 1:1-2), Saul (1 Samuel 14:50: 2 Samuel 3:7), Tamar (Genesis 38:6-10), The woman at the well (John 4:6-19), Rehoboam (2 Chronicles 11:21)
I am finally qualified to be considered a true “Mainer”. I moved to Maine in 1999 and was told by some of the natives that I would have to live here for at least 25 years before I could even be considered a “Mainer”. I can now wear that distinction with honor since I’m my 26th year of residency. Maine is a beautiful place with Mother Nature displaying all of her wonders at every turn. Most people know very little about Maine except for it’s abundance of lobsters, a rather expensive delicacy. Unfortunately I’m one of a very small group of people who actually dislike lobsters and everything connected with them. Being the book nerd that I am I decided to learn more about lobsters and their history because I’d heard odd stories over the years about how lobsters came to be the ultimate food with a price tag that could make you gasp. Here is a paraphrased account of some lobster history.
Lobsters have always been plentiful along the coast of Maine. The Pilgrims likely dined on lobster at the first Thanksgiving. There are stories of two-foot high piles of lobsters simply washing up on the shore during that time period. When things are plentiful the price is usually reasonable as was the case until the 1800’s. Massive quantities of cheap lobster weren’t all that appetizing at the time and were used to feed prison inmates and indentured servants. Some nearby states had rules insisting their inmates eat canned lobster meat more than once a week, and other sources noted that indentured servants often demanded that their contracts limit the number of lobster meals to no more than twice weekly.
Once lobsters were able to be shipped alive, over long distances, the Maine lobster became much sought after in the Boson and New York areas. Over the next decades that custom spread across the country and even during World War II lobster was considered a high priced delicacy and not subject to wartime rationing. My how things have changed. During the recent World Cup invasion I listened to some of our British friends trying out their first taste of our famous lobster rolls. They loved the taste enough to pay upwards of $40.00 for a small sandwich. That’s just another big reason for me to avoid that delicacy since I’ve always been a cheap SOB.
🍔🍔🍔
Just pass me two of those big, fat, and juicy hamburgers, “Thank you very much!
With the NFL preparing to dazzle us with another season of football, I feel the need to give baseball a little extra boost because it’s my all-time favorite sport. It will always be Americas Favorite Pastime for me as shown by the continuing outstanding teams and players this season. Todays post consists of a short but extremely difficult trivia quiz (10 questions) that was initially prepared and published in 1975. It was created to challenge only the true fans of the game. As always, the answers will be listed below.
In 1926, who was the Brooklyn Dodger who “tripled” into a double play by being caught on third base with two other runners?
What Milwaukee pitcher committed two errors while covering first base, enabling the Yankees to win the 1958 World Series?
Who was the Cincinnati catcher who blocked an errant pitch with his body and then couldn’t find the ball – only three feet away – while two Yankees scored in the tenth inning of a 1939 World Series game?
Who was the New York first baseman who committed a three-base error in the 1939 World Series to set up a Dodger run which helped Los Angeles sweep the four game series?
Who made the boner – failing to touch second base on a teammate’s single – that cost the Giants a late-season victory and the 1908 pennant?
THE BAMBINO
What Dodger catcher missed holding on to a third strike which allowed Tommy Hendrich to reach first base safely and opened the way for a Yankee World Series victory in 1941?
Who was the Chicago Cub pitcher who threw Babe Ruth a homerun ball after the Bambino had taken two strikes and pointed to the spot over the Wrigley Field fence where he would hit the ball in the 1932 World Series?
Only one pitcher has retired more than twenty-seven batters in a single game. Name him.
Who was the only man to complete an unassisted triple-play in the World Series?
The Yankee had two second base men who hit .500 in World Series play. One did it in 1941 and the second in 1953. Name them.
PLAY BALL!!!
Answers
Babe Herman, Lew Burdette, Ernie Lombardi, Joe Pepitone, Fred Merkle, , Mickey Owens, Charlie Root, Harvey Haddix (Pittsburgh vs Milwaukee 1959) 35 batters, Bill Wambsganss (Cleveland) 1920, Elston Howard and Gene Tenace
Are you ready for a new batch of disturbing, disgusting, and naughty limericks? One of my biggest problems in posting limericks is that I have thousands of them available but in most cases they are extremely difficult to categorize. I made the ultimate sacrifice recently and forced myself to read hundreds of limericks and to try and establish some sort of categories. Todays post will include limericks concerning Sex Substitutes. These will be copied directly from my collections with rather blunt, off-color, and the occasional appropriate profanity. These will be rated “R”, so keep the youngsters away. Lets get rolling . . .
I think we’ve all discovered the amount of weirdness online. It seems the weirder the post or vid the more likelihood of collecting a lot of clicks. Don’t ask me why. People crave being shocked and they seem to search out the bizarre for a cheap thrill. I like crazy and unusual as much as the next guy but I hesitate to follow some of the geniuses down their deep rabbit hole of truly strange and unusual fantasies. This post isn’t too strange because for me weird is only interesting if it’s true. These are true (LOL).
💞How To Find Your True Love 💞
Soak one of your socks in rose water, dry it out and put it under your bed. Send out nightly thoughts about your true love for a month, and then burn a red candle at sunset while thinking more about the object of your affections. Repeat for seven days.
❤️Here’s Another Way❤️
Pick a half-green half-red apple when the Moon is three days past full. Breathe on the green side and rub it with a red cloth while reciting this verse: “Fire sweet and fire red, warm the heart and turn the head.” Kiss the red half, and give it to the object of your desire. If he/she eats it he/she will fall under your spell.
⛈️Strange Rains⛈️
June 1901 -South Carolina – Cat fish, Perch, and Trout
August 1890 – Baghdad, Iraq – An edible substance (thought to be desert lichen of tamarisk) fell during a heavy shower. The locals gathered it up and made it into bread (Manna from heaven?)
1897 – Macerata, Italy – Millions of seeds from the Judas Tree dropped from a blood colored cloud.
1877 – Memphis, Tennessee – Hundreds of live snakes.
If you add up the time spent eating and drinking by an average person over the course of their entire life, it comes to approximately 5 years. This adds up to an estimated 33 tons of food you’ve eaten, which is the equivalent of six entire elephants. Unfortunately what goes in must eventually come out. The result is during your lifetime you will produce a pile of poo about the size of a medium sized car. Some animals, other than humans, that love to eat poo include rats, mice, rabbits, dung beetles, flies gorillas, and dogs.
I hate to admit it but I seem to have had a life-long addictive personality disorder. For more than fifteen years I was dangerously addicted to cigarettes and it took a fast ride to a hospital in an ambulance to convince me to stop smoking once and for all. Over the intervening years I developed minor addictions to marijuana, Scotch whiskey, potato chips, ice cream, and a dozen other small unimportant matters. I thought after all of my many years I had finally won the battle against worthless and annoying addictions but once again I was wrong. Since retirement I’ve discovered two of my newest and bothersome addictions: Amazon and The Internet.
If your not as mobile as you once were (due to old age) as I am currently, the Internet is eye opening in its wide range of idiots, morons, scammers and its endless supply of bullshit artists to keep me occupied for the foreseeable future. My window on the world is very small now and truly annoying but it’s all I have. My better-half has joined the ranks of the addicted and spends a lot of her time researching endless gardening information sites and searching for odd and strange recipes to make my dining a real adventure.
We live in an area that requires us to take special steps just to have just a working cell phone and Internet connection. Without that connection we’d have no television, no Internet, and no W-Fi. Since GPS doesn’t work very well in this area either I hope I never have a life threatening emergency. If I do I will die a really pissed off customer. Unfortunately an incident occurred earlier this week that started another round of craziness when we lost all Internet and Wi-Fi signals. My better-half found it necessary to drive our car for two miles to get a usable wi-fi signal, and then spent a half hour trying to find a human being to talk with about our continuing problem. All of these company computers and personnel still can’t seem to ever answer our most important question “Why isn’t this damn system working?”. When it was all said and done we had to wait two more hours for a repairman to show up at our home. They had us checking OUR equipment because their computer assured them that everything was operational on their end. They still forgot that one important thing again: WHY WE STILL DIDN’T HAVE ANY DAMN INTERNET, NO DAMN WIFI, AND NO DAMN TELEPHONE SERVICE. I suggested to the repairman that maybe it was their equipment and not ours.
Frustrating, YOU BET. Come to find out we’d been given a low level (cheap) modem when we began their service contract a year ago and that modem was apparently faulty. All of our troubles magically disappeared a few minutes later when the repairman plugged in a newer and updated modem. Here’s the kicker. As I watched all of my equipment humming along and finally running fine and saw that Internet entry screen reappear, I found my face a little flushed, had a huge rush of adrenaline, and a strange tingling all over my body. It was my introduction to my latest and scariest addiction ever – computer driven orgasms. Now I can have an illicit affair with my hardrive whenever I want or need to. Isn’t technology wonderful? LOL
I did a lot of reminiscing today as I was leafing through many old files and folders from my early years a a police officer. As I reviewed these documents I was truly amazed just how much paperwork I still retained from those “good old days”. I found a few things that were really old but still really funny. The following statements were supplied to actual police officer’s and were copied directly from their official accident reports. As always the truth is stranger than fiction.
WOMEN
“I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became smashed.”
“A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”
“I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision. I did not see the other car.”
“A invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and then vanished.”
“I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end and there was a crash.”
🚘🚓🚛
MEN
“I saw the slow moving, sad faced, old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.”
“A truck backed into my windshield into my wife’s face.”
“In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”
“The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.”
“The other car attempted to cut in front of me, so I, with my right front bumper, removed his left rear tail light.”
“When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.”
🚗🚘🚙
Welcome to the OMG club. Now you’ve heard it all too.
I’m feeling a little calmer and relaxed after resolving all of my recent computer woes. What better way to begin another week than with a few limericks from one of my favorite limerick writers, John Ciardi. He was renowned far and wide for his limerick wars with Isaac Azimov. Enjoy some of his work.
everyuselessthing.com 