Archive for the ‘funny’ Tag

09-18-2016 Journal – Nature Trivia!   Leave a comment

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I’ve always been a lover of Nature and almost anything related to it.  As a photographer I spend as much time as I can out-and-about communing with Mother Nature.  I come by it honestly because as a kid growing up I spent more than half of my time in the woods with my friends. We lived on the edge of huge state park directly adjacent to the Allegheny River and knew every inch of the place.  My father, a hunter, spent a lot of time explaining about local wildlife and how they lived and traveled in the wild. It was just a very cool place to grow up.

So I thought I’d share a few interesting factoids about Nature with you. Here they are.

  • Every year the world’s deserts produce 1.7 billion tons of dust.
  • Nature reserves and national park cover 3% of the worlds surface.
  • Over 99.9% of the land on earth is not occupied by a person at a given time.
  • A tenth of the world’s population relies on the Ganges for water.
  • It takes one hundred years for the deep-sea clam to grow to the length of a third of an inch.

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  • Nearly half of the carbon dioxide emitted by humans since the beginning of the nineteenth century has been absorbed by the oceans.
  • An estimated 30% of Earth’s ice-free land is directly or indirectly involved in livestock production.
  • Since the formation of the solar system 4.6 billion years ago, the sun has become 25-30% hotter.
  • More than 90% of the world’s rubies come from Burma (or whatever they’re calling it these days).
  • Lake Baikal in Russia contains about 20% of the world’s fresh water.

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That’s it for today. It’s time to turn off this computer and get to work in the yard. Winter’s coming and the garden has to be deconstructed.

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ENJOY YOUR DAY OF REST

 

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03-31-2016 Journal – Sake & a Sexy Movie!   Leave a comment

I’m still in Maine complaining about the weather which has once again trapped me in the house for a good portion of the day.  Now I hear there’s a possibility of another snow storm this weekend, hopefully the last one this season.  Mother Nature is hanging on for dear life like she always does. I don’t understand why continue to complain. I guess not being able to control everything irritates me a little.

Some of you have asked in your emails about making Sake. It’s a fairly simple recipe that’s available by email for anyone interested.  My batch has been moved from the primary fermenter where it’s been for ten days. The yeast has eaten all of the sugar and the Sake should have approximately 15% alcohol content upon completion.  As you can see the wine looks like milk.  Yes, that’s how it’s supposed to look.  As the fermentation stops and the yeast begins to settle the wine will become crystal clear.  These jugs should supply me with fifteen 750ml bottles of Sake or 30-375ml half bottles.

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I’m been trying to finish up a second design this week which has become my homage to Amy Winehouse. I’ll post a photo when it’s complete but it might be a little difficult to show all of the details due to it’s size.  We’ll see.

I’ve been watching more movies of late as I wait for Spring to really arrive. Last night the better-half and I watched what they (Netflix) are calling a dark comedy. The movie was ‘Bad Roomies’ and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  The cast members were virtual unknowns which more times than not makes for a decent movie.  This movie was funny and sexy with one of the hottest women I’ve seen in a while.  The better-half was disappointed because there were no unicorns and rainbows anywhere in the entire film.  I felt bad for her but for me it was a fun hour and a half that had me laughing a lot even after offering up a dead body at the end. 

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Well I’d love to chat a while longer but demands of the better-half come first. We’re having a small get-together tonight  and they are chores to be done. Fortunately for me I’ve stocked up on plenty of wine to help sweeten my mingling skills. From what everyone tells me, they need all the help they can get.

C’MON SPRING – WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

02-12-2016 Journal–Raunchy, Tasteless & Gross!   1 comment

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I’m in a mood this morning. I have yet to decide whether it’s a good mood, a bad mood, or a I-don’t-give-a-damn mood.  It depends more on my interactions today with other people than anything else.  Normally I look for something funny or at least a little humorous to set me on the right track for the day but I’m actually feeling like taking a trip down the wrong road. This road leads to tasteless, gross, and raunchy humor.  Be warned.

I think I’ll throw in a few filthy limericks, a dirty joke or two, some raunchy riddles, and anything else I can think of.  Some of these items and photos might even gross you out a little but hopefully not too too much. Over the years I’ve purchased a number of books in old book stores  filled with questionable humor and today I intend to share some of their contents with you.  So let’s get started.

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Riddles

Q. What’s the difference between frustration and panic?

A. Frustration is the first time you find out you can’t do it the second time, and panic is the second time you find out you can’t do it the first time.

 

Q. When do you know you’ve had the world’s best head?

A. You have to pull the sheets out of your ass!

 

Q. What’s the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

A. A rooster clucks defiance!

 

Q. Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?

A. The guy who finishes first and third in the masturbation contest!

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Jokes

A young up-and-coming executive was informed that he would be forced to take a thirty percent pay cut. Later that evening he was discussing with his wife ways in which they could trim some fat from their household budget. “Honey,” he said, “if you could learn to prepare a few meals, we could fire the cook.”  “Well, dear,” she replied, “if you could learn to fuck, we could fire the gardener.”

A urologist claimed that he could find any disease just by testing a person’s urine. One man, who had tennis elbow, decided to fool the doctor. He made an appointment, received his specimen bottle, and was told to come back the next day. That night he urinated in the bottle, then his wife did, followed by his daughter, and the the family dog. Then he masturbated into it as well. He returned the next day with his sample and gave it to the doctor for testing. Four hours later the doctor returned. “You know,” he said, “it took me a long time, but I think I’ve finally got it. Your wife has VD, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has mange, and if you’d quit beating off, you wouldn’t have tennis elbow.”

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Limericks

All these small cocks (of which we won’t dwell)

Looked no bigger encouraged to swell; I’ve endured the tedium

Of others, classed medium,

But at last – I’ve discovered XL.

 

Said a President prone to give pecks,

To those areas  other than necks:

“Although this is sultry,

It is not adultery –

I’m not even sure if it’s sex!”

-dedicated to Bill Clinton

A well-endowed chap with a cock,

Several sizes too big for his jock,

Eventually found

It was far better wound

Round one leg and tucked into his sock!

 

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,

Complacently stroking his madam;

And loud was his mirth

For he knew that, on earth,

There were only two balls – and he had’em.

 

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Well there you have it. What better way to start off your day and the weekend.  These were just a rather tame samples of what’s to come (no pun intended). The next time I’ll use the harsher and crazier stuff.

05-12-2015 Journal–Trivial Pursuits!   Leave a comment

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I think it’s time for another installment of what this blog is all about,  everyuselessthing. It’s a few of those less than important facts you’ve never known you wanted to know. I have a lot more free time this week since my better-half left Maine for vacation in Delaware. Why Delaware? Who knows, maybe she’s attracted to the second-rate beaches and the throngs of uninteresting people.  Things are beautifully quiet here and my time is my own at least for the next four days. The cat and I have settled in rather easily as two lone bachelors.

So lets kick this off right now with a load of these odd, weird, and true facts.

Enjoy.

  • Dean Martin, born Dino Crocetti, boxed under the name Kid Crochet as a teenager.
  • A fully mature oak tree sheds around seven hundred thousand leaves every year.
  • Banging your head against the wall burns 150 calories an hour.
  • The storage capacity of the human brain exceeds four terrabytes.
  • The average talker sprays about three hundred microscopic saliva drops per minute – about two and a half droplets per word.

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Not bored yet?  Keep reading, I’m not nearly finished.

  • Societies in ancient Rome, Germany, and China used urine as a mouthwash.
  • It takes only seven pounds of pressure to rip off your ear.
  • The world’s termites outweigh the world’s humans by ten to one.
  • An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
  • The par for the world’s largest golf hole – the 909 yard seventh hole on Japan’s Sano golf course – is seven.

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Now lets look into the wonderful and delicious world of food.

  • Miss Piggy once said, “Never eat more than you can lift.”
  • Almonds are members of the peach family.
  • Pepper is the top selling spice in the world. The second is mustard.
  • Bombay Duck is actually dry, salted fish.
  • Tic Tac’s contain carnauba wax. The same ingredient found in car polishes.

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And last but not least a few sexual tidbits.

  • Humans spend two years of their lives making love.
  • Four pope’s died while participating in sexual acts.
  • Every year more than eleven thousand Americans hurt themselves trying out bizarre sexual positions.
  • A real orgasm is said to burn 112 calories. A fake orgasm is said to burn off 315 calories.
  • On average it takes two tablespoons of blood to make a man’s penis erect.

Do you feel any smarter than you did a few minutes ago?  If you do then I suspect you’re delusional or just kidding yourself.  It’s called useless information for a reason and it will have no redeeming social value whatsoever.

I’m almost sorry about that but not quite.

10-07-2014 More Useless Boring Things!   Leave a comment

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It’s raining, it cloudy, it’s gray, and I’m suffering from a total lack of interest in just about everything.  This change of seasons gets me down every year and has done so for as long as I can remember.  It’s sort of become a really annoying tradition for me.  I’ve always been told by others that traditions are the backbone of everything and with that in mind I guess I’ll celebrate that tradition with this new tradition.

You know what that means . . . .  more totally useless information.  There’s really no way to categorize this kind of stuff and I won’t even try. I’ll just put it out there for your enjoyment and you can decide if it’s worth your time or not.  So, there will be no photographs today because I’m too preoccupied with being bored to be taking pictures.  Let’s get started.

  • 28% of Africa is wilderness while 38% of North America is wilderness.
  • On November 29, 2000, Pope John Paul II was made an honorary Harlem Globetrotter.
  • Heavyweight boxing champion, Ken Norton, was rejected for the role of Apollo Creed in the 1976 film Rocky because he made the star Sylvester Stallone look too small.
  • The largest fruit crop on earth is grapes – followed by bananas.
  • No one knows exactly why a duck’s quack doesn’t echo.

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I’m on my third cup of coffee, still in bed, and munching on a miniature lemon/poppy seed muffin.  I just don’t get these small versions of normal muffins.  People are only kidding themselves if they think it’s healthier to only eat these tiny little useless muffins instead of the real thing.  Give me a big full sized, fat, sugary, crunchy muffin with two inches of frosting on it any day of the week.  If you’re going to eat something sinful don’t mess around, go for it. Revel in the wickedness of your evil deeds.  Forgive me but I seem to have wandered off the reservation a little due to the influences of this destructive and dangerous sugar I just ingested.  Back to the point of this posting which as you should know is "there is no point".

  • Actress Farrah Fawcett had a tap named after her – the gold plated Farrah Fawcet.
  • The snow scenes in the film It’s a Wonderful Life were shot during a record heat wave in southern California.
  • As of 2002, rats in New York outnumbered humans by twelve to one.
  • A pigs orgasm lasts for thirty minutes.
  • When press tycoon William Randolph Hearst sent a telegram to a leading astronomer asking if there was life on Mars and to please cable a thousand words on the subject, he received the reply, “Nobody knows,” repeated five hundred times.

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It’s only proper when posting some useless information to end that posting with a big bang or three.  There’s nothing better than a few really raunchy and bawdy limericks to kick start your day. Enjoy.

The derriere Doris displays

In the park never fails to amaze;

She flounces and bounces

Those wonderful ounces,

And old men are ecstatic for days.

* * *

There was a young virgin named Jeanie

Whose dad was an absolute meanie;

When he’d fashioned a hatch,

With a latch, for her snatch –

She could only be had by Houdini!

* * *

I’d rather have fingers than toes.

I’d rather have ears than a nose.

And, a happy erection

Brought just to perfection

Makes me terribly sad when it goes.

HAVE A GREAT DAY

06-25-2014 New Year’s Resolutions Mid-Year Update!   2 comments

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A few days I ago my better-half and I were sitting in a local restaurant chatting up one of her co-workers.  During that conversation her friend casually asked me if  I’d made any New Year’s Resolutions. I can’t remember exactly why she asked but I answered with a yes.  Obviously she’s never read this blog because I post them every January for all to see.

We returned home and during the ride I decided to check the archives and do a mid-year review of my resolutions for 2014 just to see how I’ve been doing.  Let’s start with this one:

1.  Read five books a month.

So far I’m on track with this resolution even though I lost my Kindle reader on my trip to Texas.  Now that I’m able to once again read my Kindle books from three additional devices I should have no trouble successfully completing this one.

2.  Teach the grandson  one curse word per month once he begins talking.

I think I jumped the gun on this one because he has yet to start speaking clearly enough to begin cursing.  I may have to wait for 2015 to get this one accomplished.  This one is a big FAIL so far.

3.  Keep the number of F-bombs below 100 a week.

So far I’m succeeding on this one but just barely. For the year it will be too close to call since it’s difficult not to use my  favorite word at every opportunity.  The question isn’t using it too much, it’s having too many reasons to use it at all.  If people aggravated me less this one would be a snap.

 

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4.  Drink less brandy than last year but more than next year.

I’m doing well on this one thanks to my weight loss program.  I’ve pretty much given up drinking the hard stuff and have returned to sipping the occasional glass of wine.  Boring but healthier.

5.  Spend less than $300.00 at Dunkin Donut for the entire year ($25.00 per month).

Since we purchased the K-Kup coffee maker I’ve cut my Dunkin Donut spending by two thirds.  I can make excellent coffee at home now and not be forced to spend two dollars a cup elsewhere.  Hooray for me.

6.  Stop dancing naked near the picture window in the living room. It scares the neighbors if their complaints mean anything at all.

I seem to be failing miserably on this one.  I just can’t seem to keep my clothes on and may have flashed my new and smaller ass to the neighbors and a few lucky passersby. I’m trying to behave but I suspect this will be a FAIL once again.  One of my better-half’s resolutions is  to buy and install window coverings this year but I haven’t seen them yet. I wonder how much the neighbors will complain if they never get to see my ass again.

7.  Fight to my last breath to keep chickens and goats from becoming part of my life.

I’m crossing my fingers on this one for now.  The better-half has been putting serious pressure on me to get chickens and goats. The negotiations have progressed to where she’s agreeing to no goats if we can just get a few chickens.  My negotiating position has remained the same from the beginning – NO FREAKING GOATS OR CHICKENS.  For this year I will accomplish this resolution but I’m losing the battle little by little.

If I counted correctly, I’m keeping up with five of my seven resolutions but I suspect I may lose some ground during the remainder of 2014.  The road to hell really is paved with good intentions.

How are you doing with yours?

Do you even care?

Probably not!

02-06-2014 Stupid Questions = Stupid Answers   Leave a comment

All of my life I’ve been curious about things.  I suppose that was the trait that drew me to a career in investigations.  I hate having unanswered questions and when I find one it makes me a little crazy.  They stick with me until I can resolve the question with a logical answer.  I’ve also found over the years that there are thousands of questions that have no logical answers,  Some people might call them stupid but that doesn’t change the fact that they need to be answered.

Over time I’ve reviewed lists from others and made lists of my own with questions that no one  can or will answer.  Here’s a small collection of a few of them that will get you thinking a bit.  If you have answers let me know but  I’m willing to bet you won’t be any more successful than I’ve been.

Here goes nothing . . . . .

    • What’s another word for synonym?
    • Where are Preparations A through G?
    • Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
    • Why are there flotation devices under airplane seats instead of parachutes?
    • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
    • Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers?
    • Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130?
    • Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
    • Why is it that when a person tells you there’s over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there’s wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
    • Why is it good to be a Daddy’s girl, but bad to be a Momma’s boy?

  • Is it possible for someone to be a closet claustrophobic?
  • Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  • Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
  • Why is a women’s prison called a penal colony?
  • You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same material?
  • Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM’s? And secondly, way is it placed where the driver can reach it?
  • If you google “Google” will your computer get stuck in a loop?
  • Why do the walk signs only stay green long enough to allow pedestrians  to get to the middle of the street?
  • Why do people say heads up when you should duck?
  • What do you say when someone says you’re in denial, but you’re not?

  • Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?
  • Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
  • Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
  • What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.
  • Why do people never say “it’s only a game” when they’re winning?
  • Did Adam and Eve have navels?
  • Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you?
    But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
  • How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
  • How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?

  • If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
  • If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
  • If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
  • If superglue is so good, why doesn’t it stick to the side of the tube?
  • If you can’t drink and drive, why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
  • Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
  • Why don’t you ever see baby pigeons?
  • What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?
  • What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?
  • What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

All interesting questions but very few answers that make any sense at all.  Life can be so challenging at times.

02-04-2014 Home-Grown Know-It-All’s!   Leave a comment

If your experiences in life are anything like mine have been there’s always someone available to offer advice, both good and bad.  Usually without you even asking.  Every one thinks they’re some kind of philosopher and never hesitate to show you just how smart they think they are.  It can be annoying as hell but every once in a while the proverbial blind man can find that pearl of wisdom.  Unfortunately you’ll probably be forced to listen to a few dozen inane and stupid statements to get to the one that would really mean something.

My father and grandfather’s had an endless supply of what they thought were inspirational messages. “Don’t pee or spit into the wind.” and “Don’t tug on Superman’s cape.” immediately come to mind.  A special thanks to Jim Croce for supplying my Dad with that one.

I began looking around the Net for more material on this subject but was soon overwhelmed with possibilities.  Some of the following messages and quotes, and thoughts came from celebrities, politicians, and as always my favorite, Anonymous.  I’ve removed the names of the authors because it the message that counts not who wrote it.  You should be able to figure a few of them out if you give it some thought.  Here we go.

  • “Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.”
  • ”The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.”
  • ”It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.”
  • ”Your garbage disposal eats better than 30% of the people in this world.”
  • ”Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?”
  • ”Never do card tricks for your poker buddies.”
  • ”To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  • Beware of the toes you step on today. They could be attached to the ass you may have to kiss tomorrow.”
  • “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”
  • “The only normal people are the ones that you don’t know very well.”

  • “What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.”
  • “If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.”
  • “A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.”
  • “If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time, don’t drag your feet.”
  • “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
  • “The harder you fall, the higher you bounce.”
  • “I prefer to be a pessimist; it makes it easier to deal with my inevitable failure.”
  • “Who is more foolish? The fool or the fool that follows him?”
  • “To be ignorant of one’s ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.”
  • “A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.”

  • “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
  • “Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.”
  • “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.”
  • “Never test the depth of the water with both feet.”
  • “Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.”
  • “If you lend someone $25 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.”
  • “Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.”
  • “The difference between erotic and kinky is that one uses a feather, the other uses the whole chicken.”

Pick a few out that you like and memorize them.  That way when you’re  philosophizing for others you’ll have something to impress them with.  You do know we all do it, all of the time, Right?

02-02-2014 Happy Ground Hog Day!   2 comments

The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears.  ~Bill Vaughn

Today is one of my favorite stupid and senseless holidays.  It’s one that was cooked up by a bunch of German immigrants  from Pennsylvania many years ago.  As I’ve explained in years past, I’ve had an up-close and personal relationship with “Phil” and all of the nonsense that takes place in Punxatawney, PA.

It’s a tongue-in-cheek celebration to the entire world except for a few idiot local politician’s looking to get some face-time on the news.  Even a groundhog is smart enough to know that there’ll be six more weeks of winter when it’s only freaking February.

As I surfed around today I found a web page that must be having a really slow month when it published the following  list of eleven reasons why we should be celebrating this auspicious occasion.

11. It’s on nearly every calendar.

10. Helps relieve cabin fever.

9. Spring or not, it’s six weeks till St Urho’s Day.

8. Forecast is no less reliable than the National Weather Service.

7. At least one of them critters is bound to see things your way.

6. Valentine’s Day is too depressing for nerds.

5. Unlike the Easter bunny, he keeps his dirty paws outside.

4. As they used to say on radio: “The Shadow knows”.

3. It’s fun to say “Punxsutawney”.

2. If a rodent can bring us an early spring, more power to him.

1. In Minnesota, either way we come out ahead.

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.  ~Maori Proverb

I apologize if you nodded off midway through that list.  I’m not saying I could have done better but OMG.  I think the author might have reconsidered that list when both of his hands fell asleep as he typed it. They were that bored. It is just a real yawner . . . . .

“The trouble with weather forecasting is that it’s right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it.”  ~Patrick Young

I know that many of you think Groundhog Day is lame but this year the impossible finally happened to make it unlame.  Some NFL genius scheduled the Superbowl on Ground Hog Day just so they could steal some of good old “Punxatawney Phil’s” thunder. It’s just those damn sports fanatics attempting to glom on to Phil’s fan base. Just a shameless maneuver on their part.

HAPPY GROUND HOG DAY EVERYONE

SEATTLE RULES!!

01-14-2014 Hater’s Are Alive and Well   Leave a comment

A long time ago in a blog that is now far, far, away I posted a four part list of the one hundred things I hated the most.  I spent a lot of time compiling that list and after posting it I went on about my life.  I never thought much more about it until yesterday when I spotted a few websites indicating everyone is hating something these days.  After reading through almost a hundred lists I had an epiphany.  All of a sudden I seemed like the calm, reserved, and thoughtful person and the rest of the world appears populated by a new generation of haters.  Some how I’d been dropped very far down the list of haters and that pissed me off a little.

I took a sampling of a few things that seem to show up on many of the lists including my own.  I’ll list a few to give you an idea exactly what I’m talking about.

Know-It-All’s
People Who talk Over You
Google Obsessed People
People Who Don’t Get Sarcasm
Tyra Banks
STD’s
Back Seat Drivers
Web Page Ads
Discourteous Public Bathroom Users
Liars
Loud People
Politicians
Commercials
Procrastinators
Drama Queens
Evangelists
Bad Drivers
OBX Stickers
Global Warming Idiots
Mimes

Some of those items are funny, some seem to make good sense but most are just ho-hum or so it seems to me.  Since “I HATE” being left behind I thought it would be cool if I brought my list back from the archives, updated it a bit, and send it your way.  After going through that process I discovered that I’ve  mellowed a great deal in the intervening years and my list has shrunk to only 52 items.  I was forced to revaluate the old list with the eye of a retired person.  Many things that used to piss me off no longer bother me at all.  It’s all just slightly amusing to me at this point in time.

So, here’s my newly revised list.  It’s a very cathartic process doing a large list like this, you should try it yourself.  Don’t be afraid, no one will really HATE you for doing it.  Just don’t use any real names and your good to go.  So here I go.

Stupid People
Rosie O’Donnell
Unibrow Women
Homeless People
Dirty Finger Nails
Criminals
Funerals
Backward Baseball Caps
Large Groups of People
Penn & Teller
Dumb Cashiers
Stinky Feet
Hairy Bushes
Terrorists
Know-It-All’s
Hospitals
Oprah Winfrey
Will Ferrell
The Smell of Urine
Women Missing Teeth
Political Correctness
Liberals
Boogers
Clowns
Liars
Ear Hair
Doctors
Large Aureoles
Dirty Toilets
Roadside Death Shrines.
Extra Toes
Nose Hair
Jehovah Witnesses
Salesmen
Vegans
Ass Kissers
Autopsy’s
Stinky Breath
Illegal Aliens
Democrats
Wet  Farts
Performing Artists
Ugly Feet
Sean Penn
Stinky Garbage
Arrogant People
Inverted Nipples
Noisy Radios
The French
Hairy Nipples (On Women)
Yellow Nail Polish
Gossips
Baby Pageants
Texting While Driving
Granny Panties
Penis Caught in Zipper
Tail Gater’s, Stinky Arm Pits

You’ve been the recipient of the Official Every Useless Thing Hate List for 2014.  Make up your own list.  Once you get start listing it becomes almost a living thing.  You just keep on going and going and going and you have to force yourself to stop.