Archive for the ‘maine’ Tag

11/12/2021 Who Doesn’t Love Maine?   Leave a comment

I am a proud citizen of the great state of Maine. I’ve lived here now for 21 years and it’s even more interesting than you might think. As in every other state in the United States, Maine has its peculiarities. Some people may think they’re stupid and others might consider them quaint but that’s just an individual’s judgment call. The state of Maine has been around a long time and has many laws on the books that are absolutely ridiculous. Fortunately most of the ones I’m going to introduce you to now are not enforced. Thank god.

  • In Maine, it’s illegal to step out of an airplane once it’s in flight.
  • In Maine you will be fined if your holiday lights are left up any later than January 14.
  • In Augusta, it is illegal to walk down the street playing the violin.
  • In Freeport, don’t you dare “expectorate” out of any second story window.
  • In Wells, Maine, you may not place an advertisement in the cemetery.
  • In Maine, it is illegal to keep an armadillo as a pet.
  • In Waterville, it’s illegal to blow your nose in public.
  • In Portland, you better not use a feather duster to tickle under the chin of a woman.
  • In Rumford, it is illegal to bite a landlord under any circumstances.
  • In Portland, shoe laces must be tied when walking down the street.
  • In Hollowell, it is illegal to park your horse “up wind” on a windy day.
  • In South Berwick, it is illegal to park in front of Dunkin’ Donuts.
  • In Waterboro, dog leashes may not be over 8 feet in length.

So much for their host of stupid laws, let’s look now at what some Mainers consider tourist attractions. Who am I to dispute these kind of crazy claims. If nothing else these tourist attractions are worth a few yucks.

  • Maine experiences the first sunrise in the US, you should go to Mars Hill, Cadillac Mountain, or Lubek to properly start your day..
  • Maine is the closest state to Africa.
  • A giant boot outside L.L. Bean in Freeport, Maine is a size 400 (Extra Wide).
  • On US Route 1, 7 miles south of the intersection with US Route 2 in Houlton, you’ll find a tree decked out with pairs of hanging shoes.
  • The world’s largest Paul Bunyan statue is a roadside attraction in Bangor, Maine.
  • On Peaks Island, there is an entire museum devoted to umbrella covers.

Well, I think that’s enough excitement for me for a while. You should rush right out and make reservations to come to this glorious state next summer to seek out these incredibly silly tourist attractions. Having that much fun could be hazardous to your health.

Lobsters, Lighthouses, Scenic Shorelines, and one small Amusement Park

THE WAY LIFE OUGHT TO BE

09/28/2021 ***Limerick Alert***   2 comments

There was a young lady of Maine,
Who declared she'd a man on the brain.
But you knew from the view
Of her waist as it grew,
It was not on her brain he had lain.

09/23/2021 Are You Ever Annoyed?   Leave a comment

Have you ever had something piss you off so bad you felt a sharp, stabbing pain behind your eyes. If you have then the following list will be perfect for you. I love reading lists and I also love writing them from time to time. Over the last few years I’ve experienced almost 60% of the things listed below and it seems to be getting worse each year instead of improving. The pandemic has done nothing to stop these annoyances, it has possibly increased them.

  • The person who insists on explaining at length something I have absolutely no interest in.
  • People who snore the paint right off the walls and then deny ever snoring.
  • People who love to talk over me during a conversation make me want to scream.
  • Waiting in my car at the ATM for 15 minutes for some moron on a bicycle making a deposit.
  • The guy in the next men’s room stall at Walmart who opens a stolen package of underwear, puts them on, and leaves his old pair on the floor when he departs.
  • The attractive woman driving the gorgeous new Lexus who rolls down her window and spits a huge oyster into the passing lane.
  • People who will stand quietly in line at a movie theater but can’t shut the hell up once the movie starts.
  • Screaming out-of-control children in public places with parents shopping elsewhere.
  • The woman chatting on her cell phone as she smashed into my left front fender.
  • Loud and obnoxious beer drinking morons at any sporting event.
  • People who are “close talkers” with chronic “stench breath” who won’t stop talking to me.
  • Finding short and curly hairs in my restaurant food.
  • Waiting endlessly in a register line for a customer to be trained in the use of their own debit card by the cashier.
  • People who loudly bitch and moan about their meals and the service at a restaurant.
  • City workers who insist on destroying my mailbox every year with a 10 ton snowplow.

I feel much better now that I’ve gotten all of those off my chest. It’s a very cathartic experience to say the least. I wrote these items in less than 15 minutes and I’m afraid if I took a bit more time the list would’ve doubled.

HAVE A GREAT UNANNOYING PANDEMIC DAY

08/27/2021 Old Golden Rule Days   Leave a comment

As most of you are aware I am a lover of all things trivial and historical. I love all history but especially my own. Now it’s time for me to take you on a little trip down memory lane back to 1960. I’m going to introduce you to someone in my life who left me with vivid memories of school and a few emotional and geographical scars.

The lady in question was my eighth grade geography teacher. She was obsessed with geography to a fault. She was one of the meanest teachers I’ve ever had but also absolutely unforgettable (and not in a good way). On the first day of classes she told our group that half of our grade for the entire year would be based on our ability to memorize all the countries of the United Nations in alphabetical order and to recite it in front of the class. We spent many a day standing in front of the classroom and reciting as best we could as many of the countries as possible. Did I learn the countries, you bet I did, and at that time there were 82 of them.

All of us students agreed that she was an absolute lunatic and that was never disproven. She passed away many years ago and I actually sat in a bar that night with a close friend, another of her students, and toasted the old girl with a few stiff drinks. I didn’t attend her funeral but I was tempted to because I wanted to make sure she was really gone. This post is a something of a memorial and tribute to miss Mabel Milldollar, one of the most unforgettable persons I’ve ever met. This list of trivia items would have been something she would have loved but only if she could have used the information to create one of her memorable pop quizzes. They were brutal. Let’s get this started….

  • The part of the United States that the sun shines on first is the top of Mount Cadillac in Maine.
  • The state of Hawaii is composed of 132 Islands.
  • 25% of the State of California is made up of deserts.
  • The southernmost tip of Africa is the Cape of Agulhas.
  • The northernmost point in the United States is the city of Point Barrow, Alaska.
  • The city of Timbuktu is located in Mali in Western Africa.
  • The Sahara desert in North Africa has an area of 3,250,000 square miles.
  • Western South Dakota marks the geographical center of the United States since the addition of Hawaii and Alaska.
  • Piccadilly Circus in London got its name from collars, called picadillo’s, that were made by a tailor name Robert Baker who created them in the area.
  • The highest uninterrupted waterfall in the world is Angel Falls in Venezuela. It has a 3212 foot drop.
  • The lowest point of dry land on the earth is the shore of the Dead Sea, between Jordan and Israel, which is approximately 1300 feet below sea level.

I hope you’re smiling up at me Miss Milldollar because you couldn’t possibly be looking down on me. Your evil brainwashing techniques would have certainly qualified you for special duty at Club Gitmo. No terrorist in the world could have stood up to that “evil eye” you were famous for. I hope you’re sitting in the corner of wherever you happen to be with a pointy dunce cap on your head and having your hand smacked with a big ass ruler.

Am I bitter? Nah, I’m not bitter.

08/24/2021 A New American Tradition   Leave a comment

In the past I’ve written a few things on cursing and swearing. As I’ve often said, “proper cursing is a true art form”, but not really properly acknowledged or appreciated by the mainstream academics. It is the cherry on top of the English language sundae. Everyone knows that a sundae is so much tastier with the addition of a bright red cherry on top. That’s how I see cursing.

A few weeks ago as my better-half and I were spending some quality time at Walmart, I spotted two young gentlemen in their early teens in the Book Department. Young man #1 reached over and grabbed the book from young man #2, and stated “give me that focking book” (the actual word has been purposely misspelled to protect what few innocent ears are left). Young man #2 not to be outdone immediately replied, “it’s my book you focking asshole”. They argued back and forth for a while, dropped the book on the bench, and sped off to find their parents.

I started cursing and f-bombing at a young age too because that was how people in my neighborhood and family spoke. I came by cursing honestly and made a point of refining it as best I could. I’ve always been an overachiever and this was just another challenge to overcome. Listening to those two kids tells me that f-bombing and cursing is alive and well in focking Maine.

I’ve always found the word “fock” an amazing and versatile tool. It can be used as either a verb, adverb, adjective, imperative, interjection, or a noun.

“I got focked by a scam artist”, “My computer is focked.”, “You’re a fock or a focker”. A fock may be an act of sex or just a person who is an ass. The verb, to fock, may be used transitively or intransitive. It can be compounded as “Fock off“, “Fock you“, “Fock up“, and “Don’t fock with me”. A phrase such as “Don’t give a fock.”, makes the word an equivalent of damn. If something is very abnormal or annoying, “This is focked up.” may be used.

I think the word fock should be adopted by all Americans and used in the same fashion as aloha and shalom are used in Hawaii and Israel. It can mean just about anything we want and we should make it our official greeting and our official farewell. When foreign dignitaries and tourists arrive on our shores we should give them a peck on the cheek and a big “Fock you and welcome to America”. When they leave give them a pat on the ass and tell him to “Get the fock out”. They all think we’re a bunch of mouth-breathers anyway, so what’s the harm.

Being the ultimate diplomat was never my intent but I’m willing to step up and do what needs to be done. I’ll be more than happy to testify before any focking Congressional committees and attempt to convince them as focking Americans we need this immediately. Maybe they’ll focking listen but I don’t hold much hope for that. I’d probably just be wasting my focking breath.

HAVE A NICE FOCKING DAY FOLKS

09-22-2016 Final Post!!   Leave a comment

I’ve been contemplating something for the last few months and I’ve finally decided to end my blogging career here on WordPress. I’ve been blogging on a regular basis for almost seven years on two different blogs and I’ve had a lot to say. I’ve voiced my somewhat irreverent opinions on everything from politics to religion. It’s been a lot of fun and I’ve made some good friends over the years as well as a few liberal enemies.

I also have a number of other interests that have slowly but steadily taken over my daily activities and turned blogging into a secondary concern. I’ll be shutting down this blog the week prior to Halloween and it should remain available for a time until my domain renewal next year.  After that who knows . . . .

I’d like to thank all of my followers and other regular readers for stopping by as often as they have and I’ll certainly miss their intellectual and opinionated emails. The email, everyuselessthing@yahoo.com, will remain active indefinitely.

SAYONARA, ALOHA, and SHALOM!

09-20-2016 Journal – Jim Croce Remembered!   Leave a comment

thn185kssn

I’ve had the pleasure over the years of listening to and sometimes enjoying many styles of music.  I have eclectic tastes ranging from opera to blues to jazz but by far many of my most favorite singers have been the balladeers such as Gordon Lightfoot, Harry Chapin, and of course, Jim Croce.

Both Harry Chapin and Jim Croce died before their time which was a great loss to me and remains so to this day. It’s been 43 years sine Croce was killed in a plane crash in Louisiana and 35 years since Chapin died in 1981 in a car accident.

thtqqyozy9

Here’s a short blurb on Croce’s death.  He’ll always remain on my IPod and continue to make me smile when I listen to his music.

“On Thursday, September 20, 1973, during Croce’s Life and Times tour and the day before his ABC single “I Got a Name” was released, Croce, Muehleisen, and five others died when their chartered Beechcraft E18S crashed into a tree, while taking off from the Natchitoches Regional Airport in Natchitoches, Louisiana. Others killed in the crash were pilot Robert N. Elliott, musician Maury Muehleisen, comedian George Stevens, manager and booking agent Kenneth D. Cortose, and road manager Dennis Rast. Croce had just completed a concert at Northwestern State University’s Prather Coliseum in Natchitoches and was flying to Sherman, Texas, for a concert at Austin College. The plane crashed an hour after the concert. Jim Croce was 30 years old.”

thysmcim6j

R.I.P. JIM

YOU’RE STILL MISSED

09-18-2016 Journal – Nature Trivia!   Leave a comment

ths9h10aqq

I’ve always been a lover of Nature and almost anything related to it.  As a photographer I spend as much time as I can out-and-about communing with Mother Nature.  I come by it honestly because as a kid growing up I spent more than half of my time in the woods with my friends. We lived on the edge of huge state park directly adjacent to the Allegheny River and knew every inch of the place.  My father, a hunter, spent a lot of time explaining about local wildlife and how they lived and traveled in the wild. It was just a very cool place to grow up.

So I thought I’d share a few interesting factoids about Nature with you. Here they are.

  • Every year the world’s deserts produce 1.7 billion tons of dust.
  • Nature reserves and national park cover 3% of the worlds surface.
  • Over 99.9% of the land on earth is not occupied by a person at a given time.
  • A tenth of the world’s population relies on the Ganges for water.
  • It takes one hundred years for the deep-sea clam to grow to the length of a third of an inch.

thapa0xafb

  • Nearly half of the carbon dioxide emitted by humans since the beginning of the nineteenth century has been absorbed by the oceans.
  • An estimated 30% of Earth’s ice-free land is directly or indirectly involved in livestock production.
  • Since the formation of the solar system 4.6 billion years ago, the sun has become 25-30% hotter.
  • More than 90% of the world’s rubies come from Burma (or whatever they’re calling it these days).
  • Lake Baikal in Russia contains about 20% of the world’s fresh water.

thwepmwh7m

That’s it for today. It’s time to turn off this computer and get to work in the yard. Winter’s coming and the garden has to be deconstructed.

thgh1mytg8

ENJOY YOUR DAY OF REST

 

09-16-2016 Journal – Look Out! X-mas is Coming.   Leave a comment

   thmx1ssrmt

Another week coming to an end and we’re already halfway through the month of September. The summer of 2016 went by in the wink of an eye and the holidays are again rushing towards us. I wonder to myself which retailer will strike the Christmas colors first. I suspect that as in years past Walmart will be the one to get things rolling 15 minutes after the Halloween holiday is over. That in itself is supremely depressing but it seems to get earlier and earlier every year regardless of how much we complain.

thkmu877g2

Yesterday I received this list of companies that have already made it known that Black Friday will begin for them by being open for business on Thanksgiving Day. I guess that’s the new approach to companies who put their employees families second on their list of priorities. That seems to be the ongoing retail way of thinking these days and unfortunately I can bitch about it all I want but no one in the retail establishment gives a damn what I think or what you think. Look at the upside . . . you’ll have a great place to spend your holiday if you get sick of eating Thanksgiving dinner, spending time with your family, or God forbid actually relaxing and enjoying the day. The almighty buck rules all. Make sure to thank these folks:

J.C. Penny

Kohl’s

Toy’s r Us

Target

Walmart

Sears

Macy’s

Belk

Sports Authority

h.h. greg

Dollar General

Best Buy

thgb89d93l

While I write this posting I have a Christmas wish that will never be fulfilled. I wish that the population of the millions of so-called consumers in this country would pull their collective heads out of the sand and stop allowing retailers to continue to think that the “great unwashed” are that easily controlled. It’s a lazy population that lets celebrities, the media, politicians, and big business tell them how to think, act, what to buy, and how to be politically correct at all times.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO US ALL

You usually get what you deserve.

09-14-2016 Journal – Mother Nature & Dentistry!   Leave a comment

Since our return from our vacation things have quickly returned to the normal everyday insanity. Over the years I’ve discovered that Mother Nature is a fickle friend at best and she got me again this week. We were still enjoying the post vacation afterglow as we visited a nearby Walmart. It was sunny and bright with a chance of thunderstorms. As we exited the store it was pouring rain with wind gusts of 30-40 mph.  We didn’t give it much thought until we heard on the radio about the severe wind advisory throughout the area.

dscn1448

We arrived home to find the huge 60 foot maple tree in our backyard down for the count. It had missed hitting the house by only a few feet. It was a double trunked tree with one trunk now on the ground and the other still standing but leaning dangerously close to the house.  It was badly damaged as well and looked as if it might fall at any moment.

dscn1454

The trunk that was down was partially blocking a nearby road used by our neighbors to reach their homes.  One of those neighbors arrived within minutes with a chain saw and agreed to take the wood in payment for cleaning up the mess. Hooray . . Right?  Not hardly. After doing an inspection of the standing trunk it was obvious that it too had to be immediately removed before it fell and caused serious damage to the house.

dscn1456

The better-half found a guy through someone at work who is a tree removal expert.  Having no real choice in the matter he arrived to inspect the tree and I agreed to his price (OMFG) and told him to proceed.  So yesterday I got to spend my entire day removing limbs and leaves and watching the tree get dismantled.

dscn1458

It’s now the day after and the tree is gone, I’m sore all over, and the house was saved from serious damage.  Nothing can save the damage the entire experience did to my wallet.  Thanks a lot Mother Nature . . . you nasty old hag.

After the last of the limbs and leaves were picked up and removed I took a shower and arrived for my dentist appointment right on time. The day just kept getting better and better as two of my teeth were extracted.  I was packed with gauze, patted on the head, and sent on my way.

THREE DAYS I REALLY WANT TO FORGET

%d bloggers like this: