I’ve worked closely for a variety of people over the years and I thought I’d heard every stupid question imaginable. Then I began reading about questions asked at National Parks and Tourist Visitor bureaus. Boy was I ever mistaken that I’ve heard it all. You just can’t make this stuff up.

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• Which beach is closest to the water?

• Do you have a map of the Iditarod Trail? We’d like to go for a walk now.

• Have we made peace with the Indians?

• What is the best time of the year to watch deer turn into elk?

• Where are Scarlet and Rhett buried and are they buried together?

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• If you go into a restaurant in Idaho and you don’t want any kind of potato with your meal, will they ask you to leave?

• I am trying to build a flying saucer. Where do I go for help?

• Where can I find a listing of jazz funerals for the month?

• What is the official language of Alaska?

• Where can we find Amish hookers? We want to buy a quilt.

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• Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?

• So whats in the unexplored part of the cage?

• We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

• What time does the two o’clock bus leave?

• Did people build this, or did Indians?

HOW DO YOU ANSWER WITHOUT LAUGHING OUT LOUD?