Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
Nemo is dead, long live the king. The final tally for our area of Maine was approximately 38 inches of snow and one hell of a wind storm. We have a few drifts of five or six feet but nothing more serious than that. It could have been a whole lot worse.
After all of the snow-blowing today I won’t be able to left my arms tomorrow. I think I’ve finally bonded with this new snow-thrower, it’s now my BFF. It took a good part of the day to clear the driveway and then more disappointment. There was so much snow on the roads that the plows weren’t able to arrive until late afternoon. Even then they were only able to clear one lane in the middle of the road.
I’m hoping they’re able to widen the lanes a little more so we an get out of here for a while tomorrow. Even the birds were having serious issues trying to hang onto the bird feeder in a thirty-five mph wind. Not only were they fighting amongst themselves for the food but also fighting for a place on the bird feeder that offered some protection from the wind.
Our neighbors were out in force in mid-afternoon as the snow gradually stopped. It was nice to see everyone helping each other for a change in a neighborhood where individual privacy is the norm.
My better-half spent a lot of time emailing and connecting with family members from areas unaffected by the storm. She was also distributing photo’s far and wide to almost everyone. I feel for anyone who might have been caught in this blizzard with vehicle problems or medical emergencies. This kind of weather is definitely life threatening if not taken seriously.
The only good news for most of the state was the low number of power outages. We managed to escape the massive outages suffered in past storms due to a great deal of work by tree trimming crews throughout the summer months who cut down what would have been snow laden branches. Kudos to Central Maine Power and the local towns whose preventative work paid off in a big way.
I’ll be spending a few hours tomorrow in the final cleanup and then life will return to normal. I’m been hearing rumblings of another storm approaching in a few days and I hope to God it’s a little less of a problem than this one.
Everyone will be back to work tomorrow and life goes on. I’m really proud of myself because if what the media says is true (sarcasm), I’ve just survived my thirteenth "Storm of the Century". I think I should get some kind of honorable mention somewhere in that Guinness Book of World Records.
I won’t hold my breath though. Enjoy your day while I return to the cleanup.
I’ve arrived at this point in my life where TV is becoming more of an irritant than entertainment. Between the endless commercials, drug ads, biased politicians, and government propaganda, I’m reading to scream. Recently I listened to three of those infamous talking heads on the tube telling me that video gaming is responsible for all the ills of the world. As Don Imus would say, “that’s a pant load”.
In past years I’ve posted long lists of things I love and things I hate. They’re always fun to do and also a great mental exercise. I find that as I’ve aged my mind is slowly folding in on itself and beginning to stagnate. Old memories can easily take over and consume my thoughts which while fun at times is ultimately destructive. Keeping mentally alert and mentally active is the secret to living a longer life that is actually worth living.
These last few years convinced me of those facts as I watched my mother and aunt slowly fade away and die. My mother lasted a bit longer mentally than her sister but died sooner. My aunt was suffering from an affliction which may have been Alzheimer’s where she mentally faded away quickly but her body just kept on going. I realize that there are some things we can’t combat and I am realistic enough to accept that and move on. I also believe there are things we can do to fight off the effects of mental aging with a regimen of mental and physical exercises. It will help greatly to keep you mentally in the present for a much longer period of time.
I’ve been a game player, both computer and other types, for all of my life. With the advent of video games and HD I was in heaven. I know there are a lot of people in this country and elsewhere who would like nothing better than to control gaming and through the games control us. I’ve never believed that violent games lead to violent behavior. It’s easy to do the math and realize that millions of people play these games everyday but aren’t the least bit violent. Unfortunately there are unstable people in this world who choose to do violence to others. It’s not the games or guns that are the problem but mental instability. Take all of the guns away then they’ll try and kill people with whatever else is at hand.
I’m getting off message here a bit and ranting about gun control is not what I’m posting about. Video games provide me with improved hand-eye coordination, problem solving capabilities, and the ability to focus that if not maintained can fade with age.
I get strange looks from people my own age when I excitedly tell them of a new video game I’m involved with. I get those looks that say, “grow up, that stuff is for kids not someone your age”. It’s that kind of backward thinking that tends to piss me off and makes me a little crazy. Maintaining a full physical program in a gym is fine for some people but not to everyone. As you age your body isn’t always able to perform like it did when you were twenty, no matter how hard you try to push it. I’ve resigned myself to doing as much physical training as I’m able but even more important to me is exercising my mind.
To those folks out there who insist they have all the answers I can only say this. You don’t! We each grow up, age, and die at our own pace so just stay out of my life and let me handle it. I never thought I would get to be this age and would have so many know-it-all politicians and religious groups interested in baby-sitting me and second guessing my every move. I guess it will finally stop when someone slams my coffin lid shut. Here are my words of wisdom for today and I’m sure they would certainly help our country return to it’s former greatness.
STAY OUT OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS
Forgive the profanity but there are times when something this important can only be expressed bluntly.
Are you ready for the big celebration to begin? It’s Ground Hog Day eve. As I’ve mentioned many times before I was born and raised in western Pennsylvania from good sound German stock on my mother’s side of the family. February 2 was always celebrated and remains a well known and enjoyed holiday for us. I never bothered to search out the origins of the holiday because to me it didn’t really matter. So I found this little tidbit of information which is a little interesting and might tell you something you didn’t already know.
The celebration, which began as a Pennsylvania German custom in southeastern and central Pennsylvania in the 18th and 19th centuries, has its origins in ancient European weather lore, wherein a badger or sacred bear is the prognosticator as opposed to a groundhog. It also bears similarities to the Pagan festival of Imbolc, the seasonal turning point of the Celtic calendar, which is celebrated on February 1 and also involves weather prognostication and to St. Swithun’s Day in July.
I’ve written about my close association with Ground Hog Day a number of times in the past but it’s a fun story and bears repeating (in my humble opinion).
The holiday means only one thing in Pennsylvania and that is the appearance of our old friend ‘Punxatawney Phil’ on Gobbler’s Knob. He’s scheduled to show his furry little face on the second of February every year to let us know whether we’ll have six more weeks of winter.
To reminisce a bit, way too many years ago I was a rookie state police trooper in Pennsylvania. To a newbie that means getting stuck with every crappy police detail they can find for you. One of the crappier of those was being sent to Punxatawney to guard “Phil” and for crowd control in and around Gobbler’s Knob. I thought they were kidding me but they weren’t.
A few of us rookies were ordered to make the trek to Punxatawney, PA along with a veteran sergeant who must have lost the coin toss. We arrived in our cleanest and well pressed uniforms, met with all of the local politicians, and then were introduced to ‘Phil"’. He was cordial enough for a stupid gopher but we were well advised to keep our hands away from him. He was a touch cranky and known to nip off a finger or two if provoked.
Believe it or not the crowds were huge. I’ve never understood why every local politician from miles around flocks to that ceremony. I guess they’re just hoping to get some free TV face-time or maybe even an interview with some of the local media. I met some mayors, some councilmen, and a few political hacks which unfortunately weren’t even as interesting as meeting ‘Phil’.
The only good thing I experienced that day was a rather buxom news reporter from a nearby town who took an immediate liking to my manly stature and my pretty uniform. She was much less furry than ‘Phil’ which was a plus and she also paid for my dinner. She even convinced me that dating her was the right thing to do. So I did.
It’s sad to say but we all know any relationship built upon a Groundhog Day Ceremony was doomed from the start. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t care to drive to Punxatawney (a three hour round trip) every weekend. I finally explained to her that long distance relationships just never work out no matter what. It wasn’t her, it was me. I dragged out all of the old clichés I could remember and disappeared from her life.
They tried to send me on that detail the following year but I had a court appearance and was able to dodge that bullet. I wasn’t too concerned about meeting “Phil” again but that blond had me seriously concerned. Besides, do we really need a gopher to let us know we’re going to have six more weeks of winter. We really are stupid sometimes.
How many people do you know who seem to be constantly running here and there but accomplishing very little? They can’t slow themselves down so they eventually run out of energy and crash. It takes a while for them to recuperate but once they do, off they go again at full speed. During a normal conversation they constantly talk-over the person they’re speaking to and we all know how rude and annoying that can be.
I’m sympathetic to a point because many times they really can’t control themselves. If you know someone like that have them read the following few paragraphs. That might be difficult because many of these folks hate to read. They’ll read the first line of a paragraph and skip over the rest.
I was given this “Jar of Life” essay while in college from a stuffing know-it-all professor who apparently knew more than I thought.
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes".
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty spaces between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things — your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions — things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else — the small stuff." If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. "Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I’m glad you asked," he said "It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend."
I’ve always loved this piece because it just makes good sense. Share it with your frenzied friends who may need your help in prioritizing their life. If you have to, read it to them.
Shopping in January. The temperature is nineteen degrees with a wind chill of nine degrees. Are we effing crazy? That would be a huge yes. We were out of the house running errands where we rode around in a nice warm car, would run into a nice warm store, and then return to the nice warm car. Sounded like an excellent plan to me but then again, what the hell do I know. Out of the blue my better-half decided to let me know she was jonesing for fresh crabs. Could we swing by the docks in Portland to the fish market and pick up a few? What was I going to say?
As we entered the city there were a surprising number of people roaming the streets. There must have been some kind of political protest going on because we saw a number of folks carrying their home-made signs and waving at passing traffic. It’s nice to see that those “Occupy Portland” idiots have found something to do through the winter. Fortunately the turnout must have been rather low because there didn’t appear to be any delays with traffic flow.
If you’ve ever been to Portland, Maine you must be aware of the constant parking problems. It’s ten times worse in the winter when a large number of parking slots are filled with piles of snow and ice. We got lucky and found a spot after 15 minutes of cruising around. They still get to take a shot at you for parking violations due to a stupid two hour limit on their meters. I firmly believe that the town council and politicians are paid from the parking ticket fund. I saw no less than four meter readers (parking Nazi’s) on one street dropping $25.00 tickets everywhere.
My better-half had the audacity to say “I think we should walk around for a while.” My only reply was “Are you kidding me, it’s effing cold out here. Find a store and go in.” So she did. We were then in and out of a handful of odd little shops with off-beat merchandise and really high prices. We found a place called Pandemonium which is the ultimate shopping experience for over priced crap. I again was placed in a position where I had no choice but to buy something. I found an ugly little pig clock for my better-half’s Valentines Day gift and a bottle of habanero hot sauce with a really scary warning label. The cost of those two items could have kept my car gassed up for two weeks. Highway robbery!
I could see in her eyes what was coming next. It was two in the afternoon and she was dreaming of those stupid crabs and a cold beer. We swung by the fish market where I remained in the car. I hate going in there because even on a good day the smell is awful. She was back in a wink with no crabs. Apparently it’s too cold for crabs too and there were none available, Boo Hoo!
We then arrived at a local tavern, Three Dollar Dewey’s, that we visit whenever we’re in town. A quick drink, some fish and chips, and then home.
I have to admit it was fun to get out of the house for a while. I have one additional question for you women out there. What would possess any women into going out into this cold weather wearing only a cardigan sweater, a pair of black, skin tight leotards, and a pair of Ugg boots. I saw at least four women dressed in that outfit scurrying along bitching and complaining about the cold. I’ve always said I didn’t understand women and I still don’t. You could freeze your Who-Ha right off if you had one.
You all know I just love pointing out the many useless national observances that our society is inundated with. Today is January 22, 2013 and this is the day of remembrance set aside for the observance of the Roe v. Wade decision in 1973.
I’m not here to take a political position because no one would listen to me anyway. I’m just pointing out the ridiculousness of having a day to remember some thing like this. Without picking sides I will reveal that in my youth I was responsible for the abortion of two of my almost children. I was all for it at the time but it’s haunted me for more than forty-five years. So to make your celebration of this day “all it can be”, here are a few real facts you might be interested in learning directly from a pro-abortion organization.
Many of the statistics in this posting are taken from the Guttmacher Institute, the research arm of Planned Parenthood, the largest abortion provider in the U.S. The Guttmacher Institute has been compiling data on abortion since 1968. Since they favor abortion, the data they provide will have more credibility to those who are pro-choice than data from a pro-life source.
Over 53 Million abortions Since Roe v. Wade.
This means that every 26 seconds a preborn baby dies in America.
About 1 in 4 (23%) of all pregnancies in the United States end in abortion.
It is estimated that 43% of all women will have at least 1 abortion before they are 45 years old.
Every year, there are approximately 42 million abortions per year worldwide
The World Health Organization estimates that every day 150,000 abortions are carried out worldwide.
This means a full 20% of human lives are ended by abortion.
Read more: Abortion Facts – Abortion Facts http://www.whyprolife.com/abortion-facts/#ixzz2IjrQqO82
Source: Johnston, Wm. Robert. Historical Abortion Statistics, United States. http://www.johnstonsarchive.net/policy/abortion/ab-unitedstates.html.
If your pro-abortion and reading this pisses you off, you should understand something right now, I don’t care. Opinions are like assholes and everybody’s got one and this is my blog and it contains MY asshole opinions. Please don’t write to me with YOUR asshole opinions because they will go unpublished.
Another day spent dealing with snow. Me and my best friend, my new snow thrower, spent some quality time together this morning trying to keep up with a minor snow storm that dumped another four inches of snow on us. I can’t begin to tell you what a great purchase that snow thrower was for me. I was initially telling everyone that if I bought one it might never snow again. As usual my cynical side got the best of me. It’s only the middle of January and I’ve already used it three times and I’m sure there’s more coming.
My better-half is off today and it’s been "task" day for her and by association also for me. Clean this, dust that, pick up those, and on and on it goes. At least in the summer I can escape from these kind of days by taking my camera and disappearing, with her or without her. This snow just complicates matters making disappearing much more difficult. Thankfully our home is large enough where I can actually disappear for short periods and she can’t seem to find me.
After her frenzy of cleaning we made our obligatory visit to the local Walmart. It’s always a fun place to visit when you just want to get out of the house before you scream out loud. Walmart never disappoints no matter when you visit.
We got to the parking lot and between the piles of snow and the puddles of melting snow it was a real mess. I took maybe ten steps from my car and found my first Walmart surprise of the day, a wadded up pair of what appeared to be well worn panty hose just lying there looking up at me. I normally see something like that and then try to imagine under what circumstances someone either throws away or drops their panty hose in a Walmart parking lot. Did some careless woman open her purse to put her panties back on and drop her panty hose. Maybe it was a couple of Walmart associates taking their mid-day break for a quickie in the car. Maybe it was a couple of extremely horny customers who just had to take a jump in the Walmart lot so they could brag to their friends about it. The possibilities are endless but also quite entertaining.
As I entered the store the greeter as always woke up just long enough to hand me a flyer of some sort and then nodded off again. He was a fine looking specimen who was probably seventy years old but looked a hundred. The place was packed as usual with quite the assortment of customers who always seem to be clogging the specific aisle where I’m shopping. I tried to cut down a side aisle to avoid some of them and nearly tripped over some mid-twenties woman sitting on the floor with all her belongings strewn around her reading a freaking magazine. She gave me that look like I was the person doing something wrong. Being the calm and relaxed person that I am I politely asked in my best Walmart voice "Are you sure you have enough room?" I hate when people attempt to ignore me as she tried to do so I continued with "Could you please more your ass so I can get by?" Again I got “the look” but she finally gathered her possessions and moved along. She left the magazine lying on the floor because God forbid she might have strained something important putting it back in the rack.
I saw her later loitering around in the Dunkin Donuts where she was huddled having a heavy duty conversation with a few of her freaky, pierced, and filthy friends. They were discussing the issues of the day concerning the real differences between having an actual Dunkin Donuts mug versus using the environmentally damaging Styrofoam. I again received "the look" as she whispered to her group to tell them what an asshole I was. I immediately got another look from all of them as a group which made me want to take a bow, but I didn’t.
In the back of my mind I was thinking the whole time that just maybe she was the owner of those wadded up panty hose and finding them was a karmic warning for me. Oh well, another minor annoyance sponsored by my local Walmart.
“Life is Good”, or so said on some A-hole’s T-shirt at the pharmacy. I hate being negative but in groups of more than two most people suck.
A beautiful day in the neighborhood.
With New Years Eve on the horizon a decision has to be made as to how we’ll be celebrating it. The days of drunken carousing have long since passed for us both but those their memories are still nice to have. Each year I scratch my head about what we should do and then we end up procrastinating and doing nothing at all. Over the next few days I’m sure to have a discussion or two with my better-half on what she thinks we should do. I’m already preparing myself for that discussion by gathering information to help my cause.
I’m going to argue as eloquently as I can that dinner, a couple of chick flicks, and a visit from her daughter and grandson isn’t going to get it done this year. I’d like to have a few friends over for drinks, food, games, movies, or whatever. If they drink too much we’ll turn the house into a B & B for the night and I’ll cook breakfast for the survivors in the morning. The chances of getting my way are about 60/40 if I’m lucky.
We have a few days left before the big day so I’ll have to be my sneaky self and start planning my secret mission. Subtle hints about not being alone for New Years. Casual questions about how some of our friends are celebrating the holiday and a few “Oh, that sounds so boring, I feel bad for them”. More subtle questions about how lonely some of our friends will be with their children off celebrating elsewhere. I’ll drop a few coupons around the house from the Party Place filled with money-saving offers for stupid party hats and noise makers. Then I’ll dig into my bag of fireworks hidden on the porch and leave a few laying around where they’ll be noticed. Then I’ll let all of those things start to mix and mingle in her pretty little head and Ta Da . . . . we’ll have a New Years party and it’ll be her idea.
Pretty damn cool if I do say so myself. I’m sure she won’t be able to resist coupons. She’s a grade A shopaholic with a serious need to use every coupon she ever sees. It’s like hooking a big fish and then just reeling it in. I have a hidden stash of coupons for all occasions and places and I’m telling you they’ll accomplish more for me than they’d ever do for her. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky!
The campaign begins this afternoon when she arrives home from work. I’ll be sure to report the results.
Today I’ve rejoined the Christmas parade with more tidbits of useless information collected for your entertainment. After reading some of these odd stories and facts you might think your own Christmas traditions are somewhat tame. First, we have a few facts about Christmas from around the world.
According to a 1995 survey, 7 out of 10 British dogs get Christmas gifts from their doting owners.
Charles Dickens’ initial choice for Scrooge’s statement "Bah Humbug" was "Bah Christmas."
A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.
During the Christmas buying season, Visa cards alone are used an average of 5,340 times every minute in the United States.
During the ancient 12-day Christmas celebration, the log burned was called the "Yule log". Sometimes a piece of the Yule log would be kept to kindle the fire the following winter, to ensure that the good luck carried on from year to year. The Yule log custom was handed down from the Druids.
In Britain, the Holy Days and Fasting Days Act of 1551, which has not yet been repealed, states that every citizen must attend a Christian church service on Christmas Day, and must not use any kind of vehicle to get to the service.
If I didn’t pique your interest with those facts then maybe these little stories will. Unfortunately even on Christmas people can and will do some of the dumbest things you can imagine. Be glad none of these folks are in your family.
Christmas Stupid
Late coming home after a night out, a youngster attempted to climb into his home down the chimney. He did not to want to wake other residents in the Judson Center social services agency; also he had broken his curfew and wanted no trouble.
In best Santa Claus mode he climbed onto the roof and let himself down the chimney; unfortunately he was too large, and he became stuck. The 17 year old began moaning and was heard and rescued. Fire fighters and police officers from the City of Royal Oak, Michigan, USA, had to pull him out. The youth suffered from minor scrapes and bruises.
Christmas Stupid On Steroids
1) This is a true story about John Porter, from New York State, whose pipes in his home froze one winter. Anxious to unfreeze them, Mr Porter backed his car up to an open window so that the exhaust would warm up the house. A little while later and Porter, his wife and their three children had to be rushed to hospital suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning.
2) George Gibbs, from Columbus, Ohio, suffered second-degree burns on his head. This is what happened one freezing cold winter morning. Unable to start his car, George diagnosed the problem as a frozen fuel line which he thought he could correct by running warm gas through it. He then tried to heat a two-gallon can of gas on his gas stove in the kitchen.
I can only assume that George became an immediate french fried A-hole. It’s really no surprise to any of us that stupid never takes a holiday. Now for a short visit to Japan for a lesson in Christmas romance. I hope you never end up as “unsold Christmas cake”.
Christmas Japanese Style
In Japan Christmas is widely celebrated as a day for romance, a day for sweet-hearts much like Valentine’s Day in other countries. Christmas cake is popular but it is a strawberry cream sponge with no traditional ingredients in sight.
The main Christmas dish is a popular fast food, fried chicken, as that is how a traditional Christmas meal is depicted in local advertising. Women of 25 years and older who are single are jokingly referred to as "unsold Christmas cake". Not very friendly think Will and Guy.
Note: Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in red.
Here’s my Christmas gift to all of you. A little Christmas humor to share with family and friends. These jokes and one-liners are so corny they just might make you smile a little.
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What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
- The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, ‘Did you get my drift?’
- Christmas: The time of year when everyone gets Santamental.
- What is a webmaster’s favorite hymn? Oh, dot com all ye faithful!
- What do lions sing at Christmas? Jungle bells!
- When is a boat like a pile of snow? When it’s adrift.
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How do snowmen get around? On their icicles.
- What does Santa call reindeer that don’t work? Dinner.
- What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney? Santaclaustrophobia
NINE MORE SHOPPING DAYS
HO!, HO!, HO!
Our whirlwind weekend is just about over and hopefully we’ll be on the road back to Maine in an hour or so. Luckily I bailed out on the party early so I would be rested for the drive back. I suspect my drive back will be much quieter than the ride down. My better-half will be recuperating from last nite for at least two or three hours.
It was all-in-all a fun weekend and a great way to kick off the rest of the holidays. Now it’s back to Maine and some good old winter weather. It was close to sixty degrees yesterday and that just isn’t right. I need a little frost on my pumpkin in the second week of December.
Back to normal blogging tomorrow once we get this drive out of the way.
