09-26-2013   Leave a comment

It was a week ago that I received a letter in the mail from a government agency which will go unnamed for now.  My household had been chosen from a cast of millions as a candidate for a new confidential study of some sort.  Enclosed in the envelope was a two dollar bill to thank me for reading their introductory letter.  Normally I’d just toss the letter and spend the money.  So what did I do this time?  I threw away the letter and spent the money.

I also took the time to read the letter before  I trashed it which told me that I would be visited by one of their representatives within a few weeks who would ascertain my households eligibility to this mysterious study.  If we were selected we could be paid as much as a whopping $85.00. Of course, the study could last a few years with periodic check-ins by telephone to question us.  I shrugged it off, thought it was stupid and continued on with living my life.

A few weeks later I was at home busy with a myriad of chores my better-half assigns me.  I think it used to be called a "Honey-Do" list or so my father told me.  I never heard the doorbell but I did observe an unidentified man skulking around my front door.  Before I could confront him he had entered a car parked nearby and drove away.  I’ve been a wee bit paranoid since the robbery we had here a year ago and the fact that three more have occurred since in this general vicinity.  I quickly grabbed my gun, my camera, my car keys and jumped in my vehicle and went to find him. He was parked near a nearby neighbors house just sitting along the road in his car. I slowed down long enough to get a very good picture of his car, license plate, and face.  If anything unusual was then later reported I could supply police with the information.  I am the freaking Neighborhood Watch, by God.

Three days later my better-half and I spot the same car and the same guy a mile or so from our house.  We’d no sooner returned home when the guy shows up at my door.  He’s the same A-hole sent by the government to make his highly confidential rounds through the area to interview survey candidates.  I told him to park in my driveway but he refused.  His instructions were to maintain complete confidentiality and not to allow anyone to find out what he’s doing and where he’s doing it.  It’s just so freaking stupid!

Being the nice guy that I am I immediately checked his drivers license and government photo ID card.  If I could have given him a DNA test and taken his fingerprints I would have done that too.  What a dumb ass.  We live in a rural area where strange cars and people can be spotted almost immediately.  He was in our area for a just a few days and had been photographed by me, accosted by another Neighborhood Watch member, and stopped by the police.

A typical dumb ass government drone with no common sense whatsoever. I asked him in and he pulled out his laptop and began asking me questions about smoking and my use or non use of electronic cigarettes. This survey will most certainly be the first volley in the government’s war against the use of electronic cigarettes.  In three years when this BS survey is completed I’m sure we’ll be blanketed with a media campaign explaining the evils of smoking electronic cigarettes and how they will kill us all.  The survey will give the government as many statistics as they need to scare the crap out of everyone I’m sure.  They feel required to save us all from that highly soon to be dangerous second hand water vapor.

He tried to convince me that the survey was being funded by the private sector and not by my hard earned tax money. I doubted that but said nothing.  I tried not to laugh in his face because I’m just a really nice effing guy and I don’t trust the government when it tells me anything.  I think he began to pickup on my skepticism and moments later after fiddling with his laptop for a few minutes I was told that the computer disqualified my household for the study.  He was up and gone in mere moments. Good riddance!

Your hard earned tax dollars are hard at work apparently preparing to stack the deck with another confidential study.  One that again will attempt to scare you to death about something they feel is bad for you.  They obviously know best  because we’re nothing more than a gang of mouth-breathing morons. That makes playing games with another national survey justified I suppose.

Land of the free, home of the brave?  Not so much anymore.

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