Archive for the ‘limericks’ Tag

03/15/2023 โœจLimerick Alertโœจ   Leave a comment

I’ve been trying for days to post something but these damn storms are screwing up almost everything. Our power and internet returned today after 24 hours of silence and I wanted to post before the next catastrophe arrives.

*****

It feels good to be back to some semblance of normalcy. My first post-op inspection revealed my poor fractured ankle is on the mend. The doctor assures me that only five more weeks of a walker and wheelchair and I should be good to go. That news eases the pressure a little and makes getting back to this blog a little easier. I’ll be happy to provide a few limericks today to make you smile as little.

โค

A lisping young lady named JoBeth

Was saved from a fate worse than death.

Seven times in a row,

Which unsettled her so

That she quit saying “No” and said “Yeth.”

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Therre was a young fellow named Goody

Who claimed that he wouldn’t, but would he?

If he found himself nude

With a gal in the mood,

The questions not woody, but could he?

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

There once was a young lady of Arden,

The tool of whose swain wouldn’t harden.

Said she with a frown,

“I’ve been sadly let down,

By the tool of a fool in a garden.”

๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

A flatulent nun of Hawaii

One Easter eve supped on papaya,

Then honored the Passover

By turning her ass over

And obliging with Handel’s Messiah.

๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ

LIMERICKS HAVE RETURNED

02/09/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅChildren’s Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   3 comments

It’s time for me to try and convince you non-limerick lovers that they can be something other than lewd and bawdy. They’re fun to create and even more fun to read when written by members of the younger generations. Here are a few written by and for children. Enjoy!

There once was a young chap from Eugene.

Who grew so abnormally lean,

And flat and compressed

That his back met his chest,

And, viewed sideways, he couldn’t be seen!

๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜—

A sea serpent saw a big tanker.

Bit a hole in its side and then sank her.

He swallowed the crew

In a minute or two,

And then picked his teeth with the anchor.

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

There was a young bather from Bewes,

Who reclined on the banks of the Ouse.

His radio blared,

And passers-by stared,

For all he had on was the news!

๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ

There are men in the village of Erith

Whom nobody seeth or heareth.

They spend hours afloat

In a flat-bottomed boat,

Which nobody roweth or steereth.

๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ

And here’s one final extra limerick for a nurse I once knew.

Believe me, this limerick is understating her illness. LOL

โค๏ธ

Jo Beth went to the doctor last night,

Rather hoping he’d help with her plight.

What she said, whilst bent double.

“It’s farting that’s the trouble.”

And what did he give her? A kite!

*****

DON’T WORRY, THE WEEKEND IS IN SIGHT

01/31/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅSilly Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   2 comments

This morning has started off strangely. Fifteen seconds after I sat down at the computer the power went out. I’ve lost all power in the house except for a few limited outlets hooked into the generator. It maintains all of the most important functions of the house like heat and water and thankfully this computer. I’ll be writing this in the dark with no way to upload the content until sometime later today (I hope). Maine has been having a rash of storms in recent weeks and the power grid has been damaged in many areas. I have to admit, this shit is getting really old and all of my bitching and complaining won’t help. Let’s move on to something a little more interesting.

I post a lot of limericks of all types. Some of you like them cute and funny, some like the children’s limericks and some others prefer the more bawdy and suggestive ones. Truthfully, I enjoy them all when the circumstances permit. Today I’ll pass along a few of the milder and sillier ones that won’t scare the children or any adults with delicate sensibilities.

๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.

She was frightened and screamed very loud.

Then a happy thought hit her

To scare off the critter,

She sat up in bed and meowed.

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

A young man dining out in Peru

Found a rather large mouse in his stew.

Said the waiter, “Don’t shout

And wave it about

Or the rest will be wanting one too!”

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

There were three little birds in the wood

Who sang hymns anytime that they could.

What the words were about

They could never make out,

But they felt it was doing them good.

๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ

A glutton who lived on the Rhine

When asked at what time he would dine,

He replied, “At eleven,

Four, six, three and seven,

And eight and a quarter to nine.”

๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž

Well finally some good news. The power has been turned on (for how long I couldn’t guess) and I’ll get this posted as quickly as possible.

BROWNCOATS RULE!!

01/28/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   3 comments

I thought I’d introduce you to something new today. I’ve posted hundreds of limericks over the years, and they were all basically the five-line standard. Another style of limerick is the extended limerick which are a bit longer than you normally see and more challenging to write. Here are two samples:

By Anonymous

There once were two cats of Kilkenny.

Each thought there was one too many,

So, they quarreled and fit,

They scratched and they bit,

Till, excepting their nails

And the tips of their tails,

Instead of two cats, there weren’t any!

๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›

By Anonymous

There was a strange student from Yale.

Who put himself outside the pale.

Said the judge:” Please refrain,

When passing through Maine,

From exposing yourself in in the train,

Or you’ll just have to do it in jail!”

๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜—

In my opinion they aren’t as exciting as a normal limerick, but many people disagree. Now let’s take a look at what’s called a prose limerick. It’s a totally different style but I enjoy these very much because of the narrative way they are written.

By Anonymous

When cars are left here for repair, our charges are modest and fair. And

owners may rest quite content that we test all work that is done with great care.

๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

In the shed at the end of the mews there’s a bucket of old bolts and screws, and

right at the back you will see a large stack of old junk that perhaps you can use.

๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ

The train that was due to depart at 8:10 is not likely to start. We’re

working to rule, you’d best get a mule or a bike or a horse and a cart.

***

TRY WRITING A FEW OF YOUR OWN

01/22/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅNurse Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

I dedicate these limericks to all of the nurses I’ve known in my life and there’ve been a few. If there was ever a group that enjoyed naughty and lewd limericks, it’s them. Enjoy, all of you so-called nurse lovers.

๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†

An amorous writer of versus,

Was especially enamored of nurses.

But he found each advance.

In pursuit of romance

Met only with starchy reverses.

๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ท

A rosy cheeked nurse, from Dunellen,

Whom the Hoboken sailors called Helen,

In her efforts to please

Has spread social disease,

From New York to the Straits of Magellan!

๐Ÿค•๐Ÿค•๐Ÿค•

There was a young nurse named Prentice,

Who had an affair with a dentist.

To make things easier,

He used anesthesia,

And diddled her, non-compos mentis.

๐Ÿš‘๐Ÿš‘๐Ÿš‘

An unfortunate nurse named Randall,

Hs the clap such as doctors can’t handle.

So, this forlorn young floozy

With her poor damaged coosie,

Must resume her delight with a candle.

๐Ÿฆฝ๐Ÿฆฝ๐Ÿฆฝ

A virginal nurse name of Lynne,

Shouted thus just before she gave in.

“It isn’t the deed,

Or the fear of the seed,

But that big worm that shedding its skin!”

โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

WHO DOESN’T LIKE THE OCCASIONAL NURSE

LOL

001/14/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅMusic Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

I realize that many of you out there are avid music fans. I’m addicted to oldies from 1958 through 1974 and have thousands of songs from that era. I like a lot of the new stuff too but I’m able to pick and choose the ones that really get me going. While we are all music lovers, my second passion is limericks and interesting poetry. So, with that in mind I decided that today my limerick selections would be G rated and concern music and musicians. I hope you enjoy them as much as you enjoy your music.

๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽต๐ŸŽต

By Anonymous

There was a composer named Liszt

Who from writing could seldom desiszt.

He made Polonaise.

Quite worthy of praise,

And now that he’s gone, he is miszt.

๐ŸŽน๐ŸŽน๐ŸŽน

By Ogden Nash

A bugler named Dougal MacDougal

Found ingenious ways to be frugal.

He learned how to sneeze

In various keys,

Thus, saving the price of a bugle.

๐ŸŽธ๐ŸŽธ๐ŸŽธ

By Paul West

All of a sudden, the great prima-donna

Cried, “Heavens! My voice is a goner!”

But a cat in the wings

Cried, “I know how she sings,”

And finished the solo with honor.

๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ

By Anonymous

There was a composer named Bong

Who composed a new popular song.

It was simply the croon

Of a lovesick baboon,

With occasional thumps on the gong.

๐ŸŽท๐ŸŽท๐ŸŽท

YOUR TURN TO HUM A FEW BARS

01/02/2023 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ2023 Limerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   1 comment

I’ thought I’d start the new year with a small collection of limericks. This collection should be rated “PG”, so keep the youngsters away. Happy New Year to all of you limerick aficionados. Today’s collection concerns:

Sexual Misfortunes

Two middle-aged ladies from Fordham,

Went out for a walk but it bored ’em.

As they made their way back,

A crazed sex maniac

Leapt out of a bush and ignored ’em.

๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท

An unfortunate sailor name Bates,

Had performed the fandango on skates.

But a fall on his cutlass

Had rendered him nutless

And, well – virtually useless on dates!

๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†

A nudist, named Roger McPeet,

Loved to dance in the snow and the sleet.

Till, one chilly December,

He froze his poor member,

And retired to a monkish retreat.

๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฉ

Ancient octogenarian, Hugh,

To his wife remained steadfastly true.

This was not from compunction,

But more the dysfunction

Of his spermatic glands – nuts to you.

๐Ÿ†๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿ†

What better way to kick off a new year. Here’s one final limerick with a religious bent for an oh-so inclined friend.

โค๏ธ

When Lazarus came back from the dead,

He still couldn’t function in bed.

“What good’s Resurrection

Without an erection?”

Old Lazarus testily said.

AMEN TO THAT

11/28/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅ”Virginity Limerick Alert”๐Ÿ’ฅ   2 comments

I thought today I would revisit a subject most of you vaguely remember and that is virginity. Some of you will barely remember being a virgin and others of you have yet to lose yours. My virginity has been gone so long I almost don’t remember losing it. These little poems will take us all back to that special day and allow us to reminisce a little. Kindly step into the limerick time machine and remember.

A lisping young lady named Beth

Was saved from a fate worse than death.

Seven times in a row,

Which unsettled her so

That she quit saying “No” and said “Yeth.”

๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ

There was a young fellow named Biddle

Whose girl had to teach him to fiddle.

She grabbed hold of his bow

And said “If you must know,

You can try parting my hair in the middle.

๐Ÿซค๐Ÿซค๐Ÿซค

A religious young lassie named Claire

Was having her first love affair.

As she climbed into bed

She reverently said,

“I wish to be opened with a prayer.”

๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž

There was a young girl from Hoboken

Who claimed that her hymen was broken

From riding a bike

On a cobblestone pike,

But it really was broken from pokin’.

๐Ÿ†๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿ†

NUFF SAID

11/21/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimericks for Kids๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   Leave a comment

It’s time for some cute yet funny limericks written primarily for kids. The author will be noted when possible but most of these limericks are approximately fifty years old. They are cute and funny without a lot of sexual inuendo and profanity. These are just plain fun.

A little boy down in Natchez

Sat upon powder and matchez.

For the seat of war

He hankers no more,

Though re-enforced well with patchez.

๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

By Hugh Lofting

Here’s a little Jim Nast of Pawtucket

Wo slid down the stairs in a bucket.

He has more understanding

Since reaching the landing,

Just look at the hole where he struck it.

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

By Oliver Hereford

A puppy whose hair was so flowing

There really was no means of knowing

Which end was his head,

Once stopped me and said,

“Please, sir, am I coming or going.

๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ

A certain young fellow named Beebee

Wished to wed with a lady named Phoebe.

“But,” said he, “I must see

What the clerical fee

Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee.”

๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„

HAPPY MONDAY

14/2022 ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅLimerick Alert๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ   2 comments

I haven’t posted too many limericks of late and I’m going to correct that immediately. After having two young grandsons visiting, I was once again made aware just how funny fart humor is. I’m not sure why but the young lads love talking about farts and farting. It started when they were around two years old, and it continues apace. With that in mind here are a few fart related limericks to make us all smile a little.

๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

There was an amazing old wizard

Who got a fierce pain in his gizzard.

So, he drank wind and snow

At some fifty-below,

And farted a forty-day blizzard.

๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ

Said a printer, pretending to wit:

“There are certain rude words we omit.

It would sully our art

To include the word fart,

And we seldom, if ever say shit.”

๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†

There was a young man named McBride,

Who could fart any time that he tried.

In a contest he blew

Seven thousand and two,

But then shit and was disqualified.

๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

There was a young woman of Dexter,

Whose husband invariably vexed her,

For, whenever they’d start,

He’d persistently fart

With a blast that damn nearly de-sexed her!

A PERFECTLY SMELLY START TO YOUR WEEK

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