Archive for the ‘animals’ Tag

11/20/2022 “Sarcasm”   1 comment

I absolutely love sarcasm and sarcastic people. I’ve been one most of my life even before I knew what sarcasm actually meant. I’m a natural. I’ve honed my skills for decades with virtually everyone I’ve ever met and had a conversation with. Amazingly about half of those people never realized just how sarcastic I was being. Too bad, it’s their loss. Recently I happened upon the holy bible of sarcasm. It’s The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm published by Mr. James Napoli, Vice President of The National Sarcasm Society. I was thrilled to find someone sympathetic to the plight of sarcastic people. I thought I’d share a few of Mr. Napoli’s sarcastic meanderings and possibly get some of you uneducated to real sarcasm a thrill. Let’s start with just the “A’s”.

Woody Allen – He’s some elderly creep who married his barely college-aged, adopted stepdaughter. Also apparently made films or something, although any such accomplishments are often usurped by the act of marrying his barely college-aged stepdaughter.

The Amish – A sect of self-sustaining people whose way of life is so different from the current ideological mainstream that it’s a wonder nobody’s bombed them yet.

Animals – Creatures that leave us very few options besides hunting them, eating them, keeping them as pets, or locking them in a cage. That’s just how it is when you hold dominion over all of nature.

Antsy – What irritating, twitchy people were before they have the luxury of saying they had something called restless leg syndrome.

Apartment – This is a place to throw your money away on rent before you throw your money away on a mortgage.

Appliance – Something a man gives his wife for her birthday to subtly indicate that the sexual spark between them is horribly, irretrievably gone.

Appreciate -A word commonly used by superiors to indicate that they want you to do a task patently outside of your job description and that doing it will result in their undying gratitude and heartfelt admiration but absolutely no pay.

Artistic – Having skills or ability in a creative field. It is surprisingly easy to identify artistic talent during youth, as the budding artists are usually the ones getting the crap kicked out of them at recess.

Atheist – A person who privately prays that they don’t turn out to be wrong.

Awesome – A word most properly used to denote something truly breathtaking, unbelievably magnificent, or strikingly wonderful. It is now used to describe everything from a half decent meal to a show of support for someone who just landed an entry-level job at Staples.

That’s just a sample from the first letter of the alphabet. I have twenty-five more letters to go and will be sharing them with you occasionally in the next few months. I’m sure you will all enjoy them as much as I do. (Sarcasm Off)

SARCASM RULES

11/13/2022 Are You an Animal Lover?   Leave a comment

I’ve been an animal lover my entire life centering mainly on cats. I’ve had just about every animal you can think of from snakes to ferrets, guinea pigs, and many others. Since today is a slow Sunday, it’s rainy and gray, and I have two grandchildren coming to visit in a few hours, I won’t be able to get much accomplished once they arrive. Today’s post will be short and sweet. If you like or love animals here are a collection of odd facts which you might find interesting.

  • Besides humans, the only animal it can stand on its head is the elephant.
  • A newborn panda is smaller than a mouse.
  • The heads of a freak two-headed snake will fight over food despite sharing the same stomach.
  • The armadillo is the only animal apart from man that can catch leprosy.
  • A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel.

  • A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
  • A donkey will sink in quicksand, but a mule won’t.
  • Polar bears can smell a human being from 20 miles away.
  • The world’s biggest frog is bigger than the world’s smallest antelope.
  • Deer sleep only 5 minutes a day.

  • Kangaroos can’t walk backward.
  • It takes a male horse only 14 seconds to copulate.
  • The normal temperature of a cat is 101.5°.
  • Camel milk does not curdle.
  • There are more goats than people in Somalia.

CAT’S RULE!!

And . . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVEY!

03/07/2022 Weird Animal Trivia   Leave a comment

Everyone seems to love animals. Here are a few facts that are interesting, and some that are a bit disgusting. Read on . . .

  • Squid have the largest eyes of any animal on earth.
  • Giraffes sleep the least of any mammal.
  • Many lipsticks contain fish scales.
  • Sharks, including hammerheads, as well as mackerels have the ability to skip sleep altogether.
  • Thirty-two pigeons, twenty-eight dogs, three horses, and one cat have received medals for bravery in wartime.
  • 99.9% of all species that have existed on the earth are now extinct.
  • An ostrich’s eye is larger than its brain.
  • Hangfish can fill a gallon sized bucket with slime in less than 1 minute.
  • Catfish have a better sense of taste than humans.
  • Cat urine glows under a black light.
  • Dogs generally prefer to eat the protein-rich poop of cats.
  • Birds do not pee.
  • Cow’s milk gives most cats a case of diarrhea.
  • Fish, jellyfish, frogs, and toads have all been known to fall out of the sky.
  • Some fish can walk.

Who knew that animals could be so bizarre? Maybe next time I’ll come up with a list of oddities from us humans. It’s likely they’ll be even stranger than the ones about animals.

NOAH’S ARK MUST HAVE BEEN A HOOT

02/25/2022 My Animal Farm   Leave a comment

I’ve been an animal lover all of my life. I’ve had all sorts of pets from ferrets, snakes, dogs, cats, and the list goes on and on. Today I thought I’d share with you some odd and trivia type facts on the animal kingdom. With this started . . .

  • A group of apes is called a shrewdness.
  • A group of alligators is called a congregation.
  • The blue whale has the largest penis of any organism on earth (8-10 ft).
  • The female barkfly has a penis, which is used to extract sperm from the male barkfly’s vagina.
  • A group of cockroaches is called an intrusion.
  • Boars can ejaculate continuously for up to 7 min.
  • A severed cockroach head can survive for hours.
  • The decapitated cockroach can live for weeks before it starves to death.
  • Fleas can survive for up to 100 days without a meal (without sucking your blood).
  • Cats are more popular pets and dogs.
  • The canine nose has more than four times as many scent receptors as the average cat nose (and more than 14 times as many as the human nose).
  • A dog on average has 42 teeth, compared to 30 teeth for domestic cats.
  • Cats can be left-handed.
  • Each year nearly 4,000,000 cats are eaten in China as a delicacy.
  • Electric eels generate enough electric charge to kill a horse or a human.

I think that’s enough for today and I’m sure you learned more than you ever cared about knowing of the weird and wonderful world of animals.

11/28/2021 Animal Trivia   Leave a comment

I thought we should post a little trivia today about our friends in the animal kingdom. As weird as people can be animals are way worse. Read and be enlightened.

  • A bird has to fly at a minimum speed of 11 miles per hour to be able to keep itself aloft.
  • More than 1000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.
  • Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms a day.
  • A whales penis is called a dork.
  • A humpback whales milk is 54% fat.
  • If the eggs spawned by all the female cod in one season survived, they would fill the oceans from seabed to surface. Cod lay between four and 5 million eggs at a time – but usually only about five survive.
  • Crocodiles cannot stick their tongues out.
  • Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale.
  • Neither horses nor rabbits can vomit.
  • A rat can survive longer without water than a camel.
  • It is illegal in Alaska to give a moose an alcoholic drink.
  • A pig always sleeps on its right side.
  • A lion’s roar can be heard from 5 miles away.
  • Human birth control pills work on gorillas.
  • A cat has four rows of whiskers.
  • The pet ferret was domesticated more than 500 years before the house cat.
  • Twelve or more cows are known as a flink.

Everything you ever wanted to know about animal trivia. There’s a lot more available and you can be sure I’ll be posting it in the future.

ENJOY YOUR DAY

. . . 26 More Shopping Days . . .

10-05-2015 Journal – Fryeburg Fair Day!   Leave a comment

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The annual Fryeburg Fair began yesterday in southern Maine. It’s what amounts to a week long farm show as similarly held in many other states. My better-half and I usually visit the event mid-week in an attempt to avoid huge crowds.  We’ve never attended the opening day festivities because that would be crazy. Unfortunately this year we lost our minds and got a little crazy.

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Fryeburg is a community with an average population of approximately 3500 people.   It’s listed as the 102nd largest town in the state of Maine making it no more than a small black dot on the map.  The week of the Fair brings between 350,000-400,000 visitors to town and yesterday it felt like they all arrived at the same time. It made for a rather uncomfortable day for those of us with claustrophobia issues.

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‘Jumbo Donuts appear to be very popular.’

At 10 am the crowds were so so thick it was difficult to move around.  The entire fairgrounds was packed solid with people and the lines at almost every food vendor were unbelievably long.

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One of the most annoying problem for me was the number of people riding around on electric carts. I hate to use a broad-brush approach to people on those carts because some actually do need them but I saw quite a few that looked in a lot better shape than me cruising around, talking on their phones, and wolfing down Jumbo Donuts.  It just gives me pause.

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I avoided entering most of the buildings due to the large crowds but it was even difficult to take photographs outside.  In years past we’ve spent as much as eight hours at the fair but yesterday we left after just three and a half hours. 

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If we never learn anything else we now know that opening day should be avoided at all costs. Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying.  It was nice to get out and enjoy a beautiful sunny Fall day and the Fair food was greasy and delicious as always.  We’re actually considering a second visit later in the week when the crowds thin out a little and we can really enjoy ourselves. You can be sure of one thing, we’ll never be there again on opening day.

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‘Gridlock traffic in town as well.’

10-03-2014 Journal Entry-Fryeburg Fair #3   Leave a comment

This third installment of Fair day will be my last lame attempt to take you there.  I  wish I had some sort of smell-a-vision to really help tell the whole story but since I don’t,  I’ll do the best I can with pictures.

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We’ve visited the animal barns in the last installment but there was so much more to see than just that.  I was extremely interested in the foods being offered since I’ve spent the last year on a rather strict eating regime.  This was a day for me to misbehave a little and the choices were numerous.  Here’s a brief collection of those possibilities.

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Here are two of my sins for the day . . . .

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“Deep fried veggies.’

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‘Funnel Cake’

I was also dragged kicking and screaming by my better-half to an endless number of exhibits of things that held no interest for me.  Just being a cooperative partner can be trying at times.  There was no end of the shopping possibilities and she wasn’t about to miss any.  Thank God we only have one grandson to buy for.  If I hear or see anything with Mickey Mouse on it any time soon I may run screaming into the night.

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“This was the only place that convinced me to spend my money.’

Now here’s a montage of photo’s of a host of other things that piqued my interest as we roamed around.

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This one last photo will further explain just how I felt after ten hours of walking, sweating, and rubbing elbows with those huge crowds of other hot, sweaty and smelly human beings.  I was totally exhausted and was just about done with Fair Day for this year.

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‘Suicide by hippo.’

But there’s always next year to do it all over again . . . . . .

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10-02-2014 Journal Entry’s-Fryeburg Fair #2   Leave a comment

In this installment we’ll continue our journey through the huge crowds of people and make our way to visit the huge crowds of animals.  I couldn’t possibly post all of the animal photos I took.  The number and variety was amazing and the better-half made sure we saw each and every one of them. Here’s a montage:

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‘Shave and a haircut.’

 

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‘Llamas, I’m not a big fan.’

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‘Clean as a whistle.’

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‘Huge !!!’

If the Fair were held a little closer to our home I suspect we’d spend multiple days just roaming around the animal barns.  Attending the many events where animals are displayed for judging would easily take an entire day.  We were a little pickier this year in what we attended but as always because of my better-half’s love of pigs we took these pictures.

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‘One happy pig.’

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‘Many happy piglets.’

It’s now approaching the noon hour and we made our way to a small grandstand to watch the skillet throwing contest.  I’m a big fan because the contest is a tongue-in-cheek throwback to the good old days of farm shows. I’ve captured a number of entrants as they tossed their skillets into the air but the last one was the big winner of the day.  She was also the returning champion from last year’s Fair and to be as kind as possible she was more than a little scary.

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‘Going . . . .’

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‘Going . . . .’

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‘ Gone !!!!, The winner and still champion.’

I took a quick picture of this guy who was either bored to death or just plain exhausted.  He was sitting on his four wheeler with hundreds of people walking by and was dead asleep. 

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I knew exactly how he felt because it was the same malady that struck me as I sat listening to this Country and Western group while my better-half wandered around on her own shopping for more Fair junk.

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My final installment from the Fair will be posted in two days and will include a variety of random shots taken throughout the day. Lots of food stops shopping kiosks, and hours of people watching.  Come back to visit.

9-29-2014 Journal Entry-Fryeburg Fair Day #1   Leave a comment

My body is talking to me this morning and it isn’t all that happy.  Fryeburg Fair Day has come and gone for another year leaving us walking wounded behind.  I’m going to post our Fair Day over the next few days because I have a lot of photos I’d like to share which should help give you a real feel for the place.  The ride to Fryeburg was uneventful but the closer we got to the fairgrounds the more the traffic increased as you can see.

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Being the simple person that I am I thought I’d start our day at the main entrance to the fairgrounds.  This is one of the few events where I don’t mind paying a $10.00 entry fee.  It’s worth every penny of that $.80 an hour it’s costing me. That’s a good deal anytime.

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Yesterday was a day of smells. Twelve hours of smelly crowds, really smelly animals, and the aroma of deep fried everything.  If you ever wanted to deep-fry a particular item, you could find a booth selling it here at the Fair. There’s nothing like the smell of old and hot cooking grease at 8:30 in the morning.

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‘You don’t see signs like this too much anymore.’

If you like crowds this is the place to be.  I’ve been coming to this event for seven years and my better-half for almost fifteen.  In our opinion the crowd today is the largest either of us have ever seen.  The fact that it’s Woodsmen Day is probably part of the explanation.  It’s the day for axe throwing, log rolling, tree climbing, and an assortment of other events for the wannabe lumberjack. If you like beards and flannel shirts this is where you need to be.

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I’m not sure exactly sure just how large the fairground  is but with all of the campgrounds surrounding the place it must cover at least 100 acres or so.  That’s an uneducated guess so those of you from Fryeburg who may be reading this shouldn’t get your panties in a knot if it’s a little inaccurate. To put it simply, the place is huge !!!!!

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We normally start our visit with the area set aside for the little kids.  Pony rides and small merry-go-rounds right next door to Old McDonald’s petting zoo.  The little ones seem to love getting in there for a little "hands on" with the baby animals.

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‘They love milking the plastic cow.’

Before doing anything else we stopped for our traditional Fair Day breakfast meal.  A large order of greasy French Fries, vinegar, and ketchup will certainly get the old heart started on these cool Fall mornings.  Another hour or so of wandering around is next on our agenda before we head for the animal barns. My better-half waits all year to return here to visit all of her animal friends. I swear she must have been born a farmer in a previous life.  My next posting will offer up an assortment of animal pictures and a few other interesting events like the skillet toss.

That’s it for today, installment two will post in 2 days and if you have an interest in farm animals, stop back to visit.

10-01-2013   Leave a comment

I’ve been mentioning the Fryeburg Fair for a month now and today was the day.  We were up at dawn and enroute to pickup the better-half’s daughter and one year old grandson.  I’d  pounded down two quick cups of coffee to get my heart started and to keep me alert during the fifty minute drive to Fryeburg, Maine.  It was early, I hadn’t slept all that well, and I knew it was going to be a very long day.

I was looking forward to taking the grandson to his first Fair but everything else was up for grabs.  As we entered the town of Fryeburg traffic was exactly as expected, grid lock.  We moved very slowly through town to the area where the fairgrounds are located and parked in the front yard of a local resident for $5.00 bucks.  Every house on the street approaching the fairgrounds has a sign up and a person waving a flag trying to entice idiots like us to park with them.  Depending on the size of their yard they can turn a nice profit during Fair week.  We unloaded the two hundred pounds of baby stuff, threw the little guy into his high-tech stroller and began walking the short distance to the main entrance of the fairgrounds.

When I say there were thousands of people swarming the area I’m not kidding.  I have a minor phobia about large crowds and close quarters and I knew today was going to test me in a big way. 

The better-half has a few things during every Fair visit that have become a tradition for her such as immediately buying a stack of postcards, a giant plastic coffee mug, and chowing down on a box of french fries.  It took just a few minutes for those three items to be scratched from her to-do list and the rest of us were finally permitted to find a freaking rest room.

The crowds continued to grow, the sun came out, and it turned into a beautiful yet sweltering day.  During the drive to the Fair the temperature was in the low fifties but within an hour of our arrival it started climbing into the mid seventies.  An absolute scorcher as it turned out.

We visited exhibits, nibbled at various food items and delivered the grandson to the petting zoo for an introduction to a few of Mother Natures favorite animals.  He was curious for a moment as he and his mother were mobbed by a herd of small goats looking for the food they were carrying. His interests in the goats waned a bit but then he discovered the straw covering the floor.  It held his interest almost as long as the goats.  Maybe next year he’ll be more interested in the animals. 

We sat for a time in the shade of a tree and listened to a local performer singing a selection of songs and making nice with the crowd.  We were able to catch our breath, cool off a little, and change our damp little boy.  He had some fun clapping with the music and trying to dance and smiling and giggling at everyone.  It was pretty cool.

It was as expected a very long day.  We visited more animals, barns, horses, oxen, cattle, chickens, and llamas than I ever want to see again.  We ate more food, drank more water and made many more trips to the restrooms.  That for me is the biggest racket of all at this Fair.  They have an assigned attendant in each restroom who I was expected to tip after relieving myself.  Of course I left no tip because I refuse to pay someone to stand there and direct me to a urinal and then watch me take a leak.  Something is just wrong and a little creepy about that and I refused to participate.  I’d love to see just how those folks would list that job on their resume.  I won’t even try to guess.

It was finally four o’clock and we’d been roaming around for almost eight hours.  My back hurt, my feet hurt, I was hot and sweaty, and the baby was getting a little cranky.  The better-half and her daughter were exhausted as well and I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there.  So we did.

The soft seats of that car were the best part of the day.  The baby instantly fell asleep and we made our way home.  I was happy to be involved with his first official Fair visit and we were able to document it with hundreds of photographs.  Next year he’ll be walking, talking, and be a little more aware of what’s going on around him.  I’m already looking forward to that.

I’d really like to write more but I’m heading for the shower and then our nice soft bed. I am pooped.  

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