Here’s a collection of really stupid headlines I rediscovered recently in my files. It still amazes me how much stuff I forgot I was saving for a rainy day. The more I dig around the more I seem to find. You can thank all of our many educated and skilled editors for their fine jobs in editing these gems.

Amphibious Pitcher Makes Debut

Forecasters Call for Weather on Monday

War Dims Hope for Peace

Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling of Isolation

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Statistics Show Teen Pregnancy Drops Off After Age 25

“Lady Jacks” Off to Hot Start in Their Conference

Utah Poison Control Center Reminds Everyone Not to Take Poison

City Unsure Why Sewers Smell

17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree

Safety Meeting Ends in Accident

Best Man Left Bleeding After Being Hit by Flying Dildo

Dead Man Found in Graveyard

Man Tries Armed Robbery with Knife at Gun Store

Fish Need Water, Feds Say

AS I ALWAYS SAY, “YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP”