04/07/2014 Journal Entry – DIY Maniac   Leave a comment


Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away, I was one of those weird folks who loved to paint. Not artsy painting but bathrooms, bedrooms, and living rooms.  For years I was on call for my entire family or anyone else who needed something painted. I never understood my fascination, I just went with it.  I suppose today is as good a day as any to let the world know that that my love of painting is dead. DEAD I tell you!

Dumb Thing #1. I started a house project a few weeks ago that required I remove a rather large window from the living room and to put a blank wall in it’s place.  It was all my idea in the initial planning stages but somewhere along the way it was hijacked by my better-half and turned into a freaking monster. The removal of the window was easy enough but doing it in March in Maine was a stupid plan.  I had the entire house open to the cold weather for three hours until I could replace joists, put in insulation, and attached some vapor barriers.

Dumb Thing #2. I should have seen through her sneaky plan but it was winter, I was fat and lazy, and I said OK to almost anything she wanted.  I thought I could zone her out just a little making me safe from her infamous To-Do list until warmer weather arrived.

Dumb Thing #3. The next thing I know I’m up to my ass in drywall, joint compound, and and breathing a dense cloud of gypsum dust. That shit gets into everything and one of my jobs was to make the big mess, complete the job, and then clean it all up.  I finished the wall except for painting and sat down for a moment to rest and to cough up a few pounds of white dust.  Five minutes later she arrives from Lowe’s with five gallons of assorted paints, brushes, drop cloths, rollers, and sparkle compound. I was quietly informed that now we (Me) had to repaint the entire living room and adjacent hallways. She was sick of the old color and since I’d removed that damn window it was only logical to redo the entire second floor.

Dumb Thing #4.  I’m now in my third day of spackling, primering, painting, and putting masking tape on anything that doesn’t move. Help me please. I’m being held prisoner by a home improvement lunatic and I can’t seem to escape.

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