06-17-2015 Journal – Rural Murder Inc.   Leave a comment

I’m not normally a person captivated by breaking news events nor do I feel the need to be the first person to spread the word about certain occurrences but today is an exception. So here goes. . .

I received a tidbit of news this morning from an anonymous source that my previously mentioned garden marauder, aka "The Skunk", may have been fatally injured during the night.  I’m aware that my earlier threats against his life could possibly make me a person of interest in his disappearance and possible death.


I’ll probably spend the day waiting around for the inevitable arrival of the animal homicide investigators. I also heard there’s been a rash of similar deaths in the last few weeks and no real leads or clues have been discovered.  It’s only a matter of time until they pick up the rumor of my blog and those rather inappropriate death threats.

At 3 am my source just happened to be nearby when the "The Skunk" was observed slowly slinking through my yard towards my garden.  It just so happened that just as he was nearing the garden he was accosted by a couple of strangers. Within seconds loud and shrill screaming was heard by neighbors sounding much like someone being assaulted and badly injured. The screaming continued even louder but seemed to be slowly moving towards a nearby wooded area where it suddenly stopped.  All was quiet in the neighborhood for the rest of the night.

After listening to that report and being the experienced criminal investigator I am, the next morning I hurried to the alleged crime scene.  While I found no traces of blood or indications of a tussle I continued collecting what few facts that were available.

  • Fact #1 – I actually heard the screams outside my bedroom window that night but saw nothing suspicious.
  • Fact #2 – I found no evidence at the scene of violence being perpetrated.
  • Fact #3 – My garden was untouched for the first time in weeks.
  • Fact #4 – I personally saw no suspicious characters in the neighborhood that night nor did I hear anything that would help me identify the unknown subject or subjects (the UNSUBS).

The next day I was approached by two investigators who required me to supply them with an alibi for the time in question. Since they could find no forensic evidence at the scene they began the process of building a circumstantial case with me as their chief suspect. While my better-half was asleep beside me that night she was unable to verify my presence or supply me with an believable alibi.


‘Suspect #1’

Later that same day I heard a rumor that I immediately conveyed to the investigators concerning two suspicious and dangerous looking characters seen in the area. They’d been spotted with the victim near the scene of the alleged crime on the night in question by an anonymous source,who I refused to identify.  They were very upset with me but I do have the constitution right to protect my sources.


“Suspect #2’

A little later in the day an APB was sent out to all nearby neighborhoods with a BOLO on these two suspects.  They were described briefly as being similar in stature, approximately 24 inches tall, wearing shaggy overcoats, and with a mean and hungry look in their eyes.  Other information received indicated they were members of a notorious local gang called "The Coyotes".  Many suspicious deaths have occurred in the past in this area that were attributed to this gang  but no arrests have never been made.

Hopefully this will get these pesky investigators off my butt. They’re now requesting all of my guns for ballistic testing on the side chance the victim’s body will eventually be located.  I immediately checked with my attorney and we refused to give up my weapons. They left in a huff but there is no doubt in my mind that this matter wasn’t going to be dropped anytime soon.

Trust me, they’ll never find the body.

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