11/04/2021 Are You Old or Not?   Leave a comment

Are you old? Let me rephrase that. Do you think you’re old? That’s the question everyone knows is coming but nobody wants to deal with. Unfortunately most people who are old know it but again refuse to deal with the reality. Some people just can’t get past the fact that there isn’t one damn thing they can do to combat it. Plastic surgery works for some but eventually you’ll end up looking like a really silly cartoon character. Many have paid for a new young face, fake hair, fake boobs, butt implants, and still insist on wearing old people clothing. Old folks never quite get the hang of dressing properly because they keep sliding “fashion backward” to a time when they were young. They mistakenly think it still looks cool.

Well I’m not complaining about any of those things just willing to pass along some others you should be looking for if you’re worried about getting old. I’m old, I know I’m old, and I went through this list myself just for laughs. I’m not laughing now. In my head I’m thirty years old but this list kicked my elderly ass. If you are experiencing 50% of the things on this list you ARE really old. Have fun . . .

  • Your kids are becoming you and you don’t like them very much.
  • Going out is okay but coming home is better.
  • You forget names but it’s okay since no one remembers you either.
  • Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don’t remember.
  • The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.
  • You spend a good deal of your day looking for things you hid so you wouldn’t lose them.
  • You can’t use more four letter words i.e. what?, when?, and where?
  • You notice everything sold in stores is “sleeveless”.
  • What used to be freckles are now age spots.
  • You constantly call your children and grandchildren for help with your computer.
  • You have three sizes of clothing in your closet (fat, fatter, and fattest) two of which you will never wear again.
  • You find yourself spending a great deal of time trying to have conversations with Alexa.
  • All of your favorite songs are now only heard in TV commercials.
  • You find yourself trying to remember what stories you told one person.
  • You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch.

Well how have you fared? Now that you’ve received a second opinion verifying what you already knew, welcome to old age. I’ve been here for a while waiting for all of you to arrive. Just between us, in a few days you won’t remember any of this anyway. I have to go now, it’s 3:30 PM and time for dinner at the IHOP. There’s a 10% discount for old farts so don’t forget your mask and your AARP membership card.

BOOMERS RULE

(Sarcasm Off)

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