11-28-2012   4 comments

Another month has screamed by at warp speed and winter has arrived here in Maine.  We haven’t received much snow yet but the temps are in the mid twenties at night and low forties during the day.  It always takes me a few weeks to adjust my body to the winter temperatures but once that’s over it’s smooth sailing for the next five months.

I’d  like to thank those of you who persuaded me into sticking with my goal of reading all of the Harry Potter books.  As I thought, the books tell a better story than the films but the films special effects really do bring the stories to life in a different way. It’s hard to deny how important special effects can be when making movies about witches and wizards and a host of really strange creatures.  If I were to make a recommendation I’d still suggest reading the books before seeing the movies.  That’s almost impossible I know but it’s what I think.  Since the films have been released to TV I’m sure just about everyone on the planet has seen most of them.  That’s OK but if you’re a real fan then sit down and read them, you’ll love it.

I finished book three a few days ago, took a breath and immediately started on book four.  I’m only a few chapters into it but can already see the changeover to a more adult approach to the story.  A couple of early murders and a little sexual innuendo go a long way to making that point.  I’m actually looking forward to finishing the remainder of the books which shouldn’t take more than a few more weeks after my return from Maryland.

I’m sitting here this morning trying to solve a problem I’ve seen having recently.  We live in a very rural area filled with forests, farm fields, a few neighbors, and a plethora of animals roaming in and around the property.   I need to preface this with a tidbit of information to help you understand.  A number of months ago we had an unknown number of fucking thieves enter our home while we were out and they stole everything that wasn’t nailed down. The details are unimportant but the effect it had on us was profound.  I’ve since turned my home into a fortress with lock replacements, industrial strength deadbolts, a top of the line alarm system, and sensor controlled lights surrounding the house.  If you even fart within two hundred feet of my house the place will light up like Rockefeller Center and you’ll likely get to meet me and my Smith & Wesson.  The police should arrive just in time to save you.

Your asking I know, “What’s the big problem then?”.   Sounds great right? Not so much.  The problem began shortly after the lights were installed when I was in a much more paranoid place than I am now.  I was lying in bed at two in the morning and all of a sudden the entire rear of the house lit up.  I grabbed my gun and headed down stairs to investigate.  I looked out the windows and could see nothing so I opened the back door to look around and almost stepped on one of the largest skunks I’ve ever seen.  He was sitting almost against the door and I was one step away from a smelling and disgusting disaster.  Of course, I retreated immediately but that SOB hung around for another half hour keeping all of the lights lit.  A few times every week now I’m awakened not just by roaming wild animals but also my neighbors cat. He loves patrolling around my house in the wee hours and might even get some kind of a feline related thrill by turning on all my lights every so often.

“It’s a pickle I tell ya!”, to quote Frank Barone.  How do I take steps to deal with that cat?  Maybe I shoot him in the ass with a BB gun? I really don’t want to harm the little bastard because he’s been keeping the chipmunk population under control for a few years now.  I’m afraid there’s just no solution. I’ll  have to get darker curtains on my bedroom windows and just let it go.  My other problem is that I’m not very good at letting things go.

Time to go and enjoy the day.

Posted November 29, 2012 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Just Saying

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4 responses to “11-28-2012

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  1. Oh wow, I’m sorry you guys were robbed. People are just so LOW. The lights would drive me crazy but I can’t blame you. I would want to make my house a fortress too.
    Yay, glad you’re finally on a book that’s more mature. Now it’ll just keep getting better. 🙂

  2. Shoot all the animals that set off your lights and maybe the local thieves will get the word that it’s not safe around your house! Also, then the game warden will have to stake out your house and it would be just like having your own Mall cop providing security…

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