Archive for the ‘silly’ Tag

09/24/2022 “Epithets”   Leave a comment

As I’ve stated many times in the past, I’ve always had a fascination with graveyards and cemeteries. With that thought in mind, here are a few of my favorite humorous epithets. It’s good to have a sense of humor even after death.

From Enosburg, Vermont

Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

☠️☠️☠️

From Bayfield, Mississippi

Stranger pause. my tale attend,

And learn the cause of Hannah’s end.

Across the world the wind did blow,

She ketched a cold that laid her low.

We shed a lot of tears ’tis true,

But life is short – aged 82.

☠️☠️☠️

From Medway, Massachusetts

Beneath this stone, this lump of clay,

Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,

Who too early in the month of May

Took off his winter flannels.

☠️☠️☠️

From Canterbury, Kent, England

Of children in all she bore twenty-four:

Thank the Lord there will be no more.

☠️☠️☠️

From Chelmsford, Essex, England

Herer lies the man Richard,

And Mary his wife.

Their surname was Pritchard,

They lived without strife.

And the reason was plain,

They abounded in riches,

They had no care or pain,

And his wife wore the breeches.

HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOURS YET?

09/19/2022 💥Silly Limerick Alert💥   Leave a comment

It’s time once again for a few silly limericks circa 1960. These are fun limericks, and the creators will be listed if possible.

A cheerful old bear at the zoo

Could always find something to do.

When it bored him to go

On a walk to and fro,

He reversed it and walked fro and to.

😜😜😜

By Ogden Nash

A Bugler named Dougal MacDougal

Found ingenious ways to be frugal.

He learned how to sneeze

In various keys,

Thus, saving the price of a bugle.

😊😊😊

By Al Graham

A Martian named Harrison Harris

Decided he’d like to see Paris.

In space (so we learn)

He forgot where to turn

And that’s why he’s now on Polaris.

😏😏😏

By Berton Braley

Young Frankenstein’s robot invention

Caused trouble too awful to mention.

Its actions were ghoulish,

Which proves it is foolish

To monkey with Natures intention.

🥰🥰🥰

IT’S GOOD TO START A WEEK WITH SILLINESS

08/29/2022 SILLINESS   Leave a comment

I’m feeling a little silly today and I’m not entirely sure why. A good night’s sleep, some weird dreams, and a great cup of coffee. and “Ta Da”, here I am! I’ll start today with some true silliness. As I was surfing around yesterday, I stumbled upon a website called unijoke.com and it had a collection of jokes about “Little Johnny”. I’ve loved those jokes for many years, and I found one on that site that made me laugh out loud. That’s my criteria for determining funny. Here it is . . .

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch I can find with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie? ” The teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.”

Almost everyone loves Rock-and-Roll music except maybe for those Country & Western folks and the Hip-Hop idiots. I was thinking about all of the silly names’ musicians create for their bands to help them standout in the crowd. I’ll list a few oldies but goodies and I’m sure you can think of many more.

STOP CALLING ME FRANK

AFGHANISTAN BANANA STAND

BUDDY WHATSHISNAME AND THE OTHER FELLAS

THE COLOR FRED

THE NAUGAHYDE CHIHUAHUAS

QUESTION MARK AND THE MYSTERIANS

THE WELL I’M SURE I LEFT IT THERE YESTERDAY BAND

ME FIRST AND THE GIMMEE GIMEES

THE DISAPPOINTED PARENTS

SHE STOLE MY BEER

You have to admit those rockers had quite the imagination and used the hell out of it. The list of silly band names is never-ending but still fun. Here’s my final thought for today:

Why is a virginity like a balloon?

One prick and its gone!

AND SO, AM I!

08/18/2022 💥MORE RETRO RIDDLES💥   1 comment

It’s kind of a rainy day here in Maine. It’s gray and miserable which makes me feel even lazier than I normally do. With that thought in mind I thought I’d reach all the way back to the year 1984 for some retro riddles. As you read them keep remembering these were written in the 1980s which might help you put them into their proper context. Here we go . . .

  • What’s the difference between a gigolo, a doctor, a Rabbi, a girlfriend and a Quaalude? A gigolo is a penis vendor, a doctor is a penis mender, a rabbi is a penis ender, a girlfriend is a penis tender, and a Quaalude is a penis bender.
  • When did the madam realize that the guy with no arms and legs on the front porch of the brothel wasn’t fooling around? When she figured out how he rang the doorbell!
  • What did the dentist say to the lady after she told him she’d rather have a baby then have a tooth pulled? “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair!”
  • What did the German general do when he heard that Napoleon wore red into battle so his troops wouldn’t panic in the event he was wounded? He ordered a brown uniform!
  • Why should you think twice before you marry a girl with hair down to her waist and boobs that stick out to here? Because in 10 years her boobs will be down to her waist and her hair will stick out to there!

  • Why can’t a man win with his wife? Because if he comes home early, she accuses him of being horny. If he comes home late, she suspects that he’s been out getting some. And if he comes home on time, she figures he’s got it already!
  • Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning? Because they don’t have testicles!
  • What’s a liberated woman? A woman who has sex before marriage and a job afterwards!
  • What’s the difference between a pig and a musician? A pig won’t stay up all night trying to fuck a musician!
  • What’s a platonic relationship? A relationship between a guy who wants to have sex and a girl who doesn’t!

SMILE, IT’S ALMOST THE WEEKEND

08/15/2022 ⚾⚾ YOGI ⚾⚾   Leave a comment

To say I am a baseball fan would be an understatement and when writing about famous orators how could I forget the man, “Yogi Berra”. For me, he’s the perfect example of what old time baseball was all about. He was a great player and manager and always made the Yankees fans proud. Weirdly enough he has since become almost as famous for his stream of hilarious quotations. Here are a few for your entertainment.

  • “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.”
  • “Baseball is 90% mental- the other half is physical.”
  • “Nobody goes there anymore – it’s too crowded.”
  • “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
  • “This is like déjà vu all over again.”

  • “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
  • “It gets late early out there.”
  • “Think! How the hell are you going to think and hit at the same time?”
  • “Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.”
  • When his wife asked, “Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?” His response was, “Surprise me.”

THE AMBASSADOR OF BASEBALL

08/06/2022 “RAUCHINESS”   5 comments

My favorite word today is “Raunchy”. It’s not a word that’s heard too often these days, but I’ll do my best to do it justice. Another of my favorite things are riddles. As a kid we enjoyed them, and they were always fun. I’ll merge them together and give you ten “Raunchy Riddles” from the 1980’s. Here we go.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porche? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

How fast can a girl go when she’s having sex? 68 . . . If she went 69, she’d blow a rod.

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez.

Why did the girl take a bath in peroxide? Because she heard that on the whole gentlemen prefer blonds

What can a girl put behind her ears to make her look sexy? Her knees.

What’s the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a hooker with diarrhea? An epileptic corn husker shucks between fits.

Why don’t men mind women claiming to be the foundation of our country? Because they know who laid the foundation.

What’s worse than a centipede with athletes’ foot? Captain Hook with jock itch.

What’s the French method of self-defense? Tung Fu

Why was the Duchess on her knees? She was down for the Count.

DON’T YOU JUST LOVE THE 80’S?

08/04/2022 “More Historical Oddities”   Leave a comment

I’ll be the history fanatic today offering you a few facts that most people haven’t heard or read about. So, no run-of-the-mill stuff today. I hope you enjoy them.

1900

In Brussels, a young anarchist made an assassination attempt on the Prince of Wales. (Future King Edward VII). His Royal Highness reputedly explained, “Fuck it, I’ve taken a bullet.”, although he was in fact untouched.

1902

So numerous were the mistresses of Edward VII that at his coronation a special pew, known as the “loose box” was reserved for them.

1904

The French physician and psychiatrist, Madeleine Pelletier, A cross-dressing celibate feminist, became a Freemason, joining the Novell Jerusalem lodge.

1905

The 25-stone Chelsea goalkeeper, William “Fatty” Folkes, lifted a Port Vale forward off the ground and hurled him into his own goal. The penalty was awarded against Chelsea.

1905

Maurice Garin won the Tour de France, but four months later it was shown that he had traveled some of the route by train rather than by bicycle.

1909

On 12 December, King Leopold II of the Belgians married Caroline Lacroix, a prostitute who had borne him two sons. He died five days later.

1912

As soon as the Titanic went down, the White Star Line, the ship’s owners, stopped the wages of the crew.

1914

On November 4, a British attempt to capture the port of Tanga in German East Africa was repelled when the invaders were attacked by swarms of bees and were obliged to retreat into the sea.

1915

In New York, the French artist Marcel Duchamp submitted a work entitled Fountain to the Salon des Independents, which rejected it. The work comprised a porcelain urinal, signed by “R. Mutt”

07/20/2022 “More Stupid Headlines”   Leave a comment

I stumbled across a rather large collection of really stupid newspaper headlines this week. I just can’t resist throwing a few of them your way. This kind of stuff just boggles the mind. The first one is the classic screw up and must be seen again.

DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN

PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO THE POPE

PANDA MATING FAILS, VETERINARION TAKES OVER

CLINTON WINS BUDGET, MORE LIES AHEAD

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

I especially like the Clinton one. I wonder if the editor got reprimanded. That would have been a big NO-NO for a liberal newspaper. Let’s continue.

COUPLE SLAIN, POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

DEAF MUTE GETS NEW HEARING IN KILLING

QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED

ILLITERATE? WRITE TODAY FOR FREE HELP

LOW WAGES SAID KEY TO POVERTY

It’s hard to believe just how many of these I’ve collected. I should start posting only the ones that are well written and correct. It’s a much smaller number to deal with.

OVER THE HUMP DAY

07/19/2022 ⚾FOR BASEBALL LOVERS⚾   1 comment

I’ve been a lover of baseball since the age of six. I’ve played in the LL Minor Leagues, LL Major Leagues, Pony League, Senior Little League, High School (4 years), and American Legion ball. I figure that gives me the right to have a little fun at the expense of some of my favorite players. I remain respectful of these men, but I still think some of the things they say in front of the microphone are hysterically funny. Here are a few . . .

  • “Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a Communist” Alvin Dark, NY Giant infielder.
  • “If Jesus were on the field, he’d be pitching inside and breaking up double plays. He’d be high-fiving the other guys.” Tim Burke, Montreal Expos pitcher.
  • “I am throwing twice as hard as I ever did. It’s just not getting there as fast.” Lefty Gomez, NY Yankee pitcher.
  • “I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” Tug Mcgraw, NL pitcher, when asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf.
  • “The doctors x-rayed by head and found nothing.” Dizzy Dean, NL pitcher, after being beaned in the 1934 World Series.
  • “I was the worst hitter ever. I never even broke a bat until last year when I was backing out of the garage.” Left Gomez, NY Yankee pitcher.
  • “Well, that kind of puts a damper on even a Yankee win.” Phil Rizzuto, Yankee broadcaster, upon hearing that Pope Paul had died.
  • “His (Dwight Gooden’s) reputation preceded him before he got here.” Don Mattingly, NY Yankee infielder.
  • “It would take some of the lust off the All-Star game.” Pete Rose, REDS infielder when asked about inter-league play.
  • “I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.” Andre Dawson, Cubs outfielder on being a role model.

No, I haven’t forgotten about quotes and sayings by Yogi Berra. I would have to write a short novel to include all of his silliness. I’ll post something on Yogi eventually but it’s hard to choose just ten out of the hundreds available. LOL

PLAY BALL!!!

07/15/2022 “No Editing”   Leave a comment

When I’m writing this blog, I continuously edit myself because I make tons of errors in spelling and grammar. It concerns me only because I don’t care to look like a moron when I’m posting some of my material. I wish I could say the same for everyone, but I can’t. As I read through my research material, I continually find mistakes, obvious mistakes, that have made it through three levels of editors and finally published and released to the public. It boggles my mind some of the things I’ve read in recent weeks and I’m going to share some of them with you now. It still amazes me how people rely on newspapers and their alleged accuracy. It’s time for some really stupid headlines.

  • Police Suspicious After Body Found in a Graveyard
  • Male infertility Can Be Passed on to Children
  • Iraq Head Seeks Arms
  • Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe
  • Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung

Can you believe this stuff? I can’t. Now I want to move on to some other things that I’ve noticed on websites like Craigslist. It’s apparent to me that editing is not permitted on these sites and here’s the results:

  • Free Yorkshire Terrier: eight years old. Unpleasant little dog.
  • Georgia Peaches – California grown -$.89 per pound
  • Joining nudist colony, must sell washer and dryer – $300
  • Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
  • Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.

That’s about enough for me. As Ron White always says, “You can’t fix stupid”.

THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE IS GUINESSES, LOL

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