Archive for the ‘fun’ Tag

01/23/2022 🍺Beer🍺   Leave a comment

Let me start off by saying that I’m not a beer drinker. I haven’t had much use for drinking beer since my early years of college and even then, I mixed it with Seven-Up because I couldn’t stand the taste. Also, most of the girls wanted it sweetened and who was I to argue? And now I’m living with one of the greatest beer drinkers I’ve ever seen, my better-half. I would easily consider her a professional beer drinker. She knows all the brands, flavors, the history of the breweries, and that makes her an expert in my eyes.

Many years ago, I worked with a man who made her look like an amateur. This guy could sit and drink a half a case of beer, leave the bar, and drive home. I never saw him intoxicated regardless of how many beers he slugged down in the course of the evening. I consistently ragged on him about drinking too much beer because even then I didn’t have much use for it. Finally, he decided to respond to my constant badgering and gave me the list you’re about to read. He felt that I spent most of my time chasing women and that in his opinion beer was way better than women. Here we go, his list of reasons that beer is better than women.

  • You can enjoy beer all month long.
  • You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.
  • A beer will wait patiently for you in the car when you play sports.
  • Beer is never late.
  • Hangovers go away, beer never does.
  • When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
  • Beer never has a headache.
  • A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
  • If you pour a beer just right, you’ll always get good head.
  • A beer always goes down easy.
  • You always know if you’re the first one to pop a beer.
  • Beer is always wet.
  • Beer doesn’t demand equality.
  • The beer doesn’t care when you come.
  • You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

As I was typing this list, I had a small but equally important epiphany. While I dislike beer immensely, I absolutely love bourbon. If I replace the word beer in this list with the word bourbon, it still makes perfectly good sense. I guess it’s true what they say.

LOVE IS BLIND

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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

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Autos Killing 110 a Day, Let’s Resolve to Do Better

01/18/2022 History in Limericks   Leave a comment

Just what you’ve all been clamoring for – more limericks. I made a lucky discovery a few weeks ago when I purchased a book containing 1700 limericks dated between 1810 and 1950. Instead of printing a few here and there I decided to pick a few selections from each decade. They’ll give us a good flavor of the times in which they were written. Many are crass and bawdy and there’s a host of them from the war years in the 1940’s. Just a warning . . . some of these are not for children or anyone whose overly religious or just plain naive. Let’s get to it . . .

There was a young girl in Berlin

Who was fucked by an elderly Finn.

Though he diddled his best,

And fucked her with zest,

She kept asking, “Hey, Pop, is it in?” 1927

Winter is here with his grouch,

The time when you sneeze and you slouch.

You can’t take you’re women

Canoe’in or swimm’in,

But a lot can be done on a couch. 1927

There was a young man named Hughs

Who swore off all kinds of booze,

He said,”When I’m muddled

My senses get fuddled,

And I pass up too many screws.” 1926

There was a young plumber of Leigh

Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.

She said,”Stop your plumbing,

There’s somebody coming!”

Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me.” 1923

There was a young lady named May

Who strolled in a park by the way,

And she met a young man

Who fucked her and ran,

Now she goes to the park every day. 1924

What do you think? It seems the same sense of humor required to write limericks doesn’t change much from one generation to another.

Thank God!

01/16/2022 🚙Bumper Sticker🚙   Leave a comment

Not All Dumbs Are Blonde

😘Ciardi Limericks😘   4 comments

Everyone who’s ever read this blog for more than a day or two, knows just how much I love limericks. I like them funny, dirty, and filthy. I’ve been collecting them for many years but in a recent book I discovered a gentleman named John Ciardi. He was the second half of the book of limericks authored by Isaac Asimov. They were both lovers of limericks and have written some of the best ones I’ve ever seen. I posted samples of Asimov’s limericks a few weeks ago and today I thought I’d list a few of Mr. Ciardi’s. I know you’ll enjoy them because he takes a lot of time to craft them properly. Here we go . . .

There was a young lady who wouldn’t.

Her mother had told her she shouldn’t.

When dear mama died

She felt free. So, she tried,

but by then she was so old she couldn’t.

There once was a girl from New Haven

Whose pubic hair was not shaven

But missing because

She slept without drawers

Within range of a nest building Raven

There was a young lady named Jo❤

Who always said,” Thank you, but no,”

Which is poised and polite

But never does quite

As well as “Sure, Buster, let’s go.”

😜😜😜

A young do-it-yourselfer once screwed

Two pieces together. If you’d

Like to know what he made,

You must ask Adelaide

And her little sister, Gertrude

🚽🚽🚽

There was an old hooker who blew.

What I mean is, she left town. If you

Understood what I said

To mean she gave head,

Well, I guess there was some of that, too.

I would like to thank Mr. Ciardi for all of his hard work in creating these wonderful limericks. After reading all of his limericks as well as Isaac Asimov’s, it inspires me to begin writing a few of my own again. You can be sure of only one thing, mine will be a little ruder than theirs. Write a few of your own and send them along.

ALWAYS KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR

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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

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Beer Isn’t Just for Breakfast

01/11/2022 Gotta Luv Satire   Leave a comment

Wikipedia defines satire as a genre of the visual, literary, and performing arts, usually in the form of fiction and less frequently non-fiction, in which vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, often with the intent of shaming or exposing the perceived flaws of individuals, corporations, governments, or society itself into improvement. Although satire is usually meant to be humorous, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit to draw attention to both particular and wider issues in our society.

All that being said, I love satire and consider it as another arm of sarcasm. The Onion is currently a website dedicated to ridiculing just about everything. It sports ridiculous stories and headlines that make you want to die laughing. The history of The Onion goes back to 1900 which makes the book I just obtained all the more interesting. I now have a huge photo selection of front pages of The Onion dating from January 1, 1900, to January 1, 2000. What better way for a lover of history like myself to chronicle our country, but with satirical headlines from The Onion.

I’ll be starting with the edition dated January 1, 1900. It’s the start of a new century and the headlines are crazy funny and thick with satire.

A NEW CENTURY DAWNS

MCKINLEY USHERS IN BOLD NEW COAL AGE

NATIONS SKIES FILLED WITH BEAUTIFUL, BLACK SMOKE

OUR NATIONS FORESTS MUST BE MINED FOR COAL

WILL MAN-MADE GRIME REACH THE VAULTS OF HEAVEN?

DEATH BY CORSET RATES STABILIZE AT ONE IN SIX

GROWING USE OF DR. SCHEIDT’S PATENTED SAFETY CORSET

AFRICAN SAVAGES TAUGHT WAYS OF CHRIST BY KINDLY BRITISH

BRITISH MISSIONARIES ARE SPREADING CHRISTIAN WISDOM

VATICAN CONDEMNS ‘RHYTHM METHOD’

RELEASES PAPAL EDICT OUTLINING FORBIDDEN FAMILTY PRACTICES

ITALIANS IN ATTENDENCE VOW TO PEOPLE THE PLANET

I’m reasonably sure that the powers-that-be at the time were thrilled with these satirical headlines. Who doesn’t love the freedom of the press and their ability to make politicians and governments in general wet themselves? Thanks goes out to The Onion for making the information available for me to play with.

MORE TO COME

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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

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