Archive for the ‘airplanes’ Tag
An airplane flying from Houston to Chicago had a very close call. For a while it seemed they were doomed to crash to fiery destruction, but at the last minute the pilot got it under control and landed safely. Out of the plane came 200 midgets. An onlooker said, “I never saw so many midgets in my life.” Said another, “Those aren’t midgets. Those are Texans with the shit scared out of them.
In Hollywood, it is not enough for you to succeed; your friends must fail.
As per Yogi, “You can observe a great deal just by watching.”
Who doesn’t like stereotypes? A Texan had just had a baby son, and he was passing out enormous cigars. “Likeliest little varmint you ever saw,” he said proudly. “He weighs twenty-seven pounds.” Two weeks later, the friend met him and said, “How’s the kid?” “Fine,” said the Texan. “The little tyke weighs sixteen pounds.” The friend looked puzzled. “Why, when he was born you said he weighed twenty-seven pounds.” “I know.” said the Texan, “but we had him circumcised.”
There once was a young plumber from Leigh
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
Said the maid, “Cease your plumbing,
I think someone’s coming.”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me!”
At the zoo, a curious woman said to one of those who tended the animals, “How do you tell a male hippopotamus from a female hippopotamus?” The keeper said, “We don’t really have to, ma’am. The hippopotamuses figure it out for themselves.”
There is a story that Mussolini was once stranded in a small town in Italy when his car broke down, To pass the time, he visited a local movie house. Came the newsreel, and, of course, his own face flashed on the screen.
Everyone in the movie house stood up, but Mussolini, feeling tired and feeling no compulsion to stand up in his own honor, remained seated. Whereupon the man next to him whispered, “I feel exactly as you do, but take my advice and stand up. It’s safer.”
THANKS ISAAC
Let me start by saying I hate flying. Over the last 30 years I must’ve flown 500 times while working for a number of companies. It was “white knuckle” all the way for me, every flight, every airline. I had no choice but to fly but I didn’t like it one bit and still don’t. It was not the actual flying that bothered me, only the people flying the plane. I’m too much of a control freak to be comfortable having someone else with my life in their hands and that’s never going to change. Since we’re talking about airplanes today here are a few tidbits about the history of aviation.
- Twenty-one of the first twenty-three astronauts who flew on space missions were either an only child or were firstborn sons.
- The first aerial photograph was taken from a balloon during the United States Civil War.
- After the first moon walk, in 1969, Pan American Airlines began accepting reservations for commercial flights to the moon, dates and time unspecified. More than 80,000 requests poured in immediately.
- The first coast-to-coast airplane flight in the United States from New York City to Pasadena, California, by Galbraith P. Rogers in 1911, took 49 days. Obviously, there were many, many stops.
- After the Wright brothers had flown four times on that historic day in 1903 at Kitty Hawk, a gust of wind overturned and wrecked their wooden flyer. They stuffed the pieces and fabric coverings into barrels and shipped them back to their bicycle shop in Dayton Ohio.
- A German inventor placed an engine on an aircraft in 1900 and flew it successfully, three years before the Wright brothers. The inventor was Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin, but the aircraft was not heavier than air. Von Zeppelin had invented the dirigible – the “Zeppelin”.
- The first “airmail” letter in the United States was written by President George Washington, who gave it to the Frenchman, John Pierre Blanchard, to carry with him on the first balloon flight in America.
- Astronauts circling the earth may get to see 16 sunrises and 16 sunsets every day.
- The first freight shipped by air from Chicago was loaded under an armed guard. Handled by National Air Transport, in 1927, the item was a “ten gallon” Stetson hat to be delivered to Will Rogers, the popular comedian.
- A 31-year-old airplane mechanic named Douglas Corrigan took off in his monoplane from Floyd Bennett Field in New York in July 1938, and supposedly headed towards his home in California. The next day he landed in Ireland, saying, “I guess I flew the wrong way.” He became famous, paraded down Broadway, made a movie, and earned the nickname that stuck with him from then on, “Wrong Way Corrigan”.
HAPPY FLYING
On many occasions I’ve mentioned having a whole beach day or just walking the beach to relax for an hour or so. I’ve also received a few emails from people asking whether we ever actually go in the water way up here in Maine. Everyone assumes that the water is so cold here that we can’t really do much actual swimming. I admit that during most of the year the last place you’d want to find yourself is in the ocean. But, there are a few weeks of the year when we can and it’s well worth the wait. Today was one of those times.
My better-half, her daughter, the grandson, and I decided we needed some beach time. The weathers been sunny and hot for a few days which we hoped had warmed the water up a little. You’d have thought there was ten of us from the amount of gear we had to wrestle into the car. It was like watching the Beverly Hillbillies loading their truck before their trip to California. Beach chairs, extra towels, cameras, sun tan lotion, diapers, a huge umbrella, and two plastic buckets and a couple of shovels. Unbelievable…
I for one was exhausted before we even got there. We made our way to a small beach in Scarborough, Maine which is just up the coast from the always over-crowded Old Orchard Beach. The town was on top of things as usual and immediately extorted $10.00 out of us to park the damn car. After unloading all of the essentials we made our way the waters edge. When we arrived the place was busy but not too overcrowded. We found a spot and proceeded to set up camp. I’m guessing there were a few hundred people there with only four I could see in the water swimming. They were young kids and seemed to be having a ball and even if the water was freezing cold they wouldn’t have noticed. I walked to the water, stuck in my toe, and immediately discovered why no adults had taken the plunge. It was a bit nippy to say the least.
People watching is always fun and beach people watching is even better. I saw a few attractive beach bunnies romping around in their bikini’s and that was great as always. There were many more folks in skimpy outfits that really caught my attention. Have you ever seen a big beautiful woman in a two piece swim suit that had been lost in all of her immense beautifulness. I did and it was more than a little scary.
In a short period of time the number of people easily doubled. It was an endless line of families dragging their kids and tons of beach gear to stake out their little plot of sand. The temperature of the water rose a few degrees and all of a sudden everyone was in the water. It was cold at first but once your body adjusted it was fine. I was in and out a number of times throughout the day and it was heaven.
The one thing you can rely on is that if more than a few people congregate anywhere the merchants and their endless advertisements will follow. The nice quiet beach was strafed by a continuous line of small planes dragging their messages behind them. They were just loud enough to be annoying and it continued all day. Where’s an anti-aircraft gun or a Stinger missile when you need one?
The grandson had a ball and easily exhausted all of us adults rather quickly. He was covered in sand and yogurt pops, smiling and flirting with everyone in the vicinity. He eventually tired himself out completely which was our clue to head home. He was asleep in the car seat before we were even able to get the car packed up.
We had a great day
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